u/littlegingerbunny

My psychiatrist gave me a prescription for two weeks of olanzapine until I'm through this mixed episode and I took it for the first time last night and almost immediately felt better. Is this normal? My restlessness and anxiety dissipated within an hour of my first 5mg dose and I slept so well, it almost felt like when I take a klonopin for my panic attacks it was so effective. I still feel very down in the dumps today but I don't feel like I'm crawling out of my skin, I'm just sad and a little suicidal (but not a danger to myself or others, more just passively).

Also, I went for a walk today because the weather is beautiful and within 15 minutes had to go home because I felt too hot and was getting dizzy with a pounding headache and pain in my chest. Is the heat sensitivity really that dramatic? It's only 26°c (79°f).

How long before you started feeling normal when you began taking olanzapine? Do you think it might help my depression as well over time? Thank you!

But I feel like such a failure. I moved to a new country to live with my amazing husband and I've lived here for two years and still don't know much of the language and I don't have a job. I don't have an education. I'm doomed to work in factories or retail for the rest of my life. I can't get an education here until I know Dutch because I only have a GED which is not equivalent to a high school diploma here so I can't go to college. I miss my home. I miss America. I miss my mom. I don't want to squander this opportunity to live in a beautiful European country but I am. I don't want to post in r/suicidewatch because I don't want to die and I don't want people to encourage me to embrace my suicidal thoughts in any way, shape or form. I am so hopeless. I am so anxious on a daily basis because I have no purpose. I have met three friends here in the Netherlands but we're still getting to know each other and I can't burden them with this. I want to self harm but I have plans to tattoo over the best spots for it and if I cut I won't be able to get tattoos until the scars are white and flat which will take years. Oh god. What have I done. I have wasted years of my life here and all I want is an easy office job where I can keep my facial piercings and wear comfortable clothes and keep to myself. It's not even about money, I would do it for free. I need something and I can't do anything. I have wasted the biggest opportunity of my life and I don't know what to do. I have failed everyone and everything is ruined.

But I feel like such a failure. I moved to a new country to live with my amazing husband and I've lived here for two years and still don't know much of the language and I don't have a job. I don't have an education. I'm doomed to work in factories or retail for the rest of my life. I can't get an education here until I know Dutch because I only have a GED which is not equivalent to a high school diploma here so I can't go to college. I miss my home. I miss America. I miss my mom. I don't want to squander this opportunity to live in a beautiful European country but I am. I don't want to post in r/suicidewatch because I don't want to die and I don't want people to encourage me to embrace my suicidal thoughts in any way, shape or form. I am so hopeless. I am so anxious on a daily basis because I have no purpose. I have met three friends here in the Netherlands but we're still getting to know each other and I can't burden them with this. I want to self harm but I have plans to tattoo over the best spots for it and if I cut I won't be able to get tattoos until the scars are white and flat which will take years. Oh god. What have I done. I have wasted years of my life here and all I want is an easy office job where I can keep my facial piercings and wear comfortable clothes and keep to myself. It's not even about money, I would do it for free. I need something and I can't do anything. I have wasted the biggest opportunity of my life and I don't know what to do. I have failed everyone and everything is ruined.