i have a masquerade coming up in december and it’s the perfect semi formal dress for the occasion but i’m torn between getting a small or a medium. i wear small or medium (5’3, 130lbs) and i have a 32d / 34c cup. i found the dress for a really good price but its a size small so i’m tempted to just send it!!
sometimes i wonder if i’m even bipolar because the highs don’t seem to last that long (maybe 2 weeks) and then i feel just okay for a bit. then when i’m low it feels like it goes on forever. it’s like i suddenly snap back to reality and realize i’m not as good of a person as i thought i was and i can’t get actually close to anyone because i’m so fucking avoidant everyone repulses me after a while.
i start thinking about abusing drugs again and ways to kill myself without hurting my family (disappearing then doing it in a remote location seems like the easiest option because at least they would have the false hope of me being alive somewhere). anyways i know eventually the good comes back but it doesn’t feel worth it anymore. fuck life man i can’t do anything worthwhile.
it’s been a while since i’ve asked you guys for music recommendations!! i look forward to putting your suggestions in my queue :)
i’ve been listening to a lottt of new stuff lately but i will just put 5 for now:
i will admit this is partially my fault too because i love being alone so i can go days / weeks without talking to them but i still make an effort to start convos and plan hangouts, but it isn’t reciprocated that much. i tried making plans this weekend for the 4th a few times and they said yes each time but then no one said anything to me yesterday or today. i am not gonna beg anyone to hangout w me but damn i guess i should take the hint??
i could obviously make new friends but i don’t do a lot besides work 8-530 every weekday. my sister is my best friend so at least i have her! anyone else have this problem and do you feel bad about it or should i be content i have friends at all?
it was one of my favorite sets ever at roo and i would love to see it again!! i can’t find it online as the original video was taken down. did anyone save it beforehand??
specifically when they go hooo or woof adjacent noises. please suggest similar songs to those in the playlist!!
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7zfXsMupYT0uREWP7Y5pmf?si=7wp1NWsDRq2etmzTra8KLA&pi=g8UUnLp9TDqpt
thank you to everyone who commented on my og post!! you all are the coolest
i don’t mean like overly obvious barking or continuous growling i mean that noise they make in canned heat!!! i need to hear more of it please please please
it ignites a sense of optimism despite it all :)
idk what to call it but its in this song by turnstile and i’ve heard it in korn songs too im pretty sure. i am starting a collection please help
https://open.spotify.com/track/3FT12lBLjNgy1jTa4E1160?si=Y2ZHJN45T3ec74P9KvMtPg
i just came back from bonnaroo a few days ago and i am struggling with settling into my usual routine. with every day that passes it feels more like a dream than a real memory. that whole week i was on cloud nine!! wow this is what life is about! life is worth living bring out the channel 5 news!! bring the bass back. bring the band out on the stoop.
i have to remind myself without the lows the highs wouldn’t feel as good or something. sometimes it just makes them feel cheap though.
i get acrylic overlays and have been going to the same girl for a year now. lately she’s been overbooking herself and this last appointment she didn’t start on my nails until a half hour after the original time. she rushed because her next client then came in halfway through mine. one has completely broken off, 3 others are hanging on but have splits.
this time it is involving a different coworker whom i have already known for a few years and a celebrity who i’ve never met. in both scenarios i’m convinced i could pull them.
with the coworker situation i feel like she might actually be into me and she’s finding reasons to talk to me and maybe this was meant to be all along? but i can’t remember if this is how it’s always been with her. i’m definitely not at the level i was at last time with a different coworker (i was convinced we could communicate telepathically) but i know if i wanted to manifest her i could if i tried hard enough like i did with him. there was one time i stood in the closet thinking about him and later that day we both ended up in the closet. anyways.
next one is this new actor and i was even researching if celebrities have ever fallen in love with a stalker before and then when the search results came up i realized how fucking crazy i was for even considering it. the rumination on him is BAD but i know it’ll go away eventually.
its definitely not as intense as it was before now that i can identify what’s going on, but i don’t know how to not keep falling back into this loop. i can’t actually date people because i always end up feeling repulsed by them in some capacity. does anyone else experience this?? i am so alone lol