u/miserableburneracc

Hi. So I‘ve been planning to move to Kosovo for a couple years. I‘m gay so I‘m a little worried. I wouldn’t tell most people and avoid bigots, but I‘m still wondering if just having a slightly different style that is not conforming to rigid masculinity would draw attention.

I won‘t pay my nails or dye my hair pink but wearing clothes that are not ordinary and not having the most masculine voice/walk.. would that get me in trouble?

I don‘t mind being insulted/yelled at in public but being attacked would traumatize the HELL out of me. I‘d move to Pristina so I guess that‘s a little plus.

Curious about your answer, any input would be extremely helpful!

I just listened to that song and damn, I wish my vocals sounded like that when my song is finished.

I mean like really ruin it. This is hell.

I‘m currently gathering ideas for a magical girl show where only girls can become magical girls. A guy (maybe one of their close friends, not sure yet) finds out and wants to destroy them/take their powers or just make it so they have no powers at all, if I can’t have it then you can‘t either-style.

I know this sounds like an odd idea but I think I could pull it off, but this is not what this is about.

My question is, how could I write him as a threat when he potentially has no powers? I‘m contemplating on giving him a mask so they don’t know who he is (and why he is doing it) but would I definitely have to give him powers/ maybe he finds a way to weaken their powers so they are relatively rendered helpless when they are toe to toe?

Any input would be incredibly helpful!

I‘m currently gathering ideas for a magical girl show where only girls can become magical girls. A guy (maybe one of their close friends, not sure yet) finds out and wants to destroy them/take their powers or just make it so they have no powers at all, if I can’t have it then you can‘t either-style.

I know this sounds like an odd idea but I think I could pull it off, but this is not what this is about.

My question is, how could I write him as a threat when he potentially has no powers? I‘m contemplating on giving him a mask so they don’t know who he is (and why he is doing it) but would I definitely have to give him powers/ maybe he finds a way to weaken their powers so they are relatively rendered helpless when they are toe to toe?

Any input would be incredibly helpful!

I‘m currently gathering ideas for a magical girl show where only girls can become magical girls. A guy (maybe one of their close friends, not sure yet) finds out and wants to destroy them/take their powers or just make it so they have no powers at all, if I can’t have it then you can‘t either-style.

I know this sounds like an odd idea but I think I could pull it off, but this is not what this is about.

My question is, how could I write him as a threat when he potentially has no powers? I‘m contemplating on giving him a mask so they don’t know who he is (and why he is doing it) but would I definitely have to give him powers/ maybe he finds a way to weaken their powers so they are relatively rendered helpless when they are toe to toe?

Any input would be incredibly helpful!

I‘m bored, tell me Rachel.

I’m currently going through a really hard time with my POCD and just need to vent to people who get it, because my brain is completely exhausting me right now.
Long story short: A few years ago, I went to a party and met this guy. I had a massive crush on him, but we never really became friends or anything, just saw each other occasionally. Back then, I was 21. Recently, my POCD started flaring up out of nowhere, feeding me these horrible thoughts like "What if he was a minor back then?"

To stop the absolute panic, I gave in to a massive compulsion today. I randomly messaged him out of the blue to ask about his job in the military, basically just to figure out his age. He replied and was actually super nice, explaining that he’s been there for 4 years and started when he was 18 (and turned 19 one month later). If I do the math with those numbers, he was 18 or 19 at the time of the party. (Depending on if it was exactly 4 years or more like 4 years and a few more months). So, legally an adult, everything should be totally fine.
But of course, because OCD won‘t let me have that, the relief lasted for about five minutes. My brain immediately started shifting the goalposts and twisting his words. Now I’m obsessing over the exact timeline. Like, what if he was just rounding up, and he’s actually only been there for like 3 and a half years? Because if that’s the case, the math means he would have been 17 (almost 18) and I was 21.

Now that this "option" is in my head, I’m completely stuck. Most of the facts point to everything being totally fine, but I just don't know what to think anymore. I feel this intense urge to keep calculating, analyzing, and trying to prove something that I can’t 100% know. The uncertainty is making me feel like a horrible person, even though it's just a hypothetical scenario my brain made up (at least I hope so URGH AHHH)
How am I even supposed to stop the math and just sit with the discomfort if there is a slight chance?

Thanks for reading……

TL;DR: My POCD is making me spiral over a guy I had a crush on years ago when I was 21. I did the math based on a text he sent me, and he was 18/19 back then, but my brain keeps twisting the numbers to make me think he might have been 17 just to keep the panic loop going. Stuck in a brutal mental math compulsion and trying to handle the uncertainty.

The past days have been very heavy, I‘ve been reminded by my conscience how I‘m kind of a trash human being.

My upbringing was bad. Borderline poverty, physical and emotional abuse and a lot of my boundaries, that anyone has, were constantly crossed.

That led me to crossing other kids‘ boundaries in unacceptable ways.

It‘s somewhat of an explanation, but never an excuse.

What I did as a child is already such a big issue, but what has been making me isolate and despise myself is that some of the nasty things spilled over into my adult life.

I haven’t done anything particularly unethical for 3+ years but before that I did some VERY problematic things. Especially one thing is so jarring, I keep wondering who that person is. It’s me. These actions could very well come from Faith, just in a different font and setting.

Everything Faith has done, I have done, albeit “only“ to some degree. Any Buffy fan will realize the gravity of this statement.

I just can‘t forgive myself and it‘s reactivated my Imposter Syndrome. It‘s at an all time high. I‘m scared of myself, of what it all means and I keep watching the scene where Buffy cryingly begs Tara not to forgive her and to tell her that she‘s wrong. It‘s exactly how I feel. Another scene I relate to is Faith wanting to be killed by Angel because she realizes something is too wrong with her.

I do realize that therapy is needed here. I just feel like that won’t make it all go away, what‘s done is done and those actions have already defined a huge chunk of my character. I also don’t feel like I don’t deserve it. I think there is no way out for me, even if I get everything I want later in life, my mind will constantly remind me that I am (or at the very least can be) an awful human being.

Your instinct is probably to tell me that I‘m not bad and that people make mistakes, but that‘s because you don’t know the character Faith.

People tell me how much they love me but they don’t know me that well. I used to think I was a Buffy. I’m not.