u/Top_Answer8713

I’m a Master’s student, so I hope it’s okay to post here. I’m reaching out because I feel like many PhD students have probably experienced difficult PI relationships, and I could really use some advice.

I still have about a year left before I graduate, and lately my PI has become increasingly toxic toward me. Day by day, I can feel my mental health getting worse.
The favoritism and partiality in the lab have become so obvious that it’s hard not to notice. Some people are openly favored even when they make mistakes, while my work feels dismissed no matter how well my experiments are going.

What hurts the most is that this change happened so suddenly. She used to respond to my emails and messages, but now she barely replies. In the lab, I feel excluded from discussions and treated like I’m not wanted there anymore. Last night, I asked if she could prepare my drug for my experiment, and instead of a normal response, she was quite rude.

Yesterday I cried myself to sleep, and this morning I woke up feeling so emotionally drained that I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I’ve started questioning myself and wondering if I’m doing something wrong, even though my experiments are progressing reasonably well.

The hardest part is knowing that I still have another year to get through in this environment. I genuinely want to finish my degree, but I’m scared that if things continue like this, my mental health will keep deteriorating.

For those of you who have dealt with a toxic PI, favoritism, or suddenly feeling excluded from your own lab—how did you cope? Did things ever improve, or did you just focus on getting through until graduation? Any advice would really mean a lot right now.

I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just trying to get this off my chest.
I’m doing my Master’s, and I still have about a year left before I graduate. Lately, my PI has become increasingly toxic toward me, and day by day I can feel my mental health getting worse.
The favoritism and partiality in the lab have become so obvious that it’s hard not to notice. People are openly favored even when they make mistakes, while my work feels dismissed no matter how well my experiments are going.

What hurts the most is that this change happened so suddenly. She used to respond to my emails and messages, but now she barely replies. In the lab, I feel excluded from discussions and treated like I’m not wanted there anymore.

Yesterday I cried myself to sleep, and this morning I woke up feeling so emotionally drained that I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I’ve started questioning myself and wondering if I’m doing something wrong, even though my experiments are progressing reasonably well.

The hardest part is knowing that I still have another year to get through in this environment. I want to finish my degree, but I’m scared that if things continue like this, my mental health will keep deteriorating.
Has anyone dealt with a PI who suddenly became distant or dismissive for no apparent reason? How did you cope with it without letting it destroy your confidence? And if you stayed in the lab, how did you make it through the remaining time?

I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just trying to get this off my chest.

I’m doing my Master’s, and I still have about a year left before I graduate. Lately, my PI has become increasingly toxic toward me, and day by day I can feel my mental health getting worse.
The favoritism and partiality in the lab have become so obvious that it’s hard not to notice. People are openly favored even when they make mistakes, while my work feels dismissed no matter how well my experiments are going.

What hurts the most is that this change happened so suddenly. She used to respond to my emails and messages, but now she barely replies. In the lab, I feel excluded from discussions and treated like I’m not wanted there anymore. Last night, I asked if she could prepare my drug for my experiment, and instead of a normal response, she was quite rude.

Yesterday I cried myself to sleep, and this morning I woke up feeling so emotionally drained that I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I’ve started questioning myself and wondering if I’m doing something wrong, even though my experiments are progressing reasonably well.

The hardest part is knowing that I still have another year to get through in this environment. I want to finish my degree, but I’m scared that if things continue like this, my mental health will keep deteriorating.
Has anyone dealt with a PI who suddenly became distant or dismissive for no apparent reason? How did you cope with it without letting it destroy your confidence? And if you stayed in the lab, how did you make it through the remaining time?

I’m genuinely looking for perspective because something has been bothering me for a while, and recently it hit me harder than usual.
A colleague of mine had an experiment that required some extra help. One of my friends went in early to help them. It genuinely never even occurred to me to do the same. I went in later, did my own work, and left.
On my way home, I started crying.

Not because of the experiment itself, but because it made me question who I’m becoming.
The last few years have been rough. I’ve been in survival mode for a long time, and recently experienced a traumatic event as well. Since then, I’ve been trying to focus on myself, heal, set boundaries, and protect my energy.

But lately I’ve noticed changes in myself that genuinely scare me.
It’s not just this one incident. In a lot of situations, I feel like a different person than I used to be.
I don’t seem as interested in people as I once was.
I don’t naturally think about helping anymore.
I don’t feel emotionally affected by other people’s problems the way I used to.

Sometimes I hear about situations that objectively sound awful, and I feel… nothing.
I’ve also noticed myself being impatient or rude in situations where it isn’t necessary. Then later I go home, think about it, and feel terrible about it. It’s almost like my reactions and my values are no longer matching.
From the outside, I imagine this could look like selfishness or a lack of empathy.
The thing is, internally I’m terrified of becoming that person.

Part of me wonders if I’m simply exhausted, burned out, and emotionally depleted. Another part of me wonders if I’m slowly becoming someone I won’t respect in the future.
Has anyone gone through a phase where they became emotionally numb, detached, self-focused, or less empathetic while dealing with burnout, trauma, or a difficult period in life?

Did it pass?
Were you actually becoming more selfish, or were you just operating in survival mode?
I think what scares me most is not knowing the difference.

I’m genuinely looking for perspective because something has been bothering me for a while, and recently it hit me harder than usual.
A colleague of mine had an experiment that required some extra help. One of my friends went in early to help them. It genuinely never even occurred to me to do the same. I went in later, did my own work, and left.
On my way home, I started crying.

Not because of the experiment itself, but because it made me question who I’m becoming.
The last few years have been rough. I’ve been in survival mode for a long time, and recently experienced a traumatic event as well. Since then, I’ve been trying to focus on myself, heal, set boundaries, and protect my energy.

But lately I’ve noticed changes in myself that genuinely scare me.
It’s not just this one incident. In a lot of situations, I feel like a different person than I used to be.
I don’t seem as interested in people as I once was.
I don’t naturally think about helping anymore.
I don’t feel emotionally affected by other people’s problems the way I used to.

Sometimes I hear about situations that objectively sound awful, and I feel… nothing.
I’ve also noticed myself being impatient or rude in situations where it isn’t necessary. Then later I go home, think about it, and feel terrible about it. It’s almost like my reactions and my values are no longer matching.
From the outside, I imagine this could look like selfishness or a lack of empathy.
The thing is, internally I’m terrified of becoming that person.

Part of me wonders if I’m simply exhausted, burned out, and emotionally depleted. Another part of me wonders if I’m slowly becoming someone I won’t respect in the future.
Has anyone gone through a phase where they became emotionally numb, detached, self-focused, or less empathetic while dealing with burnout, trauma, or a difficult period in life?

Did it pass?
Were you actually becoming more selfish, or were you just operating in survival mode?
I think what scares me most is not knowing the difference.

I’m genuinely looking for perspective because something has been bothering me for a while, and recently it hit me harder than usual.
A colleague of mine had an experiment that required some extra help. One of my friends went in early to help them. It genuinely never even occurred to me to do the same. I went in later, did my own work, and left.
On my way home, I started crying.

Not because of the experiment itself, but because it made me question who I’m becoming.
The last few years have been rough. I’ve been in survival mode for a long time, and recently experienced a traumatic event as well. Since then, I’ve been trying to focus on myself, heal, set boundaries, and protect my energy.

But lately I’ve noticed changes in myself that genuinely scare me.
It’s not just this one incident. In a lot of situations, I feel like a different person than I used to be.
I don’t seem as interested in people as I once was.
I don’t naturally think about helping anymore.
I don’t feel emotionally affected by other people’s problems the way I used to.

Sometimes I hear about situations that objectively sound awful, and I feel… nothing.
I’ve also noticed myself being impatient or rude in situations where it isn’t necessary. Then later I go home, think about it, and feel terrible about it. It’s almost like my reactions and my values are no longer matching.
From the outside, I imagine this could look like selfishness or a lack of empathy.
The thing is, internally I’m terrified of becoming that person.

Part of me wonders if I’m simply exhausted, burned out, and emotionally depleted. Another part of me wonders if I’m slowly becoming someone I won’t respect in the future.
Has anyone gone through a phase where they became emotionally numb, detached, self-focused, or less empathetic while dealing with burnout, trauma, or a difficult period in life?

Did it pass?
Were you actually becoming more selfish, or were you just operating in survival mode?
I think what scares me most is not knowing the difference.

I’m looking for an outside perspective because this conversation genuinely left me thinking.
I (24F) recently got to know a guy for a few weeks. We talked on long phone calls almost every day and went on one date that lasted nearly 10 hours. We got along well, had deep conversations, and I thought we were at least exploring whether there was potential.

Eventually, he told me he wasn’t feeling anything romantic and was getting more of a friend vibe. I actually felt similarly. I wasn’t particularly attracted to him either, so I’m not upset about the outcome. What I’m trying to understand is whether we simply had different views on relationships or whether one (or both) of us is being too rigid.

Before I get into it, I want to make it clear that I genuinely think he’s a good person. He has strong morals, communicates openly, is family-oriented, and was honest about how he felt instead of dragging things along. This isn’t me trying to paint him as the bad guy.

Some things that stood out:
We had planned a second date, but I had to reschedule it by one day because something genuinely came up at the last minute. Instead of meeting the next day, he ended up canceling altogether.

During one conversation, I said that for me, love isn’t “I can’t live without you.” It’s “I can live without you, but I don’t want to.” To me, love is a conscious choice, not dependence. The moment I said that, he stopped me and said, “This is exactly why I feel we’re not compatible.”

He said he’s dated enough women that he can usually tell pretty quickly whether something has a future or not.
He mentioned that he couldn’t do long distance, even if it meant supporting his future wife’s career goals for a period of time.

He also said he would actually prefer an arranged marriage chosen by his parents because it’s more like a business transaction with fewer problems and complications to deal with.

On the other hand, my view is quite different.
I don’t think you can truly know someone after a few weeks or one date. I believe relationships require some curiosity, openness, flexibility, and a willingness to grow together. I also personally wouldn’t want to enter a marriage primarily because it’s practical or because it minimizes complications.

The more I reflect on it, the more I feel like we were speaking two completely different relationship languages.

My question is:
Does this sound like simple incompatibility, or does either of us sound overly rigid or idealistic? Am I being unrealistic about how much openness and flexibility I expect from a potential partner, or was he making conclusions too quickly?
I’d appreciate honest perspectives, especially from people who have been in long-term relationships or marriages.

I’m 24 and I feel like somewhere along the way I lost the version of myself that used to dream big.

I’ve always had big goals, big ambitions, and a lot of hope for my future. Even when things were difficult, I believed life could get better.

Over the last few years, I’ve been hit by a series of unfortunate events, and I think I’ve been living in survival mode for so long that it has changed the way my mind works.

I used to naturally think about possibilities. Now I naturally think about problems.

I used to imagine positive outcomes. Now I constantly imagine negative scenarios, and the scary part is that those negative scenarios almost feel comforting because they’re familiar.

I feel like I’m living as a spectator in my own life. I go through the motions, do what I need to do, but I don’t feel truly alive or excited about anything.

The frustrating part is that I still have the urge to do more. I still want a better life. I still want to build something meaningful. But instead of taking action, I find myself constantly focused on how I feel. If I don’t feel motivated, confident, or ready, I get stuck.

Another realization that scared me recently was looking around at my social circle and realizing that very few people around me inspire me or represent the kind of life I want to build for myself. It made me wonder if I’ve been walking in the wrong direction for a while.

More than anything, I’m scared of losing myself to this mindset. I’m scared that if I stay here long enough, this version of me becomes permanent.

I’m posting this because I genuinely need help. I don’t even know where to start anymore. I’ve spent so much time in my own head trying to figure this out that I don’t trust my perspective on it. I feel stuck between knowing I need to change and having no idea how to actually begin.

If you’ve been in a place like this and managed to get your life back on track, please tell me where you started. Not the final outcome—the very first step.

Because right now, that’s what I’m looking for: a place to start before I lose myself completely.

I’m 24 and I feel like somewhere along the way I lost the version of myself that used to dream big.

I’ve always had big goals, big ambitions, and a lot of hope for my future. Even when things were difficult, I believed life could get better.

Over the last few years, I’ve been hit by a series of unfortunate events, and I think I’ve been living in survival mode for so long that it has changed the way my mind works.

I used to naturally think about possibilities. Now I naturally think about problems.

I used to imagine positive outcomes. Now I constantly imagine negative scenarios, and the scary part is that those negative scenarios almost feel comforting because they’re familiar.

I feel like I’m living as a spectator in my own life. I go through the motions, do what I need to do, but I don’t feel truly alive or excited about anything.

The frustrating part is that I still have the urge to do more. I still want a better life. I still want to build something meaningful. But instead of taking action, I find myself constantly focused on how I feel. If I don’t feel motivated, confident, or ready, I get stuck.

Another realization that scared me recently was looking around at my social circle and realizing that very few people around me inspire me or represent the kind of life I want to build for myself. It made me wonder if I’ve been walking in the wrong direction for a while.

More than anything, I’m scared of losing myself to this mindset. I’m scared that if I stay here long enough, this version of me becomes permanent.

I’m posting this because I genuinely need help. I don’t even know where to start anymore. I’ve spent so much time in my own head trying to figure this out that I don’t trust my perspective on it. I feel stuck between knowing I need to change and having no idea how to actually begin.

If you’ve been in a place like this and managed to get your life back on track, please tell me where you started. Not the final outcome the very first step.

Because right now, that’s what I’m looking for: a place to start before I lose myself completely.

I’m 24 and I feel like somewhere along the way I lost the version of myself that used to dream big.

I’ve always had big goals, big ambitions, and a lot of hope for my future. Even when things were difficult, I believed life could get better.

Over the last few years, I’ve been hit by a series of unfortunate events, and I think I’ve been living in survival mode for so long that it has changed the way my mind works.

I used to naturally think about possibilities. Now I naturally think about problems.

I used to imagine positive outcomes. Now I constantly imagine negative scenarios, and the scary part is that those negative scenarios almost feel comforting because they’re familiar.

I feel like I’m living as a spectator in my own life. I go through the motions, do what I need to do, but I don’t feel truly alive or excited about anything.

The frustrating part is that I still have the urge to do more. I still want a better life. I still want to build something meaningful. But instead of taking action, I find myself constantly focused on how I feel. If I don’t feel motivated, confident, or ready, I get stuck.

Another realization that scared me recently was looking around at my social circle and realizing that very few people around me inspire me or represent the kind of life I want to build for myself. It made me wonder if I’ve been walking in the wrong direction for a while.

More than anything, I’m scared of losing myself to this mindset. I’m scared that if I stay here long enough, this version of me becomes permanent.

I’m posting this because I genuinely need help. I don’t even know where to start anymore. I’ve spent so much time in my own head trying to figure this out that I don’t trust my perspective on it. I feel stuck between knowing I need to change and having no idea how to actually begin.

If you’ve been in a place like this and managed to get your life back on track, please tell me where you started. Not the final outcome—the very first step.

Because right now, that’s what I’m looking for: a place to start before I lose myself completely.

I’m 24 and I feel like somewhere along the way I lost the version of myself that used to dream big.

I’ve always had big goals, big ambitions, and a lot of hope for my future. Even when things were difficult, I believed life could get better.

Over the last few years, I’ve been hit by a series of unfortunate events, and I think I’ve been living in survival mode for so long that it has changed the way my mind works.

I used to naturally think about possibilities. Now I naturally think about problems.

I used to imagine positive outcomes. Now I constantly imagine negative scenarios, and the scary part is that those negative scenarios almost feel comforting because they’re familiar.

I feel like I’m living as a spectator in my own life. I go through the motions, do what I need to do, but I don’t feel truly alive or excited about anything.

The frustrating part is that I still have the urge to do more. I still want a better life. I still want to build something meaningful. But instead of taking action, I find myself constantly focused on how I feel. If I don’t feel motivated, confident, or ready, I get stuck.

Another realization that scared me recently was looking around at my social circle and realizing that very few people around me inspire me or represent the kind of life I want to build for myself. It made me wonder if I’ve been walking in the wrong direction for a while.

More than anything, I’m scared of losing myself to this mindset. I’m scared that if I stay here long enough, this version of me becomes permanent.

I’m posting this because I genuinely need help. I don’t even know where to start anymore. I’ve spent so much time in my own head trying to figure this out that I don’t trust my perspective on it. I feel stuck between knowing I need to change and having no idea how to actually begin.

If you’ve been in a place like this and managed to get your life back on track, please tell me where you started. Not the final outcome—the very first step.

Because right now, that’s what I’m looking for: a place to start before I lose myself completely.

Edit: Since a few people asked for more context, I wanted to clarify what I mean.

I’ve always had big goals: becoming a doctor, building a healthy lifestyle, earning well, and eventually having a good family life. Those goals haven’t changed. Right now I’m pursuing a Master’s degree while also needing to prepare for my medical licensing exams, and I’m not particularly happy with where I am professionally.

What has changed is the way I think.

I feel like years of living in survival mode have trained my brain to focus on what could go wrong instead of what could go right. I automatically think about setbacks, failure, and worst-case scenarios before possibilities.

I’ve also noticed this extends to people. Instead of looking for connection, I find myself subconsciously looking for red flags, reasons things won’t work out, or ways people might hurt, disappoint, or leave me.

It’s as if I’ve become so focused on protecting myself that I’ve stopped fully living. The goals and ambition are still there, but I feel like I’m spending more energy avoiding pain than building the life I actually want.

I’m trying to get some honest male perspectives because I’m genuinely confused about how to interpret this.

I was recently talking to a male friend and during the conversation I mentioned that I had been sexually assaulted a few weeks ago. It wasn’t something I planned on sharing, but it came up naturally while discussing personal boundaries and safety.

His first reaction caught me off guard.

He started asking things like:

“Were you so drunk that you blacked out and didn’t know what happened?”

“Isn’t it your responsibility to be safe and cautious?”

“Why didn’t you call your friends for help?”

And at one point he said, “There’s a very fine line between rape and sex.”

I immediately found myself getting defensive and trying to explain what happened.

To be fair to him, he later clarified that he wasn’t blaming me. He got angry that this happened, thought I should have reported it, and was upset that I wasn’t taking legal action. He kept saying what happened was wrong and that it wasn’t too late to do something about it.

But I can’t stop thinking about those initial questions.

If a female friend disclosed that she had been sexually assaulted while asleep/intoxicated, would your mind immediately go to questions like these? Would you be trying to understand the situation first, or would your first instinct be concern and emotional support?

I’m not looking for validation or for people to call him a bad person. I’m genuinely trying to understand whether this is a common reaction from men hearing something like this, or whether it suggests a very different way of thinking about situations like this.

Would love honest opinions.

Edit: A few people asked for more context, so I wanted to clarify something.

The questions themselves aren’t the only reason I was taken aback. During the conversation, I clarified that what happened was forced and that I had bruises on my body afterward. Even after that, he made comments such as “it’s okay if you wanted it, everybody has needs” and said there is a very fine line between rape and sex.

I also explained that I froze during the incident and basically remained paralyzed until I was able to leave. His response was that I should have been more proactive and that if he were in my position he would have done something differently. I told him it’s easy to say that until you’ve actually been in that situation.

What makes this confusing for me is that later in the conversation he became very angry that this happened. He felt I should have pursued legal action, said he would support me if I chose to do so, and repeatedly said that what happened was wrong and not okay.
At the same time, he continued emphasizing that I should have been more careful, safe, and cautious.
So my confusion isn’t simply about whether asking questions is okay. It’s about how to interpret a reaction that felt partly supportive and partly focused on what I should have done differently.

IMG here currently doing a Master’s in Pharmacology in the US. After spending the last year heavily focused on research, I’ve decided I want to start preparing for USMLE Step 1 alongside my master’s. I don’t plan on taking the exam for about a year, so I’m looking for a slow and sustainable approach.

One of my biggest concerns is that my basic sciences foundation is quite weak at the moment, which makes the whole process feel even more overwhelming. Every time I look into Step 1 preparation, I see so many resources and study plans that I end up not knowing where to begin.

For those who started with weak basics, where would you recommend starting? If you were beginning from scratch today, what resources would you use first and how would you spend the first few months building a strong foundation before getting into dedicated Step 1 prep?

Would really appreciate any guidance.

IMG here currently doing a Master’s in the US. After spending the last year heavily focused on research, I’ve decided I want to start preparing for USMLE Step 1 alongside my master’s. I don’t plan on taking the exam for about a year, so I’m looking for a slow and sustainable approach.

One of my biggest concerns is that my basic sciences foundation is quite weak at the moment, which makes the whole process feel even more overwhelming. Every time I look into Step 1 preparation, I see so many resources and study plans that I end up not knowing where to begin.

For those who started with weak basics, where would you recommend starting? If you were beginning from scratch today, what resources would you use first and how would you spend the first few months building a strong foundation before getting into dedicated Step 1 prep?

Would really appreciate any guidance.

IMG here currently doing a Master’s in the US. After spending the last year heavily focused on research, I’ve decided I want to start preparing for USMLE Step 1 alongside my master’s. I don’t plan on taking the exam for about a year, so I’m looking for a slow and sustainable approach.

One of my biggest concerns is that my basic sciences foundation is quite weak at the moment, which makes the whole process feel even more overwhelming. Every time I look into Step 1 preparation, I see so many resources and study plans that I end up not knowing where to begin.

For those who started with weak basics, where would you recommend starting? If you were beginning from scratch today, what resources would you use first and how would you spend the first few months building a strong foundation before getting into dedicated Step 1 prep?

Would really appreciate any guidance.

For the past few days, whenever I take a daytime nap, I experience this intense fear while I’m drifting off to sleep. It’s like I’m aware that I’m falling asleep, but instead of relaxing, I suddenly feel scared or panicked.

If I hear a sound, someone talking, or even small noises during that half-asleep state, the fear suddenly spikes really badly and it takes a while for me to calm myself down. Sometimes I even have to mentally “talk myself out of it” during the nap.

I also experience sudden body jerks/twitches while falling asleep, almost like being startled awake right when I’m drifting off. The combination of the jerks + fear makes the whole experience really uncomfortable.

This mainly happens during daytime naps and not as much at night.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Is this hypnic jerks, sleep anxiety, hypnagogic anxiety, or something else?

For the past few days, whenever I take a daytime nap, I experience this intense fear while I’m drifting off to sleep. It’s like I’m aware that I’m falling asleep, but instead of relaxing, I suddenly feel scared or panicked.

If I hear a sound, someone talking, or even small noises during that half-asleep state, the fear suddenly spikes really badly and it takes a while for me to calm myself down. Sometimes I even have to mentally “talk myself out of it” during the nap.

I also experience sudden body jerks/twitches while falling asleep, almost like being startled awake right when I’m drifting off. The combination of the jerks + fear makes the whole experience really uncomfortable.

This mainly happens during daytime naps and not as much at night.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Is this hypnic jerks, sleep anxiety, hypnagogic anxiety, or something else?