u/ZealousidealWin1006

so i believe that emotional deprivation has warped my idea of love, or maybe angled a brighter light on it (depending on the context), in ways that en seems to contribute uniquely to.

i personally think love is a combination of two things: 1) an attachment of some kind to another and 2) empathic concern for that being.

the first without the second is dependency, which looks like love on the surface, but if attachment happens without care, then the object of the person’s “love” could just as easily be replaced by another.

but if you have the second without the first, then it’s like darting to a homeless person’s aid if he or she suddenly collapsed on the side of the street. we can’t say we love them, and even if we do expand the definition of love to include all we’d empathetically rush to help, then that would mean true love is in our care and not in our attachment. but if great love (like for family) necessitates that we have a “lesser” love for strangers or the world at large, then are those of us who love more indiscriminately incapable of true love in a sense?

i used to imagine that was the case for me because people make attachment the crux of love, especially when it comes to familial closeness, but i would genuinely struggle with the decision to jump into a burning home to save either my mother or a person i came to know and appreciate for a few weeks. it’s probably because i’ve been loved the way a miser loves money, a tradesman loves his tool, a little girl loves her resin-eyed doll. a utilitarian and cold “love,” no matter how enduring or superficially intense. and that’s probably strange because most people build love slowly through proximity and time. but i do actually build rome in a day, and i’m not talking about the initial high of meeting someone new, but it’s like my love is a keyhole, and very few randomly dispersed people in the world possess that master key.

anyone else, no matter how long i’ve known them or how vulnerable i’ve been, is barred entry. but maybe i confuse deep understanding with love, and maybe like george orwell said once, maybe one wants to be understood and not necessarily loved. and i do really get that. but i also don’t care for understanding based on similar life experience as outcome and worldview matter much more to me personally because yk many different paths in the forest can lead to the same clearing. but no en experience is the same, so it seems as if we’re all chronically alone inside ourselves, and no one holds our master key.

what about you guys? how do you define love?

hello everyone! so i was doing some thinking about identity politics and tribalism and it occurred to me that even though there’s a part of me that denies the idea that i’m tribalistic in any way possible i realized that maybe my preference for other untribalistic people is tribalistic by mere virtue of wanting to merge and become one with people like myself and exclude anyone with ties to things as ordinarily emotional as their gender, sexuality, etc.

and the thing is, i understand having an identity. i have many of my own. even labeling myself as a “schizoid person” is a part of my collective identity. but the difference i’ve noticed - and i’m curious as to whether this mindset resonates with any of you - is that these things don’t matter nearly as much as unifying with others based on common ideals, morality, processing similarities, or other more abstract measures of one’s personhood.

and i know this sounds like a right wing talking point, especially because my worldview could be analyzed from the perspective that i deny all the ways people have been persecuted for their identity (i obviously acknowledge that), but i’m also more of an idealist who imagines a world where the most exploitable part of our nature (identity is separatism) does not exist.

and it’s come down to my conviction that the schizoid person is the ideal representative of that utopia. if we focus purely on our mental/personality organization and ignore the fact that most of us are low energy and live more in our heads than the world around us, we are the perfect candidates for such a society.

people praise emotional over logical appeals or logical appeals over emotional appeals as if there’s a strict dichotomy between the two, as if morality cannot be cold and just at the same time. and i believe those of us who lack a clear emotional connection to our race, gender, sexuality, etc can more easily see how morality and social class are the most significant divisions worth consideration (at least in the us).

but because most people are deeply emotional (including those “facts don’t care about your feelings” types who throw around statistics as if the numbers by themselves are more meaningful than the interpretation or nuance behind them), they are hooked by peripheral and trifling issues.

we wouldn’t have losers in the manosphere telling us women are all “evil,” or women griping bitterly about men in every single post they make online, with both sides mutually reinforcing the other’s hatefulness and defensiveness.

and i know this is human nature. i know that identity consolidates the bonds within the in-group so it’s not possible to live in such a world without human nature itself being overwritten. i know i’m not making a practical point, but i wonder if this approach is fundamentally schizoid. i’m not picturing a world where identity is erased, but rendering identity arbitrary and subordinate to some universal moral code would be so perfect, and we naturally embody that ideal where racism, misogyny, transphobia, etc do not exist.

what do you think? 💭

i have always been a pensive and shy person who tends to spiral from something as insignificant as a person not smiling back at me or thanking me for opening the door for them like i basically require people to be as mindful and considerate of my feelings as i am of theirs all the time 😅😭💔

i guess it’s because i’m someone who, even on my worst days, tunes in empathically to everyone around me and detaches from my inner world when in the company of others.

i know people aren’t a monolith, and everyone handles things differently, but i wish more people were like us in caring profoundly about others’ feelings.

the weird thing is, flagrant rejection in the form of someone simply leaving doesn’t bother me because sometimes people don’t click or vibe well, and i usually don’t take that personally, but what’s worse is when you’re around somebody, and they look super serious or annoyed, or their energy is off.

i feel like ned flanders in a world of homers sometimes agh

i’ll be 30 in a few years, and there hasn’t been a single meaningful connection in my whole life. i had friends throughout school, but all those relationships were shallow because deep down, i’ve always felt like a fraud and a loner who would often go around finding other loners to take under my wing ha

idk it’s so alienating and hurtful just to exist.

hello !! this is a throwaway account, but i’m posting here in the hopes i may be able to foster a meaningful connection with someone who embodies everything i have searched for in a potential partner but never found.

i’m not exactly looking for a typical rr dynamic (muscly dominant mommy & femboy) but i am looking for a highly sensitive man with BIG little spoon energy who wants to feel small and protected in my arms!! :’)

i’m a shy but friendly person who is honestly not comfortable being assertive so if that’s your thing, don’t waste your time reading the rest!

i’m on the petite side (5’1 and ~109 lbs), with black medium length hair, brown eyes, a babyish face, and i’m half south asian/indian and half white 🇮🇳🪷

we can swap photos later, but i’d ideally like to talk to you for a little while to see if we vibe first 💜

idk what to say now 😭😭 i feel like i’ll end up rambling bc my adhd brain will spiral out with all these tangential references and half-coherent stream-of-consciousness gobbledygook before any train of thought gets back on track sooo yeah!! & i probably won’t trim the fat off this post for the same reason that in high school i was never able to highlight anything less than the whole page whenever instructed to underline whatever was most important (isn’t everything significant depending on who’s reading???) hahaha

well !! here are some things about me:

i like anime & cowboy bebop is my favorite ❤️

i also enjoy watching video essays on YT (horses and darkmatter2525 are my favorite channels). i cycle through hyper-fixations at random like my interest is piqued by most things unless it’s outdoorsy or hands-on (although i do like the idea of traveling more and seeing all the world’s historic wonders)

i really like spicy food and hardly break a sweat eating the spiciest Korean noodles ever 💪🔥

i’m obsessed with 60s, 70s and 80s music

i frequently vent about how unhinged and overbearing my mother is lmao

i’m a night owl so if you need somebody to stay up with you all night to eagerly listen to your thoughts and feelings i can be that person for you! though we shouldn’t indulge our bad habits aha :’))

i like art, poetry, psychology, neuroscience, and story writing. i’m also big on psychoanalysis hehe :’) i recently finished reading john bowlby’s final volume on attachment theory.

i have a bachelor of science in psychology but idk what to do with it atp 🙃🥲 my biggest dream is to help others.

i have never been in a relationship before and i’m not interested in ever losing my virginity. however, due to my asexuality i honestly wouldn’t mind you having relations with other women! i would hope we have a special connection regardless !!

i’m actually very “normie” presenting irl and maintain a sort of “hidden weirdness.” people tend to infantilize me and act like i’m soft and delicate due to the way i appear stereotypically feminine but i’m a fundamentally dogmatic & emotionally stoic person who feels pressured to censor her sometimes controversial and overly clinical takes on everything.

i’m not sure what i’m looking for 100%, but…

i would like someone to imbue me with renewed purpose. i’m looking for someone who absolutely LOVES the idea of being held and comforted and soothed ❤️ someone jovial, expressive, someone who can weave an entire story out of simply making coffee for themselves in the morning. someone who writes very long texts… yapping about the minutiae of his day. please!! i’m so tired of dry exchanges. hopefully your weirdness complements mine and i can give you love and tenderness for years to come, something that won’t fray at the seams.

i like guys on the chubbier side for some reason maybe it’s like an opposites attract kind of thing, i also find excessive hairiness and glasses p attractive. and shortness. i would also prefer if you were older than me 🤍

i’m a bit of a puritanical teetotaler but v progressive.

my mbti / jungian type is INFJ 5w6 521.

whew !! if you read this far, don’t hesitate to DM me with a fun fact about yourself and a long message 🙏🏻🥺🙏🏻💜 take care everyone.