u/diana-forest

Remember the story of Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox (Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks) in the movie "You've Got Mail" (1998)?

>There's a good line there:
"...I love this about the Internet. It’s like sending a message in a bottle out into the ocean, and sometimes you actually get a reply.
It’s just another way of being lonely, isn't it?"

Don't you think this is still relevant today?

Remember the story of Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox (Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks) in the movie "You've Got Mail" (1998)?

There's a good line there: "...I love this about the Internet. It’s like sending a message in a bottle out into the ocean, and sometimes you actually get a reply.
It’s just another way of being lonely, isn't it?"

Don't you think this is still relevant today?

Fantastic scenario. Imagine there was an opportunity to travel not around the world, but through the lives of different people.

What souvenir would you recommend a tourist take if they visited your life?

Were you praised as a child for being "convenient"? Back then it sounded like a compliment — "wonderful child," doesn't act up, always goes along with things, understanding. Only later did it become clear that "convenient" (or more accurately "accommodating") often just means being used for someone else's interests. Sound familiar? The most upsetting part is that in understanding a person or their situation, we often forget about ourselves. No, there are of course altruists, volunteers, people who help others — but they do it by their own will. What about you? Do you actually want to clean your mother-in-law's house instead of going to the park to relax on your day off? No? Then why did you agree to it? Huh?

Pleasing people is not kindness, even though it looks similar. This is when you have the choice to say "no," but you still say "yes." People-pleasing is when "no" isn't even considered, because somewhere inside sits a fear — that if you refuse, they'll stop loving you, or think you're a bad, heartless person. There's a good saying: "Help a hundred times — they'll forget. Refuse once — they'll remember." So what's the point of helping a hundred times, if the good gets forgotten, and refusing once gets remembered?

This practically never pays off with the gratitude you're counting on (or at least hoping for — after all, you're a good person). The more often you agree, the less it's valued — your "yes" stops being a gift and becomes the default expectation. You become simply obligated to do things for others, or to deny yourself for the sake of others. You know what? It's time to say: "Stop riding me, I'm not your horse." And yet, a horse after all? What do you think?