u/dylanc87

Basically like the title implies, my given name is Dylan and I’m thinking of keeping it because I’ve heard of it being gender-neutral, I’m just hesitant because I’ve never personally met a girl named Dylan and the only one I’ve heard of is Dylan Mulvaney ironically lol. Anyone else a Dylan or know a Dylan who kept the name? Or even anyone who has known girls with the name Dylan? just trying to convince myself it’s not a bad idea lol

Hi! Me (24mtf) and my wife (23f) are looking for other trans (and generally lgbtq+) folks to hang out with, especially since I came out as trans very recently and have found it very isolating as Burlington has next to nothing in terms of queer community as far as we can see, seems like almost everything is in Hamilton 😭

Maybe I’m just looking in the wrong place, but it seems that no matter how much I scour the internet I can’t find anywhere that does tucking/gaff boxier briefs, the best I can find is boyshorts. If that’s all that exists then I suppose that will be fine but I just prefer boxer briefs to prevent chafing as I work a manual labour job. Any recommendations for where to look? I’m Canadian btw, it doesn’t have to be a Canadian brand but it would need to be able to ship to Canada at least. Thanks! :)

Hi! Sorry if this is overly long and I go on tangients but to be honest this has been the hardest few days of my life and I’m very much in a crisis. So basically, almost a week ago, I (24mtf) had a bit of a very very fast snowball of a coming out. I’ve struggled with back and forth feelings of dysphoria, struggling to figure out if it was body or gender based (turns out it’s both) since puberty, but as I’m sure many of you can relate to, I was too fucking scared to make that leap, despite my household being very progressive. Almost 5 years ago, I met my wife (23ftmtf), who identified as a gay trans man at the time. She was on HRT and socially transitioned and passed well and ended up getting top surgery while we were together. She seemed very secure in her identity, though she did end up identifying as bi, same as me. Late summer of 2023 she got pregnant with our first born, and that started a journey of figuring out her dysphoria was based on body image and a lack of positive female role models because of her psychotic abusive mother. She was able to find a way to reclaim her womanhood and be comfortable as a mother for our son, even after the top surgery which she still has mixed feelings on, and still keeping her chosen name to this day. I was completely supportive and affirming though all of this. During that pregnancy, I repressed any queerness I had deeper than ever before, even trying to abandon my bisexuality. Our relationship never faltered even through the traumatic experience of discovering our son had a congenital heart defect, which he has thankfully very much recovered from and lives just like any other little boy. Then, in late summer of 2025, we got pregnant again, this time with a beautiful baby girl. She was born in May with no health complications, but she was a C-section birth which was traumatic for my wife and not something she had wanted at all, but unfortunately there was no other choice. As well, in the process of that operation, damage was done to her uterus which means she’ll never be able to have a vaginal birth again. Because of these things, she’s fallen into a very severe post-partum depression, which is only exaggerated by her pre-existing bipolar disorder and the fact that her body has struggled to heal the c-section incision leading to several infections. Point being, she’s having a rough fucking go of it. And unfortunately, entirely accidentally, I made it all worse. She had finally recovered enough to begin returning to having sex, and one of the first times, I did something I never did, which was ask her to be dominant. She has always loved being submissive and so was apprehensive, but played along. She eventually got into it, and the experience of showing that much more femininity and vulnerability than I had EVER shown her, kinda of struck my core. It began with me confessing that I never stopped being bi and wanted to try to incorporate that into the bedroom. She suggested she get her vibrator and use it on my ass, which I was elated about, but also horrified by. I had played with my ass privately but never during sex with another person. I was horrified of being gross or making a mess since this was completely spontaneous. Luckily it was relatively clean, but through that experience I had tapped into an even MORE feminine side of myself, my voice raising higher, moaning and whining and getting so overwhelmed by the pleasure that I started repeatedly begging her to “f**k me” until… well you can imagine the rest. It was amazing and mind blowing and… she immediately walked away seeming very upset. Through some talking she was able to explain she was having a hard time reconciling the masculine dom top husband she thought she had, with what she just witnessed. She began to question if I wanted to sleep with men on the side to satisfy my urges, or if we needed to experiment with other people to keep me busy. I didn’t want those things. We eventually got to a point of me saying that I wanted to express myself a little more feminine in clothing and whatnot. She was supportive. The next day she showed me she had created a Pinterest board of fashion inspiration. And this is when the egg finally cracked. I looked, and I kept realizing, I was not interested in any of the images of gay men dressing bright colours and stuff, I was entirely drawn to the images of clearly afab butches and nb people presenting in masculine clothes. And I felt the strongest wave of gender envy I’ve ever felt. And I broke down in tears. I confessed to her that that’s what I want but I don’t want to just dress that way, I want to feel that way I want my body to look that way. I told her I didn’t necessarily identify as a trans woman fully, but somewhere between nb and transfem (I’ve come to feel pretty comfy with demigirl). And that I felt pretty strongly that I would need to go on HRT because the things that made me most dysphoric were my hairy masculine chest, and my small ass and thighs; I wanted breasts and a fat ass and thighs. I don’t really want to dress differently, I just want to approach that same kind of masculinity, from a female perspective, and shoutout to r/MTFBUTCH for being a massive inspiration for that. And she had told me the previous night, and also years ago, that she would always stay with me even if I decided I wanted to transition, she would still love me the same. But this wasn’t the case. At first she tried to accept and help, she helped me try on some of her clothes, which brought a mix of euphoria and dysphoria but was overall positive. She took me to a queer run vintage clothes store and picked out some fem things for me. She helped me do makeup for the first time, and though it wasn’t my style, I thought I looked pretty. But through that all, she’s gone widly downhill. She no longer thinks of herself as bi. She says she is grieving the loss of her husband and the father of her kids and the plan she had for our future of growing old together: what’s hard about this is that I am a transfem person who feels a non-gendered connection to being called Dad and that’s extremely important to me and not something I have any doubts in. And for the other stuff I’m just so frustrated and feel so deceived because she identified as bi and feeling attracted to women our whole relationship, and also I just don’t understand what she thinks she’s losing. I’m trans but I’m still very masc, have the same brain and interests and sense of humour, still a dom in the bedroom with just the desire to shake it up once in a while, like for all intents and purposes I’m still that same “husband” she’s been with for nearly 5 years now. But she is strongly against me going on HRT. She tells me it would be impossible for her to find me attractive with breasts and feminine features. She’s gotten extremely angry and blaming me saying I’ve destroyed our family and stolen the future she thought we had planned. She doesn’t believe that this is the real me, that this is some sort of mental breakdown and I need to go to the hospital to fix it, or that she can either stay with me as a couple but no intimacy will be involved, or she can dress and treat me as a woman in the bedroom but nowhere else and no HRT ever. Both of these feel humiliating. The first is essentially a lace far marriage, and unfortunately I do feel I need sex in a long term relationship, and the second one feel fucking insanely crushing as it just feeds into the paranoia most trans women have that this is just some gross fetish agp thing. I just don’t understand why she can’t just be more loose with her definition of our relationship as we very much are in love with each other deeply. She has gotten furious to the point of repeatedly misgendering me yelling at me that I’m a man and her husband and that I’m not a trans woman and that I’m having some sort of crisis. Thankfully my two friends I’ve come out to and my parents have been accepting, but I’m just heartbroken that the person I always thought I’d feel most supported by, has completely invalidated my identity and decided that me living as my authentic self is something she can’t stay in a marriage with. I don’t even feel set on pronouns and titles but even the idea of me being her wife and going by she/her is completely unacceptable to her. She has now kicked me out of the house for a few days to have some space and think. I miss my kids so fucking bad. I genuinely thought she would be ok raising our kids as a lesbian (?) couple, I never thought she’d be so offended by that. I am just in a complete spiral and at the very bottom of my life because I don’t know what to do to keep my family together. My mom wants me to try to suppress this and not rush into it so the kids don’t lose their parents being together, but I just don’t understand why my wife overlooking a pair of boobs and getting to keep the partner she’s created 2 kids with and spent years together, is somehow a harder sacrifice than me getting so close to claiming my true identity just to have it snatched away. I’d be living a lie and I don’t know how long I could even keep living that way. I can’t lie thereve been a few times her I’ve been low and thought about ending it all but I can’t, for my kids. They need their daddy even if daddy looks prettier than most. I just am so lost and have no queer community, especially not other trans fems, and I just need advice or comfort or anything. 🩷

WARNING: LONG POST AND GETS NSFW, DON’T READ IF YOU’RE BELOW 18!!!
me (24m, bi) and my wife (23f bi), have been together for almost 5 years, however when we first started dating and for about 2.5 years, she identified as a gay trans man. Through our relationship, she came around to realizing she was actually bi. Around the time we got pregnant with our first born, she slowly realized what she thought was gender dysphoria was really just body dysmorphia and shame surrounding her bad relationship with her mother. Over the next few months she detransitioned, and is much happier, as am I because I can see that she feels more like her authentic self (should be noted though that she still uses her chosen name, which happened to be somewhat not gender-specific). However, as she has become more fulfilled in her womanhood, I’ve slowly felt more and more repressed and shameful of my bisexuality, implying I don’t really like guys anymore and that being with her as a woman has changed me.

Now in terms of our sex lives, we are pretty vanilla, she’s a 5’5” who was always a bottom even when she was identifying as a man, and I’m a 6’ who has only ever been a top with her, and I’m usually pretty dominant, which she likes. She likes when I use lots of power and force her into different positions because I’m stronger than her etc. so point being, she’s very submissive in bed. Also worth noting, we both feel very strongly about not being into open relationships, and are very close, some would say co-dependent but we are literally best friends so I don’t see it as a problem. However, lately a bit of a snowball started building towards this point sexually, as she told me she does NOT like being dominated when giving me head, and prefers that I just stay still and enjoy and make noise, like she’s pleasuring me, she hates when it feels like I’m just using her mouth. I was more than ok with this.

Background on me, I only ever had one sexual relationship with a cis man, in high school for a few months. I didn’t really find him attractive but I was in a small town so options were limited. I did however really enjoy giving him head, and though it never happened, I really wanted to bottom for him. My bisexual preference is definitely towards women, but I do like men, but the thing is that I only am ever attracted to very feminine men, I hate facial hair and chest hair and big muscles, but at the same time I really like being a bottom when with man. So it’s a bit of a contradiction.

We have adjusted to her preferences with regards to head for a few times (opportunities are rare, as we now have a second kid who is only a month old and barely sleeps), but last night I was being given a full sex session as a reward for something I did for her. However, this time, I slowly started encouraging her to be more dominant. I wanted her to stop me from touching her too soon, I called her mommy, I told her to physically overpower me when having vaginal sex, and all of this she seemed surprisingly into. In the middle of the act, probably because I was so lightheaded from pleasure and was feeling very respected in experimenting with being submissive, I told her I wanted to tell her something, and I confessed how even though I had no interest in having sex with other people, I didn’t want to repress my bisexuality anymore, and I wanted her to know I still feel that attraction and that I wanted to try to incorporate that into our sex life. This she was very open to and had no complaints about and was still very into what we were doing. I then sheepishly admitted I had always wanted to be pegged, and she got excited and said she’s wanted to do that too, and she wants to get a strap-on. I also confessed I had once used her vibrator on my ass when she was away. I expected this to maybe upset her but I wanted to tell her. She got even more excited and suggest she go get it and penetrate me by hand. I was extremely excited but also terrified, I hadn’t prepped or anything so I made sure that she wouldn’t be grossed out or anything and that we use a towel. I was extremely scared and anxious at first but once I relaxed and we did it, it was amazing, it hurt a little but also felt like nothing I’d ever felt and gave so much pleasure. She slowly got more and more intense with it and I almost felt like I couldn’t control myself and starting moaning more feminine in a way I never have before and it even got to the point of repeatedly whining “f**k me” femininely until I had a massive orgasm that had my whole body shaking. It was mind blowing, it was everything I always dreamed it would be.

She immediately afterwards seemed silently unhappy.

Through lots of pushing, and her saying “no it’s fine everything’s fine” (when you’ve been together this long you know when that’s bs) she eventually ended up telling me she was not sure how to feel because this was completely different from anything we’d ever done, and that she just wasn’t sure how to feel because she doesn’t like topping, which is confusing to me because the whole time she seemed extremely into it, leaving me to wonder if it was all an act just for me or if she’s just confused too. We went more into it and I explained that this was just a sex thing for me, and that I want our relationship dynamic to stay the same, and also that this would be a very rare thing and that 90% of the time I still want to be the big dominant man, as I do like that. She said that she doesn’t feel like I’m less of a man for being bi, but that dominating me in that way and the femininity I showed, affected her view of me as a hardworking, blue collar, big strong manly man. I explained more in depth what I’ve shared here about my preferences, and how I am only ever attracted sexually to people with penises if they are feminine, I.e., twinks, femboys, trans women, and that masculine traits are not my thing. We got more into a discussion of my growing up repressing and hating my sexuality despite my progressive household because of the small town I grew up in, and the homophobia I was exposed to from classmates. She wanted me to feel authentically me in how I present myself and all that, and agreed with me saying I wanted to try going to pride or a gay bar (just for fun, as a couple) for the first time etc. it’s just the sexual dynamic she’s still unsure of.

She asked me if I had ever wanted to go out and hook up with men no strings attached, just to satisfy my urges, which I said no I never think about that, however I did say that I had sometimes thought about experimenting with another couple. I was super anxious to admit that gamble, but she was not upset. She didn’t say “hey me too let’s go do it” but she wasn’t upset by it. She did however want to make clear that if we were to ever have someone else in our bed, I was only allowed to be intimate with another person with a penis, which I was ok with because I feel the same way about her, that I’m only ok with her being intimate with someone else with a vagina. And we did clarify this is about sexual organs, not gender identity, because we agreed we don’t want the other person to feel a different person and think that they’re better than us. So for example she could only be intimate with cis women or trans men, I could only be intimate with cis men or trans women.

This was as far as the conversation got because by this point it was almost 3am and she was exhausted. In the end she said that overall it’s all ok but that she needs to sleep on some things. It’s now the next day and I have to admit, when I woke up this morning at first I thought it was a dream, as I’ve had several dreams about experimenting with my sexuality, and to be honest my first feeling was relief, before I realized it was real. It felt good to “come out” to her but at the same time I now have so much anxiety about permanently messing up our relationship because I gave into my “feminine” urges.

I just have so many things I’m not sure of and would love advice or even just opinions on:
- Should I have kept this secret?
- Will she ever be able to see me as the strong working man she has made the father of her children?
- Did she really enjoy all of that in the moment or was it pretending just to satisfy me?
- Does it sound like she actually wants to try experimenting with another couple in bed, given she had such specific preferences on it already?
- Is there anyway I can make the act of me getting penetrated something where I am still the dom?
- For guys who have lots of experience bottoming, will that overpowering feeling that made me moan and beg in a “feminine” way ever go away?
- is there anything i can do in bed to maybe simulate the feeling she has for women, to make it more even?
- how do i tell if she’s being honest about any of this???

Again, sorry for the massive post and please feel free to share any and all other thoughts, as well as questions for me. I don’t have any mlm friends and just need some support mentally to know how to handle these feelings.