u/arizonabatorechestra

I saw a graphic that showed May 4 birthdays as being one of the rarest. Then I searched here for May 4 birthdays and barely found any!!! And no May 4 birthday posts this year so far (that I’ve seen yet anyway! Maybe there was one!!) Haha

Any May 4 babes in here? ⭐️🛸

Did I mask through the whole thing? Of course. Was I sweet and accommodating and agreeable? You bet ya. Did I get off that call and want to swallow glass? Sure did!

I am a single parent in the midst of burnout that has been with me for well over a year, leading to a straight up drinking problem. Yes. I had to go get a beer before this meeting. Because I'm so fucking tired of all of this. (And yes. I need to stop drinking. I'm trying.)

The details:

• Before this job, I worked remotely for almost 15 years.
• I got this job last year after being wrongfully terminated from my last one. (I lawyered up and cashed out, all good. Fxxk 'em.)
• I couldn't be picky. I needed a job. This one was located about a half hour drive from me. They'd never hired remotely before. The expectation was 8am-5pm in-office. I got brave and informed them that I cannot do this — I am a single parent with a kid who has never not had their mom at home at all times, and I have two dogs. They still wanted to hire me. Cool.
• We compromised: I'll go in 2 days a week from 9am-2:30pm (so I can leave to get my kid from school) and then the next week, it would be 3 days, and we'd just rotate. Very grateful for that.

So now we're here.

When I started that job, I was already burnt out from being a more-or-less newly single parent. But I pushed through.

I have called in ... a lot. Sick kid. Sick me. Sick car. Whatever. I don't think I've actually done more than a week or two of that schedule because waking up, getting myself ready, getting the kid ready, getting the kid to school, getting myself to work ... by the time I get there I'm down to like 4 out of my 10 spoons for the day. I have driven halfway to work and then pulled over, sent a text saying I couldn't go in but would log on at home, cried, then turned around and went home.

But I keep pushing through.

Last week I took off for my birthday. By midweek, I was like ... I can't do this anymore. I need a break. I can keep working but I can't go into the office. I'm losing my mind. It's too much for where I am right now with both my physical and mental health.

(I don't have any savings to take FMLA, I barely have any PTO left, and I don't qualify for employer-funded short-term disability until the fall of this year. God bless the USA.)

So, I submit a request for an ADA accommodation along with my physician signed/stamped diagnosis of ASD (which also cites ADHD and PTSD) — I'm requesting 100% remote work for 6-8 weeks, just to get my brain back in order.

You guys ...

1. Yes, they're going to give me the accommodation.

2. But why was the conversation 40 fxxking minutes long and why did I feel like I was having to defend myself and justify my needs the whole time?

My boss is a full on sweetheart. Just a young kid, trying to do his best. I can't blame him. He didn't do anything wrong on purpose.

He just doesn't know. Because no one gets trained on this stuff.

Why is it that, if my ADA request was to stay home for 6-8 weeks to recover from a kidney transplant or something, that conversation would have been 5 minutes long ... but when it has to do with mental health, I have to make sure everyone there understands I'm not just fully incompetent?

He even told me how great of a job I was doing at work, how much I've contributed, etc. Like, yeah, I know, man. I'm good at my job.

"But if we do this, we'll also need you to have your camera on for all meetings. This is a very community-focused company. We care about connecting with each other, and that's part of it. We can get you a better webcam if you need!"

Me: "Omg that would be great! Thank you!"

Me inside: "What part of 'my patient is autistic' did you not understand about my doctor's letter? Tell me a real reason why you need me to have my camera on? A real, actual reason? Cause I'll turn my camera on. I'll turn my camera on when I gxxdamn want to, and meanwhile, I'll keep producing the exact same level of work you literally just praised."

Look, I understand company culture. Fine. Whatever.

You're literally just telling me that I only get to be part of a culture if I assimilate and act like everyone else. I actually really like people. I do. I also have boundaries and limits. And when I can't set and keep my boundaries and limits, then I can't be around people, no matter how much I love them, because it makes me feel like I'm going to lose my damn mind.

I just hate this. It's so unfair. It's so, so incredibly hard. And to have to have a 40 minute conversation about my ADA request where I feel like I am trying to defend myself and justify my request and then I still get asked, basically, to "be normal" (which is how it felt) is infuriating and it made it so hard to get through the rest of that stupid meeting.

Sorry if I said anything here that is annoying. No one did anything wrong. It's just the way things are. Maybe I'm just a giant baby though, I have no idea.

I've worked in marketing now for about 15 years, currently doing things like social media and website management for a local bank. Personally, I'm not happy with my job, even though I do like the people and my boss is great. It's just that working for corporate America — versus maybe something like a nonprofit or a public institution like a library or school — makes me feel like I'm just not in the right place for me.

That said, my boss comes into work every day just like, ready to go. You can tell he really enjoys his job. I think about it, and I'm always just kind of like — well, why? What is this bank doing for you besides giving you a paycheck? Why does all of this feel so important to you? Where do you get your sense of purpose?

We don't always know others' thoughts, of course, so maybe it's all an act and he wakes up every day the same as me, wondering what he's doing with his life.

All that to say, I am very curious about people who work in corporate America and actually really like it. I don't mean that you work for something like a nonprofit or a B Corp or anything like that ... I'm talking about, like ... you work in corporate for a big grocery or retail chain, or you work in corporate for an app of some kind, or an investment firm, etc.

I'm just looking to learn about people, not judge! I find people fascinating and when there's something I don't really understand, I just love to talk about it and listen.

Thanks :)

I think about this a lot from time to time. I have an 8th house Taurus Sun opposite Pluto, and with Pluto being the planet of destruction/reconstruction, having that opposite a fixed earth sign of all things has been a doozy haha.

My Taurus sun in the 8th house is in a "Scorpio" house, AKA the house of destruction/reconstruction itself ... as Pluto is one of Scorpio's two rulers. And my Pluto is in Scorpio.

So it's like I have my poor little Taurus sun who just wants to nap and have things never change ever ... sitting in a "Scorpio" house, getting pummeled by an empowered Pluto, the deconstructionist, shooting lasers from his home sign ...

My identity and my life and my circumstances have gone through so much upheaval. I've been told more than once in my life that I have a tendency towards "self destruction," like ... building something up and then just walking away from it. Usually because the thing I built isn't meeting my specific standards.

Thus, whenever this Taurus "loyalty" and "commitment" thing comes up, there are people who would say, "Arizonbatorechestra? Yeah right..."

Just curious about your experiences with something like this if you have that!

I'll be 40 on May 4. I want the same thing I want every year: an expensive dinner at a fancy place hahah