u/abrathatactuallyfits

I've felt curious about Catholicism for a bit now. It's my mom's family's religion, and she recently passed away. My partner is skeptical about organized religion in general, but has recently been supportive about me poking around at things and potentially going through OCIA later down the line.

My main concerns are how my queer experiences would be received in the church. I've identified as bisexual/lesbian in the past and have been in same-sex relationships. I also lived as a trans man for about 6 years of my life, 4 of which I was on testosterone. I've since detransitioned and *think* I'm straight, but these experiences still encompass about half my life and I'm not keen on being told to repent over them.

If I do pursue this, I'd be doing so at the church that did my mom's last rites, which is locally known for being pretty lefty. Not sure what that means as far as Catholic churches go, though.

Don't tell me not to go, my brother has made it clear that he wants me to come because it seems like our dad has something important to say. If it becomes super obvious that he doesn't have some huge earth-shattering news to break, I do plan to leave early without eating. We are estranged, I am typically very low contact with him, I can stomach it in small doses for my brother's sake.

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My mom died last month and I've managed to avoid talking to my dad since. No more, unfortunately. My younger brother leaves for college later this week, dad decided he wants to have us all together for dinner and apparently wants to talk to us about some things.

My brother is largely more okay with our dad. Our mom was the bad parent for him, she got into hard drugs soon after I turned 18 and our dad became his safe parent while mom was busy hanging out with dangerous men and choosing drugs over her kids. It's the opposite for me, our dad terrorized me, he found signs that I was being sexually abused and only ever punished and shamed me, he yelled at me about the price of ambulances when I was suicidal, he's been threatening to throw me out of moving cars since I was seven, he's told me multiple times that the only reason he even bothered feeding me as a kid was because of custody judges breathing down his neck. I don't want to see him, to put it lightly.

Dinner is at his house because brother has new braces on and struggles with eating restaurant food. I'm bringing my partner, at least, and we can physically leave whenever we need to. Just frustrated and pissed and baffled by the way we managed to be raised by the same people and yet have completely opposite relationships with them.

What it says on the tin. Last time I tried any kind of skincare, it was really just a salicylic acid exfoliator, which I had a really strong reaction to. I have also had strong reactions to benzoyl peroxide in the past.

I have a small amount of facial hair (mostly just the leftover blonde stuff that laser hair removal didn't get) and don't want to go through the whole process of electrolysis, but the amount of acne I get in the area is insane. I've started using concealer recently and that seems to be worsening things.

I am on spironolactone for acne, and I am trying to wash my hands more/touch my face less. Just wondering if there's anything that may help prevent the concealer from causing breakouts.

Mostly looking for confirmation that these do indeed fit & I'm not overlooking any issues!

Bratabase measurements for my larger side are here and my smaller side are here. Because it only measures circumference and does not account for asymmetry, the ABraThatFits calculator is not relevant to my sizing, it puts me at a 30DDD/32DD which is painfully small to wear. There is a chance my size has shifted lightly, I haven't had time to remeasure but I did lose some weight this summer and have been trying to gain it back (only about 5-10 lbs, not sure how much difference that makes). Unsure if there's a way to tell I might need to remeasure/size up just based on fit?

[NSFW] Fit check photos & notes:

• Envy Plunge
• Ana Plunge
• Unsure if these need extenders, the bands feel pretty tight.
  • Same amount of tightness worn normally vs. upside down/backwards
• Cup fits my level of projection well, as far as I can tell?
• Gores don't come up far enough to be a problem!

Overall, I think I finally found bras that fit me? Physically, they seem perfect. Psychologically, I'm still not loving these. I am keeping them and wearing them because they're the best fit I've found so far, but it very much feels like wearing lingerie and I don't like that. Triggering stuff: >!I'm a CSA/sex trafficking survivor, I don't like the feeling of being constantly 'ready' via wearing lacy low-cut things like this.!<If anyone has suggestions of bras that would fit similarly without the lingerie feeling, that would be fantastic. Someone recommended the Panache Meadow Plunge on my last post, but unfortunately Panache confirmed via email that they are discontinuing that style and it's already sold out in my size :( I am also wondering if balconettes would work for me, being more low-cut than a lot of other bras?

Just screaming into the void. I need underwire to feel supported, but I guess underwire doesn't fit between my apparently incredibly close-set boobs. Molded cups don't work with my shape so my only option is apparently mesh, lacy plunges that make me feel like I'm wearing lingerie 24/7, which I'm so deeply uncomfortable with. No wonder so many women go through life wearing bras that don't fit them.

r/ABraThatFits has been incredibly helpful and I'm slowly getting closer to figuring out what works for me, but I hate the selection I'm forced to choose from. Bras made for my breasts barely exist. These things feel like a curse sometimes, I grew up kinda flat and the way they've kinda exploded in the last two years is so much to deal with both in terms of finding a stupid bra and just adjusting to this drastic change in my body.

What it says on the tin. I'm looking for a sturdy, encapsulation sports bra, but have struggled to find anything because my breasts are apparently suuuuuper close set. Gores are not taking!

​I need something that is available in the 30FF/32FF size range. I measure at a 30FF, but struggle with the tightness of sports bra bands and thus prefer to sister size with this kind of bra specifically. I strongly prefer underwire, but given the gore troubles I would be willing to try wireless as long as they still lock the girls down well enough.

So far I've tried the Curvy Kate Everymove, which did not work due to the close-setness. Poor gore was hovering a full centimeter above my sternum lol

I have significant asymmetry that I'm realizing can only be evened out by breast forms generally meant for post-masectomy wear, which is... pricey, because I'm a good 3-4 cup sizes apart.

I'll be 2 years off T in August, started when I was 17 and things were definitely not done developing. Every few months, I end up moving up a cup size or two. When can I expect this to stop? I want to make sure they're done with that before buying a $100+ breast form just to go up and size and end up needing to pay all that money for a new one.

That's it. She had colon cancer for six years. We thought it went into remission in the first year but they found spots in her lungs on the second verification scan and told her it was "treatable, not curable." I didn't realize what that meant, I thought she'd just... keep being around. This Easter she missed our family dinner because of nausea and vertigo that turned out to be a tumor in her brain. She entered home hospice early this summer and was gone 5 weeks later in late July.

She was using drugs and sketchy men to cope with her diagnosis so our relationship was strained for the last six years. I didn't get to have any real "goodbye" conversations with her at the end because by the time I figured out what I even wanted to say, she was constantly delirious and struggling to talk. I tried to visit her every day but mostly just sat on the couch because she was always asleep. I feel like I just made her feel neglected and ignored and now she's gone. I always pictured her being there when I graduated college and got engaged and married and had kids. I wish I spent more time with her while I had the chance, my family keeps reassuring me that it wasn't my fault and she was genuinely hard and borderline unsafe to be around but maybe I could've convinced her to get into rehab if I'd just been around more before the massive decline in her health

I want my mom back

(i have not sorted through these thoughts so very sorry in advance. tw for sexual trauma & some nsfw stuff. idk what's going on anymore !!)

My current partner is a cisbi man, we've been together for 3.5 years and share an apartment, recently we've been reconsidering compatibility and are "on a break" or something. Still figuring that out, don't want to date other people unless we no longer live together anyway.

I've been getting very anxious about/during sex. I absolutely dread the idea of dating other men if he and I don't manage to salvage things. I have identified as sapphic and dated women in the past, my most intense romantic connections have been with women.

Censoring some things in the next two paragraphs due to NSFW/trauma mentions - I worry that my history of sexual trauma may be clouding things. What makes this really confusing and hard to sort through is that >!I don't feel super comfortable touching vulvas, including my own.!<This is something I do really strongly suspect is wrapped up in trauma for me, >!I am a CSA survivor and went through an extended period of abuse spanning over 10 years.!<I do find women attractive and I think hypothetically I would be okay having sex with a woman if I wasn't expected to >!interact with a vulva!<, but I don't know for sure because I've never had sex with a woman who had a vulva. Most of my relationships with girls occurred in middle school/early high school, before I became sexually active. I was>!sexually assaulted by a man!<halfway through high school, at which point I began dating primarily men (did have a long term relationship with a trans woman during this time too). I'm worried that the sharp pivot from dating almost exclusively girls to dating almost exclusively men was... not organic.

More NSFW stuff warning >!I do enjoy the feeling of sex with a penis,!<and I think I want kids one day which feels harder in a WLW relationship (fully aware that this may just be internalized catholicism peeking through though😔). I also just struggle to see myself dating a woman, but I've struggled to see myself doing a lot of things that I did ultimately achieve & enjoy so that's not really helpful.

Just :( feelings very confused and stressed. I want to work things out with my boyfriend because I can't imagine ever finding another man who makes me feel as safe in this political environment as he does, but what if I'm just actually gay...?