u/parkerasking

Im really going through it right now. Im 3 days post op and I can barely breathe with this vest on, I can’t really walk, and overall I just feel sick. I was expecting to be totally fine, and I feel like a lot of people on here say recovery was easy.

I just feel a bit depressed and very uncomfortable right now. I know it’ll get better but did anyone else have a rough recovery?? I had DI with no drains btw.

Doing my T shot the night before surgery won’t mess anything up right..?

I cannot accept being average weight, I cannot accept being bulky and muscular. I am only happy when I am skinny. Recovery literally seems impossible if I can’t be happy with myself in any other form.
I feel so alone being a guy that wants to be skinny. It doesn’t help that I am a trans guy so anywhere I store fat just looks feminine. Being skinny prevents me from having those curves and helps me pass more.
But the hunger and obsessive thoughts are so horrible. I wish I was like those guys who have low appetites and stay skinny. Ive ruined my relationship with food and I feel hopeless. I feel like I’ll only be happy when I achieve my goal.

Why the hell would I feel worse?? Like I feel extremely guilty and sad that I just did that lol. When I binge I also feel guilty but I usually just accept what I’ve done and go to sleep.

Tonight I was hungry and im sick and tired of waking up in the night with my stomach growling. I decided to eat some yogurt and bread with cream cheese. I’ve always read that I shouldn’t eat before bed and my ED brain tells me anything I eat after dinner gets turned into fat. I wish I could just eat and then forget about it but now I’m beating myself up. I don’t want to gain weight 😢 I feel like it’s inevitable but I’m not even underweight anymore and I feel like if I gain any more I’ll just become fat.

When I first started binging a few years ago I never saw anyone talk about this disorder and I felt so alone. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t stop shoving my face with food. But now I see tons of Tiktoks and just the word “binging” all over. Is it related to the glp-1 craze? Have there been reports of BED going way back in history? (Probably didn’t call it binge eating back then)

Idk but I’m glad BED is more widely discussed now.

I almost always quit my diets because I become miserable. Please don’t just tell me “make sure you’re eating enough/eating Whole Foods etc.” because I am and I have tried many different daily caloric intakes and I know what works for me.

No matter what I seem to fall into a depression where I only care about dieting and my appearance. I feel like I won’t be happy until I achieve my dream body and I can’t snap out of it. My family notices how moody I become and I feel awful for the way I treat them during these periods.

How do skinny people who “don’t eat all day” because they don’t care about food or have low appetites FUNCTION? I’ve tried fasting and that’s still something I want to keep working towards but I just become a blob on my bed when I do that.

I want to be happy and treat fat loss like an exciting and positive thing. It’s seriously hard for me to overcome the low energy and mood I get from the calorie deficits.

I woke up today finally feeling like enough is enough. I’ve been binging non stop for 2 weeks and it needs to stop before I seriously damage my body. I have an important surgery coming up in 4ish weeks and now is not the time to be putting on extra weight or hurting my body’s digestive system😅. I’ve told myself “this will be the last time” almost every day but never kept that promise.

I’m not restricting, I’m not putting myself down, I’m just going to continue on with my day but be more mindful about what I’m eating. I’m partly making this post to remind myself of how I felt at this time. Motivation runs out quick with BED but it’s not impossible to overcome this disorder. I wish all of you luck and I know we can all push through this. It helps a lot to know I’m not alone and this sub has helped immensely.

I thought I would stop binging completely after I moved house. Turns out I actually binge more now than I did before!

I feel like I’ll finally stop binging when I move out and go to college, but only time will tell.

I wish I could just stop NOW and stop putting it off but no matter how hard I try I always fail. I feel like I need serious environmental change to stop binging. Binging is like a part of my daily routine now and I’m getting severely depressed because of it.

I have surgery in 5 weeks and I’m so excited. It’s all thats on my mind nowadays. One thing I cannot imagine is how it must feel after you wake up from surgery all bandaged up. Did you feel ill? Happy? Could you feel that your chest was flat? Tell me all about it pls, be as detailed as you want!

I get motivated to track my calories and I do it for like 2 weeks before giving up and binging. I feel like I don’t have any control over my body when I don’t track my calories. I’m terrified of gaining weight, especially right now when I have events coming up where people will see me. I’m very stressed right now from the binging and unhealthy foods I’ve been eating. I just want to restrict myself and get super skinny. It’s a never ending battle and I’ve never fully achieved what I want. This cycle has repeated for the past 3 years and I’m so done with it. Even if I try to intuitively eat I end up feeling like I’ve eaten too much and become consumed with guilt. I’m trying my hardest to just be normal. Eating normal portions, eating dinner every night with my family, eating 3 meals a day, etc. but that feeling of just wanting to go all in and restrict is taking over again. I wish I could undo all the damage thats been done..

What do I even do. I feel like I'm entering a depressive state of just binging every night and constantly feeling guilty or nervous that it'll happen again (it probably will). I fucking hate this and if I'm honest I'd rather die than be fat or gain weight. I feel like I genuinely might gain a bunch of weight this time when I've gotten away with binging in the past. I haven't been restricting myself at all so it has nothing to do with restriction. As soon as my parents leave the house I just go to the kitchen and stuff my face like a pig. I can't do this anymore I really can't.

I’m so so SO sick of binging every night and overeating in general. This all started 3 years ago when I foolishly dieted for the first time and was being extremely restrictive. The restriction eventually led to binging and I never stopped. I’ve been in the binge-restrict cycle for at least 2 years now and I’m really reaching my end with it all. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and the only strategy I haven’t tried was eating 3 meals a day at the same time every day.

I usually try and wait as long as possible to eat breakfast (sometimes skipping it and eating lunch instead), and then endlessly snacking all afternoon until dinner. And sometimes even after dinner I’d binge if my parents were out of the house. So no matter what I was overeating, stress eating, and binging 🫩.

I think that if I set specific times to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I won’t feel so inclined to snack or binge. For example, if dinner is at 6pm, I won’t want to snack at 4pm because I probably won’t be hungry for dinner. I know that any form of restriction will lead me to eventually go crazy and binge, but I don’t see this as a restriction because I am allowing myself to eat. I’m just adding some structure to my life that I think I need.

So has anyone tried this? What was your experience?

I hate this disorder. I hate the guilt and I feel like I just wasted a bunch of food. I’m so sad.

I use tape a lot to bind and I will try my best to get off all the residue before surgery but some of it legitimately will not come off. Will this be a problem or can they just remove it during the surgery? It’s mostly under my armpits and on my back.

(M17)
I’ve never been able to fully recover from ana or BED because my mom is either trying to lose weight or my dad is commenting on my food/body or whatever else is happening.

I don’t want to say something like “can you please not say that around me” because 1. How am I supposed to recover if I can’t stand hearing any comments about food or my body and 2. I don’t want to be seen as sensitive.

This morning my dad excitedly told me how he went down a shorts size (he is not overweight in the slightest). I know he didn’t mean any harm but I felt my heart sink especially since I was literally making food as he told me that. I felt happy for him but it also made me feel like I should be losing weight too.

My parents also don’t seem to understand portion sizes. I wanted to eat a packet of smoked salmon which was a 1 serving packet with low calories and my mom tells me “that’s a TON of food you’re going to have the entire packet????”. I also feel like everything Im eating is being judged even if it’s a good thing. Like I feel nervous when my dad says my food looks good because I feel like I can see him analyzing everything on my plate and making a judgment.

My point is it’s exhausting and I feel like my only hope is moving out which I’ll be doing soon anyway for college.

For 3 years I’ve struggled with this annoying ass ED. All I care about is losing as much body fat as possible so I can have 0 curves (except for whatever’s bone). I’ve never successfully lost enough fat to be happy with myself. I’ve been on the lower range of a healthy BMI but never truly underweight. I just want to be able to wear slim jeans and have no thighs or butt. I’m so jealous of cis guys who are so skinny and even if they gain a bit of weight they still look skinny.

Last year I got sick of starving myself and wanted to be able to eat more food without feeling so guilty. I decided weightlifting or doing high amounts of cardio was the only way for me to eat and gain weight without as much guilt. I eventually fell in love with lifting and spent all year building a way more masculine and toned physique.

But recently I completely stopped weightlifting. I’m STILL unhappy with my body. This is the most masculine my body has ever looked, and yet all I want is to be skinny again. Recovery feels impossible because all the reasons people give for recovering don’t apply to me.

Not having top surgery is also the worst thing ever because I can’t wear shirts that actually fit me so I feel like I just look fatter than I am in my clothes. Why are cis guys so naturally skinny it’s not fair. I would give away all my belongings just to be skinny with no curves and no fat on my arms or anything.

How am I supposed to recover if recovery means more dysphoria and more unhappiness?? I think I will only truly be happy when I am actually skinny.

I would say that 4-5 days out of the week I get no sleep and I’m just up all night not even feeling tired. I often go to sleep hungry which is fine because it never seems to stop me from falling asleep, my issue is waking up at like 2am and never going back to sleep. When I wake up in the night Im really hungry and then I start stressing because I’ve always heard not sleeping is horrible for weight loss. I just feel like I do so well all day with my diet and ruin it by not sleeping. I just want to go back to being able to eat food normally and sleep like a baby. I’ve been doing so well though I’d be so sad to give up.