u/_super_sus_

I miss my LO so much. I hope I’m not alone in feeling this pain. Things are more uncertain than ever right now. It’s been months since I last saw him, and since September 5th, we haven’t spoken. Every day feels like a big sigh. 😔

Does anyone else feel like this? Before I’d feel more comfortable going places with someone but now I just feel more anxious if someone else is with me. No matter who it is too.

Breadcrumbs, mixed signals, and overanalyzing every little thing hurts like hell.

Time has gone by so fast. June feels like it was just yesterday. He told me he would come see me soon… and now it’s September. 😔💔

I’m depressed. I’m disappointed. I miss him. This feels like mental torture.

Am I really just supposed to go on with my life with an unfinished story? 😢

Nobody seems to understand. I open up about how much I’m hurting, and I always hear:
“You’ll find someone someday.”
“Block him.”
“You deserve better.”
I don’t want that.
I want him.

I’m grieving him. I’m grieving what we had, while also trying to understand what happened with** **zero clarity.
And this was the first time I loved someone without being afraid they would yell at me, call me names, or hurt me.

That’s part of why this hurts so fucking much.
For once I thought I deserved a gentle love.

Am I really that pathetic that all I want for my birthday is for my LO to simply say happy birthday to me? I’d honestly be so happy.

In July, he ghosted me for a month. Then I reached out on August 14th, and he asked to call. He explained that he’s been so scared to get attached because of all the uncertainty with his immigration, family issues, losing friends, and uncertainty with his job. He called me honey, said he missed my voice, and said we could meet again soon.

Then, shortly after, his landlord passed away, so he didn’t end up calling back. And once again, I felt pushed away. He replied to the two messages I sent checking in on him, but when I told him I missed him, he ignored me.
I feel like he’s so avoidant.

But gosh, I’m going to be absolutely devastated if he doesn’t reach out on Saturday. I know I should do something for myself, focus on myself, and love myself, but it’s so hard.

I just want him. 😔

I am withdrawing. I cannot focus. I want to be alone.
I need help. I miss him. 😭💔 this is so brutal

I love you. I still do.
I’m still in love with you.

I miss texting you good morning and good night.
I miss going to the bakery with you.
I miss you so much.

I know people will tell me I’m wasting my time loving you. They’ll say there’s someone else out there for me, and that I’ll find someone who chooses me. But honestly, I hate hearing that. The thought of loving someone else makes me sick.

I don’t want someone else.
I want you.
Baby, come back to me.
Let’s try again.

-M

Earlier today, I wondered if no contact could be just as effective as being ghosted. The way he ghosted me was gradual; he slowly pulled away, then he ghosted me for a month. Today, he texted and called, and we talked. He explained everything from immigration and work to family issues, and he admitted he was scared to get attached. I understood and forgave him. He’s younger than me, too, which isn’t an excuse, but it still matters. He didn’t promise me anything to get back together, which I’m grateful for, just that he could call me in a few days, and he didn’t hate me like I thought. He apologized repeatedly and kept saying he felt ashamed for how he handled things.

I genuinely feel like he feels remorse, but at the same time, his stress is still there, and he can easily shut down again.

I’m scared I’ll never hear from him again. I feel on a high right now, but also so much anxiety I feel like I’m already withdrawing, I miss him. I know most people would suggest blocking or deleting him, I completely understand why now but I don’t want to do that to him. And I know I’m paying the price. I love him and care about him, even through my limerence. That’s why I gave him space. But gosh please someone tell me how else I can stop feeling anxious!!
I’m already looking for signs. Analyzing what he said. Replaying the conversation we had.

I wish I loved him without limerence 💔😔

I can’t begin to describe how BAD this has impacted my mental health. Just days before meeting him, I was at my happiest, and I was even happier while I was with him. Now, I’m at my lowest point, pushing everyone away except him. I’ve muted every notification because anything that isn’t him makes me SO ANGRY
I miss him so much
Why couldn’t I just get closure a goodbye or anything
ANYTHING

is there any hope that I could heal from this if I was ghosted vs choosing myself to go NC?
I feel so depressed everyday. I miss even the short messages he would send. I miss my high.

I don’t know if anyone can relate to this, but during the moments when I miss my LO, I push everyone else away. I isolate myself completely, which I know isn’t healthy, but I don’t want to communicate with anyone who isn’t him.

We don’t talk anymore. I’m sure that if we ever talked again, I’d feel so, so good. I’d probably have this enormous heart for life and for everyone around me again.

But at the same time, I know that feeling would be very dependent on him and how he treats me.

I get angry at people who aren’t him, even if I don’t express it. And if I do express that anger, I’ll usually find something else to blame it on or use as the reason, rather than admitting that underneath it, I’m just missing him.

July 5th he promised to explain everything when his life is settled, but I haven’t heard from him since. It hurt deeply after two weeks, and then for another two weeks, I felt like I was getting better. Now, I’m feeling depressed again.

I miss him so much. I’m not sure if I’d ever want him back or if I could trust him again, but I miss our connection, our calls, and his hugs. I miss knowing how his day went and how work was for him. I miss being a thought in his mind.

I wish he would come back and tell me what happened. 💔😞 I’m scared because my birthday is on the 5th of September and if I don’t hear nothing I think I might be upset on my birthday. I usually spend it alone. I don’t have friends or family who care about me.

Fuck…

I’m such a fool. I still miss you. 😭💔

I guess by now you’ve forgotten me, or maybe you just don’t care. But I can’t stop thinking about you. No matter how hard I try, you’re still on my mind. You’re still my wallpaper.
For two weeks in July, I couldn’t eat, sleep, or enjoy anything anymore. I ended up in the hospital. Then, for a little while, I felt okay.

Now it all hurts again.

I just wish you could hug me and make me feel okay again.

If he open my chat? He’s interested, but he’s also scared, avoidant, and stressed. He’s definitely interested, though.

If he sends me a Snapchat? He misses me. He’s thinking of me. He had to have pressed my name and intentionally sent it.

Me feeling a random intense feeling of missing him probably means his energy!

This is clearly all in my head, and I believe it wholeheartedly when I miss him.

I don’t want anyone else. I never want to replace him, and when I try, I hate myself or the other person. I fight anyone who tells me it’s not love. Unfortunately, I also sometimes realize it’s not. It’s been a month since he last messaged me, and it’s been mentally exhausting. He ghosted me, and I know he doesn’t care or can’t care.

It’s clear you don’t care, so go be happy and find the happiness I tried so hard to give you, but it wasn’t enough.

I cried for three days, trying to figure out how to end the suffering and silence, the thoughts in my head. I kept wondering why I wasn’t worth a proper goodbye, a hug, an explanation, or even the visit he promised. I questioned what I had done to deserve such silence after loving him so loudly and so deeply. Even after he pulled away, I still tried to be there for him. 😔

I always told him how handsome he was, how smart he was, and how hard he worked. But I guess he just stopped caring, and that hurt more than I can put into words.
I attempted when the pain became too much. Then I realized something heartbreaking: everyone heard how badly I cried over him except for him, because he was never there.

He chose not to be there. I chose him, but he chose everything else instead of me, and that was unbelievably painful. We shared something that felt like magic, and I never wanted it to end. 💔
But now, I finally feel like I can go on and live my life. I don’t know if I’m completely over him yet, but I do know that the worst part of the pain feels like it’s finally behind me.