u/TheVoiceOfSnakeEyes

I still haven't figured out where the oxygen mask hose is supposed to plug in, and I'm not sure where the business end of the IV bag is supposed to go (wherever it can?), and yeah, we can have a laugh about a combat medic wearing a bright red suit on the battlefield against foes who don't care about The Geneva Convention, but I can't help but really like this toy!

I never set out to collect sequel figures, but there's always one or two included in eBay lots, so I guess that adds up over time. The Finn sat on the shelves of my local Walgreens for 7 or 8 years until one day I offered them $10 for it, and they said sure. My favorite of these has to be the Snowtroopers, although the holes in their feet are so shallow they won't peg into any stands I have, and they like to fall over. A lot.

I have lots of Black Series figures with the same issue, and I'm loathe to slather them in polyurethane/nail polish/superglue.

As always, I replaced the bent, gummy longarm with a Valaverse weapon, but otherwise a very nice figure.

Firefly was very protective of his anonymity on the cartoon, which I guess is why he never wore gloves?

I struggled for an hour trying to get any male Action Force figure to fit inside this thing. Finally gave up and inserted two femmes. Scarab Trooper on the back trying not to break that flimsy platform he's standing on, probably wondering what's going to happen when those missiles deploy.

(Not a lot of Classified figures will fit inside this, either. I can understand why these only costs $50-$60 now, but it blows my mind people are paying $400+ for VAMPs, which is just as tiny.)

In most cases, I can totally understand why Classified figures pop up at heavily discounted prices, but this one was a headscratcher, because other than the handcuffs, I don't really have any notes. This is in fact one of the better Classified figures ever produced. I mean, sure, it was never worth its original retail price (none of them are), but it's a far better value than other figures that sell for lots more. I guess they just made too many of them.

The figure is terrific, but the included weapons are awful. Looks a lot better with this Valaverse longarm. Excellent camo print. AFAIK the NODs are just for show. If I had an A.W.E. Striker, I'd probably put him in it.

Happy to report that Jester's "New Mythic Legions" smell wears off quickly. The baldric is still sticky, and I bet the entire figure would get REALLY sticky if I were to heat it up, but fortunately the joints are all smooth and the hands are soft enough to splay open when needed.

I think it's a combination of the sheer weight of his backpack, very loose ankle and hip joints, and the holes in his feet are way larger than they should be, so pegs won't hold them. I wish Hasbro would standardize foot hole sizes, because several Classified figures have the same issue (not to mention Black Series...looking at you, Dengar).

The hose from the backpack to the longarm is fiddly and likes to fall out on both ends, and both the long blast effects are too droopy, but the figure itself is very nice. Much like Barbecue, Sci Fi, Tele Viper and Dr. Mindbender, this one has to hang out on the flanks while standing in rank and file on the shelves.

He comes with one of the better Classified weapons (reuse from Alley Viper and one of the many Snake Eyes). The other longarm he comes with is terrible. Lots of climbing accessories that are meant to hang off his belt hooks. The goggles stay on well, and the hat is removable. The gummy rope coil is the only real fiddly accessory when posing him, and I think it might be backwards, but that's how he comes. He has no backpack, which is very odd, because he's definitely supposed to, but after putting another figure's backpack on him I think I understand why; it throws him off balance and his ankle joints won't support the added weight. Otherwise, he likes to lean over on display, even when pegged into a stand. Overall, good value for the price I paid, but not so much at retail. Without all the tat, this is a good candidate for putting in vehicles.

Dorkside Toys was a very reliable toy retailer...right up until they weren't. I had preordered this wave from Dorkside, as I had done for several previous waves, and I was really looking forward to these three, especially Dusty, who is one of my favorite characters. But we all know the story; Dorkside Toys went bust and declared bankruptcy with absolutely no prior communication, and like thousands of other customers, I received a letter from the bankruptcy court stating that I would never receive these figures from Dorkside, nor would I ever get my money back.

So, I did what every good little G.I. Joe collector would do...I preordered them AGAIN from somewhere else. Yes, I literally ended up paying double the retail price for these three figures, and no word exists to describe my absolute disgust and disappointment when they finally arrived.

Both of Zarana's arms fell off the second I took her out of the package. I had read reports of such from people on Facebook and toy forums, but I hoped they were just exaggerating (as toy collectors often do). They were not exaggerating in the slightest. Even today, her arms are tenuously secured in place by...wait for it...Sticky Tak. I cannot play with this figure, at all. Slightly move her, and both her arms fall off. I paid double the retail price for this crap. (and before anyone chimes in with "tHaT's An EaSy FiX," I don't care. It's not my job to fix Hasbro's defective merchandise).

When I removed Dusty from the package, I instantly noticed his neck is WAY too long (reminiscent of Origins Baroness), making the figure completely out of scale with the rest of the entire line. Then I tried to put his hat on and just bitterly laughed at how poorly it fit and how utterly stupid it looks. Yes, I eventually stumbled upon the sage-like advice of putting one pair of goggles on his head, then putting his stupid hat on, then putting on the second pair of goggles, but that's the most ludicrous workaround imaginable, and now it looks like a stupid hat that fits marginally better. Meanwhile, the barrel of his stubby longarm was bent, and both the bipod legs were bent. Enter the "tHaT's An EaSy FiX, jUsT hEaT iT uP!" crowd....no, unacceptable. I paid double the retail price for this awful figure because an until-then trusted retailer stole my money and didn't deliver, I wasn't about to do Hasbro's quality control for them. Not this time. So, I instantly replaced it with a much, much better Valaverse weapon I had laying around. Didn't make the figure look less stupid, but at least the bipod stands level on a flat surface.

By that point I was, in a word, taciturn. Then upon opening the Crimson Guard figure, I was in the process of removing its accessories when I noticed that its sabre scabbard was bent at a 30-degree angle. Couldn't even put the sabre down in it. "tHaT's An EaSy FiX, jUsT hEaT iT uP!" Yeah, I did that, chucklehouses. Looked straight enough, put the sabre inside the scabbard. 24 hours later, the scabbard AND the sabre were bent at the same 30-degree angle. Sword was unremovable until I heated the scabbard. And so it goes today. Even for this shoot, I had to heat up the scabbard to straighten it so it didn't look incredibly stupid. Tommorrow, it will be bent again (seriously, y'all need to stop parroting "tHaT's An EaSy FiX, jUsT hEaT iT uP!" because 1). it doesn't always work, 2). that heat is weakening the plastic every single time, and it's eventually going to break as a result, 3). those of you telling people to use boiling or near-boiling water are just plain stupid...just because you didn't pay attention in 3rd grade science class and don't know about superheating doesn't mean it can't hurt or even kill you). Notwithstanding, I paid double the retail price for the figure, and I shouldn't HAVE to action Hasbro's quality control when they have people on salary that are supposed to be doing it themselves at the point of manufacture.

Right about the same time, Hasbro announced the $300 Cobra H.I.S.S. Haslab project, which I was vehemently against, because a multibillion-dollar toy manufacturer has absolutely no business crowdfunding anything. Then came the Deluxe Dr. Mindbender and Serpentor debacle (both preorders cancelled with no explanation whatsoever, and I will never possess either as a result, through no fault of my own). So that was it. That was the straw that broke the neckbeard's back. That was the egregious amount of compounding bullshit necessary to break my chains. I cancelled every other outstanding preorder I had made, and I didn't even consider purchasing the next wave of Classifieds (Cover Girl, whose arms had the exact same problems as Zarana, and Falcon, whose headsculpt is considered by most to be the worst in the entire line). My days of trying to "Collect 'em All" were over. My days of sitting by the Batphone waiting for preorders to go live so I could pay ridiculous retail prices fo a chance to MAYBE actually receive the figures were over. None of Hasbro's toys are worth their retail prices (sorry if that offends readers here, but they're not, and I know you know that deep down as well), and ever since this particular wave, I have only collected figures I can find on discount (and I have actually done quite well at that, just takes patience and determination).

As far as FOMO, my updated philosophy is simple; If I cannot collect a plastic toy without jumping through a bunch of hoops to obtain it at a reasonable price without fear of scalpers and/or compulsive hoarders taking them all, then I don't need to collect that plastic toy. The competitive collectors can have them to do with as they please. I play a different game today, and I'm a lot happier as a result. The only thing I'm missing out on is the stress, frustration, resentment and fiscal irresponsibility FOMO brings, and I can certainly live without those.

I found this kit in storage a few years back, it had probably been there since the turn of the century. I had only assembled one leg but then abandoned the entire build for unfathomable reasons. These models did not pose very well (the PVC used for the ball socket joints was WAY too soft), and I much preferred the Gundam Wing action figures that came out in the early 2000s. Crude by today's standards, but we crawled so our descendants could fly.