u/anxious_sapphic

so I’m an aegosexual lesbian and usually attributed comphet to me specifically being a lesbian. I had’t realized that some of my comphet was well in regards to me trying to fit in with allos essentially.

I ALWAYS have sexual fantasies in third person and they typically involve a fictional character/celebrity with an oc. They’re varying genders and I’ve noticed their genders literally never matters to me because I don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone lol! I grew up hearing how my best friend (bi and allo) had sex dreams and I just never had one in my life. She’s been so surprised every time I brought that up but as a little teen girl in those moments i REALLY wanted to have one because it felt like I was missing out. I ended up having a dream that involved a male celebrity that has been in aego fantasies and somehow gained part consciousness and thought “i can finally have a sex dream to tell my friend about it.” It’s super embarrassing but that’s genuinely where my mind went. I knew she’d be excited if that happened so I was like well let’s try to. I was excited because oh my gosh I’d finally get to have a sex dream and be like all my friends but i didn’t really go all the way through with it because it was really gross to me. I was slipping like in and out of consciousness and just wanted to stir up the most amount of drama possible and finally be able to say I had a sex dream. I basically forgot all about it post that but looking back I’m so disgusted and I’d definitely never try to do that again. I’ve finally let myself realize I don’t actually want to have sex and feel so much more like myself and so much happier. However I’m just so embarrassed and honestly feel so invalid for trying to do that. It sounds stupid but it feels like “well even though you knew it was a dream this is clearly not something aego so you clearly wanted it” i genuinely did not gaf who was involved in the dream, i wouldve tried something anyways because I wanted to be involved with my allo friends 🥹 it’s the same thing of like “oh my god the person was a man too which means you’re faking being a homoromantic.” or “you must actually want your fantasies to be real” which has NEVER been the case. Once again I have no sexual attraction and it DEFINITELY was not about the fact that it was a man or that guy specifically that made me want to instigate that more like I just wanted to have an experience everyone else I knew has. there was zero arousal and zero sexual attraction I just wanted to try to have a “sexual experience” without actually having to actually participate in one.

I still feel lowkey invalid though. Sounds dumb but I look back to my very unfortunate history with childhood trauma, the way I first learned about sex, and wanting to be more like my friends as “wow I can’t believe you spent all that time trying to be something you’re not” it makes me feel pretty guilty and like if I tried that hard how could I possibly be really asexual or a lesbian. 😭 Idk I just felt like I needed to rant or get some support from other aegos?? I feel constantly invalid in being a lesbian romantic wise because I’m asexual and don’t really care who’s in fantasies or smut or whatever and its all in third person. it may be stupid to feel guilty but I really do. I don’t have any sexual attraction and I’m positive I’m a lesbian but I still feel like I can’t believe I just shamelessly went along with that because I wanted to be feel like everyone else.

this is a very particular post but i’d love some support. i’m about to finish high school and earlier this year i got outed to my parents. an incredibly personal basically diary entry about my ocd and experience with some trauma regarding the way i learned about sex as a child was shown to my parents by my school. it was found in my personal belonging which we all agree was incredibly unacceptable and a huge breach of trust considering this was pretty much stolen from me and given out as a “safety check”. on one hand i get it on the other i think it’s incredibly malicious to bring something like that to a students parents especially since it was a personal belonging of mine but i digress and i wont get into that too much. 

my ocd had been horrible because it was trying to convince me that my fantasies meant i must be into men. i’m a lesbian for sure and discovered the word aegosexuality and it was so reliving for me. realizing that oh my gosh i have third person fantasies that i don’t want to be a part of and reading straight smut has nothing to do with my actual sexuality or romantic orientation was amazing and i really don’t have very many intrusive thoughts trying to tell me i must not be gay or ace anymore. but the thing is we never talked about me getting outed. we never talked about be being gay and they’ve made some insinuations as if they don’t know that I am? Im going to talk to my therapist and psychiatrist about this don’t worry but i really need some support from other aces right now who get it. 

i cant even remember what i wrote in this rant anymore because its been LONG gone for months but im terrified they must’ve read something along the lines of “i have sexual thoughts about men and its making me so uncomfortable” not understanding that im asexual and already don’t know what ocd is at all. they certainly wont understand third person fantasies or how reading or consuming media about a variety of couples doesnt mean anything about me being gay or not but since I have no memory of what I wrote anymore I cant even clear it up for them. i never really wanted to explain that i was asexual but they’ve increasingly said more homophobic things lately and just have completely ignored anything about me being a lesbian. i don’t know if they’re in denial or just don’t believe me because they must’ve read some intimate thoughts about my asexuality and intrusive thoughts trying to convince me i must be sexually attracted to men which i CERTAINLY am NOT. i feel secure in being ace and a lesbian but obviously my parents perspective of that really matters to me. i can’t help but feel like they’d never believe me when i inevitably have to come out to them again. 

i’m an asexual lesbian and I’ve never really have ever met another sapphic asexual. have any of you met any sapphic aces irl, are there any ace pride events you’ve ever gone to? just curious about other people’s experience with meeting other aces irl

I’m an asexual lesbian terrified right now from my so-ocd that I must be secretly aromantic. I’ve never once thought about that or ever questioned my romantic orientation in that way. I’ve always been so happy to be a lesbian but my ocd is seriously getting to me. I’ve been avoiding anything related to romance and trying to keep myself out of like “lesbian” media because I’m worried that I’ll spiral about my so-ocd. I feel so detached from my orientation and it makes me so sad. i’ve always been a very big romantic and hate that this theme is ruining that for me right now ☹️ i almost feel uncomfortable because I’m worried that I’m lying. like I was attracted to this girl briefly but not really anymore we don’t hang out or talk literally ever so I’ve been avoiding things that remind me of her because I’m scared that if I’m not attracted to her that must mean I’m aro. i’m scared of people asking about her for the sole reason that I’m worried this must mean I’m aro or liking any videos she’s like because I don’t want to really date her anymore but I‘m also not aro 😭 i hate ocd so bad

i’m an asexual lesbian and realized very recently I was aego! I had no idea in the past that I was aego and just identified as ace. Pretty much all my fantasies were third person except maybe two or three?? They started out third person then switched and I really stopped seeing the people it was just shadowy figures and the sexual actions because I was aroused.

I really think I’m aego because even in these cases it wasn’t about the people, more about the actions in a fantasy that were arousing and I didn’t want to participate irl nor do i feel sexual attraction. i still felt not involved in the fantasy? i still felt disconnected in a way. I REALLY identify with the disconnection definition of aegosexuality but I’m worried this like disqualifies me. It REALLY does feel like the “disconnect between the self and object of arousal” like it’s spot on to me.

I’m also more worried because I’m a lesbian and a lot of my fantasies were m/f but i’m definitely not into men that way.

i feel like i constantly have to prove I’m not attracted to men and it drives me NUTSSSSSSSS I’m an asexual lesbian and in the past thought a fictional man was objectively gorgeous but I don’t want to date him irl or be with him or anything like that 🫩

it drives me INSANE what so-ocd is doing to me

to me fantasies were always about entertainment. I’m an asexual lesbian and realized recently all my sexual fantasies were third person. I’ve also had a lot of romantic pairings that were m/f and in third person because I’m a lesbian and don’t see myself in that but I always rarely has fantasies about women I feel romantically attracted to. I feel like as an aegosexual just in general fantasies in third person outside my orientation are cool they’re entertaining and it feels distant from me! Majority of my fantasies feel distant which is why it’s hard for me to fantasize about women i’m attracted to because I DONT WANT to feel distant from them essentially 😭

I have a more casual crush on a girl right now and have definitely seen pictures of her/talked to her and wanted to be romantic/thought to myself “i want to date her” but if i imagine trying to kiss her it’s not very vivid at all. When I fantasized about my ex it was just like seeing her and never super plot heavy I never really came up with date storylines or anything in my head, but I was definitely in love with her. It was like in fantasies I just saw her and that made me happy. I could think about just her and that felt close. With female celebrities I’ve thought I was attracted to I always found it hard to fantasize about them because it feels way too distant. I still felt like I had that feeling of “I want to date them” or some kind of romantic emotional closeness. I was able to have more first person fantasies about a fictional character I loved but I’m so used to third that it’s genuinely hard for me sometimes. SOMETIMES I do see things in third person of me and like a woman I made up in my head but still feel like “yeah i totally want to experience that irl” whereas third person sexual fantasies were a HELL NO to me

I feel like my attraction with women is very in the moment while I’m looking at them/speaking to them and think about them after our interactions but I just really don’t have any fantasies anymore period. I got maladaptive daydreaming as a childhood coping mechanism and after tackling that I just never fantasize much. It feels weird to go from so many stories in my head to majority of it being gone. Honestly it makes me worried that I’m not “actually” attracted to women even though I feel like I definitely have been. It makes me feel like if I don’t fantasize I can’t actually be a lesbian or I have to test that I really am because when I was a kid and I tried to imagine being with a boy it made me cry or have panic attacks. I was always disgusted by the idea of dating men but the idea of dating women feels nice to me

I don’t really read a lot of fanfiction about female characters I like either but I still feel attracted to them if that makes sense? I was occasionally able with my ex to fantasize about us getting an apartment or getting married but with the more casual crush I have right now I’m good just talking to her/hanging out/seeing where things go and don’t really have any first person fantasies like that. I definitely get moments though where I’m like “augh i’m so excited to date women“ or just imagine how fun it would be to be in a relationship/have a girlfriend. Does anyone else experience this I feel so alone and specific 😭

so I really never have thought I’ve experienced sexual attraction before and I’ve considered myself an aego/asexual. I identified as greyace for the longest time but feel like aego and asexual just fit me more. this is probably gonna sound embarassing but as a lesbian when I was randomly aroused I’d go to find more erotically framed pictures of breasts i guess. I was pretty young at the time and I never really had the urge to have sex with these women or anything like that. i never really got aroused by these images by themselves i’d just randomly be horny and be like well i’m gay so ig that’s the thing I go to!

I’ve never been sexually attracted to anyone irl or celebrities or really anything. I’ve never really wanted to have sex irl and generally just don’t feel sexual attraction and never feel like I have. I’ve never looked at someone and thought I wanted to have sex with them in fact I’ve been identifying as ace since I was a kid but I just remembered that a few years ago I used to get aroused looking at breasts and worried that means I can’t be ace (+ most of it was erotic art). i’ve never been aroused by real peoples bodies, all my sexual fantasies have been in third person, etc etc. in fact i remember it being really hard for me to really be in the mood when I looked at more realistic things lol. things would have to be in a very sexually charged kind of light for me to actually feel arousal. i remember being really frustrated by it actually but erotic images have turned me on in the past and im really afraid/upset/worried that I must not be a real ace.

I really do feel like I’m asexual. i don’t feel anything when I see breasts like just randomly or get urges it was more like well i’m aroused so I went there. i’ve never had that urge to be sexual with someone. completely forgot all of this until it randomly popped into my head tonight. i honestly feel so bad now because I’m worried I must’ve been lying about being ace for almost a decade but I have no desire to have sex with anyone and have always found so much comfort in being ace, there’s never been a doubt in my mind that I’m not. i’ve literally NEVER in my life felt allo and after a long time identifying as grey I honestly don’t really feel like it’s me anymore? I’ve realized aegosexual definitely describes me and I tend to just say I’m ace point blank because i really don’t think i’ve been sexually attracted to people. i’ve been hit by this memory and now I’m freaking out lmao i could really use some support! i’m lowkey kind of on the verge of tears because the idea of being sexually attracted to someone sounds horrific to me.

so I really never have thought I’ve experienced sexual attraction before and I’ve considered myself an aego/asexual. I identified as greyace for the longest time but feel like aego and asexual just fit me more. this is probably gonna sound embarassing but as a lesbian when I was randomly aroused I’d go to find more erotically framed pictures of breasts i guess. I was pretty young at the time and I never really had the urge to have sex with these women or anything like that. i never really got aroused by these images by themselves i’d just randomly be horny and be like well i’m gay so ig that’s the thing I go to!

I’ve never been sexually attracted to anyone irl or celebrities or really anything. I’ve never really wanted to have sex irl and generally just don’t feel sexual attraction and never feel like I have. I’ve never looked at someone and thought I wanted to have sex with them in fact I’ve been identifying as ace since I was a kid but I just remembered that a few years ago I used to get aroused looking at breasts and worried that means I can’t be ace (+ most of it was erotic art). i’ve never been aroused by real peoples bodies, all my sexual fantasies have been in third person, etc etc. in fact i remember it being really hard for me to really be in the mood when I looked at more realistic things lol. i remember being really frustrated by it actually but erotic images have turned me on in the past and im really afraid/upset/worried that I must not be a real ace.

I really do feel like I’m asexual. i don’t feel anything when I see breasts like just randomly or get urges it was more like well i’m aroused so I went there. i’ve never had that urge to be sexual with someone. completely forgot all of this until it randomly popped into my head tonight. i honestly feel so bad now because I’m worried I must’ve been lying about being ace these like past 7 years but I have no desire to have sex with anyone and have always found so much comfort in being ace, there’s never been a doubt in my mind that I’m not. i’ve literally NEVER in my life felt allo and after a long time identifying as grey I honestly don’t really feel like it’s me anymore? I’ve realized aegosexual definitely describes me and I tend to just say I’m ace point blank because i really don’t think i’ve been sexually attracted to people. i’ve been hit by this memory and now I’m freaking out lmao i could really use some support! i’m lowkey kind of on the verge of tears because the idea of being sexually attracted to someone sounds horrific to me.

i’m not only an asexual lesbian but I’m sex repulsed and disabled. I’m worried theres just too many things that are making my dating pool smaller and smaller. I really want to fall in love and get married and have kids I consider myself a very romantic person and I really value emotional and sensual intimacy. I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever get the privilege or meeting someone I’m attracted to and compatible with who’s sex repulsed as well. Really just looking for some hope icl!

I’m a young ace lesbian and I tend to worry a lot that I won’t get to fall in love. I’ve noticed over the past year me becoming more and more sex repulsed to the point where things like smut and certain types of music ick me out. I used to have a more fluctuating opinion on sex but it’s been nice to just allow myself to be uncomfortable with it now.

Not only do I just feel so much better and lighter without it but it brings up a lot of unfortunate memories I just like to keep in the past. I know it can be bad to avoid things because of trauma however as an ace I really have never cared to have sex irl anyways. It’s been maybe once or twice that I ever thought I might but otherwise I’ve not been into it.

Anyways, even certain types of flirting feels too sexual to me even if there’s nothing like overtly explicit and I’d just love to hear any stories to give me hope about my romantic future :)

that’s all

i’m an alloromantic asexual lesbian and have a pretty casual crush on a girl right now. I’d be down to date her and hang out for sure I think it would be nice and fun but I don’t get like really “excited” thinking about kissing her? I definitely don’t think i’m aro i always found myself to be very romantically attracted to women but i’ve not experienced a lot of crushes considering that for pretty much my entire life i’ve gone to school online (i’m online in uni right now). I’ve actually never kissed anyone before so that’s some context as well.

I don’t meet women a lot it’s very infrequent and just never really caught feelings for female friends. I had crushes on girls growing up but i only realized that post coming out so i kind of separate my crushes on women in pre lesbian discovery and post lesbian discovery. I had probably three crushes on girls in high school and an ex I was in love with but we ended up long distance so nothing really worked out. I used to feel very into kissing but now I don’t really find myself fantasizing about that or really feeling super interested. I’m neurodivergent so i’m worried that this is a sign of me like mistaking platonic friendships with romantic attraction but I definitely have felt romantically attracted to this girl. I feel almost like invalid in my romantic attraction because I’m just in a period of being not super interested in kissing right now? I’m kind of worried why it changed but i’m looking for perspective from other aces!

i’m an ace lesbian and only recently realized that pretty much everything i experienced matched up with aegosexuality! i also realized with that i actually didn’t have as many fantasies as i thought i did, most of it was memories of me reading x reader fanfiction that i viewed in third person.

i’m unfortunately not a huge shipper, so most people i read about were individual characters people that i put with like an oc of sorts. ive had these third person daydreams mostly f/f about a character and an oc or m/f about a male character and an oc basically. i’m typically just choosing whoever from a fandom im in around that time to be involved as long as the story is good.

it’s made me kind of feel like a bad lesbian because of these habits? 😭 i’m definitely not sexually attracted to men or romantically attracted to them but i’ve enjoyed a lot of straight fanfiction about male characters and occasional fantasies of them with that like oc character i inserted for the “reader“. i tend to enjoy sapphic media more but there’s just such a huge abundance of straight media especially with how male dominated most things are.

i’m not super interested in fanfiction or fantasies anymore. i’ve always been sex averse irl and i just feel a lot better mentally and more like myself after that seemed to gradually stop. i just find that especially when i was younger most fantasies i had or things i read were about a male character with a female oc and it makes me feel a little like im an “imposter” lesbian even though i never imagined my real self with them nor did i feel the desire to be with them ever.

i definitely feel SURE that im asexual and a lesbian i only have romantic attraction to women but i also never see any other aegos talk about potentially having fantasies outside their romantic orientation so i wanted to know if anyone relates?

tw: reference to childhood sexual trauma

i’ve known i was asexual for almost a decade and i discovered a few years ago im a lesbian. i have no sexual attraction to anyone but i find that all kinds of porn/smut is arousing to me, even nsfw audios made by men. i don’t picture myself being with them at all it’s just anything sexual is arousing to me. i don’t feel sexually attracted to men nor do i feel the desire to date any. i never really have truly pictured myself doing either but i grew up with some unfortunate childhood sexual related trauma with hypersexuality.

for a couple of months i really liked listening to nsfw audios and i did find myself enjoying ff ones a lot more but just found a larger abundance of m/f ones. i felt aroused but not attracted to them especially not their voices it was a huge problem for me finding ones i could tolerate actually lol. but yeah with my asexuality and hypersexuality it’s just like anything erotic can be arousing to me but i definitely don’t feel that sexual attraction? i just feel like such a fake lesbian though because of the fact that i’ve been aroused during nsfw audios created by men or because ive read straight smut. i’ve always truly enjoyed sapphic content much more but again most things created to be erotic are arousing to me. i also don’t want to have sex with anyone irl either.

does anyone have any advice or support? i really feel so connected to being an ace lesbian but feel like an imposter.

i’m an asexual lesbian and i‘ve never been sexually attracted to any characters/celebrities in my past fantasies. id say 99.9% of daydreams were in third person like aegos, i definitely identify with that, but ive had probably 2 fantasies that weren’t third person but they still did NOT feel connected to the people at all. the people were barley even entities in the thought (like i didn’t really picture their faces or bodies or personalities or anything) it felt more like everything paused and there was only someTHING arousing happening to me in a fantasy. i felt like everyone in any of my fantasies could easily be interchangeable, i never really cared who it was just whatever made the best story. i never thought i was sexually attracted to them because i never felt that urge or desire towards them and never wanted to have sex with them irl. it honestly DISGUSTS me to think about me having sex irl. and i especially don’t want to be with any of those people. i really truly don’t think i was sexually attracted to any of those people but is this normal? can i still be asexual?

i’ve identified as ace for YEARS and i’m a lesbian as well. i’ve had sexual attraction to one fictional video game woman in my life but looking back those feelings make me very uncomfortable i guess?

my opinion towards sex has fluctuated a lot but i’ve always thought i was sex indifferent-averse irl. i find myself to be a lot more indifferent/averse now days with everything else i just don’t find myself wanting to read anything smutty or have any fantasies, i feel pretty content without it in my life.

ive always had a complicated relationship with sex unfortunately so to some childhood trauma, internalized misogyny, comphet, being influenced by the cisheteronormativity of the church, etc etc. maybe it started as a choice to not want to engage in any smut but i feel like i can breathe again now that im letting myself live without it. it feels nice honestly.

anyways, thinking back to that one character ive felt uncomfortable with it. ive never experienced sexual attraction to real people and for my entire life ive never planned to have sex irl so looking back it just feels a little gross i guess? i’ve just gradually become not interested in fantasies or anything anymore and so thinking back to a time when i was just feels disconnected from myself. i know this can be totally normal for aces but i would like to her some stories from other people who get this :))