u/calorieconsciouscow

being trapped in a constant physical symptoms loop of anxiety and not being able to go out

since 2020 both my physical & mental health have been declining - i went from an optimistic, bright young women who had dreams for her future to house bound & barely able to take care of my basic hygiene

I live in filth and sometimes im just so embarrassed and disgusted with myself

\- the fatigue has ruined my life and no matter how hard i chase my local health team nothing seems to make them take me seriously - i have to beg them to do proper diagnostic routines and follow up tests which nearly always end up being cancelled or results being dismissed by the gp - i know my body, something is wrong with my body! but its like talking to a wall

everytime I think im close to seeing an actual specialist something happens - im constantly on edge and have feelings of impending doom/dread that ill end up just collapsing from the exhaustion and pain , my mental health is suffering the most - i begged my cmht to let me see a psychiatrist so I can explain how im feeling and at least get a change in medicine to help with the constant anxiety & feelings of despair

I held out for so long just hoping that if I reached my appointment then id find some relief only to recieve a text a day before that my "emergency appointment" has been cancelled with no update on when the next one will be

I genuinely don't know what to do, im scared whatever is happening to my body will end up being permanent and one day I won't be able to communicate or go back to the way I was

my heart is constantly beating, ive developed agrophobia, i feel like im not getting enough oxygen in my brain, my body aches everywhere, my nervous system to always constantly on high alert, migraines , eye and ear problems, unexplained weight gain

I shouldn't feel like this at such a young age...

since 2020 both my physical & mental health have been declining - i went from an optimistic, bright young women who had dreams for her future to house bound & barely able to take care of my basic hygiene

I live in filth and sometimes im just so embarrassed and disgusted with myself

- the fatigue has ruined my life and no matter how hard i chase my local health team nothing seems to make them take me seriously - i have to beg them to do proper diagnostic routines and follow up tests which nearly always end up being cancelled or results being dismissed by the gp - i know my body, something is wrong with my body! but its like talking to a wall

everytime I think im close to seeing an actual specialist something happens - im constantly on edge and have feelings of impending doom/dread that ill end up just collapsing from the exhaustion and pain , my mental health is suffering the most - i begged my cmht to let me see a psychiatrist so I can explain how im feeling and at least get a change in medicine to help with the constant anxiety & feelings of despair

I held out for so long just hoping that if I reached my appointment then id find some relief only to recieve a text a day before that my "emergency appointment" has been cancelled with no update on when the next one will be

I genuinely don't know what to do, im scared whatever is happening to my body will end up being permanent and one day I won't be able to communicate or go back to the way I was

my heart is constantly beating, ive developed agrophobia, i feel like im not getting enough oxygen in my brain, my body aches everywhere, my nervous system to always constantly on high alert, migraines , eye and ear problems, unexplained weight gain

I shouldn't feel like this at such a young age...

I'm starting to hate everyone in the world, which is weird because I usually am quite an empathetic person

lm assuming that everyone i come across is bad at heart and that they have bad ulterior motives

I think im at my wits end, this was supposed to be my saving grace - i kept telling myself that if I just wait it out a little longer then I can explain how I feel to the dr, maybe get a correct assessment and a change in medication - this appointment was meant to be an "emergency intervention" as 3 months prior i was in a crisis and actively suicidal - i waited in a&e for hours despite having not left my house for months due to severe agrophobia and anxiety

there seems to be no preventative measures - I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now

idk much they kinda remind my of the sets we got during valunar.... doesn't feel at all summer inspired and weirdly out of place

I remember hearing the song in the background of a prominent internet celebrities live during their public breakdown (lisa marie johnson)

from what I can remember the song featured a brief vocoder intro, I can't remember the exact lyrics as it was pretty distorted but it could be something like "the danger, the danger" before transitioning to straight instrumental & electric guitar riffs for the entire song, the song was very psychedelic

one thing that was very distinctive about the song was at the end a distorted male voice (it sounded like it was a clip from a movie) said something along the lines of "you should probably put your clothes back on... oh and one more thing"

will it get better?

im sitting here writing this 2 days before my 25th birthday. since I was 16 my life has been on a constant downward spiral , ive achieved absolutely nothing and regressed to the point where I can no longer take care of myself - I rarely leave the house & I don't shower or brush my teeth

everytime I think about it, I feel so sad, I cant believe this is my life now

everyday is filled with anxiety, self-disgust and loathing towards myself and the rest of the world, what's crazy is that I still don't know what's wrong with me, any kind of assessment I've done to try and pinpoint that cause of all this has become lost in the sea

ive been with my community mental health team for around 4-3 yrs, its a never ending cycle of them just contacting me every 6 months to check if im still alive and informing me that im still on the waiting list

I truly think im way too far gone to get better, i think help took way too long to reach me that I actually won't be able engage in therapy anymore

I've researched private but tbh ive lost faith in the whole healthcare system - i feel like im losing the motivation to fight to get better, like I physically can't anymore - ive regressed so much, what it happening

(hi everyone, this is my first time posting on this sub so im kinda nervous, I had recently posted about this same issue on r/anxiety but my post was removed by the mods with a suggestion that i post about it here instead, im guessing the mods saw that there were a lot of arguments in the replies & they didn't want it to spiral out of control)

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im a non-white, non-english woman from the UK, I was born/raised here & until recently i never really questioned by cultural identity as a British woman

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as many of you might of seen, there's a growing racial sentiment towards immigrants (and generally anyone who isn't white) in the UK - in recent years there's been a pretty clear agenda being pushed to create some sort of civil unrest/war in the UK both online & irl

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as someone who struggles with major anxiety/ocd themes this has always been my biggest fear, for the first time I actually feel unsafe/uncomfortable in this country - maybe i was just ignorant before but seeing all the horrible disgusting things being said about people who look like me on X and tiktok has really opened my eyes , it doesn't help that the richest man in the world is also promoting these beliefs as well as meddling in UK politics

a lot of politicians with similar beliefs have been voted into positions of power which also makes me think that this isn't just a "online" thing like many people say, we constantly see riots & protests that often turn violent , with innocent poc being the victims

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I would be lying if I said it hasn't impacted my mental health. I was already a very self conscious person before this, dealing with major social anxiety that caused me to stay inside for months on end and this situation has just made it worse :(

the way the media is grasping at "bad poc/immigrant" storylines im terrified of making a mistake or being accused of something then having my picture blasted online for the far right to rip apart,

im scared of being attacked outside for how i look, im scared for the safety of my mother - even reaching out for help makes me scared cos I fear that the specialists will judge me "for using their system as a visibly non-english person"

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I guess the fact that me even venting about my issues online was first met with hostility on another sub reddit also made me spiral

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I just want to vent and have some support cos I feel so alone in all this, I cant stop myself from spiraling into despair about the current state of the world, I often get panic attacks because I constantly fear the worst of the worst

im not sure how to start this but let me preface by saying im a visibly non-white, non-english woman living in the UK, i was born/grew up here & for most of my life i considered myself british -

looking at the most recent incidents in the news it feels like the entire country has gone mad, there's just so much rage and hatred - i go online and see millions of unfiltered opinions about innocent people who look like me, many of which go into *extreme* fascist territory , its not just online too many of this rhetoric has spilled offline , every other day there's some sort of protest or riot against minorities, even political candidates who have said some awfully racist things are getting into political power

I feel paralyzed with fear & anxiety everyday, I barely leave the house due to it - I have trouble trusting people (doctors, members of the public) as im scared they might secretly despise because of my appearance/race

I just feel despair over the state of the country and constantly scared that it will escalate into a massive civil conflict due to the propaganda being pushed online - im also fearful for my mother who is also a poc and has a full time job , i don't want her to get hurt

its really impacting me

- faye, wade and rue are going to have a big altercation in which wade accidentally shoots faye

- alamo's crew are going to kill rue's mom

- rue is either going to end up dead (either killed by laurie or alamo) or end up in prison

- ali is going to avenge the death of rue/rue's mom by shooting alamo, subsequently freeing maddy/cassie from their debt

- cassie and maddy are trauma bonded , they rekindle friendship with nate out of the way

- jules is going to be distraught after finding out about rue's death/incarceration which is going to inspire her artistically, she will end up leaving her sugar daddy & begin taking her career seriously,

- lexi is going to end up incorporating everything that unfolded this season into her screenplay, possible set up for an inception like ending, where we the audience are actually watching the show she's written