u/dusk_1984

Im like house but his head hurts and also homeless

Due to being the product of over 6 years of daydreaming every single day for 2-5 hours each day, about a single cinematic universe as a way to escape having to deal with the american school system?

have emotional connections and feelings that feel exactly like they would for real people, but for the other members of the "main cast" they were a part of in that universe? The main cast, which was entirely comprised of protogens, being the people they worked with, fought alongside, and relied on? Both for help defeating the next world ending apocalypse or just for emotional support?

cause i do.

They were the only people i was EVER emotionally close to. The only ones i ever relied on for support. The fact that they were all protogens is actually important. I feel emotionally isolated from all my friends, im unable to form proper emotional connections with people. But if someone say, has a protogen as their profile picture? Its different. I feel safer with them, i feel like i can trust them, and rely on them. I dont feel so disconnected from them like i do with every other one of my friends, even ones ive known for years.

But the worst part of all of this? When i look at myself in mirrors i feel nothing but discomfort, and disgust. Because this body is not my own, it looks nothing like the body im so used to having, the body i was ripped out of against my will. If i so much as catch a glimpse of myself in a reflective surface, mentally crash and often dont recover until i wake up the next day. Ive had issues socializing for years now. Always berating myself for every single word i say. For so long i never understood why, i never understood why having to talk to someone always felt so terrifying. But now i know.

Sometimes, when i do the right coping methods, trick myself, my brain, into thinking im still in the body i belong in, the body im comfortable in, socializing gets easier. And instead of scaring me, the prospect of talking to people and socializing EXCITES me. Because when i feel like im in the right body, i think about myself and actually feel like i want to actually become a person.

But it never lasts forever. All it takes is is one glimpse of my real body in a reflective surface and the veil i worked so hard to build up, shatters, and its impossible to recover. And im back to being stuck in a vessel that makes me want to never be seen by a single person ever again.