u/darcygoan

From what I’ve gathered, what other people think of me is none of my business.
However, my mom is deeply unwell and I feel that this may need to be confronted. She was initially very happy I got sober, but doesn’t seem to agree much with the program itself so I’m not sharing things about AA with her.
Since starting my program 2.5 months ago, my mom has been sending me messages and making comments out of the blue. Examples:.
She texted me randomly the other week that there is a distance between us and she’s sick of it.
She told me recently that I don’t like her anymore and she can tell.
She said she was surprised I haven’t gotten my “mom” tattoo removed.
I have brushed these off, I continue to see her every other week and call a few times per week. Perhaps since starting my program, my behavior and demeanor are more pensive and slow to react. I’m not so gossipy and elevated.
Anyway, I feel like I’m on eggshells around her. I’m trying to be really kind and praying for her.
Is it okay to open up a conversation about this? I don’t really know what to do and I feel like I’m in an extended state of pausing. Advice appreciated!.
.
I’m on step 8 so approaching amends which will include her of course.

I’m in AA and 76 days sober!
I’m on step 8. My father (deceased), brother, and I are all alcoholics. My brother and I are both part of 12 step programs.
Gratefully, I have changed so much. I used to be a fairly codependent person, but especially since my 4th step, and noticing my injured ego and my part in most of my problems, the way I process the world feels so different.
I use the P-R-A-Y prayer acronym to start my days and my clarity is increasing. What a weight lifted!.
Sometimes, it comes to my attention that my personality is different. My mother has been struggling and complaining that we aren’t close anymore, that trying not to judge others isn’t necessarily a positive change, and that trying to listen to God can cause you to miss the mark. I know that sounds like I’m describing it incorrectly, but she really does say those things. I haven’t told her much about my program, but when I’ve shared little things when she asks questions, she doesn’t like my responses. She thinks reading the bible is the only way to learn about God, and that we should have clear opinions about other people’s actions.
That doesn’t bother me. I really do pray for her most days, and I feel better, my husband feels like I’m doing better, and I’m not drinking!.
Because I’ve shed so many traits, my personality is a little smaller, I still need to grow into my new self and become more confident again. However, I feel like she may miss my gossip and codependency. She recently texted me that I don’t like her and she can tell and she’s sick of it.
I’m sad for her because I feel like she’s isolating herself. Has this happened to anyone else? She feels left out of my program, but doesn’t seem to want to do Al-Anon despite my suggestion.
I would like to help her. I’ve been praying that I can be helpful to her. I’m trying to see my part. I hang out with her for a whole day every other week and call her throughout the week a couple times.
Any advice?

I’m 76 days sober!
I’m on step 8.
Gratefully, I have changed so much. I used to be a fairly codependent person, but especially since my 4th step, and noticing my injured ego and my part in most of my problems, the way I process the world feels so different.
I use the P-R-A-Y prayer acronym to start my days and my clarity is increasing. What a weight lifted!.
Sometimes, it comes to my attention that my personality is different. My mother has been complaining that we aren’t close anymore, that trying not to judge others isn’t necessarily a positive change, and that trying to listen to God can cause you to miss the mark. I know that sounds like I’m describing it incorrectly, but she really does say those things. I haven’t told her much about my program, but when I’ve shared little things when she asks questions, she doesn’t like my responses. She thinks reading the bible is the only way to learn about God, and that we should have clear opinions about other people’s actions.
That doesn’t bother me. I really do pray for her most days, and I feel better, my husband feels like I’m doing better, and I’m not drinking!.
Because I’ve shed so many traits, my personality is a little smaller, I still need to grow into my new self and become more confident again. However, I feel like she may miss my gossip and codependency. She recently texted me that I don’t like her and she can tell and she’s sick of it.
I’m sad for her because I feel like she’s isolating herself. Has this happened to anyone else? Where people take offense to your lifestyle and attitude changes? I would like to help her. I’ve been praying that I can be helpful to her. I’m trying to see my part. I hang out with her for a whole day every other week and call her throughout the week a couple times.
Any advice?

Today, our big book study began We Agnostics.some of the shares went long, or became religious, but I tend to close my eyes and listen for little nuggets of truth.
After a few Christian Conversion shares, someone Taoist spoke up and asked everyone to stop using the word god because “that’s not what AA is about”.
I’m not religious, but I do use the word God as the name of my HP.
Anyway, the vibe got bad. It turns out someone was there who needed to hear strength and hope, and I’m sad that what occurred turned into essentially evangelism and debate.
I don’t care what anyone thinks or says about their HP, I do find it compelling that folks have a before and after. Looking back, I’ve only been to 1 meeting where the topic was HP that didn’t turn sour.
Do you find this to be a common occurrence? Why are we offended by each others choice of how to discuss our higher powers?

So, my sponsor is meant to be my sponsor (God has truly proven this) and is growing me, but sometimes it’s nice to come here when I’m feeling amiss and get the Reddit AA response. She is technically an old timer (over 60 and got sober about 15 years ago, but has not had any sponsees make it through the program and stay. They are no longer sober. Anyway, Y’all are so clear headed in the responses, so here goes!.

I am just shy of 2 months sober. I’m on my 5th step.

My group meets at a building that is owned by a non profit. That non profit is losing money, and I partnered with someone on the board of that non profit to get a fundraiser going that I expect to bring in $500-$1000 for the building. This is an outside issue, and I’m only on step 5 at 60 days sober, but I felt like since it’s an outside organization, this is not an AA thing.

The fundraiser was approved, excitedly, by that individual. When I told my sponsor about it, she was not approving and gave me responses that were about the AA process for service work and fundraising, which seems irrelevant. I only told the person on the board and my sponsor about this, but my sponsor told others.

I just have honestly ignored her advice on this issue, because it felt condescending and again, this building is in dire need of funds. I can only donate so much and my idea is simple and will bring some cash. She has been a little weird since that.

When we had our last 1 on 1 meeting, at the end, she was like “you have a lot of good ideas, and you will begin service work soon. When you begin service work, you should find things to do, and don’t tell everyone you’re doing them”.

This struck me as pointed. I have not brought up any ideas for AA service work. At that point, I had not been asked to do anything. I just said OK.

She also mentioned that I seem to be getting in the mix and making lots of friends so she wanted to leave me be more….

.

Previously, at the beginning of our time together, she said that in AA, if someone asks you to do something, you need to say yes. Which brings me to my current concern. I was asked to chair a meeting starting next month. It’s a very small meeting that I regularly attend. 3 regular attendees got together and asked me. My head was filled with “I haven’t been sober long enough” and “what will my sponsor think”, but I remembered its best to say yes, and I would be there anyway, so I said yes.

Now, I’m so nervous that my name is on the board, and everyone will see it, and what will she think of this?.

I don’t even want to tell her, but if I don’t, isn’t that bad?.

I have no intention of breaking up with my sponsor. We have serendipitous connections, and I don’t believe in coincidences. I feel like she is a lesson in not being a people pleaser and of acceptance. . These are things I really need to learn so I’m getting bonus material in a lot of ways.

But what do you make of all this? Am I wrong to accept the month-long obligation of chairing the small meeting (5-10 folks)? Am I wrong for not wanting to tell her? Was I wrong to come up with a quick fund raiser for the non profit that hosts the various anonymous groups that meet there? seeking a little clarity!