u/calorieconsciouscow

I can only describe the way im feeling right now as drowning - I've been under my local cmht now for around 5 years, and i feel like im no closer to getting better- they aren't acknowledging my severity at all - there's something deeply wrong with me and its absolutely ruined my life

when i was first put under cmht, i was diagnosed with "mild" generalized anxiety and depression

since then, I have cut contact with nearly all my close friends and family, im losing interest in all the things that used to give me joy

Im basically developed agrophobia, I no longer have any ambitions or aspirations for my future, no motivation, I see no colour in life anymore, I genuinely don't see myself getting better, i don't clean or wash myself, I barely leave my bed and I spend all my days ruminating about the worst possible future scenarios where everyone hates me/negative intrusive thoughts

I feel like a disgusting waste of space

this has impacted my physical health too, and the meds they've prescribed me on top of my already high dose of ssris have only worsened the lethargy and obesity worse (15mg mirtazapine)

I have an occupational therapist who sees me once a week, but I find it hard to engage when I don't even have the motivation or energy to live - ive done CBT in the past but that hasn't helped me at all and im scared that OT won't work on me either , like im just wasting resources or my mental illness is too severe to be helped by these types of therapy

I bring this up to cmht during my 6 month check up and tell them I've gotten worse and have low quality of life but its like they refuse to acknowledge it & don't want to dig any deeper into why i don't seem to be improving- so far nothing has changed and I feel like im not being listened too

am I a lost cause? I feel like they are just gonna discharge me one day seeing as they "can't help me" and im a liability to the service

I don't know why I am like this, I thought reaching out to cmht would help me understand my mind and I'd get to live a somewhat normal life

but nothing like that has happened. I've only gotten worse.

I'm honestly at a loss for words as to how any sort of medical professional would think that CBT is a good choice for people with obsessive compulsive disorder

not only are you reinforcing the idea that "thoughts = behavior," which is extremely upsetting to those who deal with intrusive ego-dystonic thoughts, but you are also feeding into the ocd cycle of reassurance-checking, teaching patients to analyze and rationalize the intrusive thoughts

all in all, i feel like cbt traumatized me and made my ocd worse.

they downvote everyone who talks about their negative experience with the nhs - they also are really passive-aggressive, condescending, and rude in the replies of anyone who is simply just venting or genuinely asking for general advice

Im guessing the subreddit is full of the same type of individuals we post about on here...

good to know they bring the same gaslighting tactics they use at work online

my original post was deleted on the official r/nhs subreddit, but i will not let them silence me

the way most of the GPs are run is comparable to criminal syndicates, most are independent contractors so it is easy to have corruption slip through when it comes to money hungry managers - i find it suspicious that the doctors employed at these practices seem to have no knowledge on basic diagnostic models and many will actually use chatgpt/google your symptoms right in front of you

im surprised there hasn't been a massive inquiry into these practices - all they do is stall any sort of treatment or diagnosis, they make it practically impossible to get the proper medical help/referrals you need on purpose

I truly believe this is all in hopes that you get so exhausted & uncomfortable from constantly chasing them just to end up being dismissed/gaslit that you stop using the service all together but they can still have you in their system as a patient so they get paid - easy money

anytime ive brought up that i suspect i may have ocd, the psychiatrists at cmht immediately shut it down... i tell them that I spend weeks and weeks obsessing over intrusive thoughts or certain themes that make my anxiety spike and cause me to go into major depressive episodes from the constant rumination

I tell them my dad also had ocd, and i am able to compare the similarities/patterns of he acted around me growing up to how I act now, my father also told me that my grandmother also had the same compulsions as him but was never officially "diagnosed" due to the stigma at the time

anytime I mention this to my cmht they refuse to even acknowledge that my diagnosis may be more complex that just "anxiety/depression" and that i may need a more specialized plan catered to treating ocd specifically

its like they want to treat the symptoms of "anxiety/depression" but not whats CAUSING me to have that anxiety/depression

its very frustrating... it could be that they don't have enough money or resources to invest in this type of treatment but they could at least tell me upfront that thats the reason they are reluctant to look into it instead of straight up gaslighting me and causing me to have more anxiety

any condition other than anxiety/depression like ocd, schizophrenia, complex ptsd, agrophobia or personality disorders are immediately shut down or dismissed by the team , its almost like they refuse to acknowledge or treat them even if you clearly are struggling as it will cause more of a burden on the trust

they have no sort of diagnostic approach or support put in place for these conditions

might as well rename the entire system to "suicide watch" as thats all they basically do

kinda nervous taking them because there seems to be a very high risk of me developing serotonin syndrome from this combination ( i was told I would have to take both)

im already dealing with low motivation and im medically obese so its weird that they would give me a medicine that would sedate and make me gain even more weight...

btw im a 5'4 female...

when i asked the dr if I could at least have the home treatment team monitor me while im taking this dose for a while they said that there was no need and that I'm not a priority for the home treatment team....

is my cmht trying to kill me.... lol?

I've been back and forth with my mental health team over the past 5 years, and if anything I've actually declined

cmht has absolutely no sort of diagnostic model put in place, they don't actually want to properly evaluate you, look into your symptoms or diagnose you properly to make sure you get the correct therapy - the doctors rotate every other week so you are never see the doctor you saw the last time (that is if you actually see a doctor at all)

they offer bare bones therapy done by an overworked duty nurse or an unqualified student, and most of the time the therapy doesn't even work for your specific illness

from the first time I was put in a psych ward and put under cmht everything was mishandled - i went from anxiety/depression to developing mild agrophobia

crisis team told me they couldn't do anything and that is was cmhts job to help me, i called cmht and they told me to go to a&e - i go to a&e and they tell me that im already under cmht and that i should just go home

i understand the nhs is overworked & underfunded but I still feel like I should be able to vent my frustrations

I know i should go private if I actually want help but it just makes me sad to think about how much resources ive wasted hoping that id get better

my medication seems to have stopped working or at least something in my body has made me more susceptible to my racing thoughts again - ive been a mess and having multiple breakdowns a day over the last 2 months, I went to a&e in june as I was having ideations & was given an "emergency appointment" with my cmht to see a doctor regarding my worsening mental health/prescription, they ended up canceling a day before I was supposed to see them - i have to wait another couple of months

the last couple of days have been torture, just a spiral of many different ocd/anxious themes , with racing thoughts, emotional dystegultaion, my nervous system is pretty much shot

im not sure what to do, ive recently changed my gp and they won't prescribe me anything unless its been put through cmht - ive been offered "occupational therapy" but I feel like im in no place to recieve it as im at a very low point so I won't be cooperative

being trapped in a constant physical symptoms loop of anxiety and not being able to go out

since 2020 both my physical & mental health have been declining - i went from an optimistic, bright young women who had dreams for her future to house bound & barely able to take care of my basic hygiene

I live in filth and sometimes im just so embarrassed and disgusted with myself

\- the fatigue has ruined my life and no matter how hard i chase my local health team nothing seems to make them take me seriously - i have to beg them to do proper diagnostic routines and follow up tests which nearly always end up being cancelled or results being dismissed by the gp - i know my body, something is wrong with my body! but its like talking to a wall

everytime I think im close to seeing an actual specialist something happens - im constantly on edge and have feelings of impending doom/dread that ill end up just collapsing from the exhaustion and pain , my mental health is suffering the most - i begged my cmht to let me see a psychiatrist so I can explain how im feeling and at least get a change in medicine to help with the constant anxiety & feelings of despair

I held out for so long just hoping that if I reached my appointment then id find some relief only to recieve a text a day before that my "emergency appointment" has been cancelled with no update on when the next one will be

I genuinely don't know what to do, im scared whatever is happening to my body will end up being permanent and one day I won't be able to communicate or go back to the way I was

my heart is constantly beating, ive developed agrophobia, i feel like im not getting enough oxygen in my brain, my body aches everywhere, my nervous system to always constantly on high alert, migraines , eye and ear problems, unexplained weight gain

I shouldn't feel like this at such a young age...

since 2020 both my physical & mental health have been declining - i went from an optimistic, bright young women who had dreams for her future to house bound & barely able to take care of my basic hygiene

I live in filth and sometimes im just so embarrassed and disgusted with myself

- the fatigue has ruined my life and no matter how hard i chase my local health team nothing seems to make them take me seriously - i have to beg them to do proper diagnostic routines and follow up tests which nearly always end up being cancelled or results being dismissed by the gp - i know my body, something is wrong with my body! but its like talking to a wall

everytime I think im close to seeing an actual specialist something happens - im constantly on edge and have feelings of impending doom/dread that ill end up just collapsing from the exhaustion and pain , my mental health is suffering the most - i begged my cmht to let me see a psychiatrist so I can explain how im feeling and at least get a change in medicine to help with the constant anxiety & feelings of despair

I held out for so long just hoping that if I reached my appointment then id find some relief only to recieve a text a day before that my "emergency appointment" has been cancelled with no update on when the next one will be

I genuinely don't know what to do, im scared whatever is happening to my body will end up being permanent and one day I won't be able to communicate or go back to the way I was

my heart is constantly beating, ive developed agrophobia, i feel like im not getting enough oxygen in my brain, my body aches everywhere, my nervous system to always constantly on high alert, migraines , eye and ear problems, unexplained weight gain

I shouldn't feel like this at such a young age...

I'm starting to hate everyone in the world, which is weird because I usually am quite an empathetic person

lm assuming that everyone i come across is bad at heart and that they have bad ulterior motives

I think im at my wits end, this was supposed to be my saving grace - i kept telling myself that if I just wait it out a little longer then I can explain how I feel to the dr, maybe get a correct assessment and a change in medication - this appointment was meant to be an "emergency intervention" as 3 months prior i was in a crisis and actively suicidal - i waited in a&e for hours despite having not left my house for months due to severe agrophobia and anxiety

there seems to be no preventative measures - I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now

idk much they kinda remind my of the sets we got during valunar.... doesn't feel at all summer inspired and weirdly out of place

I remember hearing the song in the background of a prominent internet celebrities live during their public breakdown (lisa marie johnson)

from what I can remember the song featured a brief vocoder intro, I can't remember the exact lyrics as it was pretty distorted but it could be something like "the danger, the danger" before transitioning to straight instrumental & electric guitar riffs for the entire song, the song was very psychedelic

one thing that was very distinctive about the song was at the end a distorted male voice (it sounded like it was a clip from a movie) said something along the lines of "you should probably put your clothes back on... oh and one more thing"

will it get better?

im sitting here writing this 2 days before my 25th birthday. since I was 16 my life has been on a constant downward spiral , ive achieved absolutely nothing and regressed to the point where I can no longer take care of myself - I rarely leave the house & I don't shower or brush my teeth

everytime I think about it, I feel so sad, I cant believe this is my life now

everyday is filled with anxiety, self-disgust and loathing towards myself and the rest of the world, what's crazy is that I still don't know what's wrong with me, any kind of assessment I've done to try and pinpoint that cause of all this has become lost in the sea

ive been with my community mental health team for around 4-3 yrs, its a never ending cycle of them just contacting me every 6 months to check if im still alive and informing me that im still on the waiting list

I truly think im way too far gone to get better, i think help took way too long to reach me that I actually won't be able engage in therapy anymore

I've researched private but tbh ive lost faith in the whole healthcare system - i feel like im losing the motivation to fight to get better, like I physically can't anymore - ive regressed so much, what it happening

(hi everyone, this is my first time posting on this sub so im kinda nervous, I had recently posted about this same issue on r/anxiety but my post was removed by the mods with a suggestion that i post about it here instead, im guessing the mods saw that there were a lot of arguments in the replies & they didn't want it to spiral out of control)

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im a non-white, non-english woman from the UK, I was born/raised here & until recently i never really questioned by cultural identity as a British woman

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as many of you might of seen, there's a growing racial sentiment towards immigrants (and generally anyone who isn't white) in the UK - in recent years there's been a pretty clear agenda being pushed to create some sort of civil unrest/war in the UK both online & irl

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as someone who struggles with major anxiety/ocd themes this has always been my biggest fear, for the first time I actually feel unsafe/uncomfortable in this country - maybe i was just ignorant before but seeing all the horrible disgusting things being said about people who look like me on X and tiktok has really opened my eyes , it doesn't help that the richest man in the world is also promoting these beliefs as well as meddling in UK politics

a lot of politicians with similar beliefs have been voted into positions of power which also makes me think that this isn't just a "online" thing like many people say, we constantly see riots & protests that often turn violent , with innocent poc being the victims

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I would be lying if I said it hasn't impacted my mental health. I was already a very self conscious person before this, dealing with major social anxiety that caused me to stay inside for months on end and this situation has just made it worse :(

the way the media is grasping at "bad poc/immigrant" storylines im terrified of making a mistake or being accused of something then having my picture blasted online for the far right to rip apart,

im scared of being attacked outside for how i look, im scared for the safety of my mother - even reaching out for help makes me scared cos I fear that the specialists will judge me "for using their system as a visibly non-english person"

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I guess the fact that me even venting about my issues online was first met with hostility on another sub reddit also made me spiral

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I just want to vent and have some support cos I feel so alone in all this, I cant stop myself from spiraling into despair about the current state of the world, I often get panic attacks because I constantly fear the worst of the worst