u/_xhjwberu

I see a lot of ENFJ x INFP ships, but I don’t see many ENFJs agree with that in reddit posts.

If it’s not mainly about mbti types but beyond, do list the traits you’re attracted to.

I (INTJ, F) have a friend (ENFJ, M) who’ve been pretty much sending me signals, but I’m a bit confused since I’ve always been the oblivious one.

Then again, I see communication conflicts surrounding INTJ and ENFJ couples, which sounds realistic since I’m not really the master of expressing my thoughts into words.

I see myself as distant and uninteresting; others rarely approach me, and I prefer staying in my room. My family, especially my father, insists we sit together to appreciate moments before they pass, but this often feels uncomfortable.

I was raised in a household with frequent mood swings and unreliable promises, leading me to stop hoping or trusting. My father's anger issues make me sensitive and cautious, walking on eggshells around him. He favors my older siblings for their accomplishments, which motivates me to prove my worth, to show that my upbringing wasn't wasted. My father now values family bonds, but I struggle to reciprocate affection, feeling overwhelmed by intimacy Distancing or wanting privacy is seen as disrespectful, so I try to be present, though my mind drifts. Curiosity is a core trait. Knowing offers me safety and reduces risks. I have many ideas, mostly about environmental issues like resource efficiency, but I prefer working alone.

Personality around my family ; distant (they don’t like it), occasionally expressive (mostly with my younger siblings), a lot of stonewalling.
Around my friends ; distant but still present and participating, guard is up, supportive but doesn’t go out of my way to help them 24/7, only when I feel the need to.

My questions often revolve around understanding why people behave as they do, fueling philosophical pondering I record in multiple journals for different life aspects.
I especially hate it when someone asks me for something that I own. Before they want it, that thing is simply another belonging of mine. But now that they want it, i get possessive of it. I also hide from others when I have something I don't wanna share a lot.

I dislike unsatisfying results, which frustrates me. I highly value productivity, feeling most at ease when efficient; if l lack motivation, I force action to avoid wasting time, as l see time as limited and precious. My primary goal is to be useful to my family, especially my parents, from a distance. They viewed me as troublesome growing up, and I aim to prove I can be beneficial and knowledgeable.
I seek truth and stay curious—coming off as stubborn and guarded. I want to understand more about the world. I fear proving my family right, that I am useless and a burden. I despise exposing my vulnerability, preferring to keep my walls up.

I seek trust and understanding with someone who truly knows me, but opening up is a challenge. My life's pursuit is to be meaningful, informed, and connected, despite my guarded nature and internal struggles. I want to balance independence with the desire to contribute and be recognized, all while preserving my integrity and mental space.

Does this count as oversharing or what?

I see myself as distant and uninteresting; others rarely approach me, and I prefer staying in my room. My family, especially my father, insists we sit together to appreciate moments before they pass, but this often feels uncomfortable.

I was raised in a household with frequent mood swings and unreliable promises, leading me to stop hoping or trusting. My father's anger issues make me sensitive and cautious, walking on eggshells around him. He favors my older siblings for their accomplishments, which motivates me to prove my worth, to show that my upbringing wasn't wasted. My father now values family bonds, but I struggle to reciprocate affection, feeling overwhelmed by intimacy Distancing or wanting privacy is seen as disrespectful, so l try to be present, though my mind drifts. Curiosity is a core trait. Knowing offers me safety and reduces risks. I have many ideas, mostly about environmental issues like resource efficiency, but I prefer working alone.

My questions often revolve around understanding why people behave as they do, fueling philosophical pondering I record in multiple journals for different life aspects.
I especially hate it when someone asks me for something that I own. Before they want it, that thing is simply another belonging of mine. But now that they want it, i get possessive of it. I also hide from others when I have something I don't wanna share a lot.

I dislike unsatisfying results, which frustrates me. I highly value productivity, feeling most at ease when efficient; if I lack motivation, I force action to avoid wasting time, as I see time as limited and precious. My primary goal is to be useful to my family, especially my parents, from a distance. They viewed me as troublesome growing up, and I aim to prove I can be beneficial and knowledgeable. I value correctness, morality, and stubbornness, yet | prefer emotional distance. I want to understand more about the world. I fear proving my family right, that I am useless and a burden. I despise exposing my vulnerability, preferr V keep my walls up.

I seek trust and understanding with someone who truly knows me, but opening up is a challenge. My life's pursuit is to be meaningful, informed, and connected, despite my guarded nature and internal struggles. I want to balance independence with the desire to contribute and be recognized, all while preserving my integrity and mental space.

I see myself as distant and uninteresting; others rarely approach me, and I prefer staying in my room. My family, especially my father, insists we sit together to appreciate moments before they pass, but this often feels uncomfortable.

I was raised in a household with frequent mood swings and unreliable promises, leading me to stop hoping or trusting. My father's anger issues make me sensitive and cautious, walking on eggshells around him. He favors my older siblings for their accomplishments, which motivates me to prove my worth, to show that my upbringing wasn't wasted. My father now values family bonds, but I struggle to reciprocate affection, feeling overwhelmed by intimacy Distancing or wanting privacy is seen as disrespectful, so l try to be present, though my mind drifts. Curiosity is a core trait. Knowing offers me safety and reduces risks. I have many ideas, mostly about environmental issues like resource efficiency, but I prefer working alone.

My questions often revolve around understanding why people behave as they do, fueling philosophical pondering I record in multiple journals for different life aspects.
I especially hate it when someone asks me for something that I own. Before they want it, that thing is simply another belonging of mine. But now that they want it, i get possessive of it. I also hide from others when I have something I don't wanna share a lot.

I dislike unsatisfying results, which frustrates me. I highly value productivity, feeling most at ease when efficient; if I lack motivation, I force action to avoid wasting time, as I see time as limited and precious. My primary goal is to be useful to my family, especially my parents, from a distance. They viewed me as troublesome growing up, and I aim to prove I can be beneficial and knowledgeable. I value correctness, morality, and stubbornness, yet | prefer emotional distance. I want to understand more about the world. I fear proving my family right, that I am useless and a burden. I despise exposing my vulnerability, prefering to keep my walls up.

I seek trust and understanding with someone who truly knows me, but opening up is a challenge. My life's pursuit is to be meaningful, informed, and connected, despite my guarded nature and internal struggles. I want to balance independence with the desire to contribute and be recognized, all while preserving my integrity and mental space.

Genuine question. Many INTJs i met are kind and not too cold with me. But before i meet that INTJ face to face, others always say they’re too cold and they’re not worth my time (apparently they believe an INTJ will always ignore you and give you cold shoulder).

What can you guys say about this? Maybe an explanation as to why a lot of people say you lots are (i quote,) cold-blooded.

I apologize early on to those who're willing to read this absolute monstrous amount of words.

Give a general description of yourself. How old are you?

• I'm an 18 years old female who's attending university, majoring in Psychology. I used to attend a public school but switched to a private school 2 years before graduating. I'm a freelancer and accepts art commissions and some gaming commissions on the side just to have an income. I have a family of 11, 9 being children (including me, third eldest) and 2 of my parents. I mainly spend my time studying topics that are interesting to me other than sitting down for a few hours to spend my time writing whatever comes to mind or using some prompts i found online.

Describe your childhood/upbringing. Did it have any kind of ideological or structured influence? How did you respond to it? Did you have any significant negative experience that may have affected how you think/ behave?

• I was raised in an unpredictable household with very frequent mood swings. Promises are not always kept so I stopped hoping at one point. I start telling myself "that promise won't be kept" and move on with my day. My father's anger issues can get out of control sometimes and that made me very sensitive and keen on changes to prevent his anger from sparking again. It also made me walk on eggshells around him. He quite obviously favors my elder siblings above all because they had way more accomplishments than I do. Naturally, it makes me want to achieve more. Or maybe it's just me trying to prove them that raising me wasn't a waste of time and resources. I grew up having to force my negative feelings such as sadness or anger down my throat and only show my positive side. Nowadays, my father values family bond above all, which I respect, but I'm not able to give because of how uncomfortable and suffocating it feels to receive and give affection and love. Pulling away and having time alone is considered discarding the family away and disrespectful so I just have to be present, but my mind is always wandering elsewhere.

If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?

• This is all I need right now. Some peace and quiet where I won't hear people raising their voices. I'd love some time to just focus on me and let me process everything on my mind at my own pace instead of having to think so quickly all the time. It gets exhausting when my own family keeps pushing my boundaries, which sometimes made me stone-wall them and they get mad again.

What is your relation with movement and your surroundings? For instance, do you prefer sport or outdoor events? If an outdoor event, what is it? And why? If not, what type of activities do you tend to engage?

• I used to be an athlete when I was 10-12 years old, I quit because of the covid-19 pandemic and tried picking it up again but figured I'd rather be the one to observe than the one to participate. Most of the days, I stay indoors with my work and books.

How curious are you? Do you have more ideas than you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about? Is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

• I would say I'm very curious. Curiosity makes me feel at ease in some way because then I can gain more information. For me, knowing = safe. In contrast to when I'm unaware of something and I jump straight into doing something, the risk is high. Gaining information means fewer risks. I do have multiple ideas but I haven't been able to execute them because I prefer to do those when I'm alone. But with this many siblings, I'm never alone. My ideas are often related to the environment. How to reduce wastage, how to maximize the usage of resources even with scarcity in the global economy. But sometimes I want to study how some people are more empathetic than others, what are the reasons and factors, all that stuff. Most of the time, I'm curious about what are reasons someone did something. My journal is packed with those questions. Philosophical questions will slowly appear in my brain and i always strive to answer all the questions. I made sure to jot the questions down in my pocket journal.

Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?

• I tend to avoid leadership position since I can totally see myself trying to persuade others maybe once or twice before I feel like I'm being too persuasive and take all the workload on myself. Naturally, they won't be credited for the work that I did alone. I will tell them beforehand that if they won't do their part of the work, I'm not gonna allow them to take credit. Then again, if they did their part, I'd just check their work and correct their mistakes. The more grade it collects, the more perfect I need it to be.

Do you prefer hands on activities or working with your hands in some form? Describe your activities.

• Yes, in fact, I'm really fond of writing. I keep a minimum of 5 journal that I haven't finished, each one for a different aspects of my life. I write daily for a few hours. I also picked up crochet during the covid-19 pandemic. I made some bags, plushies and book sleeves. I also enjoy creating digital arts and occasionally post them in my Instagram account. But i stopped drawing frequently because I get irritated when the result is unsatisfying.

Are you artistic? If yes, describe you art. If you are not particularly artistic but can appreciate art, please likewise describe what forms of art you enjoy. Please explain you answer.

• I'm quite artistic. I often produce drawings of a character I created. As much as i like drawing, I do appreciate paintings that are now available for us to see on the internet of at galleries. I'm often into baroque art. I'm fond of how it's rich in drama and tension, also how it carries emotions. Famous baroque artist would definitely be Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio. Other than Caravaggio, I enjoy Monet's paintings. It's always pleasing to the eye.

What's your opinion about the past, present and future? How do you deal with them?

• I think the past has shaped me into who I am today. The past is, for me, bittersweet. Not all memories were bad, but I wouldn't want to dwell on the bad ones. As for the present, I choose to focus on studying to maximize my future success, and trying to get out of the toxic environment. For the future, I have quite a few goals, the biggest one being studying abroad for a long time. I want to get a minimum of 2 degrees in Psychology and History and a Master's Degree for Psychology.

How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

• So far, I've always helped anyone in need of my assistance. I believe it's basic human decency to offer any help you can give to those who need it. It's just harder for me to help my elder siblings because I find them irritating. But my help is not for everyone. I know those who needs my help and those who're just too lazy to do it on their own. In those cases, I point it out or I say no.

Do you need logical consistency in your life?

• Of course I do need it. Whatever decision I make, it's based on logic and how it makes sense. I refuse to make stupid decisions because I didn't think it through.

How important is efficiency and productivity to you?

• I put productivity in high regards. I love feeling productive because efficiency naturally comes along. But even if I don't feel productive, I will, one way or another, force myself to snap out of it and remember my goals. I hate depending on productivity, I like to force myself to take action because every second that goes by uselessly is a waste, and I despise wasting time. Time is very limited to me, and I feel the pressure to put it to good use.

Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?

• Not particularly. In fact, I don't want to be associated with others. I won't be the one to try to control anyone or anything unless something is related to me. In those cases, I like to try to get my way with my own logic and persuade others to do some things for me so it'd all work out in my favor. Of course, I need to study that person first before actually taking any actions.

What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?

• Lately, I've been focusing a lot on writing. I write every morning and evening, sometimes at night. I also prefer to study for a long time. When I'm done, I stare into nothing for a few minutes and I consider that taking a break. When I don't write in my journal or study, I read. The genres often being fantasy, fiction and nonfiction. I read both classics and newer fantasy novels.

What is your learning style?

• I can say that I'm more into memorization with my best subjects being biology, history and economics. I don't particularly struggle with maths and physics but I much prefer memorization than solving complicated problem solving skills. At the end of the day, I'm more likely to strive in a subject if I find it interesting.

How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have the tendency to improvise as you go?

• I often take a step back and look at the overall task. If I see the pattern looking more complicated, I'll break it into pieces as in the steps/categories. Other times when the task looks easy enough, I do it all in one go.

What's important to you and why?

• My goal is to be useful to my family, specifically my parents but at a distance. I've been told I'm troublesome growing up. I also have this tendency to prove people wrong. So I want to be useful and show them that I can also bring benefits, as much as I want to see them living at ease. I also prioritize being right and knowledgeable. I stand by my morale and I'm a stubborn person. All the while, I have no intention of getting physically involved. At least not much. The desire to know more, if not everything about the world is also important to me. I want to prove people wrong, and be highly intellectual.

What are you aspirations?

• I really want to find someone whom I can trust would have my back like no one else would, and know me like the back of their hand. But I'm afraid to open up. I have kept my guard up for years. Letting it down feels like a threat and I feel exposed, which I avoid in any circumstances. Other than a partner, I want to be fulfilled. I wish to work as an author or psychologist, which means I'll take PhD in psychology and obtain the "Dr." title. In a sense, it's a little contradicting how I want to isolate myself but at the same time wanting to be a psychologist.

What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?

• I'm afraid I proved my family right by being useless and troublesome, that the time and resources they spent to raise me was pointless. And most of all, I hate feeling exposed and have my walls broken down to let everyone see me in my vulnerable state. I'd rather get sucked into a whirlpool than allow that to happen.

What do the "highs" in your life looks like?

• Being able to stay indoors and monitor the world from my lens, better economy and less corruption. I would be writing and reading, studying whatever seems interesting in my library or office beside a fireplace on a cold day or beside the window during a rainy day, candles lit, and my dream partner under the same roof. Maybe play board games with them and winning most of the time. No negative feelings, no yelling or shouting in anger and is safe and secure. If we were to go outdoors, it'd be to travel the world together.

What do the "lows" in your life looks like?

• Constantly being on edge, constant anxiety spikes, aware of everyone's thoughts and unable to build up my wall because there will always be someone breaking it. I'm not allowed to pull away and alone time is considered discarding your family. Living in a household that has a misogynistic mindset and blaming myself for being so aware. Most of all, being controlled.

How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you?

• I daydream, but not as much as I used to. I only let my mind wander when I know I'm at a safe space such as in my room. But since I mostly spend my time here, my mind wanders a lot. Sometimes theories, sometimes philosophical, most often, asking the "why" when I see someone acting a certain way. Then I jot down the questions that popped up in my journal for me to answer later on.

How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made your decision?

• I try to collect all relevant information before making a decision. I become cautious and try to analyze and ponder for a long time, often taking as much time as I could. Once I've made my decision, I refuse to ponder about it to avoid myself from second guessing my decision.

Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?

• When I lack the energy to correct them, I lazily agree but I simply stopped the conversation. This often happens when I'm talking to a family member. But usually, I would calmly correct the other person. But if they get defensive and rude because they never want to be wrong (a very close-minded person), I back down and simply stop talking to them altogether. I'll avoid talking to them in the future too.

Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why would you?

• I know better than to challenge authority unless their rules or actions are immoral and stupid, sometimes bordering on absurd. Rules are made to prevent corruption. So when the rules itself is corrupted, following it makes you just as corrupted.

I apologize early on to those who're willing to read this absolute monstrous amount of words.

Give a general description of yourself. How old are you?

• I'm an 18 years old female who's attending university, majoring in Psychology. I used to attend a public school but switched to a private school 2 years before graduating. I'm a freelancer and accepts art commissions and some gaming commissions on the side just to have an income. I have a family of 11, 9 being children (including me, third eldest) and 2 of my parents. I mainly spend my time studying topics that are interesting to me other than sitting down for a few hours to spend my time writing whatever comes to mind or using some prompts i found online.

Describe your childhood/upbringing. Did it have any kind of ideological or structured influence? How did you respond to it? Did you have any significant negative experience that may have affected how you think/ behave?

• I was raised in an unpredictable household with very frequent mood swings. Promises are not always kept so I stopped hoping at one point. I start telling myself "that promise won't be kept" and move on with my day. My father's anger issues can get out of control sometimes and that made me very sensitive and keen on changes to prevent his anger from sparking again. It also made me walk on eggshells around him. He quite obviously favors my elder siblings above all because they had way more accomplishments than I do. Naturally, it makes me want to achieve more. Or maybe it's just me trying to prove them that raising me wasn't a waste of time and resources. I grew up having to force my negative feelings such as sadness or anger down my throat and only show my positive side. Nowadays, my father values family bond above all, which I respect, but I'm not able to give because of how uncomfortable and suffocating it feels to receive and give affection and love. Pulling away and having time alone is considered discarding the family away and disrespectful so I just have to be present, but my mind is always wandering elsewhere.

If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?

• This is all I need right now. Some peace and quiet where I won't hear people raising their voices. I'd love some time to just focus on me and let me process everything on my mind at my own pace instead of having to think so quickly all the time. It gets exhausting when my own family keeps pushing my boundaries, which sometimes made me stone-wall them and they get mad again.

What is your relation with movement and your surroundings? For instance, do you prefer sport or outdoor events? If an outdoor event, what is it? And why? If not, what type of activities do you tend to engage?

• I used to be an athlete when I was 10-12 years old, I quit because of the covid-19 pandemic and tried picking it up again but figured I'd rather be the one to observe than the one to participate. Most of the days, I stay indoors with my work and books.

How curious are you? Do you have more ideas than you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about? Is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

• I would say I'm very curious. Curiosity makes me feel at ease in some way because then I can gain more information. For me, knowing = safe. In contrast to when I'm unaware of something and I jump straight into doing something, the risk is high. Gaining information means fewer risks. I do have multiple ideas but I haven't been able to execute them because I prefer to do those when I'm alone. But with this many siblings, I'm never alone. My ideas are often related to the environment. How to reduce wastage, how to maximize the usage of resources even with scarcity in the global economy. But sometimes I want to study how some people are more empathetic than others, what are the reasons and factors, all that stuff. Most of the time, I'm curious about what are reasons someone did something. My journal is packed with those questions. Philosophical questions will slowly appear in my brain and i always strive to answer all the questions. I made sure to jot the questions down in my pocket journal.

Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?

• I tend to avoid leadership position since I can totally see myself trying to persuade others maybe once or twice before I feel like I'm being too persuasive and take all the workload on myself. Naturally, they won't be credited for the work that I did alone. I will tell them beforehand that if they won't do their part of the work, I'm not gonna allow them to take credit. Then again, if they did their part, I'd just check their work and correct their mistakes. The more grade it collects, the more perfect I need it to be.

Do you prefer hands on activities or working with your hands in some form? Describe your activities.

• Yes, in fact, I'm really fond of writing. I keep a minimum of 5 journal that I haven't finished, each one for a different aspects of my life. I write daily for a few hours. I also picked up crochet during the covid-19 pandemic. I made some bags, plushies and book sleeves. I also enjoy creating digital arts and occasionally post them in my Instagram account. But i stopped drawing frequently because I get irritated when the result is unsatisfying.

Are you artistic? If yes, describe you art. If you are not particularly artistic but can appreciate art, please likewise describe what forms of art you enjoy. Please explain you answer.

• I'm quite artistic. I often produce drawings of a character I created. As much as i like drawing, I do appreciate paintings that are now available for us to see on the internet of at galleries. I'm often into baroque art. I'm fond of how it's rich in drama and tension, also how it carries emotions. Famous baroque artist would definitely be Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio. Other than Caravaggio, I enjoy Monet's paintings. It's always pleasing to the eye.

What's your opinion about the past, present and future? How do you deal with them?

• I think the past has shaped me into who I am today. The past is, for me, bittersweet. Not all memories were bad, but I wouldn't want to dwell on the bad ones. As for the present, I choose to focus on studying to maximize my future success, and trying to get out of the toxic environment. For the future, I have quite a few goals, the biggest one being studying abroad for a long time. I want to get a minimum of 2 degrees in Psychology and History and a Master's Degree for Psychology.

How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

• So far, I've always helped anyone in need of my assistance. I believe it's basic human decency to offer any help you can give to those who need it. It's just harder for me to help my elder siblings because I find them irritating. But my help is not for everyone. I know those who needs my help and those who're just too lazy to do it on their own. In those cases, I point it out or I say no.

Do you need logical consistency in your life?

• Of course I do need it. Whatever decision I make, it's based on logic and how it makes sense. I refuse to make stupid decisions because I didn't think it through.

How important is efficiency and productivity to you?

• I put productivity in high regards. I love feeling productive because efficiency naturally comes along. But even if I don't feel productive, I will, one way or another, force myself to snap out of it and remember my goals. I hate depending on productivity, I like to force myself to take action because every second that goes by uselessly is a waste, and I despise wasting time. Time is very limited to me, and I feel the pressure to put it to good use.

Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?

• Not particularly. In fact, I don't want to be associated with others. I won't be the one to try to control anyone or anything unless something is related to me. In those cases, I like to try to get my way with my own logic and persuade others to do some things for me so it'd all work out in my favor. Of course, I need to study that person first before actually taking any actions.

What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?

• Lately, I've been focusing a lot on writing. I write every morning and evening, sometimes at night. I also prefer to study for a long time. When I'm done, I stare into nothing for a few minutes and I consider that taking a break. When I don't write in my journal or study, I read. The genres often being fantasy, fiction and nonfiction. I read both classics and newer fantasy novels.

What is your learning style?

• I can say that I'm more into memorization with my best subjects being biology, history and economics. I don't particularly struggle with maths and physics but I much prefer memorization than solving complicated problem solving skills. At the end of the day, I'm more likely to strive in a subject if I find it interesting.

How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have the tendency to improvise as you go?

• I often take a step back and look at the overall task. If I see the pattern looking more complicated, I'll break it into pieces as in the steps/categories. Other times when the task looks easy enough, I do it all in one go.

What's important to you and why?

• My goal is to be useful to my family, specifically my parents but at a distance. I've been told I'm troublesome growing up. I also have this tendency to prove people wrong. So I want to be useful and show them that I can also bring benefits, as much as I want to see them living at ease. I also prioritize being right and knowledgeable. I stand by my morale and I'm a stubborn person. All the while, I have no intention of getting physically involved. At least not much. The desire to know more, if not everything about the world is also important to me. I want to prove people wrong, and be highly intellectual.

What are you aspirations?

• I really want to find someone whom I can trust would have my back like no one else would, and know me like the back of their hand. But I'm afraid to open up. I have kept my guard up for years. Letting it down feels like a threat and I feel exposed, which I avoid in any circumstances. Other than a partner, I want to be fulfilled. I wish to work as an author or psychologist, which means I'll take PhD in psychology and obtain the "Dr." title. In a sense, it's a little contradicting how I want to isolate myself but at the same time wanting to be a psychologist.

What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?

• I'm afraid I proved my family right by being useless and troublesome, that the time and resources they spent to raise me was pointless. And most of all, I hate feeling exposed and have my walls broken down to let everyone see me in my vulnerable state. I'd rather get sucked into a whirlpool than allow that to happen.

What do the "highs" in your life looks like?

• Being able to stay indoors and monitor the world from my lens, better economy and less corruption. I would be writing and reading, studying whatever seems interesting in my library or office beside a fireplace on a cold day or beside the window during a rainy day, candles lit, and my dream partner under the same roof. Maybe play board games with them and winning most of the time. No negative feelings, no yelling or shouting in anger and is safe and secure. If we were to go outdoors, it'd be to travel the world together.

What do the "lows" in your life looks like?

• Constantly being on edge, constant anxiety spikes, aware of everyone's thoughts and unable to build up my wall because there will always be someone breaking it. I'm not allowed to pull away and alone time is considered discarding your family. Living in a household that has a misogynistic mindset and blaming myself for being so aware. Most of all, being controlled.

How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you?

• I daydream, but not as much as I used to. I only let my mind wander when I know I'm at a safe space such as in my room. But since I mostly spend my time here, my mind wanders a lot. Sometimes theories, sometimes philosophical, most often, asking the "why" when I see someone acting a certain way. Then I jot down the questions that popped up in my journal for me to answer later on.

How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made your decision?

• I try to collect all relevant information before making a decision. I become cautious and try to analyze and ponder for a long time, often taking as much time as I could. Once I've made my decision, I refuse to ponder about it to avoid myself from second guessing my decision.

Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?

• When I lack the energy to correct them, I lazily agree but I simply stopped the conversation. This often happens when I'm talking to a family member. But usually, I would calmly correct the other person. But if they get defensive and rude because they never want to be wrong (a very close-minded person), I back down and simply stop talking to them altogether. I'll avoid talking to them in the future too.

Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why would you?

• I know better than to challenge authority unless their rules or actions are immoral and stupid, sometimes bordering on absurd. Rules are made to prevent corruption. So when the rules itself is corrupted, following it makes you just as corrupted.

I apologize early on to those who're willing to read this absolute monstrous amount of words.

Give a general description of yourself. How old are you?

• I'm an 18 years old female who's attending university, majoring in Psychology. I used to attend a public school but switched to a private school 2 years before graduating. I'm a freelancer and accepts art commissions and some gaming commissions on the side just to have an income. I have a family of 11, 9 being children (including me, third eldest) and 2 of my parents. I mainly spend my time studying topics that are interesting to me other than sitting down for a few hours to spend my time writing whatever comes to mind or using some prompts i found online.

Describe your childhood/upbringing. Did it have any kind of ideological or structured influence? How did you respond to it? Did you have any significant negative experience that may have affected how you think/ behave?

• I was raised in an unpredictable household with very frequent mood swings. Promises are not always kept so I stopped hoping at one point. I start telling myself "that promise won't be kept" and move on with my day. My father's anger issues can get out of control sometimes and that made me very sensitive and keen on changes to prevent his anger from sparking again. It also made me walk on eggshells around him. He quite obviously favors my elder siblings above all because they had way more accomplishments than I do. Naturally, it makes me want to achieve more. Or maybe it's just me trying to prove them that raising me wasn't a waste of time and resources. I grew up having to force my negative feelings such as sadness or anger down my throat and only show my positive side. Nowadays, my father values family bond above all, which I respect, but I'm not able to give because of how uncomfortable and suffocating it feels to receive and give affection and love. Pulling away and having time alone is considered discarding the family away and disrespectful so I just have to be present, but my mind is always wandering elsewhere.

If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?

• This is all I need right now. Some peace and quiet where I won't hear people raising their voices. I'd love some time to just focus on me and let me process everything on my mind at my own pace instead of having to think so quickly all the time. It gets exhausting when my own family keeps pushing my boundaries, which sometimes made me stone-wall them and they get mad again.

What is your relation with movement and your surroundings? For instance, do you prefer sport or outdoor events? If an outdoor event, what is it? And why? If not, what type of activities do you tend to engage?

• I used to be an athlete when I was 10-12 years old, I quit because of the covid-19 pandemic and tried picking it up again but figured I'd rather be the one to observe than the one to participate. Most of the days, I stay indoors with my work and books.

How curious are you? Do you have more ideas than you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about? Is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

• I would say I'm very curious. Curiosity makes me feel at ease in some way because then I can gain more information. For me, knowing = safe. In contrast to when I'm unaware of something and I jump straight into doing something, the risk is high. Gaining information means fewer risks. I do have multiple ideas but I haven't been able to execute them because I prefer to do those when I'm alone. But with this many siblings, I'm never alone. My ideas are often related to the environment. How to reduce wastage, how to maximize the usage of resources even with scarcity in the global economy. But sometimes I want to study how some people are more empathetic than others, what are the reasons and factors, all that stuff. Most of the time, I'm curious about what are reasons someone did something. My journal is packed with those questions. Philosophical questions will slowly appear in my brain and i always strive to answer all the questions. I made sure to jot the questions down in my pocket journal.

Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?

• I tend to avoid leadership position since I can totally see myself trying to persuade others maybe once or twice before I feel like I'm being too persuasive and take all the workload on myself. Naturally, they won't be credited for the work that I did alone. I will tell them beforehand that if they won't do their part of the work, I'm not gonna allow them to take credit. Then again, if they did their part, I'd just check their work and correct their mistakes. The more grade it collects, the more perfect I need it to be.

Do you prefer hands on activities or working with your hands in some form? Describe your activities.

• Yes, in fact, I'm really fond of writing. I keep a minimum of 5 journal that I haven't finished, each one for a different aspects of my life. I write daily for a few hours. I also picked up crochet during the covid-19 pandemic. I made some bags, plushies and book sleeves. I also enjoy creating digital arts and occasionally post them in my Instagram account. But i stopped drawing frequently because I get irritated when the result is unsatisfying.

Are you artistic? If yes, describe you art. If you are not particularly artistic but can appreciate art, please likewise describe what forms of art you enjoy. Please explain you answer.

• I'm quite artistic. I often produce drawings of a character I created. As much as i like drawing, I do appreciate paintings that are now available for us to see on the internet of at galleries. I'm often into baroque art. I'm fond of how it's rich in drama and tension, also how it carries emotions. Famous baroque artist would definitely be Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio. Other than Caravaggio, I enjoy Monet's paintings. It's always pleasing to the eye.

What's your opinion about the past, present and future? How do you deal with them?

• I think the past has shaped me into who I am today. The past is, for me, bittersweet. Not all memories were bad, but I wouldn't want to dwell on the bad ones. As for the present, I choose to focus on studying to maximize my future success, and trying to get out of the toxic environment. For the future, I have quite a few goals, the biggest one being studying abroad for a long time. I want to get a minimum of 2 degrees in Psychology and History and a Master's Degree for Psychology.

How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

• So far, I've always helped anyone in need of my assistance. I believe it's basic human decency to offer any help you can give to those who need it. It's just harder for me to help my elder siblings because I find them irritating. But my help is not for everyone. I know those who needs my help and those who're just too lazy to do it on their own. In those cases, I point it out or I say no.

Do you need logical consistency in your life?

• Of course I do need it. Whatever decision I make, it's based on logic and how it makes sense. I refuse to make stupid decisions because I didn't think it through.

How important is efficiency and productivity to you?

• I put productivity in high regards. I love feeling productive because efficiency naturally comes along. But even if I don't feel productive, I will, one way or another, force myself to snap out of it and remember my goals. I hate depending on productivity, I like to force myself to take action because every second that goes by uselessly is a waste, and I despise wasting time. Time is very limited to me, and I feel the pressure to put it to good use.

Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?

• Not particularly. In fact, I don't want to be associated with others. I won't be the one to try to control anyone or anything unless something is related to me. In those cases, I like to try to get my way with my own logic and persuade others to do some things for me so it'd all work out in my favor. Of course, I need to study that person first before actually taking any actions.

What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?

• Lately, I've been focusing a lot on writing. I write every morning and evening, sometimes at night. I also prefer to study for a long time. When I'm done, I stare into nothing for a few minutes and I consider that taking a break. When I don't write in my journal or study, I read. The genres often being fantasy, fiction and nonfiction. I read both classics and newer fantasy novels.

What is your learning style?

• I can say that I'm more into memorization with my best subjects being biology, history and economics. I don't particularly struggle with maths and physics but I much prefer memorization than solving complicated problem solving skills. At the end of the day, I'm more likely to strive in a subject if I find it interesting.

How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have the tendency to improvise as you go?

• I often take a step back and look at the overall task. If I see the pattern looking more complicated, I'll break it into pieces as in the steps/categories. Other times when the task looks easy enough, I do it all in one go.

What's important to you and why?

• My goal is to be useful to my family, specifically my parents but at a distance. I've been told I'm troublesome growing up. I also have this tendency to prove people wrong. So I want to be useful and show them that I can also bring benefits, as much as I want to see them living at ease. I also prioritize being right and knowledgeable. I stand by my morale and I'm a stubborn person. All the while, I have no intention of getting physically involved. At least not much. The desire to know more, if not everything about the world is also important to me. I want to prove people wrong, and be highly intellectual.

What are you aspirations?

• I really want to find someone whom I can trust would have my back like no one else would, and know me like the back of their hand. But I'm afraid to open up. I have kept my guard up for years. Letting it down feels like a threat and I feel exposed, which I avoid in any circumstances. Other than a partner, I want to be fulfilled. I wish to work as an author or psychologist, which means I'll take PhD in psychology and obtain the "Dr." title. In a sense, it's a little contradicting how I want to isolate myself but at the same time wanting to be a psychologist.

What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?

• I'm afraid I proved my family right by being useless and troublesome, that the time and resources they spent to raise me was pointless. And most of all, I hate feeling exposed and have my walls broken down to let everyone see me in my vulnerable state. I'd rather get sucked into a whirlpool than allow that to happen.

What do the "highs" in your life looks like?

• Being able to stay indoors and monitor the world from my lens, better economy and less corruption. I would be writing and reading, studying whatever seems interesting in my library or office beside a fireplace on a cold day or beside the window during a rainy day, candles lit, and my dream partner under the same roof. Maybe play board games with them and winning most of the time. No negative feelings, no yelling or shouting in anger and is safe and secure. If we were to go outdoors, it'd be to travel the world together.

What do the "lows" in your life looks like?

• Constantly being on edge, constant anxiety spikes, aware of everyone's thoughts and unable to build up my wall because there will always be someone breaking it. I'm not allowed to pull away and alone time is considered discarding your family. Living in a household that has a misogynistic mindset and blaming myself for being so aware. Most of all, being controlled.

How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you?

• I daydream, but not as much as I used to. I only let my mind wander when I know I'm at a safe space such as in my room. But since I mostly spend my time here, my mind wanders a lot. Sometimes theories, sometimes philosophical, most often, asking the "why" when I see someone acting a certain way. Then I jot down the questions that popped up in my journal for me to answer later on.

How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made your decision?

• I try to collect all relevant information before making a decision. I become cautious and try to analyze and ponder for a long time, often taking as much time as I could. Once I've made my decision, I refuse to ponder about it to avoid myself from second guessing my decision.

Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?

• When I lack the energy to correct them, I lazily agree but I simply stopped the conversation. This often happens when I'm talking to a family member. But usually, I would calmly correct the other person. But if they get defensive and rude because they never want to be wrong (a very close-minded person), I back down and simply stop talking to them altogether. I'll avoid talking to them in the future too.

Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why would you?

• I know better than to challenge authority unless their rules or actions are immoral and stupid, sometimes bordering on absurd. Rules are made to prevent corruption. So when the rules itself is corrupted, following it makes you just as corrupted.