Existential mutation?
I have done a number of journeys in the last 16 months, about 10 trips of MDMA+ Mushrooms and about 25 or 30 trips of ketamine.
The purpose was healing C Ptsd
It has been a rich and intense journey, not over yet. I am just currently restent between sessions, and I find that resting is the basis of integration (no need to always do hard work between sessions, espciallu given that my MDMA/Mushrooms sessions are very taxing physiologically.)
Now I feel like I am liberating myself from old beiief systems or relarional posture. I care far less about others and what they do or think, for example. Or so it seems.
During my trips i see how everything is social construction.
Now i feel a bit lost. I am not sure whether i need to hold to spiritual beliefs as central or if i need to let go of them too. Like be free of everything m. But then may lack structure or a container.
I feel fine (but trauma work is not completely over)
I just wonder about meaning
(I have spiritual/religious beliefs but currently not practicing much. More in a spontaneous free style even though my bzliefs are from one of the old traditions).
A side question: is it usual that the MDMA/Mushrooms combo (wiith moderate medium dose) is exhausting somatically? It feels so intense on the body, while the mind is at ease and relaxed