u/fabulousfarmer22

The first 5 weeks pp I was producing 30 oz a day. Then ebf onward. The first week ebf she got 24 oz a day then it kept dwindling now she gets 16-20 oz on a good day and she’s 3 months old.

She won’t take formula or pumped milk from a bottle or syringe. I’ve tried different kinds of nipples and warming the milk. Holding her close to the breast. But she just won’t eat. She cries makes an offended face and spits it all out which is weird bc she’ll take her gripe water and gas drops from the syringe. I don’t have high lipase milk. Idk what to do she’s 0% percentile for weight and has been the same weight for the last 2 weeks. I tried to message and call her pediatrician but the soonest they can get her in is the 17th. I’m scared I’m a bad mom and I don’t know what else to do.

I thought I’d start pumping after half of my sessions for 10 minutes so that by the end of the day I have a 3-6 oz bottle for her to push her to the 20-24 oz range daily but she won’t take the milk from a bottle or syringe. What do I do.

Just some insights. She was born April 7th at 39 weeks and some change. She weighed 6 lbs and 9.5 oz at birth. At her 1 month appt on 5/11 she weighed 6 lbs and 14 oz. According to my at home hatch scale she has weighed 8 lbs and 4 oz since June 15… I’m scared she has plateaued because today she still weighed that weigh I go to start a weighed feed and after she’ll eat 1.5-3 oz normally sometimes 3-6 if she’s really hungry.

I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried feeding her every three hours or four hours to make her more hungry and usually that works, but I’ve been needing to feed her more because even then it’s still not enough. Whenever I feed her more frequently like every two hours, she’ll eat maybe like an ounce and a half which is even less than if I were to feed her less frequently I don’t understand. Latch feels great: she nurses for 30 minutes (15 min each side). She usually uses a shield but transfer isn’t bad according to our weighted feeds from LC and without it is good too she says? I’m perplexed honestly?

Any advice or similar situations. The pediatrician cant get me in earlier and i asked to be put on their cancellation list.

I should also know that for the first five weeks, I was exclusively pumping because she was not able to really latch and she was falling asleep. Now she’s much more awake. But still not eating enough, but she has been eating a lot more than at the five week mark with a bottle. At five weeks with a bottle, she was eating 18 ounces a day. But finally at six weeks the nipple showed worked and then a couple of weeks later I was able to takeoff the shield sometimes but haven’t been able to completely wean off of it because she freaks out whenever I try to put her on the boob without the shield first. I don’t really notice a difference in transfer with or without the shield to be honest.

Also, she has enough wet diapers every day she has anywhere from 6 to 9 wet diapers, but as of the last week, she’s only pooped once in a week. I read online though that this could be normal. She doesn’t seem too sleepy or anything and smiles at us and his meeting all of her a milestones like her eyes are able to track high contrast cards and she’s trying to start to laugh like a clicking sound. And has been putting her hands in her mouth all of the time even when she’s definitely not hungry like after eating 6 ounces maybe overnight that happens once in a blue moon. I just don’t understand.

Last note, she usually eats 7 to 8 times a day.

Ok I’m so tired and dealing w a colicky baby so I’m just going to copy and paste 3 of my previous threads together from different times.

The first is when I was 17 weeks pregnant, the second is when I was 2 weeks postpartum, and the third is when I’m nearly 3 months postpartum.

I posted the last part today to a different subreddit and they totally flamed me but I didn’t give all this context in there so I figured I’d come here to this subreddit since I think it’s more suitable for that but please remove if it violates anything. Anyway here goes:

Am I being unreasonable?

This is my first time posting to this subreddit and I am not sure if my post will be removed. Anyway this will be a long post. I should start out by saying that I have been staying with my boyfriend since November of 2023 (I am from Pennsylvania and now live in Texas at my boyfriend's house) and met his parents in the fall of last year. The time in between then and now they have been kind to me aside from what I will say next. I'd say 2 weeks before I found out that I was pregnant I went shopping w his Mom and she asked me "don't you parents care about you", "when are you going back home to live", "if I my child moved across the country I would visit them all the time", then when we were in the car on the way back she said "we didn't even know about you until last year... I just want my son to be happy, if that means he marries a cat, mule, or you I don't mind as long as he is happy." It goes without saying that I felt weird being compared to animals (imo that was a weird analogy and everything else that was said made me feel like I was not wanted and they just wanted me to go home). Also we were over at his parents house earlier this year and when his Dad was talking w my boyfriend in another room his Mom pulls me aside and says that she thinks the reason her son has not been going to church is because I am not Catholic and that Catholicism is a big deal in their family and that she thinks because I am "halfway about Catholicism" that he stopped going to church.

Then I found out that I was pregnant in August of this year and their demeanor immediately switched. They were immediately overjoyed and this is where things in my opinion got to be weird. The day we told his parents was the day we found out, around 6 weeks. That day she starts asking me which doctor I am going to and to call her doctor to setup an appointment, we said no and that we will find a doctor we like on our own. About two hours later when we went back home for like 20 minutes I get a call from his mom's doctor saying my MIL called to setup an appointment for me for that Friday, I said to cancel it as I did not setup this appointment.

I wanted to wait until 12 weeks to tell anyone else in their family that I was pregnant and thankfully they did that but it was not without hassle. What I mean by that is his Dad basically argued w me in their driveway asking "why can't we tell anyone about our grandchild" I said because the risk of miscarriage dramatically decreases after 12 weeks and he said "well the chances are never zero" to which I said maybe not zero but certainly less heard of, this back and forth went on for nearly 5 minutes before I flat out said "you respect my wishes or this will be a big look into the future" to which his Dad reluctantly agreed.

We gave his parents one of the first sonograms photos and they framed it and nearly every time I went over before I hit 12 weeks they would ask me if they have to hide the photo anytime anyone comes over, to which I said "I guess so if that is what it means for anyone to not know before 12 weeks." They always ask me if I am eating enough and gaining enough weight which I can understand is caring but I had a severe eating disorder before I found out I was pregnant (something I have not shared with them but is pretty obvious given how thin I was at that time, like emaciated thin). It bothers me because I have always been a private person and now all of a sudden they keep asking me how my eating habits are and won't just accept "good" they pry. There were a few times I went over and they asked if I ate anything today I said yes and then they ask what, I just say food, they say what food.

I am apprehensive to even be honest about what I ate because there was like 3 times where I was drinking soda and his mom told both me and my boyfriend that I am consuming too much sugar and that its bad for the baby/can cause gestational diabetes. I am also suffering from HG so the list of things I can eat is minimal so I just eat whatever I can.

They told me I can not use the microwave anymore because of radiation and can not drink from plastic bottles because the baby will absorb all the microplastics at birth. (I wish I was making this up).

Even 2-3 weeks his mom asks me how far along I am despite us tell her the due date was in April after the first sonogram appt. Then asked me a few weeks later if I was 3 months pregnant yet (also made me uncomfortable). Told me that after I was 12 weeks my morning sickness would go away since that is when is does for most people, after me telling them I have HG. 17 weeks and still have terrible morning sickness and nausea.

His mom said she was going to set up a nursery in her and her husband's house so when the baby arrives we can stay there for the first few weeks (we literally live one street over), I didn't even say anything because I did not want her to think that would be happening.

They also said at one point that they "can't wait to take their grandchild to Europe for a summer", didn't even ask me if that was okay with me or their son. They have also called me the vessel of their grandchild that also made me feel uncomfortable.

When I brought up that I want to go see my family for the holidays his mom asked me why they just can't come here (my family works and have young children of their own/my brothers and sisters who are in school and also don't have much money to travel w everyone) which is weird to me considering before I found out that I was pregnant his mom kept asking me when I was going back to live w my parents and now they don't want me to leave.

His mom gave me like an angel pin and when I said thanks she said its for the safety of the baby not me. Has told me numerous times that I can't eat something if it's not "bobby-approved" because it would be bad for the baby. Bought her own diaper bag for their house "in case we forget ours." She also talked about how she was going to make a nursery in her extended kitchen for anytime the baby is over (which maybe I am being unreasonable but it makes me feel like they think we can't do this on our own and will need to be over their house all of the time).

I have been having nightmares every single night for the last 17 weeks, seriously not a night goes by where I don't have a nightmare (I have taken chantix and it caused some pretty extreme nightmare and these nightmares I have been having lately are 1,000 times worse and more vivid and even worse I can not wake myself anymore like I used to be able to do). I try prayer every night but always end up in a nightmare. His Dad suggested I talk w their priest because he had been spiritually attacked before and that the church was able to stop his nightmares. It feels dismissive because this is a regular part of pregnancy and there really is no cure for them, I have already spoken with a psychiatrist. So when he says this it annoys me so bad because I have said numerous times it is pregnancy hormones not a demon attacking me at night.

I gave them one of my only three photos from the first sonogram and sent them photos of the second from my phone (they were clear as day I just redacted my medical information) and his dad says that they were "blurry" they were definitely not blurry. He says the baby is a boy and started calling the baby Cristopher (the baby ended up being a girl).

They just got back from a vacation and want to see me because they say they miss me but I honestly just want to stay away for a while because at this point nearly everything they say irritates me.

My boyfriend thinks I am being unreasonable and that they are just overjoyed to be grandparents for the first time. Can someone please tell me if I am being crazy because at this point I feel like I am losing my mind.

Please do not be mean to me as I am going through a very emotional time if you think I am being unreasonable I please ask you frame it kindly instead of flaming me.

Edit: I feel I should also include the things they have said that I am grateful for since I don't want to paint an only negative picture of them. They offered to pay for private schooling (after his mom told me at only 12 weeks that public schooling is bad because she had a friend who's kid went to public school and he never wanted to help out at home because they gave him stickers at school - I believe incentivizing a child is a great way to get them to learn things, not a drawback), offered to buy me everything I need since I am a college student that doesn't have much money, offered to throw a baby shower, said they would watch the baby anytime I want to go back to school, buy formulas since they know they are expensive, they cook meals for me.

"Just pump" comment.

Maybe I’m being melodramatic since I’m only 2 weeks pp and a FTM so the intrusive comments are very new to me and hard to brush off. Anyway MIL and FIL are so condescending to me and I can’t help but feel it’s because I’m a relatively “young” mom.

Anyway throughout my pregnancy MIL told me 2-3 different times how when she had her daughter (after my husband) breastfeeding was very hard for her/hurt she said she had very cracked nipples and bleeding nipples but that her husband told her he basically didn’t care and she was going to breastfeed for a year anyway. After she tells me that she says breastmilk is the best thing for the baby and formula has a bunch of chemicals (lmao everything is a chemical, air or water etc.). So in my mind it feels like she was telling me/pushing on me that it doesn’t matter how much breastfeeding hurts to do it anyway because it’s “best for the baby”. She also told me she’d pump the opposite side as she was nursing to avoid pain.

Fast forward to the day I get home from the hospital. Keep in mind the days prior I was already struggling w feeding. She has a shallow latch and poor transfer because of it. MILs stories make me feel inferior because I can’t just push through the pain and that I’m not a good mom or something - she hasn’t said that it’s just how I feel. Okay back on track - since we just got home and my supply was still practically nothing 3 days pp we decided to get donor milk from the hospital milk bank but since we were just there a few hours prior we asked his parents to pick it up for us. I heard husband and MIL on the phone and she says “why doesn’t she just pump”. Idk maybe I’m crazy but it felt insensitive to me especially the just - minimizing it like it isn’t significantly more draining than breastfeeding. Husband immediately stops her because I told him I don’t feel comfortable talking about my boobs or feeding w his mom. I’m a very shy and private person so that’s just not something I see myself ever talking about w anyone other than husband, pediatrician, or LC.

Fast forward to yesterday they are visiting the baby and his mom tells me the same story again about the cracked painful nipples and how breast-feeding is the best thing for the baby. I didn’t even say anything about the story I already heard 4x atp because I’m just so annoyed like I don’t understand why she keeps telling me the same story over and over again. But it just feels so condescending especially with the ending. Every single time of breast-feeding is the best. It makes me feel so bad because all I want is to be able to breast-feed my baby, but I’m stuck to a pump every 2 to 3 hours. I did respond to the breast-feeding thing saying I know and then I started lifting off all of the benefits for breast breast-feeding for mom and baby.

And then she always for some reason is like yeah, but the baby is the most important. Like I get it I’m allowed to list off how it’s beneficial to me as well. I do try to nurse a few times a day with a nipple shield or without one if I’m feeling crazy. But primarily pump because it saves my nipples and doesn’t hurt.

Sorry guys I just wanted to post this. It’s really blowing heavy on me and my husband is getting tired of me bringing it up over and over again and he just tells me that his mom is kind of socially inept and she’s like that with everyone. What are some polite ways I can shut this down I don’t want to talk about breast-feeding with her because she’s so tone deaf off that she always said something that hurts my feelings.

I’m sorry if I’m being overdramatic please don’t be mean I just need an outlet.

Then today his dad calls and is suggesting formula supplementation bc yesterday I mentioned how she’s cluster feeding. Like wtf why do they think they have any effing say in how our baby is feeding??

OK guys I need you to be so for real with me. I’m not even gonna go into the whole list of things that they have done prior but my in-laws are driving me insane and I can’t tell if it’s just because I’m going through postpartum and the things that they’re doing or normal and loving and caring and I’m just an evil bitch I really don’t know.

Anyways, the day that the baby arrives home from the hospital, we were having feeding struggles from the beginning and so since we had just got home from the hospital, we asked his parents to go pick up donor milk from the hospital because we had just got home and then his mom makes a comment like well. Why doesn’t she just pump?

I should also say that this baby was unexpected my partner and I weren’t even really in a relationship before I found out that I was pregnant. I bring this up because my partner‘s bilingual and his parents whenever they come over they only speak to the baby in Spanish, despite both of them being fluent in English, they won’t tell me what it is that they’re saying, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. They say that I should learn Spanish, and I am as much as I can for a busy first time, mom. But to me, it just seems rude to come in to talk to my baby in another language that I can’t understand and then not translate a single word.

And then any time we visit his parents or they visit us his mom immediately goes give her to me or hand her to me. And then one time like a couple of weeks ago, I was over their house and the baby was crying so she handed her back to me and the baby was still crying because she was hungry and I’m not about to whip out my boob in front of my boyfriend‘s mom. I just say mother-in-law cause it’s easier to say that instead of boyfriend’s mom every single time. So anyway, she hands her back to me crying. I’m sitting there trying to soothe her for a couple of minutes and she’s still screaming and then his mom is like oh hand her back to me.

I say no, and then I do soothe her, but it just felt weird to me. It felt like she was trying to tell me that I’m incompetent without really telling it to me. Then another example I was holding her while they were visiting her keep in mind. They literally hold her 99% of the time during their visits and his mom asked me like five times in two minutes can you please pass her to me can you please pass her to me and I just was polite and said oh I don’t need any help right now. I’ve got it.

I’m sorry to finally get to the title of my post. She’s always saying that she can babysit. I’m a person who does not like any kind of help. I won’t even ask someone where something is in the grocery store not that it’s a flex or anything. it’s actually a really bad habit. But right now when I’m incredibly annoyed isn’t really the time to fix it. I just want everyone to back off. But my boyfriend says that they’re so excited and it makes them so sad to not see the baby keep in mind. They lived one street over and see her three times a week for an hour at a time. My family hasn’t met her once because they live in Pennsylvania. They hardly called me and they never cry and bitch. She’ll always say something along the lines of oh, do you guys wanna go out for a movie I’ll pay for it or do you guys wanna go out to dinner? I’ll pay for it and I can watch the baby and then I’ll say something like oh no, we don’t really wanna go anywhere right now and she’s exclusively breast-fed so we can’t really be out like that and then his mom will say something like it. It’s just two hours. She’ll be OK.

I know the only reason she’s so desperately wants to watch my baby alone is that so she can play mommy and her husband can play daddy all over again. They think she’s always cold. They’re always putting blankets on her despite the fact that she’s literally sweating. I’ve had enough and I talked to my boyfriend about all of this and I told him that if he doesn’t say something that I will. They are so condescending to me. They’ll say something like oh look her legs you can see her veins. They’re turning purple and then I’ll say something like yeah that’s how all babies are. They have poor circulation in their hands and feet but now I’m just gonna have to start saying like do you not know that or something I thought you had kids do you not know that because they’re really driving me to an edge they’re putting me in between a rock and a hard place.

They think that this is some sort of coparenting situation and it’s driving me mental. I feel so bad for feeling this way because they actually do help out a lot. They buy us food. They always offered to watch the baby. They cook food for us and maybe I’m ignorant for saying this, but I never like any of it and I’ve told her my sensitivities before I have autism and in fact, the things that she makes or more complicated then if you would’ve just add a few less ingredients it actually takes more time for her to do all of the shit that she’s doing and then I’ll say no like no thank you you know I’m sorry I don’t want to waste food. I don’t like to waste food and I’ve kind of told you before that I don’t really like a bunch of things mixed together and she just doesn’t get it. She does not get it. Part of me wonders like are they messing with me? Am I an evil paranoid person?

Anyway, two days ago, his parents are visiting and his dad is like oh don’t babies start to eat solids at like two months and his mom was like no it’s at like 3 to 4 months and then I corrected both of them and was like actually we’re not doing solids until at least six months she’s gonna be exclusively breast-fed because that’s all she needs and they just shut up. They didn’t have anything to say then.

I’m sorry for any grammar or spelling errors or any run-on sentences. I’m literally just screaming into text to speech right now because I’m so mad. I have nobody else to talk to my partner has completely alienated me from my family and I couldn’t even go to them if I wanted to because the situation’s just drastically worse

These guys, what do I do at this point? I just wanna be petty back I’ve tried enforcing the boundary. I’ve tried being a nice. I’ve tried given logical explanations, but they always try to make me feel like I’m some idiot. So now I don’t know what to say I feel like I really shouldn’t have to say anything, but they won’t accept that so I ask if you’ve had any in-laws like mine what did you do? Were you kind? Am I just being completely overboard? I don’t know if I should take my psych meds.

And also add their last visit his mom was asking oh did she have her two month appointment yet? When is it and thankfully my boyfriend shut it down and told me afterwards like he’s not doing that we’re not gonna be giving them stats on the baby they don’t need to know when every single one of her appointments are. And the husband of the mother-in-law is weird. I don’t really know how to describe his behavior but when his wife was asking about the appointment and the date of the appointment my boyfriend said that that’s not how it works she she’s not gonna just keep having appointments like that. And then his dad tries to act like a no at all and say yeah they’re actually two months then like three months then maybe six months and then a year like always trying to act like he’s telling us something we don’t know.

I’m sorry my mind just all over the place. I have two basic rolls put in place. Don’t kiss the baby anywhere. She isn’t clothes. You can kiss her. If she’s wearing a onesie you can kiss her on her belly. If she’s wearing a onesie, you can kiss her feet if she’s wearing a onesie, you can kiss her hands if she’s wearing a onesie and you can kiss her head if she’s wearing a hat. But his parents always try to like sneak a kissing on the skin without me seeing or his mom would like rub her lips on her head and say oh I’m not kissing her but like it’s not the puckering motion, it’s the fact that your mouth a breeding ground for bacteria is touching my baby skull that doesn’t have any protections on it. And they’ll just do like a dismissive awh awh wave. My only other rule is please don’t stand while you’re holding the baby because she thrashes about and if you dropped her, I’d hate you.
I think the reason they want to babysit so bad so that they can do all of these things without me seeing and they think that they’re gonna like sneak her a bottle of formula and get to feed or something. I really don’t know but I’ve basically decided that they will not babysit her while she’s under the age of one because I’m gonna exclusively breast-feed if I can until she’s one. I plan to breast-feed for two years so she probably won’t be staying the night anywhere else.

Speed round bc idk if I mentioned it in that migraine of a post : visiting me like six hours after the baby was born despite the fact that I was in severe pain and could still hardly walk and hadn’t shit yet. Came back the next day walked in whenever I was topless because I was waiting for the Lactation Consultant to come in both of the parents. I told him that I didn’t want them to come whenever I was actually in labor and then they dropped off flowers in the waiting room. I didn’t want anyone in the waiting room at all. Also, his mom asked last time to visited when her two month appointment was and thankfully my boyfriend said to her that we’re not doing that we’re not getting out all of the information, but his dad tries to act like I know it all because he was like yeah the appointments don’t work like that anymore. It’s like three months and six months in a year. And my boyfriend is like just stop. It’s not a coparenting thing. We’re gonna get all these stats on her.

She’s 12 weeks and the last day she’s been screaming basically nonstop and hardly sleeping. Nothing help. I tried contact naps. I tried skin to skin. I tried rocking her while lying down. I tried holding her still while lying down. I trying rocking her while walking or not rocking while walking. I’ve tried gripe water and gas drops. She’s so overwhelmed rn she won’t even breastfeed for comfort or take her paci. Idk what to do. In laws say baby always has a reason to cry and should never be left alone to cry but guys I’m at my wits end. I get angry after an hour of straight screaming even w my noise canceling headphones. I have autism and this is all very hard for me. I’m not trying to make an excuse just try to find a solution or a way to deal w this better.

I told my in laws I sometimes set her down for 5-10 minutes to cry while I just catch a breath in the bathroom and they told me that’s cruel to let her cry and that she’s wondering where mama is. But guys after an hour of the screaming I get so mad I’m scared I’m going to shake her hard so I put her in the crib w nothing in it and walk away. I watch her on the monitor on mute to make sure she is ok. I feel so terrible. The in laws make me feel I know nothing and that I’m a disconnected parent. That I don’t know how to soothe my baby and that taking a break even if I’m about to snap that it’s selfish.

I’ve also tried burping her. I’ve tried doing those little tosses w her in the air. I’ve tried singing and dancing. Hell I even tried running. Tried babywearing. I feel hopeless. I hate to say it but it’s making me resent my baby. It makes me just want her always at the breast before she even gets the chance to cry.

I feel so bad because whenever I come out from the bathroom and she’s still screaming in her crib I feel like a monster because that’s my baby and I don’t know why I left her there crying

Update (later same day): idk what was happening earlier. I’m guessing she had like a nursing strike for the first half of the day that caused her to be over hungry. I literally had to baby wear her and run around the house so she’d stop crying. As soon as she stopped crying I offered boob and she finally ate without screaming or unlatching. She got a solid feed according to our baby scale and is now taking a nap. She was easy to put down to the nap after eating. Just a couple minutes of rocking in cross cradle w paci and she was out like a light. Thank you guys and I’m going to try your suggestions if this happens again so that hopefully it can end sooner and she can eat and sleep. She was also playful and happy and smiling after eating before I put her down for the nap.

Hey guys, I’m not really sure where to begin, but I had my baby five weeks ago and she was born full-term, but she was very jaundice and she had to stay in the hospital a couple of more days because of that it also made her very sleepy and the Lactation Consultant suggested I use a nipple shield because I have flat nipples.

Anyway, she wasn’t transferring much with the nipple shield in the hospital because she was so tired so I started pumping and we would just feed her by a bottle for the first five weeks. I would sometimes try to use the nipple shield or latch her without it, but whenever I would use the nipple shield and then do a weighted feed on my hatch scale she hardly transferred anything and if I tried to not use the nipple shield, I had to basically take her off immediately because it would be excruciatingly painful so that’s why I mainly pumped.

anyway like a week or two ago I finally decided like I’m not doing this anymore. I’m tired. I feel like I’m not spending any time with the baby and decided to just use the nipple shield and make it work. It was either gonna be that or it was gonna be blow through my freezer stash and then use formula.

thankfully with the nipple shield she has been able to transfer. sometimes it’s kind of unpredictable how much she will transfer but either way she’s able to if I put enough time into it.

about a week ago I tried to again not use the nipple shield just for one feed and it went good for most of the time but about every minute or so for a few seconds, I’d get a terrible pain.

anyway I was able to latch her last night and switch her sides like numerous times and have been able to not use the nipple showed all day and haven’t been in any kind of pain.

The support that I’m looking for is some advice because her one month appointment she was in the zero with percentile for weight so it made me extra apprehensive of my own ability to feed her properly and efficiently. It didn’t help that the doctor tried to suggest that my milk wasn’t nutritious enough that just totally spiraled me now that we’re off the nipple shield. My new paranoia comes from not doing the weighted feed.

I’m gonna continue doing them until I think she’s the 20th percentile I know people say that as long as they have enough wet and dirty diapers a day that they are definitely transferring enough, but I’m just so scared now to trust my intuition and trust the amount of diapers because I can no longer see my milk flow like I could with the munchkin nipple shield and I would like to stop using the hatch scale pretty soon. if I’m being honest because it would be so much easier to just roll her crib into the room, breast-feed her at night and then just go back to sleep not have to come to the living room, Use the scale and the beginning of the feed at the end of the Feed calibrate the scale.

So I ask if you had a nearly 2 month old baby that is now in the 1st percentile would you trust just the amount of diapers to indicate whether transfer is efficient?

Also, sorry for any run-on sentences or grammatical errors. I’m using text to speech. I just skimmed thru for spelling errors so I’m sorry if I missed something.

Feel free to ask any questions.

Ok guys I need advice please. I am 22 ftm and 5 weeks pp. for the last 5 weeks I’ve basically been exclusively pumping bc my baby was born small at 39 weeks and had jaundice which made her really tired and we had to stay in the hospital extra days.

Anyway for the last 5 weeks I’ve been pumping 8x a day and as of the last 2 weeks have been getting 30-35 oz a day. Baby had a tongue tie and even after getting it released her latch still hurt. We have had success today where w the nipple shield she has gotten nearly 4 oz from one side per feed (I only do one side and alternate the next is what I did today). My question is do I still need to pump to prevent mastitis? I pumped at 3 am today then like 8:30am but the rest of the day have just used the nipple shield and done weighted feeds. At 11:30am she got 3.5 oz from weighted feed log from right boob, then 2.5 from left boob at 2pm, then 3.88 oz from right boob at 5pm, then another 3.88 oz from left boob at 8pm.

Should I pump at all before midnight to prevent mastitis or am I good just feeding her the right side at 11pm and then the right at 2am and so on and so forth?

Hi everyone sorry to post so much to the subreddit I feel a lot of support here. Anyway I am 5 weeks pp and have been pumping 7-8 times a day since leaving the hospital because for the first few weeks she had a tongue tie, then we released it but latch still hurt so we’ve been working w LC and she can get her (baby) to latch every time pain free.

I’ve been pumping because when I try to latch her at home it’s 50/50 whether it hurts or not and either way she usually is still hungry after 20-30 mjnutes of nursing and will still down a 3 oz bottle/90 mL bottle right after. She cries after nursing bc she is still hungry. Id feed her longer but it always overlaps my pump time and if i try to just replace a pump w a feed then i am still engorged.

Ik she’s getting something bc if i pump right after nursing it’s less than 50% of what id normally pump if i didn’t nurse. My problem is that I want to stop pumping all together and nurse all day if i have to, to avoid pumping and engorgement (it’s very overstimulating to me) but what will I do if she’s consistently still hungry afterward?

I’m also scared I’ll tank my supply if I suddenly just try to nurse exclusively. I just don’t feel I can pump anymore. It’s been 5 weeks and I hardly eat anymore, I hardly shower and I never brush my teeth anymore. I’m lucky if I brush my hair once every 2-3 days. I feel bad wanting to stop pumping bc she is still hungry afterward and if I can make milk for her why would I intentionally stop doing that. I want to do formula after nursing. Part of me wishes I could make it to 12 weeks when supply regulates so I can do both - nurse and only need to pump 3-4x a day to maintain the supply that I need to pump 7-8x a day rn to maintain.

But when I think about the last 5 weeks and how it feels I never have time to hold my baby and feel less bonded to her as a result - I feel she doesn’t even know who I am since dad feeds nearly every bottle because I’m pouring from an empty cup. I don’t eat a meal anymore - let alone the 1800 calories needed to breastfeed. I cry every night. I’m in constant pain from the pumping : whether it’s nipple pain from no flange fitting correctly (I’ve tried numerous silicone inserts, pumpin pals, lacteck flanges) to carpal tunnel from needing to massage as I pump otherwise I’m also engorged and don’t empty, clogged ducts, nipple thrush. But then at the same time if that latch hurts 50/50 I don’t mind using a nipple shield but even w that it feels her transfer is worse but it at least feels better for me but at the same time I’ve heard the nipple shield promotes a shallow latch. Please help. What should I do. At this point I wonder what’s more worth it - making milk and seeing exactly how much from pumping but having an emotional wreck of a mother who is physically exhausted all the time - or potential poor transfer that is supplemented w formula.

Would I need to wean off pumping if planning to nurse but it she doesn’t empty me and I feel uncomfortable, do I pump for just a few minutes after nursing to relieve pressure? Do I do the cabbage leaves or Sudafed ?

I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to stop pumping if I’m being honest, but I feel like I just can’t at this point because I make 30 to 35 ounces a day as of the last few days I keep accidentally missing pump sessions. I wake up so engorge and the flanges can’t even stick to my boobs because my boobs are so engorged what happens if I just take a few Sudafed and do the cabbage leaf things like am I going to definitely have Sudafed because I seriously can’t do this anymore it’s taking a toll on me mentally I think of suicide often and I just really don’t know what to do.

I’m supposed to be pumping eight times a day, but I’m lucky if I get six or seven times I mean I’ve usually done seven. What’s everyone’s advice because I just I’m at a wall. I’m tired of feeling overstimulated all of the time. I’m tired of any time that I’m not pumping thinking about how I’m going to have to within 2 to 3 hours I never expected for this to be your feeding journey. I thought it would just be a temporary thing the first two weeks but now I just don’t even see an end.

I’m tired of not being able to go to sleep because I feel like my nipples are being zapped and tingling. I’m tired of my wrist feeling like they’re getting carpal tunnel as when pumping because I can only pump hands on with my spectra. I’m tired of leaning forward in my back and neck hurting all of the time. My shoulders hurt my arms hurt. At this point I just don’t even know what to do anymore.

I feel stuck in a toxic relationship w pumping. See back I posted about my first day home from the hospital and milk wasn’t in yet. Partner and I were worried about her intake so we had his parents pick up donor milk from the hospital since we were just there and didn’t want to go back. He was otp w his mom and she goes “why doesn’t she just pump” SO immediately shuts her down and she apologizes but still. Told me 3 times over my pregnancy how she breastfed both of her babies for a year and that the second baby hurt so bad while feeding that her nipple were cracked and bleeding but that that is what is best for the baby.

My partner thinks i take peoples stories who are trying to empathize and turn it into an attack so I can be the victim but I genuinely don’t feel like that is happening rn.

I feel crazy. I don’t want to stop pumping I just want all of the pain and overstimulation to go away and just be able to feed my baby w my milk.

Update : it’s later today and I slept a bit sorry for my post if it seemed dramatic. Idk what I am going to do but am feeling more hopeful about still pumping and trying to get her to latch. I’m also only pumping for 15 minutes 17 times a day and luckily my supply is fine at least for now so far today since first pump at 3 am and 7:30 and 10:30 I have 21 oz so far so by the end of the day I should be able to get to 30 still. Also if you saw my other post about the Dr saying my milk wasn’t fatty enough I saw some comments saying her volume should be more than 2 oz so today and onward we are only giving her 3 oz bottles and if that still doesn’t help her gain weight we will add more bottles or fortify bottles w formula because at the end of the day her gaining weight is all that matters to us. I was going to add something else but I forget now.

Also thank you for everyone’s replies. I felt really alone when typing my original message here and defeated but am feeling a little better now. Spacing the pumps of 3 hours apart and going to do 7-8 today but just 12-15 minutes bc I usually do 20. My nipples still get this random shocking pain when not pumping idk why.

Hey guys sorry this is going to be a long one.

I need advice on what to do. I’m a ftm 23 years old and 5 weeks pp. since getting home from the hospital I’ve done 7-8 ppd. Regularly getting 30-35 oz rn daily. I pump for 10-20 minutes each session just depending on how full my boobs are. It’s been weighing on me a lot and pumping has been overstimulating recently even while trying to distract myself. I also tried lower suction but for some reason that overstimulates me more. For my spectra I start on 3 bacon mode and quickly move up to 5 bacon mode and stay there for 5-10 minutes then switch to the other mode for a few minutes then back to bacon and so on until milk flow slows. Usually level 7-8 on the other mode also.

I have a baby Buddha which I haven’t tried yet. A Medela manual (takes forever so I never use it but I like the idea that I can expect what to feel. What I first got home I only used this for the first week since I would get nothing w my spectra then. But it just takes forever now). I also have willow go pumps as well but hardly get anything w it. I also have a medela symphony rental but stopped using for now bc it was too much on my nipples honestly. I’m feeling so discouraged bc I never planned to pump this long. I planned to EBF but then her latch was so painful. Got tongue tie released, still was painful. Finally got latch right a few times and was pain free. Using nipple shields - poor transfer. I would just use the Shield if she could transfer better. Anyway now as of the last week or two I have thrush and at this point idek if it’s thrush despite the IBLC saying it is and sending 3 doses, 1 every 48 hours of flucanzole to the pharmacy and nystatin cream for the thrush. I took one pill two days ago and will take another tonight but it hasn’t been helping yet. Still rubbed raw looking nipples. Pins and needles feeling zapped at night when I try to sleep. She told me not to use nipple creams anymore, the IBLC.

Idk if it’s thrush or my nipples being rubbed raw by the pump. I’ve tried everything - flange inserts, pumpin pals (take forever to get on and still make nipples swell) , lackteck(can’t get to suction right). So I just stick w the spectra and haven’t been nursing since the thrush diagnosis and a week or a little under before diagnosis because of severe burning pain after nursing.

Idk what to do anymore. I hate pumping 7-8 times a day. I feel I can’t go anywhere or enjoy my baby because dad is always feeding her bottle while I’m pumping and if he asks if I want to feed her before or after I’m just too tired or thinking about pumping. I don’t totally hate it. If I’m having a good conversation w SO the time flies and I can pump for 20 min without getting overstimulated. Other times it feels like it’s been 20 minutes and it’s only been three and I shut the pump off at 10 minutes because i just can’t bear to sit there. I love seeing her get bigger and know it’s my milk. I like to see all the milk in the fridge and know she is good for a while. I have nothing against formula i just for some reason when I think of using it I feel guilty knowing I make enough milk for her it’s just so hard to do all the time.

Did anyone for their sanity pump maybe 4-6 times a day while establishing and supplement w formula? Did you add to breastmilk or do one bottle breastmilk and one bottle formula like alternating each feed. Did you feed w nipple shield, get poor transfer then top off w formula bottle? Idk what to do but I think it’s one of these. Also if you do add formula to breastmilk do you add water and formula or just the powder to milk. Like is it say 2 oz milk and just the formula powder so still 2 oz of liquid or do you add say 2 oz water and powder then it’s a 4 oz bottle. Sorry I am a ftm. Please help me what are my options. I worry so much about losing supply or it dipping. It’s like I’m in a toxic relationship w pumping. Having the option of formula makes me feel less stuck to the pump but keeps me going for some reason. All I really want to do is nurse even if it’s not effective. I also don’t want to stop pumping no matter how much it can suck sometimes but it’s taking so much time idk what to do. Idk maybe even triple feeding I’m open to if someone can reccomend a schedule since I feel I always mess up and the times never align.

Also rn when nursing directly she like has such strong suction it hurts idk if it’s just from already being sore.

Feel free to ask any questions and sorry for any typos or if something doesn’t make sense I am so tired.

Spoiler for book warning. Again spoiler for book warning.

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Okay it was a big deal in the book that Hannah became an aunt or went to aunt school or something and her dad was okay w it bc she doesn’t want to get married and has aunt Lydia talk to her dad so she can go. And aunt Lydia knows daisy is her sister or whatever her connection is to Agnes in this show. I’m guessing daisy will become an aunt as well. I guess it’s not really a guess tho since it’s just from the book.

Do you think so or that they will marry off Agnes and Becka and go w that storyline for a while then somehow make them aunts (idk how they would work that storyline since Gilead is against divorce, perhaps annulling the marriages somehow but again I don’t think Gilead would do that).

Open to hear everyone’s ideas even if they aren’t necessarily in line w what I’m expecting. Love hearing everyone’s takes.

Also do you think we’ll get multiple seasons and what are ur predictions for next episode.

if Gilead killed Daisys parents surely they knew what daisy looks like since they probably were watching daisys parents for a while now. And even if Gilead didn’t know Daisy was the special person they’d never stop looking for then they in my opinion would still know what she looks like and connect her to the resistance via her parents. Also the fake social workers for Gilead saw what daisy looks like so how is she going undiscovered. No way it was just telling a fake backstory. Sorry if my English is bad

I don’t know where to begin. I’m 22 years old and gave birth to my daughter April 7th of this year. This is all so hard for me to type because I believe I’ve suppressed the way I’ve felt/feel out of preservation of the relationships around me. Especially considering that is only my partner and his parents that live literally one street over.

Anyway. I found out I was pregnant in August of the year that just passed, it was the day before my fall semester (virtual albeit). Anyway I thought for sure it would be negative and that my cycle was just off but in less than a minute or so the test was obviously positive.

I run to my partner at the time who ig wasnt really my partner because up until that point anytime I’d ask for a serious relationship he would say no (he now explains this was because of my own emotional outbursts where I would threaten to leave TX where we live and go back to my family in PA and that he didn’t want to deal w that). Sorry I wanted to give some context. Feel free to also ask questions in the comments. Anyway I run to him w the first positive test and I can’t even remember his exact initial reaction because I guess my brain has blocked it out. But I remember him saying a lot of “this can’t happen”, “I can’t do this”.

He then pressured me to get an abortion pill because it’s still early and “isn’t a person yet”. I said no and that I didn’t want to do that. He got mad and then threw the little coffee table at me/past me so hard to which it broke. He said let’s go let his parents because he can’t do this but that his parents won’t leave me alone in this. We go to see his parents and they are overjoyed since they’ve wanted grandchildren for years.

They had a talk in private so he was talking to his mom while I was talking to his dad and vice versa. After this visit his entire demeanor switched and he was suddenly happy to be a father. I believe now he loves being a dad and did throughout most of my pregnancy. Idk when I see him being happy w the baby now my mind goes to the moment he asked me to take the abortion pill and my heart shatters thinking about there was a time where he didn’t want her here. Maybe I’m crazy for this.

So things started to kinda go smoothly after he started being happy about the baby which was a few days after we found out I was pregnant. Then his parents became the new trigger. They would constantly tell me things like “don’t drink from plastic bottles because they have microplastics and when you give birth the baby absorbs all of them” and “don’t drink too much soda”, “don’t use the microwave it has harmful radiation that will hurt the baby”.

It’s all especially hard considering their family is devout Catholic and his parents don’t even know about the abortion thing. He’d never admit it and told me never to tell anyone he asked and that he’d spend his whole life making up for it.

I’ll be honest. I was depressed a lot of my pregnancy because his parents were just so overjoyed it got on my nerves. Anytime we’d go visit them since they live a street over his dad would chirp baby baby anytime I walked in. His mom would buy me foods and give them to me w the preface it’s for the baby. His mom gave me a catholic saint protection pin and when I said thank you she said it’s for the baby not me.

They tried to dictate that our nursery would be in our bedroom bc that’s where they wanted it. That didn’t end up happening. All of this hurts my feelings so bad because when I would bring up to my partner that they feel invasive he would make me feel bad because they are so excited. It made me feel more mad that he wouldn’t tell them to tone it down (he says he did and that they were) because I was just so depressed from everything above and more things they said/did that I can’t even think about.

Oh and before we found out the sex of the baby his dad kept calling the baby Christopher and when we told them the gender his dad was crying happiness but then says but a boy is supposed to come first that’s how most people want it.

I told partner I didn’t want anyone in the l&d room which thankfully he respected. I also told him I didn’t want his parents waiting in the waiting room because it was on the same floor of l&d and I didn’t want them to hear me screaming. I asked him today if they were in the waiting room before the baby was born and he says yeah when they dropped off a gift but it was after your epidural and that’s not how sound and walls work. I feel so fucking mad. All I asked was no one in the waiting room while baby was born. I went against what I wanted when I let his parents see the baby the day she was born, he wheeled her in her bassinet down the hallway so they could see her because I couldn’t walk and didn’t want anyone in my room.

I can’t leave and don’t want to. I feel the relationship is still salvageable I just don’t know how to forget or heal these things or if it’s even possible. I have no family to go back to that would accept me. I cut ties w my moms side of the family which is who I was staying w last.

Then I figured since I didn’t get her first day to myself I’d at least get her first month birthday to myself but no… I say no like three times when he asks me oh, can we go to my parents house. It will only be 10 minutes. I promise. I finally reluctantly agreed and guess what we were there an hour. I just wanted it to myself and now I just feel robbed if we robbed with my pregnancy I feel robbed of my birth experience. I feel robbed of her first month. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been feeling so sad. I’ve been contemplating suicide because I just feel like I’m in the way. I feel like everyone around me. It’s just annoyed by me and by my boundaries because I’ve said I’m pretty strong once since I’m so pissed off about everything before. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve never felt so serious about something, and my partner won’t let me take my antidepressants because he worries that it passes in the breastmilk that I pump. I have nowhere to go and like I said, I want to try to make this work because things are primarily good but all of these things weigh on my mind all of the time.

I don’t wanna go to any kind of inpatient hospital. I did that three times as a teenager and I didn’t get any help. I feel so scared. I don’t know why I feel this way and I feel so alone. I don’t have anyone to talk to. Because anytime I bring up my frustrations with my partner I’m just made to feel bad. I can’t talk to my family because I don’t want them to think my life’s falling apart again. I feel like I truly have no one.

He would also tell them the dates of all my ob appts and they’d ask how every appt was and what the doctor said. He’d tell them the heart rate and forced my hand at giving them copies of every ultrasound visit. I just feel my body and pregnancy has been for everyone else’s enjoyment and excitement and fuck how I feel despite me pleading many times for my boundaries to be enforced and half the time they were so it wasn’t a total dud. I just want to scream.

I am out in public sometimes and happen to be gone longer than my 3 hour window. I don’t feel comfortable pumping in public so I am always watching the clock and leaving at 2 1/2 hours so that I can be home and pump by the 3rd hour.

But this seems like it won’t work long term. I feel more comfortable nursing in public for some reason but haven’t yet because baby has a hard time w transfer despite the LC saying her latch is good now.

What’s the longest you go in between pumps when out? Does it have any adverse effects? Sometimes I get so engorged when out that by the time I get home milk takes forever to flow and my boobs are lumpy and sore.

Guys I’m so mad I was sitting here and I was trying to transfer milk from one bottle to fill the other one and it spilled!! 😡😡5 ounces spilled on the floor😑😑😑. I’m so mad. I don’t even know what to do. Do I count this towards the daily total or not?

Maybe I’m being melodramatic since I’m only 2 weeks pp and a FTM so the intrusive comments are very new to me and hard to brush off. Anyway MIL and FIL are so condescending to me and I can’t help but feel it’s because I’m a relatively “young” mom.

Anyway throughout my pregnancy MIL told me 2-3 different times how when she had her daughter (after my husband) breastfeeding was very hard for her/hurt she said she had very cracked nipples and bleeding nipples but that her husband told her he basically didn’t care and she was going to breastfeed for a year anyway. After she tells me that she says breastmilk is the best thing for the baby and formula has a bunch of chemicals (lmao everything is a chemical, air or water etc.). So in my mind it feels like she was telling me/pushing on me that it doesn’t matter how much breastfeeding hurts to do it anyway because it’s “best for the baby”. She also told me she’d pump the opposite side as she was nursing to avoid pain.

Fast forward to the day I get home from the hospital. Keep in mind the days prior I was already struggling w feeding. She has a shallow latch and poor transfer because of it. MILs stories make me feel inferior because I can’t just push through the pain and that I’m not a good mom or something - she hasn’t said that it’s just how I feel. Okay back on track - since we just got home and my supply was still practically nothing 3 days pp we decided to get donor milk from the hospital milk bank but since we were just there a few hours prior we asked his parents to pick it up for us. I heard husband and MIL on the phone and she says “why doesn’t she just pump”. Idk maybe I’m crazy but it felt insensitive to me especially the just - minimizing it like it isn’t significantly more draining than breastfeeding. Husband immediately stops her because I told him I don’t feel comfortable talking about my boobs or feeding w his mom. I’m a very shy and private person so that’s just not something I see myself ever talking about w anyone other than husband, pediatrician, or LC.

Fast forward to yesterday they are visiting the baby and his mom tells me the same story again about the cracked painful nipples and how breast-feeding is the best thing for the baby. I didn’t even say anything about the story I already heard 4x atp because I’m just so annoyed like I don’t understand why she keeps telling me the same story over and over again. But it just feels so condescending especially with the ending. Every single time of breast-feeding is the best. It makes me feel so bad because all I want is to be able to breast-feed my baby, but I’m stuck to a pump every 2 to 3 hours. I did respond to the breast-feeding thing saying I know and then I started lifting off all of the benefits for breast breast-feeding for mom and baby.

And then she always for some reason is like yeah, but the baby is the most important. Like I get it I’m allowed to list off how it’s beneficial to me as well. I do try to nurse a few times a day with a nipple shield or without one if I’m feeling crazy. But primarily pump because it saves my nipples and doesn’t hurt.

Sorry guys I just wanted to post this. It’s really blowing heavy on me and my husband is getting tired of me bringing it up over and over again and he just tells me that his mom is kind of socially inept and she’s like that with everyone. What are some polite ways I can shut this down I don’t want to talk about breast-feeding with her because she’s so tone deaf off that she always said something that hurts my feelings.

I’m sorry if I’m being overdramatic please don’t be mean I just need an outlet.