u/ciraecel

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I have a friend who sent me a message saying that he's gonna end his life and thats why he's deleting all social media, who can i contact to check on him i can't message him anymore and idk what to do idk his mom or sister or anyone that is close to him irl that can directly go to him I'm getting really worried

i’m really struggling to make a decision and i’d appreciate hearing from people who studied or worked in the field

my two options for university are optometry or computer science, i genuinely like both and i don’t have a clear favorite which is making the decision harder

one thing that worries me is that i wasn’t really good at physics in high school especially la mécanique, i know optometry involves optics but i don’t know how similar or different it is from the physics i know

i picture myself enjoying both, i like technology and solving problems but im also interested in healthcare and directly helping people and i don’t know which one i’d regret giving up more lol

if this helps since i was a kid (11) i’ve always been interested in computer science and everything related to it it was a huge passion of mine and i always imagined myself working in tech, but i ended up discovering optometry too and i find it fascinating too

it feels like i’m choosing between a childhood dream or a career i’ve grown to love and i can’t make a choice 😭

these past few days i’ve been missing the way my body used to look before, i gained weight because of my meds and now i feel too fat like i’m not worth looking at anymore. everytime i look at myself in the mirror i immediately compare my body to the old sick version and convince myself that i was prettier back then
i hate that gaining weight for recovery was supposed to mean me getting better it just feels like i lost a version of myself i was attached to
i feel like i’m about to relapse back into it completely, i catch myself skipping meals and obsessing over numbers just because i miss feeling acceptable in my own body
my brain keeps romanticizing that version of me that was struggling the most , i keep thinking that being thinner made me more lovable and more deserving of attention

i’m still stuck in L1 even after repeating the year twice already (this is my third time) and it’s starting to destroy me mentally
when I first got into university, I chose mechanical engineering because I studied math technique : génie mécanique in high school, so it felt like the natural path to continue in. but once I actually started, I realized I couldn’t see myself in it at all, I felt completely disconnected from the field and unmotivated

because of that i thought maybe the issue was just the orientation , i decided to switch to ST LMD hoping things would get better and that maybe i would’ve just chosen the wrong speciality. but even after changing things barely changed
my first year in ST i ended up with a 8 moyenne annuelle, so obviously i had to repeat the year
now i’m repeating the year again and somehow i’m doing so much worse. i got a 7 the first semester and i feel incapable of recovering from that. i’ve lost all confidence in myself. everytime i try to study i feel discouraged and overwhelmed

i’ve also went through a very severe depression that affected basically every aspect of my life. It became so bad that it led to my BPD diagnosis and multiple attempts

socially, university has also been a horrible experience for me. in my first year in GM i never really had any friends in the section and most people only approached me when they needed help, assignments, explanations, or favors, if it wasn’t for them then no one ever replied to my messages or paid attention to me and it made me feel more used than anything else. then during my second year things got even worse because i ended up getting bullied and it completely destroyed the little confidence and motivation i still had left. and now this year i feel like there’s some kind of rumor going around about me because out of nowhere 13 people from my section blocked me even though i barely interact with people there, and when i do interact with others i always try to be kind and helpful so i genuinely don’t understand what i did wrong

At this point i genuinely have no idea what to do anymore. I’ve started thinking about completely giving up on university, but every time i think about it i realize i don’t know what other options i have left. maybe doing des formations instead but even then i feel lost because i’m not even sure what i’m truly interested in. i’d enjoy becoming a design office technician but i don’t know if i can do that without higher studies. I’ve also thought about informatique because it interests me but at the same time i’m terrified it might too difficult for me

i’m just so lost, and honestly, living and studying in Algeria makes it feel even harder sometimes, because the system feels very rigid and once you fall behind or get stuck, it feels like there aren’t many clear second chances or alternative paths, which just adds to the pressure and the feeling of being trapped
so i really don’t know what i should do anymore in my situation, should i try to push through university even though i’m struggling this much, or should i completely change directions and go for formations or something more practical

i need a clear more realistic path for someone in my situation in algeria

i hadn’t done it for almost a year, not because i healed or learned how to cope but just because my mom found out , after that every sharp thing in the house became monitored so i learned how to bury the urge
but now it’s back again
and the worst part is that it’s for stupid reasons, the kind of problems that everyone else seem to survive without falling apart , i know it shouldn’t matter but i still feel it claw under my skin
a whole year should mean something, it should erase the instinct but no

i just failed my exam , i couldn’t even write anything in the paper even though i tried studying for it, this is the third time i repeat the year and all the efforts i put into studying aren’t bringing me anywhere, i tried studying the whole year went to every class and never missed and if i didn’t study i would’ve gotten exactly the same result

i feel so left behind compared to the others , it pains me when i see everyone succeeding while i’m stuck in the same place

failing once hurts, but repeating a year multiple times after genuinely trying makes it feel like something is fundamental wrong with me, and when you sit in an exam and your mind goes blank beside all the preparation it feels so humiliating

hey everyone my name is iris, this is the first time i do this and honestly i’m not used to venting anymore, i stopped a long time ago since it felt like i was just bothering my friends

lately everything has been feeling so heavy, i feel completely alone even tho i talk to my friends everyday , i do have friends but it feels like they secretly hate me or are tired of having me around
every conversation feels forced and i keep overthinking whether they actually like me or just tolerate having me around

also school has made everything so much worse , i repeated the year twice already and it honestly makes me feel so stuck compared to everyone else, seeing everyone move forward while i’m still here makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself
the worst part is that i am actually trying, i swear, i study until i’m drained and i push myself even when i dont have the energy and it feels like none of it lead anywhere, no matter how hard i try ill still fail

i don’t even know how to explain how hopeless this feels, waking up everyday just to feel disappointed in yourself over and over again, i wonder if things are ever going to get better for me or if this is all i’m ever going to feel

i don’t even know why i’m posting this maybe i’m just hoping someone will understand and notice me