u/darcygoan

Would it be worth the walk if we’re staying the night on market street, or just watch the town green park fireworks?.

Thanks for your suggestions- we aren’t from here? 😊

With my mother.

Things are extremely tense at times.

She is an unhappy person.

When something bothers her, she brings it up immediately as the precise victim of the thing that bothers her, making everyone uncomfortable and creating a scene.

I know she is a sick woman - I pray for her. I say the sick man’s prayer for her almost every day.

I kind of want one of my siblings to be present when I make amends to her. My brother has been in the program for ten years. (Sober 10 years, but doesn’t go to a home group anymore). He does the steps every few years but is very busy. I’m staying active in the program permanently, but he at least really gets it.

Anyway, I’m concerned the conversation could devolve. When I am quiet, or don’t get into something she wants to get into, she takes that as an attack, and I’m thinking having him there would prevent issues.

Does anyone have any experience with a dynamic like this?

I’m almost 4 months sober, in the middle of my 9th step.
I recently realized, the steps are for spiritual fitness. Well, I knew that, but it’s really soaking in.
I drank over my resentments, comparisons, guilt, but I also drank for no reason at all. I drank because I liked the effect it produced. I also smoked weed all the time, for the same reason.
I no longer have that bliss it brings. The exuberance. I also don’t have all of its terrible consequences to my health and life overall. Alcohol brought me down so deeply, but I liked the effect.
And now I am trading in a lighter brain for the ability to look myself and my family in the eye. And I have a right mind that can evaluate things squarely. And I have a higher power for direction, so I know what’s right now.
But I miss the effects.
I don’t have much else to say, and I hope someone could share something to set me straight. I’m praying for my HP to remove my desire to have a lighter, space brain today.

I picked up a 3 month chip today. I remember picking up my 24 hour chip and my 1 month chip and thinking there is no way this is possible.
Today, it seems so possible. It’s not nearly as difficult to move through life with clear thinking and a clear conscience as it was just a short time ago.
When I came to AA, I needed to stop drinking for health reasons and I was completely unable to stop for more than 8 hours by myself.
Then I realized this was more than just abstinence and support, and now I’m on step 9 and it’s truly remarkable that I’ve begun to really override old thought patterns that have trapped me in misery my whole life.
AA is miraculous if we can be fearless and thorough. It’s an enormous opportunity to share your life and recovery with another human being, to listen to a higher power, and share in community. I always felt alone and like the voices in my head understood me best, and now I want nothing to do with those voices that are not my own or Gods.
We are so fortunate to have been given the gift of desperation. I’m thankful to be a part of AA.

Hi!
Looking for a portrait photographer who offers film sessions for a family of 3. I’m really not very interested in digital, so if you know anyone in this area, please let me know!

When making a list of harms done, do you include holding onto resentment or judgement?.
Those are on all of my “my part” columns, however, I’m unsure of those are things that I would make amends for, especially if the object of my negative thinking is unaware.
I’m considering listing just actions and words spoken, rather than thoughts for my harms.
What do you think?

Hey, so I F33 am an aunt to a 13 year old, who I do not get to see often. When she was young, we were so close. However, her parents and I have had a rocky road. We have fairly different values. I’m a little more free spirited or relaxed and they are style over substance in a lot of ways. I guess we fail to see the good in each other, and it can cause some awkwardness at times. I’m also 10 years younger than them and I know I’ve made some mistakes of my own in the way I’ve spoken to them when issues arose out of immaturity over the past 11 years that I’ve known them.
My feelings are that as F13 has grown up, she’s heard them discussing my husband and me, and that can really impact our closeness.
There’s no huge event that has gone down, but they are pretty judgmental. Examples being that the last time I saw them, within 15 minutes, they had already called one of my friends broke (she’s literally generationally wealthy but modest), and another weird because they have moved states and come out as non-binary.
Ok so to the issue at hand: I really want to reconnect with my niece and have an opportunity! She’s going to be spending 2 weeks with myself, husband, husband’s parents (her grandparents) and my 3F daughter. She LOVES spending time with my daughter. It reminds me so much of how she and I used to be when I see them together.
What are good ways to connect with a girl this age? She enjoys vintage shopping, plays volleyball, used to draw, reads a lot of teen fiction, and watches TLC shows. She’s on her devices with noise canceling headphones a ton of the time, so I want to take advantage of those up and about moments we will have together.
What should we talk about, what activities are teens into these days we could connect over?.
I know I sound like a Dinosaur, I’d just like to jump start a better path!

Hi guys! My husband and I love yardarm but are visiting with our 3 year old this time and won’t be able to go there. Do you have any delicious kid friendly recs? (Bonus points for on water of any kind)

From what I’ve gathered, what other people think of me is none of my business.
However, my mom is deeply unwell and I feel that this may need to be confronted. She was initially very happy I got sober, but doesn’t seem to agree much with the program itself so I’m not sharing things about AA with her.
Since starting my program 2.5 months ago, my mom has been sending me messages and making comments out of the blue. Examples:.
She texted me randomly the other week that there is a distance between us and she’s sick of it.
She told me recently that I don’t like her anymore and she can tell.
She said she was surprised I haven’t gotten my “mom” tattoo removed.
I have brushed these off, I continue to see her every other week and call a few times per week. Perhaps since starting my program, my behavior and demeanor are more pensive and slow to react. I’m not so gossipy and elevated.
Anyway, I feel like I’m on eggshells around her. I’m trying to be really kind and praying for her.
Is it okay to open up a conversation about this? I don’t really know what to do and I feel like I’m in an extended state of pausing. Advice appreciated!.
.
I’m on step 8 so approaching amends which will include her of course.

I’m in AA and 76 days sober!
I’m on step 8. My father (deceased), brother, and I are all alcoholics. My brother and I are both part of 12 step programs.
Gratefully, I have changed so much. I used to be a fairly codependent person, but especially since my 4th step, and noticing my injured ego and my part in most of my problems, the way I process the world feels so different.
I use the P-R-A-Y prayer acronym to start my days and my clarity is increasing. What a weight lifted!.
Sometimes, it comes to my attention that my personality is different. My mother has been struggling and complaining that we aren’t close anymore, that trying not to judge others isn’t necessarily a positive change, and that trying to listen to God can cause you to miss the mark. I know that sounds like I’m describing it incorrectly, but she really does say those things. I haven’t told her much about my program, but when I’ve shared little things when she asks questions, she doesn’t like my responses. She thinks reading the bible is the only way to learn about God, and that we should have clear opinions about other people’s actions.
That doesn’t bother me. I really do pray for her most days, and I feel better, my husband feels like I’m doing better, and I’m not drinking!.
Because I’ve shed so many traits, my personality is a little smaller, I still need to grow into my new self and become more confident again. However, I feel like she may miss my gossip and codependency. She recently texted me that I don’t like her and she can tell and she’s sick of it.
I’m sad for her because I feel like she’s isolating herself. Has this happened to anyone else? She feels left out of my program, but doesn’t seem to want to do Al-Anon despite my suggestion.
I would like to help her. I’ve been praying that I can be helpful to her. I’m trying to see my part. I hang out with her for a whole day every other week and call her throughout the week a couple times.
Any advice?

I’m 76 days sober!
I’m on step 8.
Gratefully, I have changed so much. I used to be a fairly codependent person, but especially since my 4th step, and noticing my injured ego and my part in most of my problems, the way I process the world feels so different.
I use the P-R-A-Y prayer acronym to start my days and my clarity is increasing. What a weight lifted!.
Sometimes, it comes to my attention that my personality is different. My mother has been complaining that we aren’t close anymore, that trying not to judge others isn’t necessarily a positive change, and that trying to listen to God can cause you to miss the mark. I know that sounds like I’m describing it incorrectly, but she really does say those things. I haven’t told her much about my program, but when I’ve shared little things when she asks questions, she doesn’t like my responses. She thinks reading the bible is the only way to learn about God, and that we should have clear opinions about other people’s actions.
That doesn’t bother me. I really do pray for her most days, and I feel better, my husband feels like I’m doing better, and I’m not drinking!.
Because I’ve shed so many traits, my personality is a little smaller, I still need to grow into my new self and become more confident again. However, I feel like she may miss my gossip and codependency. She recently texted me that I don’t like her and she can tell and she’s sick of it.
I’m sad for her because I feel like she’s isolating herself. Has this happened to anyone else? Where people take offense to your lifestyle and attitude changes? I would like to help her. I’ve been praying that I can be helpful to her. I’m trying to see my part. I hang out with her for a whole day every other week and call her throughout the week a couple times.
Any advice?

Today, our big book study began We Agnostics.some of the shares went long, or became religious, but I tend to close my eyes and listen for little nuggets of truth.
After a few Christian Conversion shares, someone Taoist spoke up and asked everyone to stop using the word god because “that’s not what AA is about”.
I’m not religious, but I do use the word God as the name of my HP.
Anyway, the vibe got bad. It turns out someone was there who needed to hear strength and hope, and I’m sad that what occurred turned into essentially evangelism and debate.
I don’t care what anyone thinks or says about their HP, I do find it compelling that folks have a before and after. Looking back, I’ve only been to 1 meeting where the topic was HP that didn’t turn sour.
Do you find this to be a common occurrence? Why are we offended by each others choice of how to discuss our higher powers?

So, my sponsor is meant to be my sponsor (God has truly proven this) and is growing me, but sometimes it’s nice to come here when I’m feeling amiss and get the Reddit AA response. She is technically an old timer (over 60 and got sober about 15 years ago, but has not had any sponsees make it through the program and stay. They are no longer sober. Anyway, Y’all are so clear headed in the responses, so here goes!.

I am just shy of 2 months sober. I’m on my 5th step.

My group meets at a building that is owned by a non profit. That non profit is losing money, and I partnered with someone on the board of that non profit to get a fundraiser going that I expect to bring in $500-$1000 for the building. This is an outside issue, and I’m only on step 5 at 60 days sober, but I felt like since it’s an outside organization, this is not an AA thing.

The fundraiser was approved, excitedly, by that individual. When I told my sponsor about it, she was not approving and gave me responses that were about the AA process for service work and fundraising, which seems irrelevant. I only told the person on the board and my sponsor about this, but my sponsor told others.

I just have honestly ignored her advice on this issue, because it felt condescending and again, this building is in dire need of funds. I can only donate so much and my idea is simple and will bring some cash. She has been a little weird since that.

When we had our last 1 on 1 meeting, at the end, she was like “you have a lot of good ideas, and you will begin service work soon. When you begin service work, you should find things to do, and don’t tell everyone you’re doing them”.

This struck me as pointed. I have not brought up any ideas for AA service work. At that point, I had not been asked to do anything. I just said OK.

She also mentioned that I seem to be getting in the mix and making lots of friends so she wanted to leave me be more….

.

Previously, at the beginning of our time together, she said that in AA, if someone asks you to do something, you need to say yes. Which brings me to my current concern. I was asked to chair a meeting starting next month. It’s a very small meeting that I regularly attend. 3 regular attendees got together and asked me. My head was filled with “I haven’t been sober long enough” and “what will my sponsor think”, but I remembered its best to say yes, and I would be there anyway, so I said yes.

Now, I’m so nervous that my name is on the board, and everyone will see it, and what will she think of this?.

I don’t even want to tell her, but if I don’t, isn’t that bad?.

I have no intention of breaking up with my sponsor. We have serendipitous connections, and I don’t believe in coincidences. I feel like she is a lesson in not being a people pleaser and of acceptance. . These are things I really need to learn so I’m getting bonus material in a lot of ways.

But what do you make of all this? Am I wrong to accept the month-long obligation of chairing the small meeting (5-10 folks)? Am I wrong for not wanting to tell her? Was I wrong to come up with a quick fund raiser for the non profit that hosts the various anonymous groups that meet there? seeking a little clarity!