u/cassiejanes

Me 28/F and my friend 29/F have been friends online for about two and a half years. We text and FaceTime almost every day play games together all the time and she means so much to me. We live on opposite sides of the world, our friendship has become such a meaningful relationship to me and I love her so much.
That’s why this is hard for me to explain. When she’s drunk she can become really mean and aggressive and I genuinely feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her. I have to be extremely careful about what I say or do because sometimes she’ll take something completely harmless and turn it into a problem. She might suddenly become cold with me, send me messages or get really emotional and cry.
For example the other day I was playing with a random person. It wasn’t anything serious but she suddenly texted me saying that I was playing without her and that she “hated here” It completely caught me off guard because I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I honestly thought she was joking at first but I already suspected she might be drunk because I’ve noticed this pattern before.
I still sent her an invite because obviously I wanted to play with her. She ignored it, so I thought whatever I’ll leave her alone. I closed the game, went to feed my cat, ate dinner and came back about 40 minutes later. She was still online, so I invited her again. She was playing a squad game and eventually let me join but she wasn’t responding to me at all. I was literally sitting there talking to myself wondering what was going on.
I stayed in the lobby for around 15 minutes waiting for her to finish because I wanted to play with her. She eventually lost the game, went back to the lobby and immediately left. I just sat there like… “Oh”
And tbh that hurt my feelings. It made me wonder why I was being treated like that when I hadn’t even done anything to her. What makes it worse is that it was already 2 AM for me and I was staying up because I wanted to spend time with her.
I know she’s drunk when this happens and I know alcohol affects how she acts, but that doesn’t make it any less hurtful when I’m on the receiving end of it. I love her and I value our friendship so much which is probably why these moments affect me as much as they do. I just hate feeling like I have to constantly watch what I say or do whenever she’s drunk because I never know what’s going to suddenly become a problem. Mind you she does sometimes apologize the next day and admits that she was drunk, but honestly I’m also partly to blame because I’ve never actually told her how much it hurts me when she acts like this. I usually just brush it off because I know she was drunk and because I love her but I think I’ve been keeping all of that hurt to myself for way too long.
And overall, she really is a good person. This isn’t me saying she’s horrible or that our whole friendship is bad. She’s actually someone I love and care about deeply and we’ve had so many good memories together. That’s exactly why these situations confuse me so much.

That being said I’m genuinely lost on what I’m supposed to do. I’m scared that if I bring this up I’m going to somehow ruin our friendship or lose her, But at the same time I’m getting really tired of being hurt randomly out of nowhere and then just brushing it off because she was drunk. I don’t want to keep walking on eggshells around someone I love but I also don’t want to throw away a friendship that means this much to me. So what am I supposed to do? Please I genuinely need some advice on this

For years like maybe 16 years or more I don’t even remember anymore my mental health was horrible. And it only got worse as I got older especially after I graduated high school. Everything basically went to shit after that.
I couldn’t get accepted into college and I couldn’t find a job. After around 8 years I finally managed to get a diploma/degree in banking and insurance but I still couldn’t get a bachelor’s degree because of the country I was born in. I was born and raised here my entire life but because my parents weren’t born here I don’t automatically get the nationality. It doesn’t matter that I’ve lived here my whole life. As a non citizen I’m basically not allowed to study at most colleges here and most of the seats are reserved for actual citizens.
The same thing happened with jobs. I thought getting my degree would at least help me find something but nope.
So for years my mental health was basically nonexistent. And of course suicidal thoughts were having a fucking blast in my brain constantly. I was deeply depressed because I felt completely stuck in life. No money, no house, no car, no work basically nothing.
I used to ask God all the time “If I was put here on purpose then why am I not allowed to have anything like everyone else?” I’ve had so many conversations like that in my head over the years.
Therapy? With what money?
Anyway I’m turning 28 this month and something happened about three weeks ago that I genuinely don’t understand. I suddenly feel like a completely different person.
It’s like someone flipped a switch in my brain.
I’m more energetic more creative I’ve started going out a lot, taking care of myself and actually enjoying things. I made a new TikTok account and started posting videos just because I enjoy making them and somehow they’re actually blowing up and people seem to love them.
I’m also weirdly calm. My social anxiety feels like it disappeared somehow. I’m talking to people more, going out more and I actually feel like I’m acting the way I always imagined a wise, emotionally mature adult would act. And honestly? It’s freaking me out.
I’ve never felt like this in my entire life. Not even close.
I’ve even started wondering if this could be some kind of manic episode. I’ve never had one before, so I obviously don’t know what that would even feel like and I’m not trying to diagnose myself. I just know that going from years and years of horrible depression to suddenly feeling this energetic, creative, social and calm in the span of a few weeks feels so drastic that I can’t help but question it.I keep trying to figure out what the hell is happening to me. Did my brain just suddenly decide to stop giving a fuck? Did I get so broken by everything that something in me finally snapped? Is this just what growing up feels like? I’m just… calm. I feel okay. And after spending so many years feeling like shit “okay” feels suspicious.
Part of me is scared that this isn’t normal because it happened so suddenly.
Has anyone experienced something like this? Is there an explanation for suddenly feeling mentally better after so many years of being depressed and broken? Please I need some advice because Im actually freaked out

For years like maybe 16 years or more I don’t even remember anymore my mental health was horrible. And it only got worse as I got older especially after I graduated high school. Everything basically went to shit after that.
I couldn’t get accepted into college and I couldn’t find a job. After around 8 years I finally managed to get a diploma/degree in banking and insurance but I still couldn’t get a bachelor’s degree because of the country I was born in. I was born and raised here my entire life but because my parents weren’t born here I don’t automatically get the nationality. It doesn’t matter that I’ve lived here my whole life. As a non citizen I’m basically not allowed to study at most colleges here and most of the seats are reserved for actual citizens.
The same thing happened with jobs. I thought getting my degree would at least help me find something but nope.
So for years my mental health was basically nonexistent. And of course suicidal thoughts were having a fucking blast in my brain constantly. I was deeply depressed because I felt completely stuck in life. No money, no house, no car, no work basically nothing.
I used to ask God all the time “If I was put here on purpose then why am I not allowed to have anything like everyone else?” I’ve had so many conversations like that in my head over the years.
Therapy? With what money?
Anyway I’m turning 28 this month and something happened about three weeks ago that I genuinely don’t understand. I suddenly feel like a completely different person.
It’s like someone flipped a switch in my brain.
I’m more energetic more creative I’ve started going out a lot, taking care of myself and actually enjoying things. I made a new TikTok account and started posting videos just because I enjoy making them and somehow they’re actually blowing up and people seem to love them.
I’m also weirdly calm. My social anxiety feels like it disappeared somehow. I’m talking to people more, going out more and I actually feel like I’m acting the way I always imagined a wise, emotionally mature adult would act. And honestly? It’s freaking me out.
I’ve never felt like this in my entire life. Not even close.
I’ve even started wondering if this could be some kind of manic episode. I’ve never had one before, so I obviously don’t know what that would even feel like and I’m not trying to diagnose myself. I just know that going from years and years of horrible depression to suddenly feeling this energetic, creative, social and calm in the span of a few weeks feels so drastic that I can’t help but question it.I keep trying to figure out what the hell is happening to me. Did my brain just suddenly decide to stop giving a fuck? Did I get so broken by everything that something in me finally snapped? Is this just what growing up feels like? I’m just… calm. I feel okay. And after spending so many years feeling like shit “okay” feels suspicious.
Part of me is scared that this isn’t normal because it happened so suddenly.
Has anyone experienced something like this? Is there an explanation for suddenly feeling mentally better after so many years of being depressed and broken? Please I need some advice because Im actually freaked out

As a 27yo woman, one lesson I’ve had to learn firsthand is that someone’s profession doesn’t always reflect how they treat the people closest to them.
I’ve spent years in therapy read countless books on psychology and emotional health and put a lot of work into becoming emotionally aware. a couple of years ago I became friends with someone who also happened to be a therapist. I expected our friendship to be fairly healthy I wasn’t expecting perfection..no relationship is perfect but I did think there would be more self awareness, accountability and respect when conflicts came up.

Over time I experienced behaviors that felt manipulative, emotionally immature and dismissive. “No” often wasn’t accepted, apologies rarely came and when I tried to communicate that something had hurt me, my feelings were usually brushed aside instead of acknowledged.
Eventually it reached a point where I blocked her without saying anything. It wasn’t an impulsive decision, it was the last straw after a long pattern of things that left me emotionally drained. Ironically another friend made the exact same decision the next day after reaching her own limit too.
Since then I’ve heard that she’s been telling people we blocked her “out of nowhere” that she has no idea why and that she’s confused
Hearing that only reinforced my belief that she genuinely doesn’t think she did anything wrong.it confirmed that she either doesn’t recognize or doesn’t acknowledge the issues that led to my decision
That being said, It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve made. There are still moments when I want to message her because I genuinely miss the friendship we had but every time I think about it I remind myself why I left. Right now my priority is healing.

I (27F) was going through one of the darkest periods of my life. I had been cheated on and i was trying to leave a toxic relationship and was struggling badly with my mental health. There was one night where I came very close to ending my life. The only reason I didn’t was because I started thinking about the people I cared about and who cared about me. My friends were among the faces that came to mind.
Fast forward to much later. I decided to open up to one of my closest friends (let’s call her Lucy) and tell her how grateful I was for her friendship. In that message I mentioned that she was one of the people I thought about during that night and that remembering my friends helped stop me from doing something irreversible.
I trusted her with that information because it was incredibly personal and vulnerable.
What happened next completely blindsided me.

Lucy joined a game with our friend group but there were also a few random guys there that we occasionally play with. They’re nice enough but they’re not people I would ever choose to share my personal struggles with. Apparently Lucy read my private message out loud to the group.
I didn’t find out from her. One of my friends messaged me and said “Lucy just read your message to everyone”
And my heart sank. My immediate reaction was “Are you kidding me?” I couldn’t understand why anyone would think that’s okay. I spent the rest of the night talking to another friend about how betrayed I felt I had trusted Lucy with something deeply personal and she shared it without asking me first.
From what I was told nobody in the group was really comfortable with what she did either but nobody spoke up in the moment. Apparently Lucy wanted help figuring out how to respond to my message.

But even if that was her intention I can’t help feeling like there were a hundred better ways to handle it. She could have asked me questions directly. She could have talked to one trusted friend privately Instead she shared my message with a group of people including people I barely know.
Now I’m embarrassed I feel uncomfortable around those people because they know something extremely personal about me that I’m suicidal. that I never chose to share I also feel like my trust has been broken.
Lucy later sent me a long apology after I called her out that i know what she did and i expressed how disappointed and hurt I was of her. She said she didn’t fully understand what I meant and didn’t realize I was referring to being suicidal at that time she said she wasn’t trying to hurt me.
Part of me wants to believe her because we’ve been friends for a long time. Another part of me feels like regardless of whether she understood the exact meaning. reading someone’s private message to a group without their permission is a huge violation of trust.

I don’t know how to move forward after what just happened. I feel so sad and betrayed

I (27F) was going through one of the darkest periods of my life. I had been cheated on and i was trying to leave a toxic relationship and was struggling badly with my mental health. There was one night where I came very close to ending my life. The only reason I didn’t was because I started thinking about the people I cared about and who cared about me. My friends were among the faces that came to mind.
Fast forward to much later. I decided to open up to one of my closest friends (let’s call her Lucy) and tell her how grateful I was for her friendship. In that message I mentioned that she was one of the people I thought about during that night and that remembering my friends helped stop me from doing something irreversible.
I trusted her with that information because it was incredibly personal and vulnerable.
What happened next completely blindsided me.

Lucy joined a game with our friend group but there were also a few random guys there that we occasionally play with. They’re nice enough but they’re not people I would ever choose to share my personal struggles with. Apparently Lucy read my private message out loud to the group.
I didn’t find out from her. One of my friends messaged me and said “Lucy just read your message to everyone”
And my heart sank. My immediate reaction was “Are you kidding me?” I couldn’t understand why anyone would think that’s okay. I spent the rest of the night talking to another friend about how betrayed I felt I had trusted Lucy with something deeply personal and she shared it without asking me first.
From what I was told nobody in the group was really comfortable with what she did either but nobody spoke up in the moment. Apparently Lucy wanted help figuring out how to respond to my message.

But even if that was her intention I can’t help feeling like there were a hundred better ways to handle it. She could have asked me questions directly. She could have talked to one trusted friend privately Instead she shared my message with a group of people including people I barely know.
Now I’m embarrassed I feel uncomfortable around those people because they know something extremely personal about me that I’m suicidal. that I never chose to share I also feel like my trust has been broken.
Lucy later sent me a long apology after I called her out that i know what she did and i expressed how disappointed and hurt I was of her. She said she didn’t fully understand what I meant and didn’t realize I was referring to being suicidal at that time she said she wasn’t trying to hurt me.
Part of me wants to believe her because we’ve been friends for a long time. Another part of me feels like regardless of whether she understood the exact meaning. reading someone’s private message to a group without their permission is a huge violation of trust.

I don’t really know what to do moving forward after what just happened. I feel so sad and betrayed

Being a lesbian in a country where being openly gay can get you killed and it’s basically illegal, I’ve had crushes. I’ve met women who made my heart race. I’ve imagined what it would be like to tell someone how I feel to hold their hand and go on a date to experience something so many people take for granted. But for me those things aren’t simple.
I have to constantly think about how I look how I act what I say who might be listening and what people might assume.
What hurts the most is knowing that I can’t fully be myself…. It’s watching other people love openly while I have to keep parts of myself locked away.It’s grieving relationships that never even had a chance to begin
And I know I’m not the only one, there are so many people like me living quietly hiding pieces of themselves to survive because they have to.

That’s why Pride matters so much to me for many of us Pride is a reminder that we exist. It’s a reminder that our stories matter even when the world around us tries to erase them. It’s hope for people who feel invisible It’s a message to those who are still hiding that they are not alone
there are still people who cannot safely be themselves there are still people who have to choose between authenticity and safety there are still people who live every day with fear, loneliness and uncertainty simply because of who they are.
So during this month please don’t forget about us. don’t forget about the people who cannot celebrate openly don’t forget about the people who are still hiding, Keep talking about us keep standing up for us. Keep reminding the world that we exist and that our lives matter
Until that day comes please don’t forget us. we are here. We have always been here and we deserve the same chance to live, love and exist safely as everyone else 🩵

Happy pride month 🏳️‍🌈