u/gluebell

I'm 19. While I do have an odd relationship with age, I do definitely feel too young for many adult groups. The ones near me tend to be filled with 25-30+ year olds if they're not specifically for 70+ year olds.

I may try out cosplaying as I know many people around my age enjoy it. There's a convention next week but... not too sure what I'll do there on my own. I don't have a big budget to make my already niche cosplay recognisable lol.

Just aomething like that seems fun :)

I am going to run out of T. I have been DIYing for two years, of which I was lucky to be given for free. My GP refuses a bridging prescription.

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Everywhere I have found selling T Cypionate has had it stocked at around £40 plus shipping costs.

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Are there any vials being sold below that price? Explicitly clarifying I am just asking, of course, if anywhere sells it below that price. Nothing else! :)

for a bridging prescription.

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i'm going to run out of DIY HRT. my gp wasn't open to the idea before but i feel like i should try again - i can't afford even a vial for £40 but i can't handle suddenly stopping T either.

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i don't know what information to look at. i'm in england. i don't know if it's worth to ask them, if they refuse to give T, for estrogen to at least skip the period of having little of both hormones. it'd be very rough on me, with my many chronic illnesses on top.

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...but i hate the thought of that :/

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i have maybe just enough for one injection. maybe another if i really lessen my dose. i really don't know what to do.

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last time i asked my gp about a bridging prescription, they said a professional needed to be involved. i thought that was what shared care was though?

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I'm 19 next week. I'm mildly panicking. I don't know what happened.

We drank some amount of alcohol. It was my third time, I think? The first time I drank, I got blackout drunk but this feels so much different.

I don't fully remember what happened. My partner said I kept breaking down. Apparently, at some point, I kept saying I was ten years old and didn't know what was going on, why I felt weird, who he was, what my name was, wasn't responding to my name, etc.

I don't remember the rain but he said I kept us in it for a while, just refusing to leave the park to go into any more public space like the cafe - we couldn't go in my house today, so we were in the park. Apparently, I kept saying he shouldn't know about "me", that "they" would tell me off, that "they" kept coming and going, etc.

I vaguely remember part of it, mostly feelings and mostly just sort of "before" and "after". Putting that in quotations as there wasn't a distinct start or end. There was one moment where I was watching it happen, I knew I was talking, but it just felt fake. I felt like I was faking that but at the same time I couldn't stop it.

I have felt before that I have lived as different people. I can somewhat tell who lived what years of my life. Mostly just names and vague ideas of who they were. I know I've had episodes of not feeling like myself. Not just that feeling, but also the feeling of someone else - their name, what they feel, what they want, etc.

As a kid, I remember waking up only to be told I had woken up hours ago and had just had a tantrum or something. I remember talking on the school playground about "blacking out". I know I told social workers an abusive man was living at home when he left *months* ago by that point.

But ever since I was maybe 13, I don't really remember, I've never had anything so... drastic? happen. I don't know. Occasionally, I've felt like I'm not fully there, that someone else is also there, but I've never just lost so much self-control like this since I was a kid.

I've spoken to mental health practitioners briefly about it with minimal response. I threw a whole essay at a psychiatrist once detailing everything and his response was that he'd never seen anything like it, wrote that I didn't seem to have psychosis, gave me antipsychotics anyway which did literally nothing, and nothing has happened since.

I was taken off them after seeing a new psychiatrist since I mentioned I was told they were prescribed to help me sleep but it wasn't helping, which confused her and she just took me off them. No difference in my brain, so?? It was a couple years ago.

I don't know. I just feel really freaked out. I don't really remember what happened but my partner is most definitely concerned. I don't really know what to do. I thought I might've imagined it until he brought it up himself.

My partner and I got drunk today. Sure. We have been drunk maybe two or three times before this.

I don't fully remember what happened. The first time I got drunk, I got blackout drunk. But this feels *way* *WAY* different to that. Things aren't feeling off now, nothing looks weird, nothing feels "sparkly", etc etc.

Apparently, at some point, I kept saying I was ten years old and didn't know what was going on, why I felt weird, who he was, what my name was, etc. I don't remember it but I kept us in the rain for a while - we couldn't go in my house today. And I don't know. I kept saying he shouldn't know about "me", that "they" would tell me off, etc.

I vaguely remember one moment. I was watching it happen, I knew I was talking, but it just felt fake. I felt like I was faking that but at the same time I couldn't stop it.

I know I've lived as multiple people. I know I've had years of being entirely different. I know that. I know I've had episodes of not feeling like myself. I know there's especially one different identity, I guess. And just vague impressions of others.

But I don't know what the fuck happened earlier. I vaguely remember before I was "odd" and after.

As a kid, I remember waking up only to be told I had woken up hours ago and had just had a tantrum or something. I remember talking on the school playground about "blacking out". I know I told social workers an abusive man was living at home when he left *months* ago by that point.

But what the fuck. For years, it's mostly been just feeling weird sometimes and just generally having a bad memory. I have known about DID for years. I've known about it. I've "suspected" it. But also not truly? More like a "maybe" or "maybe something like that". I don't know.

I'm in the UK. I'm turning 19 next week. I should probably avoid drinking again, though it feels so odd since I literslly just feel fine and I don't remember feeling upset at all. My partner said I kept breaking down. I don't know.

I've asked my GP before about a bridging prescription but they said no, claiming a professional would need to be involved, but I assume they were thinking of a shared care agreement.

I've been on DIY T for two years. I have maybe one shot left, maybe two. I can't find T online that I can afford on top of my other medical expenses (medication, contacts, mobility aids, transport, etc) and food.

I did get the HRT for free but the person who gave it to me has been inactive in maybe a year now. I really don't know what to do.

I could try asking my GP again, maybe bring documents and such with me as evidence they can prescribe, but I really don't have much hope there. They don't seem particularly transphobic but they are not knowledgeable whatsoever.

I know not all the effects of T are reversible but I am very much worried about the ones that are and I don't know when, or if, I could get more any time soon :(

i received the drafts of the updated plan yesterday. it's awful and entirely inaccurate, like always. but not only that, they have spelt my name incorrectly and it's full of misgendering.

it alternates between using "he" and "she". they know my name has been legally changed but this hasn't been updated. i asked the meeting host where to send my deed poll. she didn't know. i emailed them online asking where to post it, with a digital copy, no response.

incorrect title, incorrect gender (although i'm unsure if i'd need a GRC for that), and then just the usual everything being entirely incorrect despite saying for about three years straight that it's wrong.

i haven't seen my dad or his side of the family, including younger siblings who live with him, in almost 3 years now. i used to see them once a week.

i feel so guilty and awful. at the same time, i can't comprehend behind his child and part of their family. i can't deal with being in a family.

at home, my other siblings live with me. i feel guilty for not feeling as connected to them as i should. i don't want to never see them again. but at the same time, i just can't picture being able to keep them in my life.

just any reminder of the family i was born into hurts me so much. i'm unsure of how innocent my dad was. i don't really remember much about him & his side. but i know some of them truly didn't do anything to me.

i just can't bring myself to speak to them. or message them. or anything. occasionally, they'll reach out to me. my nan did today. i assume she saw i used whatsapp again.

i feel awful. i feel sick. i wish i could just vanish. i wish we had just been a normal family. i wish everything that happened didn't happen. i wish my dad listened to what i was telling him was going on :(

i feel like all of this identity stuff has justtt been building up and it keeps getting worse as i grow older. it kept coming and going, hitting a couple times a year, now it's just throughout every month. i don't feel like im meant to be living here at all.

every time i crash, my heart rate is back to being wacky. maybe not 100% as if i weren't medicated, but close enough for sure.

generally, my heart rate is fine. if i overexert myself, it starts speeding right back up again.

i put itchy in quotations because i don't feel like it quite encapsulates the feeling. it's similar to something crawling on me? but very condensed and sharp. sometimes the prickle sort of pulses. it feels like i have to respond by itching or moving because... what else can i do.

it's been almost a week since the sores healed and i could finally pee painlessly again. i finished the course of acyclovir. this feeling started maybe day 3 after it healed. it's almost constant. it doesn't feel anything like what i felt during or before the outbreak.

it's almost like pins and needles but... just the needles? i can't really describe it. no other abnormal symptoms either -- no weird discharge or new sores.

it's just distracting, especially when i'm trying to sleep. i can't really tell if it's improving or not yet.

The appointment was for a check-up unrelated to my gender. We got onto the topic of my gender as she asked about my medical history - I switched GPs last year and apparently things weren't fully transferred.

She was generally nice. I asked if she thought a bridging prescription was possible for my Testosterone but she said no as a more specific medical professional would have to be involved. However, she said that if I called the GIC to ask what my hormones levels should be that I could have my hormone levels monitored at my GP.

I have never called them before. She recommended I tell them I'm DIYing. I imagine it's impossible to get through though. If they answer and tell me, how would I even prove they said that? I don't feel like calling them would go well.

The nurse said that my blood tests results, from one I did a good few months ago, showed my Testosterone as being 23.2 and said it should be around 1.8 but I assume she's comparing that to female rather than male levels. I don't know.

She didn't seem particularly knowledgeable about trans people but wasn't rude about it like others have been. So, yeah, I really don't know what to do here because Randox is ridiculously expensive.

i really need help. i was prescribed aciclovir and lidocaine gel. i cant urinate. it hurts so much. im in so much pain. ive never had this before. there sre so many ulcers down there and i dont knkw what to do i cant stop crying

ibe been looking all day for it (edit- to clarify now i'm a little calmer, i just need the gel) and nowhere has it and now its so late they cant guarantee itll be there tomorrkw and i cant deal with this at all

and i can feel that my bladder is filling up and im drdading it so much it hurts sk much, its so much worse than yesterday

please give me advice, just anything at all. ivr been trying to drink water but after they kept saying they dont have it i just dont feel like i can anymore. i cant go through the pain again, it hurts so much

i cant stop crying. it hurts so much. i dont know what to do.

my gp said they aren't 100% sure but it could be herpes, gonerrhea, or a bad case of BV. the swabs hurt so fucking much. i have antibiotics but i cant tolerate peeing.

im dreading it so much. i thought there mustve been a chance someone wojld have it and now its too late for them to promise theyll have it tomorrow.

i dont underdtajd what im meant to do. and my family are too busy at the cinema to pick me up. i cant stop crying

i cannot pee (edit to clarify this is not literal. i can. it just hurts). it's unbearable. i've just been drinking water, waiting until i physically feel it, and then pee. that way, i can't stop the flow once it starts. it is so painful.

i just really need some advice to make this easier, it stings so much :(

down there, i have white inflammed spots on the lips and bigger ones on the outside, some of them red too. it wouldn't be so bad if i could just piss 😭 i keep having clearish watery discharge too. it only hurts when it's pee that comes out though.

idk what's going on but this is absolutely one of the worst things ive ever experienced :(

it's been like this all weekend. everywhere has been closed soo i haven't been able to see anyone. i tried to call 111 but i just kept crying before i was able to get past the automated part.

tomorrow i'll ask my friends to help me get to a sexual health clinic or urgent care if there aren't any slots available. it's just awful.

i just want to piss 💔 i've seen advice where people recommend pouring water down there whilst urinating but i don't understand how i'd even aim that or if it would help – it's the ones visible when i spread the lips that are destroying me.

i'm mildly panicking. i'm 18ftm. i've been struggling all weekend to pee. today, i can now see visible ulcers and sores. i'm very scared to see anyone but, obviously, i'm going to need to.

i have no idea what to even say or do. i've had healthcare professionals refuse to treat me on the basis of me being trans before. i really don't know what to expect. i've never had this before.

somehow, my family are blaming testosterone for this 😭 (though they think its a UTI)

i struggle so much with phone calls too. i don't even know what i'd say. it feels humiliating and so dysphoric too. i hate it so much. i want to curl in a ball and explode.

i'm not sure if i could access my gp either. i feel ill and i really don't think i can wake up before 8 tomorrow :( im thinking id have better luck at a sexual health clinic but ahdhfh idk what to do.

edit – currently crying after peeing again & feeling too overwhelmed to reply to everyone, but thank you all so much <333

yesterday, i experienced a constant stinging throughout the day which burned when i urinated. i had sex the day before this and i have been experiencing vaginal atrophy. my guess is it's teared?

today, the general pain is less there. slight pain if i bend down, squeeze my vagina, or sit in a certain way. but peeing is unbearable. it's only when it's urine that it burns. period blood and discharge are fine.

i am in the UK. my GP is closed on weekends. my family is taking us to stay at my nan's for the weekend, who lives far from us. i don't want to spend 8 hours waiting in a hospital. i'm not sure if there are any walk-in urgent care clinics where we're going.

i told my mom and she just shrugged. so 😭

edit – again, i don't think it's a UTI. i appreciate the info but it really just feels like it's sore inside. i can tell where exactly is hurting. idk :( now i keep burning up too so ahhdhdj

leaving feels impossible. i can't work. i'm 18. i haven't been able to access education at all for over a year. i'm being pushed into it. but so much of my energy is going towards surviving & dealing with this house.

i'm on benefits. obviously, my family committed fraud with them and never let me have them. when i turned 18, i managed to get it under my name and into my bank account. they used part of it to fund the family car. when it's picked up, i'll be paid more. around £196 per week?

but even with that, it feels hopeless. i don't know what to do anymore :(

i'm sick of eating moldy food, hearing yelling and screaming every day, having my room searched, being told i'm lazy or just "overdosing" on my hormone therapy, etc.

i had an ehcp meeting on tuesday. my mom said it was embarassing. all because i explained how deadlines are impractical when my ability to think and hear what words are spoken fluctuates so much. like, yay. thanks.

i can't move out with a friend until another year. it just feels awful.

I'm in the process of detangling things from my abusive family. I'm finally in control of my PIP. I was not initially involved in getting it at all. However, at the time I was more mentally ill than physically ill — and, to be clear, I did have some physical issues still. Now, I'm far more physically ill and better mentally.

I found out how to check my award today, through the proof of benefits, and have both enhanced daily living and enhanced mobility components until November 2029.

I do feel I need both components. I used to have only hypermobility but now I also have POTS, slipping rib syndrome, as well as suspected CFS/ME. I'm just nervous they could tell me off for not telling them.

If I felt better, it'd make sense to call as I don't want money I don't need. But I just feel worse and I'm already on the highest rates. Do I still need to contact them? Or should I wait until 2029?

I deteriorated pretty rapidly. I can't access the GP anymore unless they book an appointment first - I can't wake up before 8am, call the GP, and go to the appointment in the same day.

I have a review for my POTS on June 2. I will bring this up there. My consultant said, a couple years ago, that I likely have CFS/ME but that it wasn't worth pushing further as he said the symptoms of it overlap with POTS. I haven't been able to see anyone about the fatigue since.

I haven't been able to access education for a while now. The closest thing I have to proof is my EHCP. I want to apply to Open University but I don't think I have enough evidence of my disability.

Has anyone else been in this situation? :(

My four year old sister is crying, her leg hurts, and mom keeps yelling. Threatening to kick her out of the house because she's waking everybody up, says that she's going on if someone's cut her leg off, saying if she cries one more time then she's going in the car, calling her an idiot.

She's a child. An aching leg is 10/10 pain for her. She hasn't experienced as much pain as we have. It's like how time goes slower as a kid because we haven't experienced living through decades.

At least she was given medicine though.