u/panda_98

My partner and I were together for 8 years before he told me he was poly. I was brought with the choice, open up our relationship or end things. At first I ended it.
Ultimately, I went back to him. I loved this man. Adored him. I couldn’t imagine my life without him, even if that meant changing myself.
It started off small with threesomes, which were honestly great. But eventually the newness of it started to wear off and I wanted to go on less and less dates. He however wanted more. So he started to go out on solo dates.
Every time he leaves the house to go on theese dates a pit drops in my stomach. I hate those days. I live in fear of when those days will come. I know what face he makes on his phone when he is texting someone else, and I know one of those days is coming.
Two of our threesome partners I still enjoy seeing them, which is why I conflicted for so long. Maybe there are parts of non monogamy im okay with? But if I were confronted with the choice, I would never be poly ever again. So why stay in a poly relationship? I’ve never seen anyone solo, I don’t want to.

A switch flipped in my mind a two months ago, I think I am done. Everyday I have the same thought, I don’t want to be polyamorous. And yet, I still don’t want to break up, I am just here.

Hiii. I (F) probably need advice or let out some steam here.

We are actively exploring ENM for 6 months, after 10y+ relationship. My partner (M) initiated it. At first so I can explore my bisexuality, but then he voiced some desires to sleep with other women and me with other men.

I was not on board at first. I was afraid it could damage our relationship because I like to create deep connections and would not like meaningless sex, which would create time issues. I also had low self esteem and was afraid of rejection. But he was always reassuring that our bond will always be stronger, and after him insisting for two years, I went on my first dates saying "ah why not, worst case I will learn something "

It was a slow start for me, but everything went rather quick in the last couple of months as I gained in confidence. I made mistakes at first, being a bit too intense with someone for example, but now I believe reached a balance. I am dating 3 persons, 2 are in ENM and casual, one fwb a bit more intense but not crazy. I feel good and my and our sex life is much better than before.

But he is struggling A LOT now. He has a very casual relationship himself, but he wants more. He feels insecure, lonely and anxious, particularly when I am with other men. He feels bad and rejected because he doesn't get matches. He is jealous of what I have, and it is really putting him down. And now I feel a huge pressure when I go on dates..because I know he is miserable at home.

I keep telling him that we may need to close again if he feels so bad about it (it would be a bummer for me but I think I'll survive. I will be sad, but I think I can fill my life with platonic friendships too). But he keeps saying no. And now I deal with this and it's just exhausting.

I probably will give an ultimatum soon and I will force the closing if he doesn't change.

I wonder if there are any advice for him and me in this community:) ?

My husband (m41) and I (f41) have been open for 15 years. If I’m being honest, I never really loved it in practice but I agree with it completely in theory. Not to mention, it felt like me being just a bit uncomfortable once and while was worth how happy it made him. I’ve dated here and there but I’m just too busy and honestly, too lazy to deal with more than one romantic relationship at a time.

But now things feel different. I’m going through perimenopause, and it’s been a lot emotionally, physically, and mentally. My confidence has taken a hit, my moods are all over the place, I’m bleeding every other week, sleeping like shit, and I just don’t feel like myself.

Meanwhile, he’s started seeing women who are 10–15 years younger than me.

I’m spiraling in a way I’ve never done and all the things I’ve done for the last 15 years to self soothe and remind myself those relationships aren’t about me don’t work even a little bit.  It’s hitting me in a way I didn’t expect. I feel insecure, jealous, and honestly kind of invisible. Like I’m aging out while he’s still choosing younger.

I don’t want to be someone who suddenly “can’t handle it” after agreeing to it. I don’t want to sabotage his relationships. But I also can’t ignore how much this is affecting me right now. Everything that used to help just doesn’t.  When I talk to him about it he’s understanding but not willing to change much of what he’s doing.

Has anyone else gone through something like this? Especially with perimenopause changing how you feel about yourself and your relationship?

I don’t even know what I need—advice, perspective, or just to hear that I’m not crazy for feeling this way.

Hi everyone. English is not my first language and it's gonna be a long one so bear with me.

Me and my gf are highschool lovers, we met at 18 and never dated anyone else. We never fight with eachother and everytime something shows up, we get throught it with communication. We got through a lot of hard times together (she lost her mom at 21, she battled cancer at 26, an important life project of ours crumbled, and so on). I always been there for her, always supported her when she was at her lowest because i love her deeply. I consider myself an extremly stable personn with the mentality of "go with the flow" and "everything will turn out allright in the end".

We opened our relationship several years ago. It was somehting we discussed for years, it was something that she cared about, she read about it and discussed with friends in open relationship. Even if i had some concern at first, I was sure that we could navigate in this kind of relationship. I'm not a fuckboy or someone who need to flirt all the time, and because she was suffering from grief and then battling cancer, we never really gave it a try.

But 2 years ago, after everything she went through, my GF finally felt like she was seeing the end of the tunnel and began to feel better. She reconnected with her needs of making new friends and go out. Enventually, she slept with someone. I wouldn't say i was hurt, more like shocked about it being real for the first time ; she slept with 3 or 4 people in the course of 6 month and i started to reflect about it. I was starting to get concerned : it didn't changed how she loved me, I never felt like she was being distant but i felt like it could create insecurity in me if it went on for to long. Moreover, i wasn't doing anything to meet others girls. My GF meet people in bars at night but i'm not as easy going as her, so we discussed how i live the open relatioship in my way.

Eventually, i downloaded dating apps and started to chat with some girls. I had a first date, it didn't go really well but it changed my perspective on things and all my insecurity shattered, i don't really know why, maybe because i thought " it was weird and the sex was bad with someone else ". But i understand at that point that i needed some kind of connection with a girl if i wanted to have sex with her.

We have a pretty good sex life with my girlfriend. We had up and downs of course, but for a long time now, the sex is more than great.

But something changed this month. I spoke with a girl, lets call her C (35). Good talks. I'm honest with her, i tell her that i am in an open relationship and she is fine with it. Enventually, it gets hotter between us. She seems really into me. We meet. The sex is good. Like REALLY good. I tell my girlfriend about it (minus the "sex was awesome") and she is happy for me.

We meet again. Sex is even better. C feel the same. She was really sexually active in the past and tell me that she never had sex like that. I'm ashamed to think about it, but i feel the same. I don't want to compare it to the sex with my girlfriend, but yeah it's more passionate. At that time i guess it's because it's something new that i never experienced before.

In the end, C and I have sex like 5 times in the course of one month. It's a lot i know. I lost control, i know that and i regret it deeply. I was arrogant, i thought that because all we faced with my girlfriend, nothing wrong could happened and i thought to much of myself.

So i saw C 2 days ago. My girlfriend was okay with it. When i came home she just woken up, everyting was fine so i laid beside her and i understand that she wants to have sex. But it doesnt work for me, because 3 hours ago, i was having sex with C. So my GF feels bad. She has no trouble "shifting", and she tells me that sex was always a way for both of us to reconnect when something happened between us ; but for the first time in 12 years, i didn't work out like that. I reassure her, i tell her that it's because i can't switch that easily but that i love her and it doesn't change everything. We booked an hotel some days ago, we spend the day chatting and laughing but in a corner of my head, i'm afraid because now, there is some pressure on me. Of course, it doesn't work.

It lead to the most heartshattering conversation we have. She asked me what's wrong, and i think she knew the problem deep down because she ask me if the sex is "better". I can't lie to her. I never did. I say that it's different. Passionate. And then my brain just shut down. I can't express myself clearly, i say something and then the opposite. I don't know what i feel anymore. My GF is crying and i feel like a piece of shit because for the first time, i cant confort her and now I AM the source of her sadness. She says that deep down, she understands : it's the first time i'm feeling something for someone else. She even say that she doesn't want me to end things with her, because she doesn't want her to prevent me of anyting, as i never did with her. She wants me to be happy and do my own thing, but she is afraid that it leads me away from her, and i'm terrified of that.

So here I am. I love my Girlfriend, but we certainly took our relationship from granted. I fucked up, i didn't settle boundaries because of my arrogance. I thought i was better, not like the others. I hate myself for the arrogance of mine. I know the best thing to for my rleationship is to let go of C but i'm afraid of what could happen after that. A part of me still think i can get through this, that i need time to process thing, take a step back and take it slow but i'm also terrified of damaging our relatioship and the desire i have for my girlfriend.

My GF wasn't bored of me or anything. I posted this on r/relationship advice and everybody tries to tell me she FAFO and i should dump her ; they don't understand. We are humans, we make mistakes... now i just want to know how to make things better for both of us

I knew a few JW's growing up (they never outright said they were JW's, but they said they didn't celebrate holidays for religious reasons), and currently have a born in friend who faded. YouTube recommended me ExJWPandaTower's channel not long after I met her, and I've been hooked ever since - especially since my family were former Pentocostals who still held onto some strict teachings.

I was watching his reaction to the first Young People Ask movie, and I noticed that he said that older pioneer sisters are encouraged to befriend younger girls in the congregation. He said the same thing in one of the Caleb and Sophia reactions, and I wondered how common this really was. Is it also the same for JW boys and older male pioneers?

I also couldn't help but notice how it kind of facilitates grooming to me, but I know I'm not the only one who thought that.

I love my now ex husband, I pushed him into a open marriage, the first year was really good I was going on dates no sex just dates. Then I started sleeping with a guy I met and my husband was upset and stopped all intimacy with me but said he needed space and time to work through it. After 5 months he filed for divorce say he no longer cared what I did. Was completely detached emotionally treated me like a room mate until he found a new place to live and was gone. Anyone experience this reaction from thier spouse ? And anyone found a way to get them back with you?