Had a lovely time at pride (trans woman here in red dress and heels long blonde wig and all my makeup done) was getting off the bus to go home and a man on a bike yells hey that’s a man your a man!! So loudly!!
What could I have done or yelled back?? It really kinda upset me and I think was so rude.
I didn’t know what to say tho so I just kept walking.
So this has happened quite a lot recently. Comments on my behind. Many gay men think is ok to comment on my behind and say I have nice one but then some say loudly that it is “too much”!!
I’m all natural and hip thrust 600 pounds I built myself up in the gym. I would never say that about anyone’s body.
Before I started gym a man I met told me I had amazing body but I needed to work on my behind and it stuck with me and now it is big and strong.
I do get loads of compliments but I don’t think it’s ok for a man to say it’s “too much” when it’s natural?? Even if it wasn’t like surely is not ok to comment like that? He said this in a lgbtq+ event in front of everyone but then he asked me for my gym workout routine.
So my question is how to handle comments on my body from others within the community when it’s not asked for?
England.
Yesterday I visited an M&S in central London. I did not take or pick up any items. After leaving the store, when I was approximately 20 metres away, a security guard ran after me, jumped in front of me, accused me of shoplifting and physically restrained me.
Another worker then searched my shopping bag. Nothing belonging to the store was found. They then went back inside without giving me an explanation or apology.
I have reported the incident to the police and have a crime reference number. I also returned to the store afterwards and recorded part of my conversation with the security guard. I have asked M&S to preserve CCTV from inside and outside the store.
I am a trans woman. I was wearing a head/face covering because of gender dysphoria and recovery from facial surgery. I was told that the covering was part of the reason for stopping me. I do not know whether my gender identity or presentation influenced the decision, but I want to understand whether that context is legally relevant.
My questions are:
I am not looking to identify or name individual staff members publicly. I am trying to understand my rights and the correct next steps.
Him and another worker then go through my shopping bag find I in fact did not take anything and then just go back to the store don’t even apologize!!
I’m so shocked and stunned and humiliated and upset!!
It’s so unfair this has never happened to me once as a gay man and the one time I go as a female this happens. I just went into m and s to have a quick look and to go into a store as me for the first time in London and this happens!!
It really scared me too as I was literally 20 meters away from the store at this point and he had literally ran after me and jumped in front of me. I thought it was a person attacking me it was so scary!!
Had this happened to anyone else?
For context I was red dress, long blonde hair and I did not do makeup so I had a face mask on as it helps me feel comfortable in public and a hat on. It also helps helps hide the swelling from my face surgery so I need it right now but I guess they thought I was hiding my face?! But I’ve done that as a gay man every day this last two weeks and never been stopped like that once
Him and another worker then go through my shopping bag find I in fact did not take anything and then just go back to the store don’t even apologize!!
I’m so shocked and stunned and humiliated and upset!!
It’s so unfair this has never happened to me once as a gay man and the one time I go as a female this happens. I just went into m and s to have a quick look and to go into a store as me for the first time in London and this happens!!
It really scared me too as I was literally 20 meters away from the store at this point and he had literally ran after me and jumped in front of me. I thought it was a person attacking me it was so scary!!
Had this happened to anyone else?
For context I was red dress, long blonde hair and I did not do makeup so I had a face mask on as it helps me feel comfortable in public and a hat on. It also helps helps hide the swelling from my face surgery so I need it right now but I guess they thought I was hiding my face?! But I’ve done that as a gay man every day this last two weeks and never been stopped like that once
Him and another worker then go through my shopping bag find I in fact did not take anything and then just go back to the store don’t even apologize!!
I’m so shocked and stunned and humiliated and upset!!
It’s so unfair this has never happened to me once as a gay man and the one time I go as a female this happens. I just went into m and s to have a quick look and to go into a store as me for the first time in London and this happens!!
It really scared me too as I was literally 20 meters away from the store at this point and he had literally ran after me and jumped in front of me. I thought it was a person attacking me it was so scary!!
Had this happened to anyone else?
For context I was red dress, long blonde hair and I did not do makeup so I had a face mask on as it helps me feel comfortable in public and a hat on. It also helps helps hide the swelling from my face surgery so I need it right now but I guess they thought I was hiding my face?! But I’ve done that as a gay man every day this last two weeks and never been stopped like that once
I just want them to lead with you have handsome face is that too much to ask??
Cos I model for Burberry so I know I do
My wig is long blonde and I love it but don’t wanna ruin it or it to get all frizzy or me overheat.
But it’s literally key to me feeling fab and feeling like a woman.
So I’ve just been arguably male presenting all this week (altho during day I have a big sun hat and shawl I wrap around me) but I haven’t even done makeup or worn any dresses.
Does anyone have any tips on what I can do in this really hot weather?
Should I do natural hair and light makeup and dress or just go for the wig??
Or is there a better wig alternative?
It slowly was trying to take over every day of the week!! Monday to Friday seemed good job 9-5 then they changed 10-6 some days and then they added in Saturdays and now sundays too!!
So happy I left now
Happens to me so much more now!
It’s hard to not get upset about it cos it feels so targeted
Or maybe I’m just feeling extra vulnerable so when stoped in front of everyone and asked to open my bank statement as u had not clicked in receipt it makes me feel so targeted
For instance right now I was leaving m and s and two huge security men come up to me and one man says he how are you do u like football?? I felt so back footed and then the other man said have u paid for that show me? I did not have receipt so had to go through phone to get statement and he kept asking what am I doing ahhh was so stressful
Then in stores I’ve had employees follow me around the stride obviously and in makeup stores had security follow me as if I’m gonna steal!!
Also I was at bus stop the other day and in front of me was another transgender woman we waiting in line for bus together I only knew she was when she spoke but it’s so nice cos I’m in a very small conservative old fashioned town.
My surgery was over 12 weeks ago now
In this small town I’ve been at recovering from surgery I presented as gay man the first 8 weeks and met ONE gay man who asked for my number. The last 8 days I’ve been completey presenting as female every day and I’ve had over FIFTEEN men exchange numbers with and this is just me walking around town going to bus stop and walking to get groceries and things….
And yes I did take all their numbers cos I do really like the attention and being seen as female it’s like a dream they say such nice things and call me beautiful and darling and stunning! It feels so affirming.
Every one of those fifteen men asked me to go over not one asked me on a date. Also nearly all of them have the timer thing in WhatsApp where the chat disappears so I forget who I’m talking to.
Also I’m kinda scared to meet a man as a woman feels more vulnerable like won’t my wig fall off?? And also I just don’t know how it would all work compared to being gay man.
This is all so exciting and fun but also so much to navigate too!
Also some people are so nice and then some people are mean and it feels like people are just not that educated on it yet in the small town I’m in
I was heading out, dressed up and feeling good about myself, when I walked past a bench with a man and woman sitting on it.
As I passed, I heard the woman loudly say to the man beside her, “Is that a man?”
I didn’t stop or respond, but it definitely caught me off guard.. How should I have responded?? Why would she say that and so loudly do I could hear??
I’m not even looking for validation as much as wondering how other people would handle something like this. Would you ignore it and keep walking, confront it, or assume it wasn’t about you?
It was one of those weird moments that stuck with me longer than I expected.
I’ve recently started presenting more feminine in public and I had my first proper daytime experience today walking around town.
At night / on nights out I actually get a lot of attention and compliments and it feels fun and glamorous. But today was completely different.
Within a short walk I had multiple people staring at me and a few men making comments like sarcastic jokes as I passed, things like “there’s a pretty lady for you mate” and other comments about me being “gay pride” etc. One older man just stared and muttered something under his breath.
It honestly felt like I was being looked at like an alien. I felt confident in how I looked before I went out, but the reactions really knocked me and made me question whether I can actually do this during the day or if it’s only realistic for nights out.
I wasn’t expecting strangers to be so openly rude or weird about it. I left feeling really shaken and thinking maybe people just won’t accept me as a woman in everyday life.
Has anyone else experienced this when starting out? Does it get easier, or do you just learn to ignore it? I feel okay in myself but the public reactions today really got to me.
Nighttime in my cure my red dress and makeup and outfit I get lots of attention from men.
In day time one guy just said sarcastically to his friend loudly as I walked past “there is a pretty lady for u mate” and he said “shut up!”
This is literally me just stepping outside within the first few people I’ve walked past.
Two more men just stared at me and said “it’s not gay pride already is it?”
It’s really making me think is this gonna be possible for me or only for nights out when i wanna be glam.
Am I delusional to think I can present this way always?
An old man just looked at me and then said in stupid
I just walked through the town as omg the stares!! I felt like an alien!! But I feel great in how I look why are people so shocked?!!
I don’t wanna be like this is cause I’m trans but it feels like that…. I’m here alone and being polite and I guess maybe as I’m new to presenting this way I feel very upset about this.
Know it could be same for anyone but I feel so exposed right now.
Today in a town in England, I had a very uncomfortable experience with a man and I’m trying to process it and understand how I should’ve handled it.
I was waiting at a bus stop when a man started shouting at me loudly, saying things like “hey blonde” and “nice dress,” and repeatedly staring at me. He kept this up while I was waiting for the bus.
He then got on the same bus as me, along with a friend of his and I’m alone.
On the bus, I initially sat downstairs because they had sat upstairs. The man later came back downstairs, got off the bus briefly while it was stopped to vape, and continued staring at me from outside the bus window. He literally walked down the bus until he was standing directly outside my window and stared at me.
He then got back on the bus, came back to my area, and asked me to go upstairs. I ignored him. After that, he and his friend came downstairs and sat directly behind me, which made me feel very scared and uncomfortable.
I moved seats to get away from them and waited until the main man eventually got off the bus. After he left, his friend went back upstairs.
I’m safe now, but I felt very frightened and unsure how to react in the moment. I’m just trying to process what happened and would really appreciate advice on how to handle situations like this more safely in the future.
Was chatting with a guy on Grindr tonight and we were getting on fine—he’d liked my pic (classic topless profile lol) and the convo was normal.
I mentioned I was dressed up (dress, long blonde hair, makeup etc), just being open and playful because it felt like we were vibing. Didn’t send a pic of me dressed up or anything.
He suddenly replied saying “gross” and blocked me. I thought gay men would be more open or at least kinder in responding after I shared that….
Bit shocked because it came out of nowhere and felt pretty harsh, especially since we were already talking and he seemed into my profile.
I haven’t really been using Grindr much, but I’ve also been getting attention from straight guys in real life lately, so I guess I’m feeling a bit confused about how I’m being read in different spaces.
Do I really have to pick one “version” of myself? I don’t feel like I fit neatly into just one, but reactions like this are a bit disorienting.
Is this just normal app behaviour or did I just run into someone particularly rude?
I was walking home at around 5am still In full glam and dress when a man approached me and asked me to give him my hand so we could walk together.
I didn’t really engage much and kept moving, and then he said I had “ten seconds to decide” whether I wanted to go with him and hold his hand.
It felt really odd and pressuring, like he was trying to rush a decision out of nowhere. I didn’t go with him and just continued walking home.
Nothing escalated further and he didn’t follow me, but the interaction left me feeling uneasy and confused. I’m not sure what his intention was — it didn’t feel like a normal approach.
Has anyone experienced something like this or know what kind of behaviour this is?