“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” and why women aren’t believed

OK so I wasn’t sure whether to flair this post as Discussion or Blake vs Baldoni so please reassign if wrong but my god I’ve been reading up on the Blake Lively vs Baldoni case and I am APPALLED at the number of people who believe that she made a pass at him, got rejected, then decided to cover for herself and/or take vengeance by levying false accusations of sexual harassment against him.

It’s absolutely bonkers that these are the same people who claim that a person is innocent until proven guilty, yet turn around and accuse Blake of infidelity with zero proof whatsoever and don’t see the hypocrisy in that. Worse are these “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” comments always being the most upvoted but you know what Reddit is a male dominated space so maybe there is a bias there

Regardless I’ve always found the misogyny of this adage especially infuriating and kind of want to rant about it considering the fact that historically and presently it’s always been MEN not women who in greater numbers or at least comparatively respond to emotional injury with punitiveness or vindictiveness.

Like what about model Marla Hanson, whose landlord hired two guys to slash her face after she’d refused his advances?

What about a woman in New Jersey whose partner paid two people to disfigure her face with acid after she’d broken things off with him?

What about the student whose med school residency was terminated after her spurned organic chemistry professor fabricated her exam results, reported her for “cheating,” then had her expelled even when other students complained about his inappropriateness?

What about Jerry Ramrattan, the POS who framed his ex girlfriend Seemona Sumasar for armed robbery for which she spent 7 months in jail until his plot was unearthed?

Misogynists love acting as though women have a monopoly on a certain brand of wickedness - namely any behavior marked by deception, vengefulness, or malice. Women are scheming puppeteers behind a curtain and men are simple, goofy and well meaning characters whose only real fault is being too horny.

It’s a subtle but prevailing stereotype that not only perpetuates the myth that the differences between women and men are inherent rather than socially or culturally mediated but that a man’s evil doing is shaped by the values unwittingly imposed upon him, while a woman’s is embedded in her nature.

Misogyny want us to believe that not only are men “superior” physically and intellectually but morally as well because it benefits them for us to internalize this narrative about ourselves - it is PRECISELY because misogyny has convinced women that hell has no fury like ours when we’ve been scorned that there is more credibility in the idea that a woman would falsely accuse a man of a crime than there is in the idea that a man would rape or beat a woman.

It does not matter that only 1-5% of all sexual assault allegations are false.

It does not matter that most sexual predators will never spend a day behind bars.

It does not matter if Gisele Pelicot’s husband orchestrated a plan over several years to drug his wife with the hopes that she would get HIV from one of the many handpicked HIV positive rapists he recruited to rape her for his own twisted vengeance. It does not matter that this same man accompanied her to doctor visits, comforted her, and cried bitterly when she asked him if he was drugging her, asking how she could accuse him of such a thing.

Because then it’s “most men aren't like that,” but when an equally deplorable woman accuses an innocent man of SA then suddenly the sentiment becomes, “how like a woman to do that” while being completely unaware that in perhaps one of the most egregious miscarriages of justice in recent history 4 queer women in San Antonio Texas were falsely accused of child sexual abuse by a man who had them imprisoned for almost 15 years before all 4 women were finally exonerated in 2016. But yeah men NEVER do that, right? It’s not as if the patriarchy itself enables these loopholes for psychopathic individuals to exploit, harming both women AND men in the process.

Aside from the obvious knowledge that men rape and murder at disproportionally higher rates than women, there’s definitely no shortage of cases where men have resorted to shadier tactics to channel their rage and indignation.

Misogynists will blame “misandry” for why women receive more lenient sentences for crimes men commit, in total ignorance of the fact that women not men are more likely to mete out the same punishment regardless of the perpetrator’s sex.

They actually think the historical systemic dehumanization and subjugation of women is comparable to some “misandrist” ranting about men online. They actually think women always stick up for each other and gang up on men with no regard for how the flames of witch hunts are fanned by the rhetoric that a woman’s personal history of victimization is invalidated by the likelihood that women like Blake Lively or Amber Heard are filthy, reprehensible liars.

And it seemingly does not matter that Johnny Depp is a proven liar who falsely accused Amber Heard of cutting off his finger, giving him a black eye, or shitting on the bed. Because then he was only trying to defend himself from her “false” accusations of abuse for which ONLY he wanted to go public about so she could have her “global humiliation.”

Crazy how it’s never mental gymnastics when it’s a man you’re defending because so many people have these warped beliefs about women that make it so easy to overestimate just how many villainous women there are among us while men are simple and accidental in their harmfulness, and the ones who inflict abuse are one in a million.

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u/ZealousidealWin1006 — 5 days ago

competitiveness at its extreme

so i am half south asian (indian) from my mother’s side and half white from my dad’s side and i will say that one of the most TOXIC aspects of asian culture is the emphasis on performance and success as being the primary means of one’s self worth and identity.

at its most extreme, it can absolutely be destructive and i remember in my friend groups all throughout school envy seemed like the most common social response to other’s successes, topics at the dinner table revolved around how well so and so was doing and how abnormal you would sound if you were to express happiness and joy for someone’s achievements.

there was a case in london where one indian woman catfished her own cousin for almost a decade out of envy that she had a better job than her and you have to think: for someone to be that embittered, and that threatened by her cousin’s success, the roots of that evil originate in the all too typical attribution of one’s worth to their academic, hobbyist, or professional successes.

and there was another case i read about where another individual (also asian) deleted her boyfriend’s college acceptance letter because he would have gone to a more prestigious school than the one she was going to (they both studied music).

and another case where an indian research student secretly sabotaged his colleague’s work out of envy for her getting ahead of him.

i couldn’t help but notice how prevalent this cutthroat competitiveness and outright malice are in asian circles, and why or how it’s normalized -- maybe not to the extreme extent shown in these examples, but it’s definitely a cultural phenomenon that individual narcissism can get hold of and wreak havoc through.

because even though i and most of us would never go this far, i’d be lying if i said i haven’t experienced schadenfreude and envy in varying degrees and found myself struggling to share in another person’s win.

it feels so deeply embedded into my soul and i have no idea how to dismantle that way of thinking and feeling because a huge central part of my worth is staked in achievement, success, wealth. and it’s hard to imagine anything outside of that.

i’m just wondering if anyone else recognizes themselves in that and how one can go about getting rid of it?

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u/ZealousidealWin1006 — 1 month ago

how has emotional neglect affected your perception of love?

so i believe that emotional deprivation has warped my idea of love, or maybe angled a brighter light on it (depending on the context), in ways that en seems to contribute uniquely to.

i personally think love is a combination of two things: 1) an attachment of some kind to another and 2) empathic concern for that being.

the first without the second is dependency, which looks like love on the surface, but if attachment happens without care, then the object of the person’s “love” could just as easily be replaced by another.

but if you have the second without the first, then it’s like darting to a homeless person’s aid if he or she suddenly collapsed on the side of the street. we can’t say we love them, and even if we do expand the definition of love to include all we’d empathetically rush to help, then that would mean true love is in our care and not in our attachment. but if great love (like for family) necessitates that we have a “lesser” love for strangers or the world at large, then are those of us who love more indiscriminately incapable of true love in a sense?

i used to imagine that was the case for me because people make attachment the crux of love, especially when it comes to familial closeness, but i would genuinely struggle with the decision to jump into a burning home to save either my mother or a person i came to know and appreciate for a few weeks. it’s probably because i’ve been loved the way a miser loves money, a tradesman loves his tool, a little girl loves her resin-eyed doll. a utilitarian and cold “love,” no matter how enduring or superficially intense. and that’s probably strange because most people build love slowly through proximity and time. but i do actually build rome in a day, and i’m not talking about the initial high of meeting someone new, but it’s like my love is a keyhole, and very few randomly dispersed people in the world possess that master key.

anyone else, no matter how long i’ve known them or how vulnerable i’ve been, is barred entry. but maybe i confuse deep understanding with love, and maybe like george orwell said once, maybe one wants to be understood and not necessarily loved. and i do really get that. but i also don’t care for understanding based on similar life experience as outcome and worldview matter much more to me personally because yk many different paths in the forest can lead to the same clearing. but no en experience is the same, so it seems as if we’re all chronically alone inside ourselves, and no one holds our master key.

what about you guys? how do you define love?

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u/ZealousidealWin1006 — 2 months ago

atypical tribalism

hello everyone! so i was doing some thinking about identity politics and tribalism and it occurred to me that even though there’s a part of me that denies the idea that i’m tribalistic in any way possible i realized that maybe my preference for other untribalistic people is tribalistic by mere virtue of wanting to merge and become one with people like myself and exclude anyone with ties to things as ordinarily emotional as their gender, sexuality, etc.

and the thing is, i understand having an identity. i have many of my own. even labeling myself as a “schizoid person” is a part of my collective identity. but the difference i’ve noticed - and i’m curious as to whether this mindset resonates with any of you - is that these things don’t matter nearly as much as unifying with others based on common ideals, morality, processing similarities, or other more abstract measures of one’s personhood.

and i know this sounds like a right wing talking point, especially because my worldview could be analyzed from the perspective that i deny all the ways people have been persecuted for their identity (i obviously acknowledge that), but i’m also more of an idealist who imagines a world where the most exploitable part of our nature (identity is separatism) does not exist.

and it’s come down to my conviction that the schizoid person is the ideal representative of that utopia. if we focus purely on our mental/personality organization and ignore the fact that most of us are low energy and live more in our heads than the world around us, we are the perfect candidates for such a society.

people praise emotional over logical appeals or logical appeals over emotional appeals as if there’s a strict dichotomy between the two, as if morality cannot be cold and just at the same time. and i believe those of us who lack a clear emotional connection to our race, gender, sexuality, etc can more easily see how morality and social class are the most significant divisions worth consideration (at least in the us).

but because most people are deeply emotional (including those “facts don’t care about your feelings” types who throw around statistics as if the numbers by themselves are more meaningful than the interpretation or nuance behind them), they are hooked by peripheral and trifling issues.

we wouldn’t have losers in the manosphere telling us women are all “evil,” or women griping bitterly about men in every single post they make online, with both sides mutually reinforcing the other’s hatefulness and defensiveness.

and i know this is human nature. i know that identity consolidates the bonds within the in-group so it’s not possible to live in such a world without human nature itself being overwritten. i know i’m not making a practical point, but i wonder if this approach is fundamentally schizoid. i’m not picturing a world where identity is erased, but rendering identity arbitrary and subordinate to some universal moral code would be so perfect, and we naturally embody that ideal where racism, misogyny, transphobia, etc do not exist.

what do you think? 💭

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u/ZealousidealWin1006 — 2 months ago

recommendations for dynamic between ML and FL like this 🩷

basically ML and FL where the guy is fairly effeminate but not in a uwu femboy way just more emotionally expressive, emotionally complex, and not v courageous when it comes to physical danger and the woman takes on a protective/dominant role in a gentle but powerful way p much motherly without coming across as fetishistic or veering into the girlboss/knight trope ya know thank you :’)

like it would be nice to see two strong and intelligent characters without it being tropey while following this dynamic bc i literally never see it anywhere ever 😭

**i’d also prefer if ML is FL’s age or older not younger than her**

**also not motherly in the hem his socks or pick up after him kinda way but motherly in a nurturing way**

1st pic from “protect my star”

2nd from ‘my devilish wife’

3rd from ‘hydrangea melancholy’

4th from ‘love and deepspace’

5th from ‘the beast tamed by the villainess’

6th from ‘the otaku love connection’

7th from ‘subaru to suu-san’

i have no idea where the last one is from since the artist wasn’t credited but it’s not mine and if you know pls lmk !!

u/ZealousidealWin1006 — 2 months ago
▲ 9 r/hsp

i have always been a pensive and shy person who tends to spiral from something as insignificant as a person not smiling back at me or thanking me for opening the door for them like i basically require people to be as mindful and considerate of my feelings as i am of theirs all the time 😅😭💔

i guess it’s because i’m someone who, even on my worst days, tunes in empathically to everyone around me and detaches from my inner world when in the company of others.

i know people aren’t a monolith, and everyone handles things differently, but i wish more people were like us in caring profoundly about others’ feelings.

the weird thing is, flagrant rejection in the form of someone simply leaving doesn’t bother me because sometimes people don’t click or vibe well, and i usually don’t take that personally, but what’s worse is when you’re around somebody, and they look super serious or annoyed, or their energy is off.

i feel like ned flanders in a world of homers sometimes agh

i’ll be 30 in a few years, and there hasn’t been a single meaningful connection in my whole life. i had friends throughout school, but all those relationships were shallow because deep down, i’ve always felt like a fraud and a loner who would often go around finding other loners to take under my wing ha

idk it’s so alienating and hurtful just to exist.

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u/ZealousidealWin1006 — 4 months ago

hello !! this is a throwaway account, but i’m posting here in the hopes i may be able to foster a meaningful connection with someone who embodies everything i have searched for in a potential partner but never found.

i’m not exactly looking for a typical rr dynamic (muscly dominant mommy & femboy) but i am looking for a highly sensitive man with BIG little spoon energy who wants to feel small and protected in my arms!! :’)

i’m a shy but friendly person who is honestly not comfortable being assertive so if that’s your thing, don’t waste your time reading the rest!

i’m on the petite side (5’1 and ~109 lbs), with black medium length hair, brown eyes, a babyish face, and i’m half south asian/indian and half white 🇮🇳🪷

we can swap photos later, but i’d ideally like to talk to you for a little while to see if we vibe first 💜

idk what to say now 😭😭 i feel like i’ll end up rambling bc my adhd brain will spiral out with all these tangential references and half-coherent stream-of-consciousness gobbledygook before any train of thought gets back on track sooo yeah!! & i probably won’t trim the fat off this post for the same reason that in high school i was never able to highlight anything less than the whole page whenever instructed to underline whatever was most important (isn’t everything significant depending on who’s reading???) hahaha

well !! here are some things about me:

i like anime & cowboy bebop is my favorite ❤️

i also enjoy watching video essays on YT (horses and darkmatter2525 are my favorite channels). i cycle through hyper-fixations at random like my interest is piqued by most things unless it’s outdoorsy or hands-on (although i do like the idea of traveling more and seeing all the world’s historic wonders)

i really like spicy food and hardly break a sweat eating the spiciest Korean noodles ever 💪🔥

i’m obsessed with 60s, 70s and 80s music

i frequently vent about how unhinged and overbearing my mother is lmao

i’m a night owl so if you need somebody to stay up with you all night to eagerly listen to your thoughts and feelings i can be that person for you! though we shouldn’t indulge our bad habits aha :’))

i like art, poetry, psychology, neuroscience, and story writing. i’m also big on psychoanalysis hehe :’) i recently finished reading john bowlby’s final volume on attachment theory.

i have a bachelor of science in psychology but idk what to do with it atp 🙃🥲 my biggest dream is to help others.

i have never been in a relationship before and i’m not interested in ever losing my virginity. however, due to my asexuality i honestly wouldn’t mind you having relations with other women! i would hope we have a special connection regardless !!

i’m actually very “normie” presenting irl and maintain a sort of “hidden weirdness.” people tend to infantilize me and act like i’m soft and delicate due to the way i appear stereotypically feminine but i’m a fundamentally dogmatic & emotionally stoic person who feels pressured to censor her sometimes controversial and overly clinical takes on everything.

i’m not sure what i’m looking for 100%, but…

i would like someone to imbue me with renewed purpose. i’m looking for someone who absolutely LOVES the idea of being held and comforted and soothed ❤️ someone jovial, expressive, someone who can weave an entire story out of simply making coffee for themselves in the morning. someone who writes very long texts… yapping about the minutiae of his day. please!! i’m so tired of dry exchanges. hopefully your weirdness complements mine and i can give you love and tenderness for years to come, something that won’t fray at the seams.

i like guys on the chubbier side for some reason maybe it’s like an opposites attract kind of thing, i also find excessive hairiness and glasses p attractive. and shortness. i would also prefer if you were older than me 🤍

i’m a bit of a puritanical teetotaler but v progressive.

my mbti / jungian type is INFJ 5w6 521.

whew !! if you read this far, don’t hesitate to DM me with a fun fact about yourself and a long message 🙏🏻🥺🙏🏻💜 take care everyone.

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u/ZealousidealWin1006 — 4 months ago