u/TheVividAlternative

I've always struggled with the mixing, master and production side of music, but I've steadily learned and improved to the point where I think my newest single sounds like an actual song, and not just something I've recorded in my bedroom.

With that being said, I'm really trying to put all the effort and time into perfecting it that I possibly can, and would love you to critique it before the upcoming release. I have a bad case of only hearing a song's flaw after I've put it out and can't fix them anymore, and I so I think other ears are important here.

Song.

https://preview.redd.it/bdfbt3oz2mih1.jpg?width=1275&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4701725b8f4ac689bbb6ddf135e535e21dec3ece

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https://preview.redd.it/h824o4oz2mih1.jpg?width=1275&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f84332f60c791b50bb7d2b1b51212920684f01a3

https://preview.redd.it/4u3lg5oz2mih1.jpg?width=1275&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=746a7726d712c173d98600531bd6a170244970a1

https://preview.redd.it/1m6er4oz2mih1.jpg?width=1275&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6f7d34b6d2300768679e8ab1eadfd781f436b9a2

https://preview.redd.it/d5ehs4oz2mih1.jpg?width=1275&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6a50084c95e14edc268a94cc6fc7a2397e19055a

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https://preview.redd.it/m0gri5oz2mih1.jpg?width=1275&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cea849138edff396ac81ae7eef816193f332bd1c

Hey, I'm looking for feedback on my science fantasy book! These first pages are going to be what most agents see as I query them, so I'd love your thoughts on them.

Basic blurb: Centuries after his colony ship crash landed on the wrong planet, John finally wakes from his cryosleep. While he slept, the descendants of the survivors have regressed into a primitive society that views his technology as magic and him as their chosen hero. With war raging across the landscape, a reactor implosion threatening to sterile the planet and the "relics" he needs to fix it scattered across the landscape, he must begrudgingly quest to save the day.

There's an idea which is often thrown around on the internet that we shouldn't remake good movies, but rather remake bad movies with interesting ideas. I think the same idea can be applied to adapting comic books, in that adapting failed stories almost always has better results than adapting successful ones.

Take the Dark Phoenix Saga. It's one of the most seminal arcs of one of the most seminal runs of what is arguably Marvel's biggest property. And every time they adapt it, it sucks. Or take the Dark Knight Returns, one of the absolute milestone, defining Batman stories ever. And when we adapt it, we end up with Batman V Superman (and to a lesser extent the worst movie of the Nolan trilogy.) Trying to live up to these incredible stories is hard, especially when the most successful comic arcs are often ones which most take advantage of their medium. These long form, serialized stories that exist within expansive worlds and a comic book format often don't translate to 2 hour movies, especially when people try to stick as close to the original as possible. Even the most acclaimed "direct adaptations" are very, very loose. Logan is called an Old Man Logan adaptation, but it doesn't really share anything with it beyond Logan aging. The Winter Solider does adapt the Winter Solider arc, but he's just a henchman and Hydra infiltrating Shield is the main plot of the movie.

Now, look at some of the comic book movies which adapt middling, or even maligned storylines. The Spiderverse comics are fun, mostly because of some humorous panels where Spider-Man interacts with himself, but the Spiderverse movies are absolutely incredible spectacles of heart, humor and animation. People loving their version of Spider Gwen and then being disappointed that her comics suck has become such a widespread thing that it's basically a meme at this point. In that same vein, people hated One More Day and despise the amount of times Peter's identity gets reset in the comics, but No Way Home was a massively successful, crowd pleasing movie. And don't get me started on how contrived and weird comic book Civil War was, versus how important that movie ended up being for the MCU. They were able mine the good ideas without having anything huge to live up to and so they were able to make it their own in really cool and original ways.

I'm not saying to throw the book away when it comes to adaptations. And I'm sure there are plenty of counterexamples to everything I've listened. But with how long and varied of a history most comic book characters have, it makes sense to view them as a well of potential for creatives to mine, rather than characters in storylines that ought to be directly adapted. Superman 1978 changed or invented a ton of the character's mythos, but it's still THE comic book movie that made everything else possible. Blade in the comics is British and not a daywalker. Spider-Man 1 changes out Gwen for MJ and has her survive on the bridge, but all the "we're finally adapting The Night Gwen Stacy died" in the world doesn't change the fact that ASM2 is a far worse movie.

I'm just saying that after a lifetime of comic book movies, I've learned to hear "We're faithfully adapting this arc" and be less, rather than more enthused. And when you chase people's expectations involving things that they've already loved, the best thing you can do is meet them. The best reaction you can get is approval, not the thrill and surprise that the material gave them in the first place.

Obviously the Doylist answer is because Kyle Maclachlan was alive and able to reprise his role, whereas Don Davis had passed. But in universe, what's the explanation of Brigg's corpse being the same age as it was when he went into the zone, whereas Cooper aged naturally to match the amount of time he'd been in the lodge?

I recently got a script back on Storypeer with some weird feedback that I don't really understand. I've been dealing with script swaps and beta readers for a long time but this still confused me, so I thought I'd ask here to see if it had any merit.

>"The formatting is a major issue. Having nearly every line of dialogue and action on its own separate line is not proper screenplay format and makes the script feel unpolished and difficult to read. A screenplay needs to follow industry-standard formatting so that the pacing, structure, and flow can be properly understood."

Now, I've posted this script to Storypeer and to reddit multiple times and haven't gotten any notes on formatting. The script is here if you want to just quickly look for what they might be talking about, but it just doesn't make sense to me. I'm already taking this feedback with a grain of salt because there were some other major misreads and weird takes there (such as calling a predatory harassment plot "a will they won't they romance" in which the MC, who is constantly telling off the dude's creepy advances "has flirtatious banter"). Still, I do want to do my due diligence if something with the formatting or script is off, because I honestly have no idea what they meant by that, and they basically used it as a jumping off point to say "I can't given great feedback because its unpolished and formatted wrong" as their overarching message.

I create sketches for YouTube which are often set in the past or parodying history, and I'm looking to replicate the jerky, uneven motion of really old silent movies in my next one. I think it'd add a lot of fun, production value and verisimilitude.

However, I edit on capcut and while I am improving in my knowledge of a lot of technical stuff as I go, I'm not exactly sure how to reproduce this. Maybe by dropping frames, but even then, I'm not exactly sure how to do that on the software I have?

Anyway, any and all advice would be appreciated, and thanks in advance!

Format: Feature

Page Length: 93

Genre: Mystery, Horror, Romance, Legal Thriller

Logline: When the executives she's suing fall victim to an occult serial killer and her boyfriend seems the likely suspect, an environmental lawyer must find the true culprit to save both him and her case.

Weapons meets Erin Brockovich (meets some romance/rom com?)

Feedback Concerns: This is a very overhauled version of a script I posted here a few years back. I'd say that 60 to 70% is completely new and the remaining elements has all be reordered and tweaked. I think it's a major improvement and would love to see what you guys think of it.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1K2sz4EXFC4jqimxY05ztuerbedvlen2l/view?usp=sharing

Dear AGENT,

CHAMPIONS OF TROY is a 74,000-word dual POV retelling of the Aethiopis, a lost Homeric epic which was once sung in the same breath as the Iliad and the Odyssey. But where the other epics were focused on the Greeks and Trojans, this is the story of the Amazons and Africans who fought. I thought you'd enjoy this because [BLANK].

Penthesilea is the Queen of the Amazons, but is driven to the verge of madness by the loss which gave her the crown. Her older sister was killed by her hand, and that accidental murder has left her a husk of guilt, shame and heartbreak. Their people's oracle claims that Penthesilea can cleanse her sin by marching to Troy and aiding them against the Greeks, but her urge towards self-destruction seems destined to end her before she arrives.

As she struggles on in hopes of redeeming her polluted soul, she encounters another demigod: Memnon, the great king of Africa. He is marching towards Troy in hopes of adding one last story to his long and waning legend, and attempts to save her from despair.

Only through their friendship can she survive long enough for a chance at Elysium, and complete the ritual to purify herself. And if he cannot save her from her own darkest impulses, she might fall to her own hand rather than the Greek's.

I have just been published in a Greek mythology anthology in FlameTree Press, with a story called Ulysses Pax. I currently work for a tutoring program that helps struggling students keep up with the rest of their class and reach their full potential. I included the first ten below and I look forward to hearing back from you.

"Let me not then die ingloriously and without a struggle, but let me first do some great thing, that shall be told among men hereafter." 

-Hector, The Iliad 

Spring was being born, and winter was dying. 

The snow from the mountains and hills had become the rush of the treacherous river. The placid creatures of the wilderness had once more become craven beasts in the wrestle of life and death. 

The sun was shining on those who could no longer hide in the dark. 

To Hippolyte, wise Queen of the Amazons, the change was a burden. No longer could time act as a buffer between her and destiny. Now, time had become an hourglass. Now, the fate of her people was in her hands. She wrestled night and day, yet her decisions could not be made. They attempted to conquer her mind like the waves attempt to conquer the shore. Every time she inched towards finality, doubt would drag her back. Each time she opened her mouth to give an order, fear clamped it shut. .

I headlined for the first time this weekend, doing 45 minutes at two shows. And while I was glad to see I had more than enough time and everything went well, I was shocked but just how sore and scratchy it made my throat. I've only ever done 25 before and got through that with no issue, but I was worried I was going to lose my voice, especially since the feeling lingered after I woke up.

I use cough drops after, drank water onstage and milk after, but not much seemed to soothe it in the long term. I can't imagine doing two shows a night if this is how it feels and for reference, I don't even scream or get that loud in my sets. I'm pretty deadpan, it's just the amount of time.

So, to ask a question about comedy I never even thought would occur to me: how do you do that much time without messing up your voice?

Feature

81 pages

Logline: When an outsider begins digging into a cold case in an isolated town, it quickly becomes clear that everyone shares in the guilt, and that he'll have to fight to survive the night.

Feedback Concerns: This is my second time posting it here after extensive feedback on Storypeer and some tactical rewrites. I'd love any and all thoughts you guys can give, as the response has been mostly positive, but with some things I'm still trying to gauge and possibly address. As a bit of background, this script is my attempt at adapting/updating Bad Time at Honda, which was adapted as A Bad Day at Black Rock in the 50s. The movie is not public domain but the short story its based off is.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1uVgW3KYCEv9vSEmI6mvpZ4xQACEs0aXh/view?usp=sharing

As someone who's gotten a lot of Twin Peaks stuff through osmosis, I've heard a lot of the reasoning why Dale is a flawed character who gets trapped at the end of season 2. However, after finally watching it for the first time and getting to Beyond Life and Death, I think I have a different take.

An idea that seems pretty common is that Cooper is a white knight, and that's his main flaw. He has to save the girl, and in doing so ends up walking into something he can't understand. But while chasing Windom inside does get him there, it's not what traps him.

The two things we know about the The Lodge is:

1. You have to go in with absolute courage or your soul gets annihilated.

2. You have to face down your shadow self.

I'd say that Cooper showed absolute courage with Windom and Annie. He immediately agrees to give his soul to save Annie, which I'd say is as close to absolute courage as you can get. During the first half, he's as stalwart and courageous as you could possibly be.

And then, he runs.

He doesn't get trapped in the lodge because he runs into danger and darkness to save the girl. He gets trapped because he can't face his shadow self. And what is his shadow self?

It's pure evil with a familiar face.

As someone who feels like the white knight element feels a bit tacked on and not super present in season one, I think this fits much better.

From the early episodes Dale is unable or unwilling to face the evil he wants to defeat. He makes Albert cut the autopsy short because he sees Twin Peaks as place where "decency, honor and dignity" still exists. Not only could it have given them critical information, but his sentiment is undercut in the very same episode, when Bobby points out that the entire town killed Laura.

Dale spends most of his time chasing down leads involving drug dealers and traffickers as if Laura's fate was the result of some career criminal or some bad element she fell in with. He treats Leland like an ally for most of the investigation, even when he acts weirder and weirder and starts wanting to kill Dale. When he finally does catch Leland, he's immediately sure of the fact that it's entirely BOB's fault and that is Leland is nothing but a vessel who deserves pity and forgiveness. While the extent to which that's true will always be up for debate, Dale's immediate choice to place all of the guilt on the supernatural and says more about his perspective than the extent to which he could actually be sure of that.

Despite Dale's commitment to fighting evil, he's kind of bad at looking at it head on, especially when it may come from places he sees as pure and good. That's why he can't face his evil self. He runs away because he's been running away for the whole series. It's not that he's a white knight, it's that he can't accept evil as being as thorny, pervasive and unavoidable as it is.

This ended up being a lot longer than I thought but hey, I just watched Part 8 of The Return, and thought I should write down something about this show I actually can make sense of.

Feature

81 pages

Logline: When an outsider begins digging into a cold case in an isolated town, it quickly becomes clear that everyone shares in the guilt, and that he'll have to fight to survive the night.

Feedback Concerns: This is my second time posting it here after extensive feedback on Storypeer and some tactical rewrites. I'd love any and all thoughts you guys can give, as the response has been mostly positive, but with some things I'm still trying to gauge and possibly address. As a bit of background, this script is my attempt at adapting/updating Bad Time at Honda, which was adapted as A Bad Day at Black Rock in the 50s. The movie is not public domain but the short story its based off is.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1uVgW3KYCEv9vSEmI6mvpZ4xQACEs0aXh/view?usp=sharing

So this is a project I have posted and revised here I don't know how many times but after another rewrite, I am back onto querying. Hopefully my new version is much better:

Dear Agent,

Champions of Troy is a 74,000 word dual POV novel about the Amazons and Africans who fought in the Trojan War, and who have long been overlooked in the mythological space. I thought you'd be a good fit because [insert reason.]

Penthesiliea's only hope of redemption is a task she may be too mad to complete. Just as Hercules was charged with a labor to cleanse his sins, she has been told to go to Troy and free them from their siege as penance for the death of her sister. But that accidental killing weighs on her in the form of grief, guilt and PTSD, and self destruction seems a more likely consequence than redemption.

On the march her army encounters another, led by Memnon, the great king of Africa. He has lived a life that legends view as legend, and is marching to Troy in hopes of deeds that can match the myths of his youth. A friendship quickly grows between the struggling queen and the waning king as their destiny nears, and as the great city nears its end.

She must outlast her grief and find her redemption, or else join her sister by her own hand. Only by aiding her can he add one last legend to his long and fading glory. Only together can they become the champions of Troy.

I recently wrote a scrip that takes place in the early 2000s, in which the era which is takes place is pretty important to the plot. A twist/reveal hinges on it being set around a certain time, and I'm trying to calibrate how to inform or remind the audience of it without giving away my hand or going too hard into it. Currently I have a newspaper on the second page which gives the date and while that has worked for one of my readers, another pretty much completely missed it and was confused by the timeline. I feel like it's easier to establish in the move itself without being overhanded with it (for example, a lot of the movie takes place in a bar, and there would be a prominent "No alcohol served after this birthday" sign) but in a script itself where everything important has to be explicitly laid out, I'm trying to be both subtle and clear as to the fact its 2003. I don't want to use a super (again, don't want to have the audience wondering too much as to why its set then) but I'd love to hear what your guys' thoughts are on this, and if you've ever done anything similar.