u/arizonabatorechestra

I turned 40 in May and it's a 5th house profection year for me, which feels like a relief. It's been a rough couple of years and something feels like it's lifting from me. Like looking into my bag of fucks and saying, "I swore I had at least one more fuck in here!" and then turning it inside out and confirming there are indeed no more fucks in it.

The further into the year I get the more I just feel like I can't keep doing the same sad things anymore. Things are starting to feel fun again.

But also my daughter is 14 almost 15 and there's a ton of stress there right now that hasn't really been there before and that really only ramped up as we got into the summer. So, the kid thing is part of it too, I'm just realizing as I type this...

No advice needed, just telling a story. <3

The last two years have been hell. I'll skip the details because it's too much, but the crux of the story is that I started getting divorced summer 2024 and still haven't really gotten completely divorced. We had a family (he helped me raise my kid) and a home and everything, and were together nearly ten years but things went how they do sometimes. We've been separated for two years.

It's been back and forth with both of us for the last two years, hence why the divorce was never finalized. Us not working didn't negate that we'd had a nice life and a nice little family. We've both wanted to get back together and try again — at some periods more than others — but doubt, fear, mistrust, and resentment has stood in the way.

Now, I'm the clinger. Taurus sun here. Neptune in the 4th in Capricorn holding an exalted Mars trine Sun. I can't let shit go, even when it's not great for me. I'll cling to family just because it's family and totally black out or mentally erase things that felt bad and wear rose-colored glasses just to avoid change.

He can be a clinger too, but he's a Capricorn stellium with an Aries moon in the 4th trine Pluto. He can let things go and mourn and grieve and move forward where I can't, really, without feeling like I'm going to fall apart.

For the last two years, we've had a cycle.

Friendly, talking, hanging out (everything's fine, everything's fine) — fracture/talk/feelings/etc.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

It happens because we both just sit on our hands, for the most part, instead of just making a decision. We don't want to stop being close but we're too raw to be vulnerable with each other. I don't take much action towards moving ahead with getting the family back together because a part of me is waiting for him to fight. And then he takes no action for basically the same reason.

I'm not venting or complaining here. I'm just explaining how it goes. I take responsibility for my part.

The astrology that got me this time is this:

He's a Cap rising. I'm Libra rising. Currently we have Mars conjunct Uranus in Gemini, so, house 5/6 for him (depending on the system).

His DC is in Cancer and Mercury just went rx in the latter degrees of it. Mercury is applying a square to his Aries moon/Jupiter conjunction, trine to his Scorpio Mars, a trine to his north node in Pisces, and a square to his MC.

For me, Mars/Uranus is in my 9th, applying a conjunction to my chart ruler Venus (conjunct Chrion and Lilith) and an opposition to my natal Saturn. Saturn rules my Capricorn 4th house (where, in synastry, his AC and stellium live in my chart), and I have Mars exalted there. Mercury RX is applying an opposition to my Mars, which also happens to rule my Aries DC/7th house.

I look at all this and think ... I know what's about to happen. But sometimes it also doesn't. I love astrology but I still look at every transit like, hm. We'll see. Who cares. Might all be fake, I don't know.

But nope. Last night, less than a week since Mercury went RX in his 7th, it happened like I knew it would. Something triggered him earlier in the day (not from me, but someone else) that led to him quietly ruminating all day, never saying anything, until around 8:30 that night he starts sending me a barrage of texts about all this stuff from the last year, and that he's done, etc. Sign the papers, so on.

I just listen and read. I want to react but I know better now. I just tell him I want time to think about all this rather than react to it so to give me the night, which he does.

He sends me one more text at almost 2am about another thing I didn't know about that hurt him, that he'd never talked about.

Then this morning he just sends me a heart. Like none of that ever happened.

I also reflected on current transits for myself and thought about my feelings. Mars/Uranus are making me feel bolstered approaching my chart ruler and opposing Saturn. Mercury rx opposing natal Capricorn Mars is inspiring me to slow down and think. (My natal Mercury is in Aries trine natal Uranus so ... I can be reactive.)

Anyway ...

... yeah I just laid in bed and thought like ...

... fucking astrology, man.

I won't go into it all because we'd be here forever, but the last couple years of my life have been romantic maelstrom. I'm 40 now, but haven't been single longer than 6 months since I was 15.

(I've looked into codependence and the like — that hasn't really been my experience. I've just always liked having a "buddy" with me in life!)

I've been married twice so far, and have been with my current partner now for two years.

And I don't know — lately I've been just feeling like ... I don't fucking wanna do this anymore.

For example: Without going into all the details, my partner and I had a mild confrontation last night in bed because I hadn't been affectionate enough that evening. He'd asked me multiple times that night if I was okay.

Every time, I said yes. Because I was. I just didn't really feel like touching and cuddling. I guess he ended up feeling disconnected from me, which really affected him.

Of course then his bids for things to help him feel "reconnected" weren't landing well with me. I'm already hormonal, but the more I feel like you're wanting affection/attention from me, that persistent drive for autonomy hits and I just end up shrinking myself, hoping that if I can disappear or become invisible, no one will need anything from me anymore.

I can be very affectionate, but I have to get there myself. I can't cuddle and touch and kiss and love on a person if I don't feel like it or if I feel like I'm doing it just to make them feel better. Which makes me feel awful.

Anyway, I was thinking about this relationship and my marriage prior to it ... and I have no immediate interest in leaving my current relationship, but I did start thinking about how much better I feel when I'm all alone.

I'm honestly getting really tired of everything relationship-related.

• Someone getting annoyed when you eat dinner early and so you aren't hungry to eat dinner together with them.
• Someone constantly wanting to touch, hug, or kiss, and being sad if you don't feel like it.
• Not getting to do whatever I want to do well into the evening because you have a partner now and they want to spend time together with you in the evenings watching TV or a movie or something, when all you want to do is stay holed up in your office or room working on your passion project (music and photography for me). I hate having to stop doing something that makes me happy because of an obligation to do what, exactly? ... Sit? Stare a screen and consume something? Every day?
• Going places with someone, ie., taking them to a family gathering, and constantly making sure they're okay or feeling included (I have empathy for that but sometimes I'm like, can you just include yourself?)
• Hearing a sigh of any kind when you just can't give a person the attention they want right now, right when they're wanting it.

I don't know. I'm just tired of feeling like half of my existence belongs to another person, always needing to make sure they're okay, or that my tone was nice enough, or that I'm spending enough time with them, or that I'm acting happy enough, or whatever.

I'm just at a point in my life where all I want is to just live.

All of this makes me sound so careless and mean, but the problem is I do care. So, so much. I care. I love hard. I really do. And that's what gets exhausting. It's not about not caring about the other person's feelings or not loving them — it's that it's exhausting because I have to do everything to the best of my ability, including being the best partner I can.

Anyway, I think I just needed to vent.

TLDR: Single mom, WFH 10 years, only way I can hold down a job. New employer hired me on a hybrid schedule, but even that wrecked me — drinking spiraled, got depressed and burnt out. Took a 6-week ADA accommodation for full-time WFH, sobered up, and feel dramatically better. That accommodation ends next week and my boss expects me back in-office (especially now that my kid's on summer break). There's no real operational reason for me to be there — he Teams-messages me from 20 feet away — but the company values "in-person presence." I'm scared returning will undo my progress, I know I could request permanent WFH as an ADA accommodation, but I'm worried that flags me for getting pushed out. Anyone been through this?

***

I've WFH for 10 years and it's the only reason I've been able to keep a job. I was laid off in December '24 and it took me until September '25 to find full-time employment again.

My employer is local and had never had a remote employee. I was up front about needing to work remotely even during the interview process, and was surprised they still hired me.

When they hired me though, it was assumed I'd be in-office full time.

I was really scared to do this (because I needed a job so desperately) but I went ahead and presented them with an alternative schedule that was basically hybrid.

When I presented that schedule, it was all on the basis of me being a single mom and needing to be able to do things like leave the office early to go get my kid from school, and have 2-3 days WFH per week to be available to her and my pets, since they'd never experienced me being gone 9-5 and that was going to be a major adjustment.

Amazingly, they accommodated me and so I joined them on that alternate schedule. I WFH 2-3 days a week, when I'm in the office, I leave around 2:30 to be able to go pick my daughter up from school.

Unfortunately, even that proved incredibly difficult for me.

Shortly after starting my job and having to deal with that, my drinking ramped up massively. I was constantly coming up with reasons why I couldn't go into the office that day. I found myself getting sick a lot (the drinking didn't help) and more and more depressed and burnt out.

In May, I finally nutted up and submitted paperwork with my diagnoses and doctors' letters to get a temporary ADA accommodation allowing me to work full-time from home for 6 weeks, mostly to recover from burnout.

They granted that, and since then I've sobered up (🎉) gotten so much healthier, and been feeling so, so much better.

Next week is my last week of "approved" full-time WFH. My boss and I talked about it Tuesday and he seems to think that I'll be coming back into the office all refreshed or something on Monday, June 29. Additionally, per our original conversation in May when I submitted the request, I believe he has expectations that I'll be in the office more often since my kid is on summer break and I don't need to pick her up from school anymore.

Now that I only have a week left of full-time WFH I am getting really nervous.

I genuinely do not think I can wake up Monday morning and get dressed and drive out to the office without absolutely losing my damned mind. I really don't.

One: I already don't love this job. I'm grateful to have it right now despite the poor pay. But it's existentially meaningless and draining and I just do it because I have no choice. I've had worse jobs, but this one ... maybe it's just me getting older and more resolute and stubborn but I have a hard time caring about it.

Two: There's literally no reason for me to have to be in-office. The only reason they want me in-office is "something something community something."

When I was told that, it really upset me because a company valuing in-person presence to the extent that they won't hire someone (or would terminate someone) who can't do that regularly without adverse effects is on a part, to me, with a company saying, "We really value walking at this company," and thus terminating or not hiring someone because they're in a wheelchair.

Even when I do work in-office, I literally sit in one place the whole time I'm there, and my boss just messages me from Teams even though he's like 20 feet away from me...it makes no logical sense for me to drive half an hour one way just to sit and do something 20 feet away from my boss that I do just the same at home.

Next week at some point I'm sure we'll be having a conversation about what the following week will look like, and I really don't know what to say or how to broach the topic.

I have therapy tomorrow so I'm planning to ask my therapist for her input. I believe going back to regular in-office work will not be good for my health whatsoever, but at the same time, I need this job.

I'm really not sure what to do. I know that technically, if I request an official ADA accommodation to WFH permanently with the exception of special events, they kind of have to honor that, don't they? At the same time, I feel like that would make me a pariah and they'd start looking for ways to push me out. Which wouldn't be the first time that happened. (And when it did happen last time, I lawyered up.)

Does anyone here have any similar experiences or ideas?

Every relationship I’ve ever been in, there’s this thing where they seem annoyed that I just eat when I’m hungry (at like 3-5pm in that range) and then when they ask what I wanna do for dinner I think I always respond confused. There’s always a thing of people wanting to eat dinner together or share a meal together and I’m like…I can understand wanting to watch a show together or play a game together but I don’t understand why so many people don’t just eat when they’re hungry?

I don’t mean that mean. It’s genuinely a thing like, wondering what the “average” take on this is. I guess in my head it’s a bodily function/need so it’s akin to asking me why I didn’t wait to pee until we could pee together haha

I grew up in south Texas, and some time between 2005-2008 there was this character my friends and I loved watching and thought was hilarious. One of my old friends who I don’t have contact with anymore (otherwise I’d ask her) dressed up as this character for Halloween in ‘05 or ‘06, in part because the character was a petite girl and so was my friend. The character name included “Chola” in it, I’m almost positive. I’m pretty sure it was on early YouTube and popular around the time that character Hope is Emo was popular as well. I think the chola character had a bandana she tied around her hair.

I’ve tried to remember who this character was for years and searching for chola/2000s/youtube character and other combinations turns up nothing.

If anyone remembers anything I’d appreciate it!

Summer has started. I have a 14-year-old daughter who is just so full of potential. I'm also parenting from scratch, if you know what I mean. I don't really have anyone to ask for advice.

When I was her age, I was a giant nerd ... I was kinda chunky and didn't like my body, got bullied, mostly just stayed in my room reading books and writing music and going to punk shows on the weekend. I had a boyfriend from age 16-21 who was a good guy as well. I don't know, my teen years weren't all that crazy. But again, I was a little offbeat. I just turned 40 and got dx AuDHD late in life so, that tracks. My parents were also extremely strict (and mean ... and have since passed.)

My daughter though? Oh man.

She is so talented. She's a fantastic singer, actress (she does theater locally), writer. She's even won an award for her writing when she was in 4th grade. She's always been very emotionally intelligent. She really does her best in school (I know because it stresses her out sometimes.) Her teachers have always really liked her, even if she gets a little hyper in class sometimes.

And on top of that, of course she's gorgeous. Takes after her dad. Could easily get into modeling if she wanted to. And she's popular and well-liked among her peers. She loves making friends and is just a little butterfly.

Well, we're entering the teen years now and because of my own upbringing, I don't know when to be strict and set certain boundaries or when to let go and trust that she's got this.

Example: We have a trampoline in the back yard, and this summer, she's been really into tanning. Twice now she's gone out to "tan." (I put it in quotes because my daughter is half-hispanic [my side] and totally doesn't need to but, okay!) Today she was out laying on the trampoline "tanning" with her new friend. My daughter comes inside to get something and she is wearing the skimpiest two-piece. (I didn't know she had this, since she usually babysits, earns money, and buys many of her own things.)

Now, I'm a feminist. Staunchly. So is my daughter. But at the same time, I'm like, thinking to myself ... she is 14. We have a low-ish fence. This is a super safe neighborhood, like, very safe, but you just never know. I don't want my neighbor looking at her over the fence or on a camera, or some creep down the street seeing her?

I didn't say anything, but I wondered if I should have.

There are other things ... about an hour ago, she asked if she and this friend could walk to the grocery store for some lunch. It's broad daylight and the store is right there so I was like, sure. I check her location, she's in that direction. I check her location again, and she's at the ice cream place, which I didn't agree to let her walk to because she'd have to walk on a super busy street.

I text her and ask why she's at the ice cream place, and she said, "Sorry! I was going to tell you but I remembered you had my location..." etc. Something like that.

I didn't get mad — I just thought, listen ... let the kid have this. Talk to her later. I don't like her walking down that big, major street, even during the day.

But I don't know if it's because it's inherently unsafe for her to be doing that, even in our safe little community, or if it's because I find it unbecoming.

Honestly, at this point I want to just sell everything, get an RV, revoke her TikTok and all that garbage, and whisk her off into the sunset to show her there are far better things in life than skimpy bikinis and boys ...

I don't know. I don't know what is "normal" here. This is a safe community so her walking to the ice cream place is ... whatever, save for that busy road. But I almost feel like this is too much independence for 14. She'll be 15 in like 3-4 months, though. Starting high school. She's very smart. She's never disappointed me.

She even told me once, "I asked myself if I'd ever sneak out and I said I wouldn't because my mom would feel so upset with herself."

"Your mom would feel upset with herself?"

"Yeah, you're already hard on yourself. If I snuck out, you wouldn't feel like you were doing a good job as a mom and I don't want to do that."

What level of monitoring is normal? What level of interactions with boys is normal? What degree of independence is normal?

I'm not sure what to be strict about and what to let go of. Any advice?

- - - - - - -

I wanted to add a philosophy I'm trying to stick with here:

When I chose to have a child 14 years ago, I was choosing to bring a life into the world that was separate from me and different. She didn't asked to be here, but she is here — and she's completely herself. Fully. That's what I want.

I knew it would be a crapshoot whether or not this kid was going to be into all the same stuff we were into, or if she was going to be wildly different from us ...

I knew that if she was wildly different from us, my job was to nurture that ... this is a beautiful kind of love in that it's a love you choose over and over, even when you're not connecting with the person, or you feel separate ... you just have to ask, "Are they safe? Are they comfortable? Are they happy? Are they regulated? Are they hopeful?" I just want to raise that. I may not be able to connect with her on all her interests (except theater ... she can I can sing Hamilton all day together) but my job isn't for her to understand me, or even for me to understand her, but to just be interested in her and make sure she feels unconditional love from me. I can work on understanding her on my own time, as long as in the moment she feels seen by me.

That's why I'm all LiKe THiS right now ... I don't know the difference between letting her do something or be someone because that's just her ... or when I should put a stop to something because it is objectively not a good thing for her.

I just want to be the best mom I can without stifling her. I don't want to set limits based only on my own judgy values. She's already taught me a lot so I just am trying to figure out how to strike that balance.

Edit: After reading your replies, I get it. I failed to mention (because I didn't think it mattered) I'm dx autistic since 1st grade, so I tend to put my personal definition of efficiency in front and have to remember to not assume everyone thinks like me. (A lot of people are saying people don't read emails — I read every last one, personally. But writing is how I communicate, mostly.) In my mind, the new hire would have preferred an email over a meeting, but it's very likely they're different than me and gain some sense of connection from the meetings. When I do meetings, I have a hard time taking in all the information I need precisely because I'm paying way too much attention to the visuals (noticing the space they're in, their tone of voice, subtleties in facial expressions, looking at my own face on the camera if we're online or we're in-person, the way I'm holding my body ... always trying to make sure I'm not being distractingly weird) ... in my head I was just thinking people did meetings because they felt like that's what they were supposed to do, but I wasn't thinking that this is probably just a me thing and that the majority of people actually like the connection they get from face-to-face discussions. I have a hard time with all the stuff that gets woven in between the need-to-know information — cracking jokes, talking about the weekend, the weather, etc. — and I always just want to get to the point and be done. So yeah. Point made, everyone, and thank you for participating. :)

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It's really that simple. I'm posting this just after realizing another meeting had been put on my calendar that doesn't need to be there. In this case, it's that we have a new employee. For whatever reason, it's important that I meet this person face-to-face. My opinion is that I have zero interest in meeting this person face-to-face unless we have a complex problem we have to work on together and talking through it would be helpful. But in this situation, if you all care so much about them knowing me and me knowing them, then save both our time and just have them email me 2-3 paragraphs about themselves and maybe their resume and website, and I'll look at it. I don't need another meeting.

Also had a meeting this morning with my boss that lasted an hour. Just over an hour, actually. It was just a check-in meeting. "What are you working on?" "I'm working on this. What are you working on?" "I'm working on this. Do you need any help with anything?" "Nope?" That same meeting could have been replaced by either a 10 minute video walk-through or a bulleted list of tasks and updates in an email.

I am begging someone to help me understand why meetings are so valued over just sending emails?? If you can convince me that meetings actually matter, maybe I'll have a better day tomorrow.

I used to post in here regularly under another user name and was revisiting those old posts ... most of mine were when my daughter was around 7 and 8 years old.

We're creeping up on her 15th birthday in September and I spend a lot of time just reflecting on how amazing (and hilarious) she is!

At her age, I was still longing for a sibling. But in a conversation with her within the last few months, she was very clear: "I used to want a sibling, maybe a little sister ... but I love being an only child. I'm already overstimulated at school, I don't need to come home to more of that." 😂

I really can't imagine what it would be like if I couldn't spend that 1:1 time with her like I can right now, because of having to chase after another little one. Just very grateful for this little life we have.

How are things going for you?

My partner and I have been together for almost two years. He still has his own place, but he's been spending every night here for the last two months or so. There's nothing about that in particular that bothers me — I like sleeping next to him.

He's incredibly devoted and attentive (on top of just being incredibly handsome, hilarious, smart ... just a beautiful human.) Just all-around a perfect catch, in my opinion.

He's also very sensitive. Not at all in a mean or manipulative way, just sensitive in general.

As an example:

My teen daughter is with her dad at least 1-2x a month. He lives about 2 hours away, so he and I meet in the middle to do the exchange.

I hate driving, so my partner recently has been volunteering to drive so I can be passenger princess (haha). On Sunday, we had to go pick her up and didn't get home until ~8pm. My daughter wanted to go spend the night at a friend's house afterward, so we let her get ready, and then we took her over there, with my partner driving again. We got home from that around 9:30, maybe closer to 10.

Listen, guys ... I'm 40 now. Little mama here gets tired and wants to go to bed. Needs to go to bed. It's bedtime. Bed. Give me bed. Blankie. Pillow. No light. No sound. No sensory input. "No more jobs." Goodnight.

My partner has more stamina than me. That day, he'd barely eaten anything and he needed dinner.

Thing is, I know he waits sometimes to have dinner with me.

This — this having dinner together thing — this is a thing people do when they're together and dating that seems to be something everyone does without thinking ... when you're married or together with someone it's like ... 95% of the time, that evening meal is to be shared with one another. Apparently. This is a rule. I think.

Me? I eat when I'm hungry.

So he hadn't eaten all day and wanted to eat together. I wasn't even hungry. I was exhausted. So exhausted that I actually started feeling bad.

But I pushed through. We ordered some food for pickup. I pushed myself to leave the house and go with him to get it.

By the time we're back from that, it's like, almost 11pm. Little mama here is exhausted.

I'm trying to learn to say what I want and need more. He's been trying to help me feel comfortable saying what I want and need more.

I say, "I love you so much but I'm seriously so exhausted right now I'm starting to feel nauseated. I really feel like I need to go lay down instead of eating."

In other words: "I can't have more sensory input. I don't want to taste food. I don't want screen with moving picture and sound. I don't want dog trying to get in my lap. I don't want long sleeves touching arm skin. No sit up. Only lay down. No screen. Only lightless abyss of bedroom.

And he just ... he seems so sad. Not pouty or dramatic. But you could just tell he's disappointed. He wanted to eat a meal with me while watching something. And I'm about to leave him alone in my house, my living room, with his food, and my food that I'm too tired to eat.

And his sad sweet face just made me be like, "No, no ... no it's fine. I can do this. I'll stay out here. It's okay. Maybe having some bites will help me feel better."

Of course he's like, "It's really okay, you don't have to stay out here just for me."

But I feel his disappointment. And I think about all the driving he's already done for me. And buying me food. And I'm here like, "I can't eat dinner with you even though I know that's one of your favorite things to do together. I can't just ... sit on a couch in a dimly lit room and watch a YouTube video and eat a burrito."

So like yeah, I'm going to push through and try to eat and sit out there with him.

I think I got in three bites of my food before I had to stop.

And all the while, it takes all these energetic resources for me to be able to do this ... to give my love what makes him happy.

We go to sleep together. It's lovely. I enjoy sleeping next to him.

The next morning, I do what I always do ...

I hate lingering in bed. So I get up, go to the couch, let him continue sleeping. He sleeps another 2-3 hours while I enjoy alone time, unperceived, relaxed, sensing nothing but whatever I'm watching or reading, sensing nothing but the quiet of the living room ...

... now, even when I was married before, I treasured this time. And my husband back then would eventually wake up and come out to the living room and sit with me, but he just kinda ... sat a distance from me. 3-4 feet away or something. He'd look at his phone or put something on TV. We'd chat for a second or two.

That was ... kind of lovely. The "alone together"-ness. (We didn't work out, for other reasons.)

My partner, however, gets out of bed, comes out to the living room ... and bless his sweet heart ... just ... lays on me. Gives me a big hug. Sidles up next to me for cuddles.

One part of my brain is going, "God...he is so precious and I love him so much ..."

And the other part of my brain is going,

"...why are you touching me? How long is the touching going to continue?"

By the time he's done cuddling and goofing around and talking and chit-chatting, and is ready to go home to hang out with his cat and shower or have coffee or whatever ... there's like a fire in my brain ...

... and the fire is screaming, "PLEASE. STOP. TALKING. Stop talking. Get off me. Get away from me. This is too much input for 9am. Can you please just go over there and do something else?"

The thing is, I don't think that's wrong of me to feel. Because once I get enough "me" time to recharge, I'm just as lovey and affectionate. I might cuddle and touch less than he does. I might talk less than he does. But I have that dog in me, too!

I just don't know how to talk to him about this. I don't know how to say, "Hey, I love you so much, I'm so in love with you, you're amazing, I'm grateful for you, but when you get up in the morning please just leave me alone until I engage with you first? Please?"

Because there's also a chance I won't engage for hours. And hours. (My ex-husband would get upset with me for this sometimes ... just checking out of the relationship until I was ready to ... relate? Which could be a long time. But I also wasn't "checking out." I just prefer "alone together" until I feel ready to be touched.

I don't know. I just don't know how to talk to him about it without making him feel sad.

He's also ND so he has empathy for a lot of things with me. He's made certain changes here and there and made sure that, say, if I want to be alone on a given night, I can feel comfortable telling him that and he won't be "upset." But it's still really hard.

He's a great man, I just don't know how to ask for this. Especially because it can be so inconsistent. Sometimes all the talking and touching and attention and energy bothers me more than it does other times.

I do want to be in a relationship, and I want one with him, but sometimes I also wonder if I'm just not meant to be in a relationship with how much alone time I tend to need. (I'm also an only child so, maybe that plays into it ...)

Would love to hear your thoughts but especially your experiences navigating this kind of thing with someone you love and trust.

idk how to make it so a picture shows up in the feed sadly so I can only post them here!

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If you know this location, you know this location — please don't say the city name or anything like that. 🙏🏻😊 I did also ask the person pictured here if he was fine with me posting here and he said "absolutely!"

So there's a small bar near me with this super rad man, a regular who comes around everyone just knows as Cadillac Dave. He's in his 70s, and always has the best stories of his years spent touring as a saxophonist (I'm pretty sure it was saxophone, but maybe I'm misremembering) and meeting all these famous people. He's in his "chill out and just exist and love life" era and everyone around here enjoys him so much.

Ran into him last night while out with my guy, and he's got this beauty with him. Asks if we can hang onto her on the porch while he heads in for a Guinness. Duh! Of course!

He comes back out and tells us that this is his new gal, Zoe. He was on a walk in the neighborhood about a week ago and saw her, couldn't resist asking about her. The person walking her was her foster mom and said they're still looking for a great home for her. The foster mom told Dave Zoe's story ...

Apparently 5-year-old Zoe here was rescued from a fighting ring. 😔 I didn't even realize that was still a thing going on ... she had scars on her and a wound on her paw that was still bandaged. She'd also just had puppies about 5-6 months ago. That ring was broken up and all the pups rescued, but Zoe just hadn't found her forever home yet.

Cadillac Dave said he'd been thinking about getting a dog but was worried about his age and also being able to care for a pup that was really hyper or needed a lot of training.

Anyway, long story short, he said he felt like he and Zoe "recognized" each other in that instant. Total "soul dog" situation. (You can see it in the pictures!!! I literally cried, not even exaggerating!!)

And now Zoe has her forever home!

It was such a wonderful evening. She is so calm and sweet and friendly. Dave told us how much she loves to cuddle, and how smart she is. She really was such an angel out there on that patio that evening, and wanted to pet everyone she saw! Just an absolute gem!

I thought their story was so, so sweet that I asked permission to take pictures and then asked permission to share here.

Honestly, if I ever do become a full-fledged drinker, it's just going to be because I keep coming back to this place hoping for a little time with this sweet girl.

Congrats to precious Zoe on your new, loving forever home and for meeting your best friend. 🥰

Also, when I asked Cadillac Dave if he had any advice for how to be as happy as he seems to be all the time, he said: "Just make every moment happy. Don't wait for something to make you happy or wait to reach a goal to be happy. There's always something to be happy about, and you can do it right now!"

I saw a graphic that showed May 4 birthdays as being one of the rarest. Then I searched here for May 4 birthdays and barely found any!!! And no May 4 birthday posts this year so far (that I’ve seen yet anyway! Maybe there was one!!) Haha

Any May 4 babes in here? ⭐️🛸

Did I mask through the whole thing? Of course. Was I sweet and accommodating and agreeable? You bet ya. Did I get off that call and want to swallow glass? Sure did!

I am a single parent in the midst of burnout that has been with me for well over a year, leading to a straight up drinking problem. Yes. I had to go get a beer before this meeting. Because I'm so fucking tired of all of this. (And yes. I need to stop drinking. I'm trying.)

The details:

• Before this job, I worked remotely for almost 15 years.
• I got this job last year after being wrongfully terminated from my last one. (I lawyered up and cashed out, all good. Fxxk 'em.)
• I couldn't be picky. I needed a job. This one was located about a half hour drive from me. They'd never hired remotely before. The expectation was 8am-5pm in-office. I got brave and informed them that I cannot do this — I am a single parent with a kid who has never not had their mom at home at all times, and I have two dogs. They still wanted to hire me. Cool.
• We compromised: I'll go in 2 days a week from 9am-2:30pm (so I can leave to get my kid from school) and then the next week, it would be 3 days, and we'd just rotate. Very grateful for that.

So now we're here.

When I started that job, I was already burnt out from being a more-or-less newly single parent. But I pushed through.

I have called in ... a lot. Sick kid. Sick me. Sick car. Whatever. I don't think I've actually done more than a week or two of that schedule because waking up, getting myself ready, getting the kid ready, getting the kid to school, getting myself to work ... by the time I get there I'm down to like 4 out of my 10 spoons for the day. I have driven halfway to work and then pulled over, sent a text saying I couldn't go in but would log on at home, cried, then turned around and went home.

But I keep pushing through.

Last week I took off for my birthday. By midweek, I was like ... I can't do this anymore. I need a break. I can keep working but I can't go into the office. I'm losing my mind. It's too much for where I am right now with both my physical and mental health.

(I don't have any savings to take FMLA, I barely have any PTO left, and I don't qualify for employer-funded short-term disability until the fall of this year. God bless the USA.)

So, I submit a request for an ADA accommodation along with my physician signed/stamped diagnosis of ASD (which also cites ADHD and PTSD) — I'm requesting 100% remote work for 6-8 weeks, just to get my brain back in order.

You guys ...

1. Yes, they're going to give me the accommodation.

2. But why was the conversation 40 fxxking minutes long and why did I feel like I was having to defend myself and justify my needs the whole time?

My boss is a full on sweetheart. Just a young kid, trying to do his best. I can't blame him. He didn't do anything wrong on purpose.

He just doesn't know. Because no one gets trained on this stuff.

Why is it that, if my ADA request was to stay home for 6-8 weeks to recover from a kidney transplant or something, that conversation would have been 5 minutes long ... but when it has to do with mental health, I have to make sure everyone there understands I'm not just fully incompetent?

He even told me how great of a job I was doing at work, how much I've contributed, etc. Like, yeah, I know, man. I'm good at my job.

"But if we do this, we'll also need you to have your camera on for all meetings. This is a very community-focused company. We care about connecting with each other, and that's part of it. We can get you a better webcam if you need!"

Me: "Omg that would be great! Thank you!"

Me inside: "What part of 'my patient is autistic' did you not understand about my doctor's letter? Tell me a real reason why you need me to have my camera on? A real, actual reason? Cause I'll turn my camera on. I'll turn my camera on when I gxxdamn want to, and meanwhile, I'll keep producing the exact same level of work you literally just praised."

Look, I understand company culture. Fine. Whatever.

You're literally just telling me that I only get to be part of a culture if I assimilate and act like everyone else. I actually really like people. I do. I also have boundaries and limits. And when I can't set and keep my boundaries and limits, then I can't be around people, no matter how much I love them, because it makes me feel like I'm going to lose my damn mind.

I just hate this. It's so unfair. It's so, so incredibly hard. And to have to have a 40 minute conversation about my ADA request where I feel like I am trying to defend myself and justify my request and then I still get asked, basically, to "be normal" (which is how it felt) is infuriating and it made it so hard to get through the rest of that stupid meeting.

Sorry if I said anything here that is annoying. No one did anything wrong. It's just the way things are. Maybe I'm just a giant baby though, I have no idea.

I've worked in marketing now for about 15 years, currently doing things like social media and website management for a local bank. Personally, I'm not happy with my job, even though I do like the people and my boss is great. It's just that working for corporate America — versus maybe something like a nonprofit or a public institution like a library or school — makes me feel like I'm just not in the right place for me.

That said, my boss comes into work every day just like, ready to go. You can tell he really enjoys his job. I think about it, and I'm always just kind of like — well, why? What is this bank doing for you besides giving you a paycheck? Why does all of this feel so important to you? Where do you get your sense of purpose?

We don't always know others' thoughts, of course, so maybe it's all an act and he wakes up every day the same as me, wondering what he's doing with his life.

All that to say, I am very curious about people who work in corporate America and actually really like it. I don't mean that you work for something like a nonprofit or a B Corp or anything like that ... I'm talking about, like ... you work in corporate for a big grocery or retail chain, or you work in corporate for an app of some kind, or an investment firm, etc.

I'm just looking to learn about people, not judge! I find people fascinating and when there's something I don't really understand, I just love to talk about it and listen.

Thanks :)

I think about this a lot from time to time. I have an 8th house Taurus Sun opposite Pluto, and with Pluto being the planet of destruction/reconstruction, having that opposite a fixed earth sign of all things has been a doozy haha.

My Taurus sun in the 8th house is in a "Scorpio" house, AKA the house of destruction/reconstruction itself ... as Pluto is one of Scorpio's two rulers. And my Pluto is in Scorpio.

So it's like I have my poor little Taurus sun who just wants to nap and have things never change ever ... sitting in a "Scorpio" house, getting pummeled by an empowered Pluto, the deconstructionist, shooting lasers from his home sign ...

My identity and my life and my circumstances have gone through so much upheaval. I've been told more than once in my life that I have a tendency towards "self destruction," like ... building something up and then just walking away from it. Usually because the thing I built isn't meeting my specific standards.

Thus, whenever this Taurus "loyalty" and "commitment" thing comes up, there are people who would say, "Arizonbatorechestra? Yeah right..."

Just curious about your experiences with something like this if you have that!

I'll be 40 on May 4. I want the same thing I want every year: an expensive dinner at a fancy place hahah