u/hollywoodglamourr

He was telling me exactly what I had been affirming finally after over a month NC due to really bad circumstances and things have been the best they have ever been and he had been showing up as the new version for about a month now consistently like a full 180.

He was talking abt how much he wants to see me, being all sweet and romantic and showering me with attention/affection and has been asking me on dates every weekend for a month straight and now I’ve been on delivered for 4 days 😭 He viewed my story though and it pmo so bad I’ve been trying not to check the 3D but not seeing his text is triggering me so bad.

We have been talking for 7 months but this past month I have seen the most dramatic change after I dropped the NC and old story I locked in for like 3 days and that’s when he reached back out to me. It was all going so well but out of nowhere he left me on delivered and I feel so defeated and don’t know what to do from here😔

I know that I’m the best option and that no one compares to me but we have been in NC for a month now because I found out about multiple 3P’s and he talked about fcking other girls to his friend in front of me at the end of our date💀 I honestly don’t know what to do anymore, I “gave up” and started trying again 2 weeks ago but I feel so discouraged when I think about that and can’t seem to drop the story and my negative perception of him and what he has been doing in our time apart (obviously getting with other girls). We were in a talking stage for 6 months and I genuinely know that he truly liked me and that I’m different from other girls he’s talked to/been with but have started to wonder if he even cares because of being in NC. He’s been posting notes for my attention but only on the day that marks another week NC (songs from bands we talked about that night) and he’s told me to like his notes before so obviously it’s targeted but I’m not giving him the validation he wants. How do I change how I perceive him and get him to show up in the ways I deserve? Idk if I should just give up completely and focus on myself and find someone else and if this is even worth my time and energy because I feel like it’s not due to his actions. I haven’t been looking specifically but not seeing his texts in my phone is making me anxious bc we talked everyday for 6 months and I’m not used to it. I know that I’m too good for him and I know he knows that too and he’s even said that. I’ve tried saying that didn’t happen and keeping a mental diet then I’m reminded of the circumstances again and feel like I’m back at square 1. I listen to subliminals every night and robotically affirm SP is texting me instantly” “He only has eyes for me” “I’m constantly in his mind” which I had been affirming ever since I first met him so it’s not like it’s knew and my subconscious is having a hard time accepting it.

I’ve never met a “good man” ever in my life and it feels impossible to get SP to show up in the ways I deserve. All I’ve seen throughout out my life is that men are lustful,liars,manipulators,cheaters, users and abusers the list goes on. I would love to not think this way but that has been my conditioning throughout all my life and what every male in my life is like, mostly family members and any of the women in my family’s husbands/boyfriends, but also the men I have experienced.

I have been trying to drop the old story but my SP was acting perfect then switched up out of nowhere and said some really horrible things and I thought he’s just like every other man. He talked about having s3x with other girls in front of me after our date to his friends and I felt completely shattered and defeated. It’s almost 4 weeks no contact (I think because I shut down when he said that then he uninvited me from going home with him, which I wasn’t sure abt going in the first place) and I just feel like men only want one thing and when they don’t get it they never talk to you again, or even if they do once they get it they will also never talk to you again.

I had a “break” from manifesting but have tried to start over but I can’t fathom the idea of SP actually showing up for me and taking me out on proper dates and hanging out with me sober and wanting to see me without the expectation of hooking up and I want commitment but it seems like he just wants to hit it and quit it. I just want to get to know him better but at the same time I feel like I’ve seen enough. Being in no contact as well really hurts as we texted everyday for 5 months and now nothing. He was the best he had ever been up until he said that stuff, (not that it was great) he was a lot more engaged and was replying really fast when he used to leave me on delivered for days, he was sending almost 10 texts in a row sometimes and never let the conversation die out and I finally met up with him (that was only the 2nd time I’ve ever seen him bc he used to make excuses when I asked him to hangout) but I was still the one who had to initiate seeing him because he’s incompetent 🤦‍♀️

He’s been posting targeted things to get my attention but I haven’t taken the bait because he wants to be chased so he hasn’t texted me, he also follows OF girls and corn stars on instagram which makes me so sad :( I just want to be loved and committed to but it feels impossible 😔

I tried my friends and it made such a difference I was blown away and I need to get a full routine asap. I can’t justify the price though :( I am wondering if there are any sales coming up that I could hold out for. Thanks 😊

My SP and I have been in no contact for 3 weeks (the longest we haven’t spoken for) due to some bad circumstances. I gave up completely but want to start over. We finally went on a date and everything was amazing but it went south at the end when I found out about multiple 3P’s. I felt so defeated and iced him out because I was so hurt but was trying to be composed. He hasn’t messaged me since. I couldn’t fathom that there could be anyone else he could be interested in but me and did not have any doubts or thoughts about a 3P. I also wasn’t checking his following or looking for any evidence that there could be a 3P.

Should I focus on my self concept only? I have a lot of resentment and negative beliefs towards him and men in general, that they are all hoes,liars,cheaters,users etc. I really want to lock in now that I’ve taken a step back and had a break. I know that I’m the best option but part of me worries he will get with whoever is easy, and I’m not 😭 I want commitment from him, not a situationship.

Trying to post this again as it got taken down for not having enough detail. I’m wanting to completely start over with manifestation/conscious creation and start from scratch. I figured the best way to get what I desire is to revisit the law as if I am discovering it for the first time and really lock in. Let me know what you wish you knew from the start and the best knowledge/tips you have learned along the way plus any relevant Neville teachings. Thank you :)

Wanting to completely start over with my SP, I gave up due to really bad circumstances but want to start over. Knowing how limitless we are has inspired me to try again, if we can manifest absolutely anything, why would a relationship be hard?

Obviously I’m never going to talk to him again but people say everything comes from us because we are source but I refuse to believe I created that. Some people are just abusive and that’s that.

I know how the title sounds but I genuinely am so confused because it felt really wrong but also I feel like maybe I’m just being dramatic and overthinking it. For a bit of context we have been texting for 6 months, we met in person initially which is how it started but I only actually went out with him 2 weeks ago because he is so low effort and can’t even arrange a date or hangout 🙄 Also I’m 21F he’s 27M.

This will be a long post, sorry. I have tried to separate each red flag into its own paragraph to make it easier and to explain what led up to the choking. I had a lot of anxiety before and my intuition was screaming at me to not go but I wrote it off as butterflies and ignored my instincts, which I regret. There are so many red flags which I blocked out due to how anxious I was, I couldn’t think straight in the moment and it all just hit me now. First off, he introduced me to his friend, I shook his hand he said “wow that’s firm” and the guy I was meeting said “help i’m being raped” and laughed in response to me having a firm handshake? That I really don’t understand and as a CSA survivor, rape “jokes” are deeply triggering. I feel so stupid, if that’s basically the first thing he said, why did I stay?

He called me a ditz, which I believe is negging. He also said I seem like a “good girl” which gave me the creeps. Then a few minutes later he said “I really want you to fight me” I asked why and he said “I want you to fight me and when I win we have to fuck”. Even just typing this out I am so mad at myself and idk what the hell was going through my head because I completely just blocked all of it out in the moment somehow. Then I just acted confused (not intentionally I think I was fawning). And then a few minutes later he said the first part again. To me that’s extremely “rapey” and implies that consent doesn’t matter and if I lose I have to give it up. Not only that but the thought of me fighting him off then him trying to have sex with me, is that not rape?

He kissed me without asking which I don’t really see as an issue (He was my first kiss ever… When I met him initially I mean, not this night) and I don’t think he remembers which is honestly a good thing because the idea of me being a virgin I think would have made this whole thing a lot worse. He also touched my boobs and my butt without asking and literally started humping me, typing this I’m like wtfffff literally who does that. We were at a dive bar but that’s not an excuse it’s still really weird and it was very very aggressive and he said “I like this”. I said calm down and tried to laugh it off even though I was really uncomfortable (Fawning). He said “watch your tone” I forgot to mention he said this a few times before which at first I wrote off as playful banter but then it got the the point where I was like this is weird. Each time he said that he had the narcissist smirk if anyone knows what I’m talking about which I noticed right away from the first time he said it. I could tell it was wrong but the way he presented made me second guess myself and I thought I was reading too much into it.

I said I needed to pee and he said “Let me help you I’m really good at that” I was raised by narcissists and I know how they make every single thing sexual and that did concern me, why does me using the bathroom make you think of that like why are you sexualising my bodily functions? Again with the fawning I just said I’ll be back. In the beginning he said he liked my perfume and he asked what it was, I said vanilla and he said “I like vanilla”. Again with the over sexualisation, although this is minor compared to everything else. He also said “I feel like I’m the best but I feel like I’m the worst” he said that twice and if that doesn’t scream narcissist then idk what does, although most narcissists IMO would never admit they could feel or be “the worst”.

We went to the smokers area and I can’t remember what we were talking about but this is when he choked me. It came out of nowhere and I was really shocked, this is the part that is the most vague from memory. I can’t remember what he said when he did it but I think it was something sexual even though the conversation was not like that at all. Also the way he did it was really concerning, like I said I’m inexperienced but even I know the way you are supposed to choke someone safely which says a lot. I’m not sure how to explain it but he drove the space between his thumb and index finger right into my throat as if he was trying to cut off my airway, although it was only a few seconds I couldn’t stop coughing and spluttering afterwards. I don’t know if that was enough to do damage, but two weeks later I am still coughing so much and it’s not due to sickness…

The memory of him choking me only came back to me yesterday, I had blocked it out instantly I guess. My sister called me randomly and said “If a guy ever grabs your throat when he kisses you it’s a red flag”. We weren’t talking about this situation at all, it was completely unrelated to what we were talking about but when she said that everything came back to me as I had no memory of this prior to her saying that. I was too ashamed to say anything but I called her today and said you know what you said yesterday, what if he did that mid conversation but instead of grabbing it was choking? She said run. I haven’t told her all the other details only the choking part because I’m so embarrassed even though he was the one who did all those things to me and I did not encourage it whatsoever. I’m not sure if this makes the situation any better but we did say some sexual things over text over the course of the 6 months, but not explicitly like sending pics or anything like that just lighthearted banter if that makes sense so part of me feels like maybe it was fault? Part of me also wonders if the choking was enough to make me forget everything, even though it was only for a few seconds maybe it cut the oxygen from my brain and that’s why I couldn’t remember anything?

Also at then end of the night he said I could go back with him and I was not going to but didn’t know how to say it. I knew that if I went and didn’t give him what he wanted he would get really mad at me and never speak to me again. He ran into his other friends while we were sorting out the Ubers and they said are you still talking to *blank*, he said yes and the friend I met at the start said wait you know *blank*? The other guy said everyone knows *blank*. I tuned out of the conversation because that hurt me so much and was trying to avoid getting triggered as I have BPD and rejection is my biggest trigger. Then I tuned back in accidentally and the other guy said to the guy I was with “did you fuck her or her roommate” and they all started laughing. I just stood there in shock because I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. We talked everyday for 6 months and now you’re talking about fucking multiple girls in front of me and you expect me to go home with you? He didn’t introduce me to those guys which is weird because I met all his other friends except for them. Then once they left he tried to kiss me and I pushed him away and said no. He said “what do you mean no?” and tried again, I said no and pushed him away again because I’m not going to be disrespected like that. Then he muttered something to his friend about it like acting as if I was crazy. Then he uninvited me and said “it’s going to be a bunch of boys anyway, you don’t want to come”. Like I said before I wasn’t going to go back with him anyway but he uninvited me because he realised I wasn’t going to give him what he wanted. His friend said it was nice meeting you and the guy I was with laughed and said “oh the irony”. I said what do you mean by that and he just ignored me then he kissed me and then they left.

To really put this into perspective I arrived at the bar at 12 and we had booked the Uber by 2, so all of this happened within barely 2 hours… And to recap this is the second time I’ve ever seen him. Now I’m just typing other things I can remember not in any order. He also brought up my dead parents which I thought was really strange considering everything else he had been saying. He called me the wrong name as well and I noticed he tried to triangulate me by pointing out a girl saying “I love that bitch I see her all the time at *name of other bar*” and he also brought up his 18 year old coworker? All he said about her was that she was 18 and she pretended to know about stuff he likes. He also tried to make me pay his entry fee for the second bar and when I didn’t that’s when he decided to go home and all that stuff I just described happened. He hasn’t texted me at all afterwards and it’s been 2 weeks since this happened. Thats everything I remember so far, I really hope there’s nothing else to remember because that’s more than enough 😬

Sorry for such a long post, although I know it’s wrong, part of me feels like I’m being dramatic. The choking part I can’t even believe is real, it feels fake and part of me feels like I made it up even though I know I didn’t. I also feel like it wasn’t that bad and I’m just overreacting. He was being quite affectionate too which confused me as he was going back and forth and was being so overly sexual but was also holding my hand, had his arm around me, and was being really sweet which made me doubt that everything else he was doing was wrong.

I have an assignment is overdue and am wondering if it’s possible to get an extension if I provide proof of my diagnosis, can I apply or is it too late? I’ve been wanting to get a CAP but my documentation said provisional diagnoses which I was told by my GP wasn’t valid, but google says it is and I have been medicated in the past which it says on the form so I don’t see why they wouldn’t allow it 🤷‍♀️

Everything was going amazing then the 3D smacked me in the face, I was sooo persistent in being the person who has my SP and he was finally taking me out on dates and everything was going amazing then something happened and I can’t let go of it. I had been affirming “SP only has eyes for me” for 4 months and I truly believed that was true and didn’t doubt or wonder about other girls or anything, then we ran into his friends after the date and they asked abt another girl and they said the most disgusting things right in front of me and now I know there’s a 3P, well actually multiple 😭 And he didn’t text me back after the date, probably bc I shut down when they said that stuff but understandably so, like I’m not going to listen to you talking about f’ing other girls in front of me and act like everything’s fine. Now it’s been 8 days no contact. I just feel like I got so close then it all came crashing down and I want to give up I just feel so defeated I have tried to start over but I just can’t 😔

Everything was going amazing then the 3D smacked me in the face, I was sooo persistent in being the person who has my SP and he was finally taking me out on dates and everything was going amazing then something happened and I can’t let go of it. I had been affirming “SP only has eyes for me” for 4 months and I truly believed that was true and didn’t doubt or wonder about other girls or anything, then we ran into his friends after the date and they asked abt another girl and they said the most disgusting things right in front of me and now I know there’s a 3P, well actually multiple 😭 And he didn’t text me back after the date, probably bc I shut down when they said that stuff but understandably so, like I’m not going to listen to you talking about f’ing other girls in front of me and act like everything’s fine. Now it’s been 8 days no contact. I just feel like I got so close then it all came crashing down and I want to give up I just feel so defeated I have tried to start over but I just can’t 😔

I’m so heartbroken he humiliated me in front of his friends. I still want him though but don’t know how to drop the story to manifest him again but a higher version of him. We were out together and everything was going so well then he ran into these guys and they said are u still talking to blank and he said yes and they were laughing and joking about fcking her in front of me he fully ignored me and I just stood there and felt so disrespected but even though he did that I still want him 😭 His friend (not the guys that came up and asked him that) looked at me as if to say I’m sorry and said let’s not talk about that right now 💀 Everything was going so well before that he was holding my hand, putting his arm around me, kissing me and being all sweet and we had such a good time then he flipped and I just don’t even know what to think anymore

I finally met up with my SP (this is only our second time seeing each other) everything was going so well we were getting along like crazy and then towards the end these guys came up to him and said are you still talking to “blank” and he said yeah and his friend was like you know her and they were like everyone knows her and laughed and I tuned out of the convo because I was so hurt and then they were like did you fuck her or her roommate and I wanted to dieee and his friend was like let’s not talk about that right now because I was there and then that was the end of the night. I am so upset and honestly have the ick from that but lowkey still want him 😔

I affirmed that “SP is always making plans with me” and he texted me saying he wanted to take me out and I was so so so happy. I reminded myself that as much as I was excited this is normal because we are together. The next day he was being quite vague and it triggered me but I stuck to living in the end and persisted in my affirmations regardless. Then the day came and I didn’t hear anything from him then he messaged me at 1:30am telling me he was going to a bar 1.5hrs away from me, he knows I like going there but he didn’t give me a time or anything and I wanted him to actually take me out on a date not just going out. I didn’t respond because that’s not my desired outcome and messaged him the next day asking abt his football game he had to change the subject and he asked me how my night was and it’s been three days almost four now on delivered 😔

I had been so persistent in “being the person” and everything was going so well and finally was going to see him after 5 months of manifesting him (I don’t pay attention to time normally but just to put into perspective us hanging out was a big deal bc we have only met once and getting him to see me has been the biggest hurdle)

I just feel so disheartened and want to give up, like I know who I am and I know I can have anyone and anything I desire but I just wonder what all this work I’ve been doing is for, I have been EFT tapping to regulate myself so I haven’t reacted as badly as I would normally but just feel so frustrated and don’t know what to do from here ☹️

The first (and only) time we met he literally told me “I’m down here and your up here” I had been affirming my desired people put me on a pedestal and he repeated a few of my other affs word for word and everything was favourable (I manifested him out of thin air) and I wish things were good between us again because things have been rocky before and we were finally getting back on track😫

I know that I am leagues above him (not just bc he said that but my own inner knowing) and I know he’s the one who should be chasing and pursing me because I’m the prize and I know that no one in their right mind would ever let me slip away but I’m just so exhausted and want to give up, what can I do and how do I get back on track?😮‍💨 Also I don’t normally check the 3D but I can’t stop and just keep getting more and more frustrated and upset that he hasn’t texted.

I affirmed that “SP is always making plans with me” and he texted me saying he wanted to take me out and I was so so so happy. I reminded myself that as much as I was excited this is normal because we are together. The next day he was being quite vague and it triggered me but I stuck to living in the end and persisted in my affirmations regardless. Then the day came and I didn’t hear anything from him then he messaged me at 1:30am telling me he was going to a bar 1.5hrs away from me, he knows I like going there but he didn’t give me a time or anything and I wanted him to actually take me out on a date not just going out. I didn’t respond because that’s not my desired outcome and messaged him the next day asking abt his football game he had to change the subject and he asked me how my night was and it’s been three days almost four now on delivered 😔

I had been so persistent in “being the person” and everything was going so well and finally was going to see him after 5 months of manifesting him (I don’t pay attention to time normally but just to put into perspective us hanging out was a big deal bc we have only met once and getting him to see me has been the biggest hurdle)

I just feel so disheartened and want to give up, like I know who I am and I know I can have anyone and anything I desire but I just wonder what all this work I’ve been doing is for, I have been EFT tapping to regulate myself so I haven’t reacted as badly as I would normally but just feel so frustrated and don’t know what to do from here ☹️

The first (and only) time we met he literally told me “I’m down here and your up here” I had been affirming my desired people put me on a pedestal and he repeated a few of my other affs word for word and everything was favourable (I manifested him out of thin air) and I wish things were good between us again because things have been rocky before and we were finally getting back on track😫

I know that I am leagues above him (not just bc he said that but my own inner knowing) and I know he’s the one who should be chasing and pursing me because I’m the prize and I know that no one in their right mind would ever let me slip away but I’m just so exhausted and want to give up, what can I do and how do I get back on track?😮‍💨 Also I don’t normally check the 3D but I can’t stop and just keep getting more and more frustrated and upset that he hasn’t texted.

I affirmed that “SP is always making plans with me” and he texted me saying he wanted to take me out and I was so so so happy. I reminded myself that as much as I was excited this is normal because we are together. The next day he was being quite vague and it triggered me but I stuck to living in the end and persisted in my affirmations regardless. Then the day came and I didn’t hear anything from him then he messaged me at 1:30am telling me he was going to a bar 1.5hrs away from me, he knows I like going there but he didn’t give me a time or anything and I wanted him to actually take me out on a date not just going out. I didn’t respond because that’s not my desired outcome and messaged him the next day asking abt his football game he had and he asked me how my night was and it’s been two days now on delivered 😔 I had been so persistent in “being the person” and everything was going so well and finally was going to see him after 5 months of manifesting him (I don’t pay attention to time normally but just to put into perspective us hanging out was a big deal bc we have only met once and getting him to see me has been the biggest hurdle) I just feel so disheartened and want to give up, like I know who I am and I know I can have anyone and anything I desire but I just wonder what all this work I’ve been doing is for, I have been EFT tapping to regulate myself so I haven’t reacted as badly as I would normally but just feel so frustrated and don’t know what to do from here ☹️ The first (and only) time we met he literally told me “I’m down here and your up here” I had been affirming my desired people put me on a pedestal and he repeated a few of my other affs word for word and everything was favourable (I manifested him out of thin air) and I wish things were good between us again because things have been rocky before and we were finally getting back on track😫I know that I am leagues above him (not just bc he said that but my own inner knowing) and I know he’s the one who should be chasing and pursing me because I’m the prize and I know that no one in their right mind would ever let me slip away but I’m just so exhausted and want to give up, what can I do and how do I get back on track?😮‍💨

Everything was going really well with my sp, we have been the best we have ever been and now I’m doubting and am wondering what all of this work I’ve done is for and if it’s ever going to amount to anything😫 I will skip the background story but give a bit of info for context. This is a long post but it’s not all just my circumstances, I’m not just complaining saying why is it not here yet I’m just genuinely so lost as I have been doing everything right.

We were having some sexual banter just now which we always do, idk if I’m overthinking but he said “values align” “I’m glad we got that out of the way” and I’m thinking maybe he’s saying I’m glad we got the what are we/what are you looking for conversation out of the way and values align as in he thinks i only want sex too 😬 We haven’t done anything sexual, he was my first kiss but that’s it. Yes I know I’m late to the game don’t judge

We have only met once (we met in person) and that was almost 5 months ago… I have been trying to live in the end and act as if we are together but it’s hard not seeing him. I have never felt this way about anyone before and I truly believe it was fated because he is exactly my type physically, like I have never been more attracted to someone in my entire life, we like all the same stuff, we have the same humour and we got along so well there wasn’t a moment of silence between us and the chemistry was off the charts and being with him felt electric. I said to my friend I’m going to meet someone tonight (it was my 21st bday) and she was like yeah whatever but I was like no something is going to happen I know it and as soon as I saw him I knew it was him (I had been manifesting an SP out of thin air) and he matched my exact description and he even repeated my oddly specific affirmations back to me word for word it was crazy I couldn’t believe it as he was a complete stranger.

I have been really persistent in forgetting any unfavourable things but now I can’t stop spiralling after reading that. I don’t want to go back into the old story but I have brought up seeing him multiple times and he kept avoiding the question and just flirting and now I can’t stop thinking about that and am wondering whether this will ever happen when I can’t even get us to see each other although he was being so interested over text and a great conversationalist after some unfavourable things which I won’t get into. I stopped asking him months ago and there’s been so many times where he could have easily arranged something and I just feel like giving up and idk what to do anymore.

The only one time we were actually going to meet up was in the beginning and he said come see me a few hours before expecting me to go to a bar 1.5 hours away from my place… I declined because I didn’t want to accept less than my desire and he never has brought it up again after that and like I said when I did after that in the past he just would never give me an answer and just flirt. Plus I want to spend time with him without the idea of sex on the table I just want to get to know him :(

I know I deserve better, I know who I am and I know my worth and value but I just want to be loved is that too much to ask? 😭 I understand that everything comes from me and he can only show up in the way that I allow him to but I can’t seem to apply it to myself and I have been so persistent in the new story this is the first time I’ve crashed out in 3 months so it’s not like I keep saying where is it I’ve been so persistent im so tired☹️

Sorry if this sounds weird but has anyone had any luck? I’ve seen a few on YouTube but there isn’t many bc it’s a kinda nsfw topic but had anyone had results? I’m a girl btw idk if it’s worth getting a custom sub or does anyone recommend any sub makers to purchase from?😭