does anyone have advice
took a month long loa because of back pain. my dr says just exercise and swim and will not sign my loa
he said im gonna get fired and theres nothing he can do. dls wont allow me an extension and its due in 3 days. should i just resign? im completely panicking please any advice
any recs for more positive hopeful songs? one month sober!
my mama just gave birth a week ago. she was close to hemorrhaging. her legs got swollen again when she got home more pitting and high bp. she naps from 5am-7. will not stop moving, hardly eating or drinking water. husband isnt much help but even when me and sister are doing everything that needs done for her and baby my mama still wont stop. she’s forgetting things and not making sense. tired but wired. doesnt seem anxious just restless and gets upset when told to sit. said her bleeding has gotten heavier. was even trying to move furniture yesterday. i dont trust myself yet to take care of baby alone but she needs rest
please need advice on how to support mama and baby as much as possible? she was like this for weeks leading up to the birth bcuz we havent fully adjusted to moving and trying to get everything in order
baby started crying during this post got up to feed her but didnt know where she moved the supplies and i get scared to burp her so after trying for a whie i woke up her dad but mama immediately took over and dad right back asleep. im struggling to keep my eyes open when i tried to burp her i couldve hurt her because for a second i mixed up which hand to pat her back and which to hold her head im so scared for mama or i will hurt baby from sleep deprivation
19 identify gay he/him since I was 11, started hormones at 16. vividly remember intense dysphoria until transitioning. stopped seeing my body as any certain gender, or a “trans body”, just mine. always loved everything feminine and wished i was born a girl but felt like being a guy was just correct in my heart and that hrt saved my life.
had this idea of just wanting to be a pretty boy not looking like a man but vividly remember feeling like a man in my head and disconnected from my body before. had times of dressing up like a girl in secret. goal was always to become manly enough to present feminine. absolutely loved all my changes from t even the facial masculinization. would stare at my body and facial hair in the mirror and loved hearing my own voice.
anyways lost my hrt a year ago, noticed a few days ago that ive been very envious of women, accidentally speak high/softly and have feminine mannerisms which is very opposite to how ive been my whole life. i have zero dysphoria since hrt and dont care what people perceive me as.
the last few days ive been kind of obsessed with seeing if i could look like a girl and i feel the type of euphoria with this as i did when i was transitioning. shaved my face did my makeup ive never felt like this before and scared i just faked being trans but i dont think a cis woman would be that joyful about growing a happy trail or a manly voice lol. last time this happened over a year ago i had a whole gender crisis, a few days later felt completely masculine again and wanted my facial hair back
can any genderfluid ppl relate to this or does this sound like a detrans post lol
this is not a negative thing or a struggle, just thoughts!
ive always considered myself a feminine guy and had extreme crippling dysphoria which completely diminished when i was 17, a year on t. i had this fantasy of reaching a point where my body looked masc enough to present fem.
ive always had this specific idea of how i wanted to look as a guy, how i felt inside which was very different than my type of men
ive always wanted to be a girl more than anything, like if i could snap my fingers i would but i just never had that connection.
ive been off t for a year(not detrans), and still dont feel dysphoric and find myself fantasizing that i was born a woman as if im not afab and could chose to present that way still lol i try on women’s clothing and makeup when im alone and even though ive lost nearly all my t progress and no facial hair, i still just feel like a man pretending to be a woman which almost reminds me of how it was pre t, feeling disconnected. i just wish i was born a girl lol please tell me im not the only one
Ive been concerned that transitioning was a mistake. This is a lot to read bcuz I want to provide enough context and I dont expect answers, or help and I am starting therapy soon. Just wanted to get this out of my head and see if anyone related.
S/A, alcoholism, and OCD themes mentioned.
Was very interested in everything feminine as a child, but felt disconnected with my body when I hit puberty. At 12 saw Miles Mckennas video on his transition, felt this strong connection like someone finally saw me but dont remember being aware of gender dysphoria until then and it became crippling over the years. Im 19 now
Started testosterone in 2022, which I viewed as something life saving. After a while I didnt experience dysphoria except for when getting misgendered by strangers. When that happened it felt like a crashing over me that I forgot existed. I remember always feeling extremely eager to get top surgery, changing my name, and feeling hopeless/regretful at one point when I realized I couldnt change my gender marker. I was extremely happy and comfortable when I was on testosterone after the changes started, and often fantasized about my body being masculine enough to present femininely in public. My voice, body hair, and facial hair brought me extreme joy. Throughout this time, I wished I was just a girl but never felt the connection.
After a year on t, became inconsistent with my shots. I dont know if this was because of unrelated depression, subconsciously regretting transitioning, or maybe even being disappointed with progress thinking it would be quicker. At this time my period came back a few times which I felt extreme dysphoria around until I stopped taking hormones.
In october 2025, I went through trauma and chose to take a break so that I would continue having
my period. This reassured my anxiety around the incident. Ive completely lost myself. I started drinking heavily so I dont remember much but I went on a binge of sleeping with strangers, usually straight men, despite my extreme sexual shame and dysphoria. I dont remember if I actually intended to sleep with people for normal reasons, if I was putting myself in situations where I couldnt say no, or if I was trying to relive what mightve happened in Oct for “answers”. My partner of 3 years has suggested that I have OCD, and that the incident put me into a spiral or uncovered symptoms. They suggest that my gender confusion is related.
This is not the point of the post, but I wanted to include this time for context of how I started questioning.
My brain has felt completely different since that incident, like for example I cant tell the difference between feeling a pain or imagining it. Or not recognizing the feeling of hunger, or needing to pee. Or knowing if a bad thought is something I truly believe or an accident, like I could accidentally think “I could easily steal this”, and then obsess over if I actually wanted to and consider doing it to know if I really wanted.
As of currently, looking back at that time I see a different person and can’t comprehend my actions. I havent felt connected with my body since this, other than the femininity. Most days I feel like Im stuck in a spiral, so I have no way of knowing which thoughts are true but I wish so badly I was a girl.
I wish I had a womans body, could naturally wear womens clothes, a pretty feminine face. Im extremely jealous of my sister and mother. I want to be a mommy someday and a wife to my partner. I always had this vision of future me, as a passing male, and I dont know if I connect with that anymore. I dont see myself as a woman in the future either, I just wish I naturally was. I have thoughts like, for example, my sister compared me to a male actor and my first thought was “I dont want to look like a man”. I remember noticing my body and facial hair thinning, fat redistribution, loss of muscle mass, ect. I really don’t know if this brings me dysphoria, or if I just want it gone. I remember my partner agreeing that my mustache wasnt noticeable and I cried over it but dont notice it much anymore.
I dont know if my concerns about regret are genuine or anxiety. I dont know if my old body reminds me of Oct, or if the idea of this identity and transition reminds me of the trauma. Since Oct, Ive made everything around me new and disconnected. Not much left that takes me back to that time. I feel completely lost and scared. I dont know if its worse to try detransitioning, or to start hormones again to get the euphoria and connection back. I dont know if my connection with my femininity means Im a girl, hypersexuality, or just comfort in my body after years of not associating things with gender/sex. I get misgendered often and cannot tell the difference between it causing dysphoria or assurance. I’ve noticed myself having much more feminine mannerisms than I used to and speaking much higher too. Ive asked my partner to call me a girl, which made me cry and I dont know if that was because it felt right or wrong. Sometimes I just want to be a little girl again, or have the teenage girl experience I never had.
I havent made an effort to refill my prescription, but a few weeks ago I found unopened vials and ended up doing my shot for the first time again yesterday. It felt like progress and a cover up at the same time, and I felt so much joy and fear. Theres a feeling in my chest that makes me want to cry, and I dont know if its a tightness like regret or something more freeing like yes Im finally here again. Im terrified of never knowing if I made the right choice, if I truly feel comfortable in my body. Im terrified of being a “trans dad”. I want to be a mommy someday more than anything. When I started testosterone, it felt like it was an urgent life saving thing. I dont know if I ever considered the convenience, or the fear. I dont think I am a man. Does anyone relate to any bit of this or do I sound like I am just irrationally questioning everything?
Another thing that might be necessary to mention is I always felt an extreme discomfort around my birth name, which is probably gender neutral. I physically couldnt say it for years until I became an adult and had to say it all the time for job interviews, drs appointments, ect. I dont feel uncomfortable saying it anymore and feel more embarrassed about my chosen name
I turn 20 next month. Mom took me out of school at 7. Was isolated until I met my partner 2 years ago. This caused me to become extremely depressed, thinking Id be stuck at home forever. Finally got a job last november, thought this was the cure to everything. The feeling like I was different or behind or “doomed”. Im a happy person, I put a lot of effort into keeping a good mindset and peace. I dont want this to demotivate anyone. I just feel so lost. I went through some trauma when starting this job, something Ive only just now been able to start healing from 7 months later. The problem is I havent been able to get myself to work in a month. I hate doing anything, I mean I clean a lot but nothing else is enjoyable. Hobbies or work. I hardly sleep. I just lay in bed scrolling constantly or cleaning. I dont know why Im posting this really or if this is the right place. Before I got a job, that was all I cared about. Finding a job was supposed to fix everything. But this is the first time Ive actually done anything in most of my life. I thought I made so much progress, and let go of that “doomed” mindset. but. this just feels like a big relapse showing me that I cant really do it. I still live at home, I dont have a dollar saved, maxed out my first credit card, owe hundreds in drs bills. I dont know what Im doing
went to rockville alone was AMAZING. so crazy to return to normal life now, i want to keep the moment alive and share the excitement. what are yalls favorite moments of wtr?
also does anyone have any close videos of my chem, gnr, staind, or bmth?
can anyone recommend a good solar powered battery pack to last me full weekend for phone battery