u/glassfunion

I'm pregnant with my first, and I see a lot of posts asking or talking about the opposite like, "What's something you said you would do that makes you look back and laugh?" These are often very helpful (and funny) as I prepare for my first, but seeing so many posts like that make me wonder if it's worth making plans for much of anything once our baby is here.

I'm wondering what things you actually committed to, even if it got tough, that you think was worth sticking with?

I did ask this on the new parenting sub and got some great replies, but most of the comments were focused on pretty short-term stuff like feeding, infant sleep, screen time when it's still way more in your control, etc. I would be curious to hear about longer term decisions, and about less common topics. Some examples:

• telling your child they need to stick with an activity instead of letting them quit on the spot
• having the "I am not a restaurant" mindset and not preparing a separate meal for the kids
• how you handled spending money (linking it to chores, giving an allowance, etc)
• Working with their schedule vs making them work with yours

I would also be curious if there was anything you committed to for ALL of your kids, as I notice a lot of parents giving up on a lot of things they were really strict about with their first. Again, even if it was difficult to do, but was still worth it in the end!

I see a lot of posts asking or talking about the opposite like, "What's something you said you would do that makes you look back and laugh?" These are often very helpful (and funny) as I prepare for my first, but seeing so many posts like that make me wonder if it's worth making plans for much of anything once our baby is here.

I'm wondering what things you actually committed to, even if it got tough, that you think was worth sticking with?

I am low contact with my uBPD mom (mostly because logistically it would be impossible to go full no-contact), but one thing I basically can't avoid is our birthday.

I hate that it's never going to be just my birthday. Every year, I start to think about what I would want to do, whom I want to spend my day with. And almost every year I get a text, "so what are we doing for our birthday?" (except years when she's mad at me and ignores my existence, which she has no idea is actually so much more pleasant)

I'm actually pregnant with my first, and she is very mad that they are not due near our birthday. Uh yeah, I did that on purpose so they can be their own person and not be a weird extension of myself.

We have basically two "safe" activities that we actually both like and aren't likely to cause a problem. We don't even like the same type of cake; in fact, my favorite is her LEAST favorite. So I have to cycle through those safe activities and boring ass dessert for the rest of my life until she's gone. I'm in my 30s, she's in her 50s, and our family regularly lives to about 100, so only 40+ years to go. 🙃

Also she complains about every gift she has ever received, but also complains if you don't get her anything.

Currently she is enjoying gifting me clothes that are ugly and too big and reminding me how fat I am (not actually fat, just normal me but with a baby bump), so I assume I'll be gifted more clothes that will never be worn.

First post cat haiku:

cats are little guys
they have stumpy little feets
I must touch the beans

The poor tech just could not get a good view of their arms or legs for so long because they were moving so much lol.

Also at one point they said, "your baby is a dancer!" and I almost cried because I have danced since I was little and maybe they'll like dancing too 🥹

Looking for some items for my kitchen (utensil holder, spoon rest, etc) and would love to buy from a local artist! Preferably someone with either a site, online store, or social media so I can see their stuff or keep any eye out for when they'll be selling at local events.

Interested in any suggestions, but especially interested in artists with colorful designs. I live in a Victorian house and would love something bold, reminiscent of William Morris or similar, maybe has a cool pattern, etc.

Signed, a pregnant woman who tried to get them at Paula's while in Buffalo, only to be told they were out :((((((

Hello! Have wanted to get into the genre for a long time and just haven't found the right book to pull me in. Looking (or not looking) for:

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* Maturity: I'm in my 30s, and while they don't need to be my age, I don't want to read about teens or early 20s MCs who act very immaturely.

* Setting: non-modern settings preferred. Mostly I would like to avoid really modern language/slang/swearing. Doesn't need to be high fantasy or have a crazy magic system or anything; just needs good fantasy vibes.

* Relationships/dynamic: F/M, want spice for sure, love the idea of enemies/rivals/haters to lovers, but also down for anything with good tension. Please no sexual assault/worse. EDIT: them fighting is fine, just want anything in the bedroom to be consensual. :)

* Main female character: do not love the "not like other girls" trope at all.

* Main male character: uhhhhhhhh idk honestly! I feel like this is where I'm most open to the unknown lol.

* Length: not opposed to a series if it's not crazy long, or if it is, it's at least finiished.

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Mostly asking for specific recs I tried using the search and ended up reading {*The Cruel Prince* by Holly Black}, which is cute, but way younger than I expected based on what people were saying about it! (thought I may finish that series for a fun easy read!)

First, super interesting to watch a recital! I was in so many growing up, but had never experienced what it's like on the other side of the curtain.

My niece is only three and in a baby combo class and she killed it! She was in charge of leading everyone out and was so confident on stage. What I'm concerned about isn't her class, but the older students' ballet performance.

There were so many girls who should not be in pointe shoes, and some of them not even close to being over the box. Awful port de bras, almost no turnout, etc. My spouse caught me cringing several times.

Would you warn my in laws? Obviously she's only three and it will be a while before she moves into non-combo classes and who knows if she'll want to keep dancing as she gets older, but maybe it would be better to switch now?

I didn't say anything in the moment because some of the older dancers were in the lobby when we were leaving. Also I didn't want to spoil the excitement! My niece invited me specifically and RAN to me and gave me a huge hug when she saw me which made pregnant hormonal me cry 😭😭😭

Edit: wanted to add this to the main post so it doesn't get lost in the comments. The main reason I would consider bringing it up now (instead of waiting a few years) is because at a certain point her parents might consider her "locked in" to that school, or she might have trouble breaking into an established social group if she moves to a new one in middle school or something.

This is mostly me venting my minor frustration, but would not be opposed to advice! (I think most of the frustration is with myself and the fact that I'm scared to give my fully honest opinion to my husband)

When we got married, we kept our last names. Now my husband says he would all like us to have the same name, whether we choose one or double barrel.

I'm not a fan of double barreling because it will make my name 3 times longer than it currently is. However, it would "only" be 14 characters including the space, so it's not THAT long.

I will be totally honest with y'all, I'm also not a huge fan of my husband's name, which is why I kept mine. It has an unpleasant word in it and I just don't like it with my first name. It has an unpleasant word in it (think "gross" Grossman or "belch" in Belcher) that I just really can't see as part of my name. It's his father's name, but his parents divorced when he was young, and they didn't have any kind of relationship with him outside of rare visits. Another nephew is already carrying on the "family name" so that's covered, and one of his brothers actually felt so disconnected to it he took his wife's name.

I have a close relationship with my extended family and feel a strong attachment to my name. I also just love that it's short while not being super common.

So ideally in my mind he would take my name. But I feel awful saying that I don't want his name; it just feels so mean. :(

Anyone else stuck on last names? I feel like I can't even think about first/middle names until we decide, so I feel so stressed out about this.

I mentioned this in a comment in another thread, but I thought it was worth making a separate post.

I recently started using the app Food Recalls to check for recent listeria outbreaks, and was shocked to see that, in the last year, prepared pasta was linked to more cases of death and fetal loss than any of the foods doctors commonly tell you to avoid.

This includes items like cold pasta salad and pre-made pasta meals that you heat up in the microwave. Microwaved food is especially risky because they do not heat food evenly; there are often cold pockets where some of the food does not reach a high enough temperature to kill of listeria. While they didn't have any hospitalizations associated with them, other microwaved food like breakfast burritos had documented listeria outbreaks last year.

In fact, the pasta was the only type of food linked to fetal loss at all in the last year in the US.

I wanted to put this out there so people know to discuss with your doctor at your next appointment. I actually almost bought a big container of pasta salad early in my pregnancy because I was struggling to find foods to eat, and I'm glad I didn't. I will be avoiding it going forward.

Disclaimers:

• Due to the current political climate in the US, there is a risk that not all outbreaks will be reported or accurately documented. The app links a source for each outbreak or update, but does not give a comprehensive list of where they usually get their data.
• Without a proper study, it's difficult to compare the risk of each type of food. I have a looooot of questions about this. Are there fewer deli meat-related hospitalizations because it's more well known and people are more likely to avoid it during pregnancy? Or have our safety standards improved due to previous outbreaks? Would love to see a study on this!
• I am not a doctor, so I recommend discussing this with yours!