u/iichisai

Disclaimer i dont have a eating disorder, i have disordered eating (not meeting the criteria for a eating disorder fully and not severe enough) ,

^^ also another disclaimer also because my habits are new ive onyl started doing research recently, and im doubting because i dont know that much about eds medically wise

Also me and my partner has had a very healthy relationship , ive never seen this type of behaviour from her until now (she/he pronouns) (meaning she has always been kind to me and supporting and loving and weve never had a boundary issues until now)

—————

Anyhoo my mom was questioning why ive “gained so much weight” and keeps staring at my body and commenting on what im eating

So shes restiricting what im eating and tells me i need to work for the entire senior yr to lose weight

so i havent been eating lately ive only eaten a couple of bites of fruit and still not gonna eat anything today

I want to go for walks everyday to restrict as much as possible

its getting so bad that my mom doesnt rlly care as much when i stop eating

I lost several pounds and because i started eating again it went bwck up and my jeans fit differently

my dad is in on it too and only wants me to order speicfic items for dinner

when I opened up to my partner about it

he just decided to give me “notes about how to lose weight” and then when I said it felt insensitive and my other system members told me that giving me weightloss tips can make eds worde

my protector tried to explain and make him understand

we told him at least 5 times we didnt want the notes, and tried to explain that eating disorders are a form of self harm and my protector said that giving me these tips can feed into it

he just said “i dont understand how what im doing is so evil”

we kept telling him that were not angry at him and that we have trauma from being alone with our mental illness and feeling like were crazy for our feelings or feeling “delusional”

we said that we have a hard time opening up to him because when i tell him he just says “just excercise” and its triggering for us because we have depression and excetuive functioning issues and its difficult for us to do so and we already feel useless and eefective for having a hard time doing it

so im not allowed to eat carbs anymore (from my parents)

im taking laxatives now

it seems like everytime i want to recover im proven right about how I shouldnt

When I tried telling my partner about it how i felt like everyone was lying to me about how they really feel about me , he always reassured me about him not minding my body type.

I asked if hes just saying that to spare my feelings and because he feels pity and he said that he was saying partially just to make me feel better

she keeps saying i dont make any sense

so I hung up on her shes mad now…

Disclaimer i dont have a eating disorder, i have disordered eating (not meeting the criteria for a eating disorder fully and not severe enough) ,

Also me and my partner has had a very healthy relationship , ive never seen this type of behaviour from her until now (she/he pronouns)

—————

Anyhoo my mom was questioning why ive “gained so much weight” and keeps staring at my body and commenting on what im eating

So shes restiricting what im eating and tells me i need to work for the entire senior yr to lose weight

so i havent been eating lately ive only eaten a couple of bites of fruit and still not gonna eat anything today

I want to go for walks everyday to restrict as much as possible

its getting so bad that my mom doesnt rlly care as much when i stop eating

I lost several pounds and because i started eating again it went bwck up and my jeans fit differently

my dad is in on it too and only wants me to order speicfic items for dinner

when I opened up to my partner about it

he just decided to give me “notes about how to lose weight” and then when I said it felt insensitive and my other system members told me that giving me weightloss tips can make eds worde

my protector tried to explain and make him understand

we told him at least 5 times we didnt want the notes, and tried to explain that eating disorders are a form of self harm and my protector said that giving me these tips can feed into it

he just said “i dont understand how what im doing is so evil”

we kept telling him that were not angry at him and that we have trauma from being alone with our mental illness and feeling like were crazy for our feelings or feeling “delusional”

we said that we have a hard time opening up to him because when i tell him he just says “just excercise” and its triggering for us because we have depression and excetuive functioning issues and its difficult for us to do so and we already feel useless and eefective for having a hard time doing it

so im not allowed to eat carbs anymore (from my parents)

im taking laxatives now

it seems like everytime i want to recover im proven right about how I shouldnt

When I tried telling my partner about it how i felt like everyone was lying to me about how they really feel about me , he always reassured me about him not minding my body type.

I asked if hes just saying that to spare my feelings and because he feels pity and he said that he was saying partially just to make me feel better

she keeps saying i dont make any sense

so I hung up on her shes mad now…

For a while now Ive had an idea, what if there was a community where pro endos and anti endos and system disbelievers could conversate and discuss without harassing or harming one another in a controlled environmen, (moderators etc.)

Usually antis and pros tend to walk up to people, but if discussion was voluntary and kept civil or an open space to discuss questions (for example on this sub we get repetitive questions of “how endos can form”

I thought maybe creating a seperate either subreddit or tumblr community could help. Problem is that I dont know how to advertise a subreddit and I dont have any experience with moderation.

Im more familiar with tumblr (however I domt know way to ask for moderators) what do yall think of my idea?

For a while now Ive had an idea, what if there was a community where pro endos and anti endos and system disbelievers could conversate and discuss without harassing or harming one another in a controlled environmen, (moderators etc.)

Usually antis and pros tend to walk up to people, but if discussion was voluntary and kept civil or an open space to discuss questions (for example on this sub we get repetitive questions of “how endos can form”

I thought maybe creating a seperate either subreddit or tumblr community could help. Problem is that I dont know how to advertise a subreddit and I dont have any experience with moderation.

Im more familiar with tumblr (however I domt know way to ask for moderators) what do yall think of my idea?

We have a part that is very cynical and is like a headmate that was here bfore mass dormancy, we used to to think it was me and im pretty sure he was, but now hes seperate from me, and is a completely different headmate. I dont have really their memories but I know I was here for a very long time. We believe that he came from an event where a man on the internet triggered us and we became very dissociated, and our negative and intrusive thoughts gained into a being of some sort.

&gt;!One core reason why i have self harm issues is guilt and believing i deserve to be punishing for being “bad” in any sort of way. Me being endo and having contradictory labels, being trans, nonbinary and afab does not help at all.!<

&gt;!also i have trauma from my family invalidating my emotions / emotional neglect and dissociation as well as multiple suicide attempts from people not caring about my mental health or wellbeing or saying im faking)!<

&gt;!dont like the fact that they want me to suffer so I try to sh in response to compensate for my existence because if so many people say my existence is harmful when I cant do much about it , even if i quit calling myself endo because Im plural without a cdd im automatically put within the category!<

&gt;!The plural community is inherently ties with incommunity fighting whether you like it or not, you cant go on any post or search for help or tips to cope, or try to feel better and less guilty about yourself without getting immediately shut down and out (as anti endos often infiltrate spaces)!<

&gt;!You cant use labels without aaying ”endo dni” because u dont exist, which causes dissociative episodes, and osychotic episodes for me it causes dissociative episodes.!<

&gt;!Whenever I returned bakc from the mental hospital for teens it always pointed back to a common theme “no one believed me” “i was bullied” “i was groomed” One of my friends was even beaten by a gang of people because people thought they were “faking”!<

&gt;!Which is why ill never believe or forgive anyone who defends hate subs.!<

&gt;!Theres no where to run because syscringe fucking basically doxxes us (they dont censor account usernames from other social media apps, and all posts can be found via search even if it is censored)!<

&gt;!No one does a thing about it, this has been happening for 20 years (20 years straight of discourse!!!)!<

&gt;!Blocking doesnt help because theres always something around the corner or another that will want me dead, Anti endos said they want us to be lit on fire, another said that they want their boyfriend to start a shooting!<

&gt;!im to have live with this forever (even though being trans is accepted contradictory labels are not and are deemed “offensive” so not even the pride community cares because they think im harmful idk what to do !<

&gt;!One core reason why i have self harm issues is guilt and believing i deserve to be punishing for being “bad” in any sort of way. Me being endo and having contradictory labels, being trans, nonbinary and afab does not help at all.!<

&gt;!also i have trauma from my family invalidating my emotions / emotional neglect and dissociation as well as multiple suicide attempts from people not caring about my mental health or wellbeing or saying im faking)!<

&gt;!dont like the fact that they want me to suffer so I try to sh in response to compensate for my existence because if so many people say my existence is harmful when I cant do much about it , even if i quit calling myself endo because Im plural without a cdd im automatically put within the category!<

&gt;!The plural community is inherently ties with incommunity fighting whether you like it or not, you cant go on any post or search for help or tips to cope, or try to feel better and less guilty about yourself without getting immediately shut down and out (as anti endos often infiltrate spaces)!<

&gt;!You cant use labels without aaying ”endo dni” because u dont exist, which causes dissociative episodes, and osychotic episodes for me it causes dissociative episodes.!<

&gt;!Whenever I returned bakc from the mental hospital for teens it always pointed back to a common theme “no one believed me” “i was bullied” “i was groomed” One of my friends was even beaten by a gang of people because people thought they were “faking”!<

&gt;!Which is why ill never believe or forgive anyone who defends hate subs. (note : this is edited out, I did say In here that I wanted them to feel the same pain we do but changed my mind about it bc i dont want to be anywhere even close to who they are)!<

&gt;!Theres no where to run because syscringe fucking basically doxxes us (they dont censor account usernames from other social media apps, and all posts can be found via search even if it is censored)!<

&gt;!No one does a thing about it, this has been happening for 20 years (20 years straight of discourse!!!)!<

&gt;!Blocking doesnt help because theres always something around the corner or another that will want me dead, Anti endos said they want us to be lit on fire, another said that they want their boyfriend to start a shooting!<

&gt;!im to have live with this forever (even though being trans is accepted contradictory labels are not and are deemed “offensive” so not even the pride community cares because they think im harmful idk what to do !<

Im diagnosed with both. However I feel like adhd is FAR more prominent to the poont where i feel like i dont even have autism anymore. I make a joke that im “level 0.5“ autism because of my main struggles only being visible in criterion A and can be easily compen for. Its odd

I see it often but idk what it means on person says its when a proffesional suggests a diagnosis is a possibiliyy but didnt give an official diagnosis. I had a singular with a psychiatrist, who was there temporarily bc my main psych was on vacay, suggested i sound like i have ocd, and I am indeed have been noticing i. might have symptoms myself

So Im a teen who forgot years worth of japanese ive been studying since I was 9, I have ADHD so even though I was inconsitent and made little progress i still made progress none the less however in the last 2 to 3 years I forgot pretty much alot even some katakana due to not using or studying due to a mental health crisis, depression, dissociation, psychosis etc.

I understand because I know japanese is a extremely hard language to learn I expected this to happen but its frusturating to return to square one none the less.

Okay so heres the problem, my mom forgot the screentime passwords so I cannot use any apps, so im gonna have to rely on something else, I can have apps on my laptop just onto my phone. Also I cant use anki. I heard that immersion for several hours a day while using flashcards is THE most effective way, but what resources do you recommend.

I also have a beginner japanese textbook, but idk how many pages I should do a day.

and how can i prevent forgetting this time around

tldr any NOT mobile resources do yall recommend , how much do you think I should learn a day, and how can I prevent forgetting this time around

yall so out host hates themselves for being endo, and for being trans and literally every minority under the sun. they dont wanna front anymore, but they qut alot of rules on us to when we can or cant front so they get mad and scared whenever we try switching we try reassuring them that they dont need to know whats happening all the damn times or whos in control, so we stay inside and consensually suppress each other, it used to be forced by the host but i do it now via conversations with the others. since hte host is in school and is constantly triggered, we want to be out more often but ever since online school stopped and theyre back in qerson they keeq trying to convince themsleves that we arent real and even themselves, they have breakdowns easy and we we dont know what to do, any advice anyone

I want to spread awareness about plurality by putting a post on the wall, its obviously not permitted by the school but i wanted to know if its worth the chance of educating others (context this is highschool)

so… im only able to (clearly) contact characters after ive interacted with the media and when i interact with the media i get the overwhelming sense of emotions i usually dont get and then they speaklike for example i tried to watch an analysis ivdeo on some lore but then they got upset because it reminded them of trauma but they dont exist outside of those circumstanceswhat does that mean

before i started soulbonding i used think i wasnt one i felt like this insane sense of pull as if im “meant to be a soulbonder” everytime i would dent i would get waves of emotions , i felt like I had an innate abiliy to commhnicate to fictional characters and other realities that i was meant to unlock, what was that? and what was it called because i didnt have that until i had this insane calling that was saying that “im meant to understand fictional characters stories and speak for them and for them to have someone to speak to and that im a spiritual entity who exists both in this realm and in metaphysical