u/pg430

Hi Ladies,

I wanted to offer a perspective that has helped me make peace with my transness and feel less othered from cis women: Asking myself if my problem is from being trans, or if it’s just from being a woman. It can be easy to assume the former when you didn’t have a problem before transitioning. But chalking it all up to being trans can make you feel isolated from cis women, like they’re all things that differentiate your experience from theirs.

But I think we actually share a lot of common experiences, and recognizing that can connect you to other women instead of isolate you.

A couple examples:

- feeling like there’s something about you that makes you less of a woman, or society telling you. This is something that women who are disabled, fat, muscular, tall, black (look at what Serena Williams has to deal with), have deep voices, and more

- feeling like it’s hard to find a romantic partner, and that you need to choose between lowering your standards and being alone. Or feeling like if you bring your full self to the table, identity and history and scars and all, that you’ll scare someone away. I promise that dating sucks for everyone, especially until you hit like 25 years old.

- struggling with not being able to give birth to a biological child

- dealing with the effects of hrt. My mom takes estradiol and spiro and literally drinks pickle brine bc it satisfies that salty vinegary craving

- feeling very self conscious about your body and uncomfortable being intimate

- struggling to find clothes that fit. Whatever your proportions are, I promise there’s a cis woman out there with similar proportions who is having the same struggle.

- feeling like somehow every woman knows skills like hair, makeup, and walking in heels, and that somehow you’re the only one who’s learning them late.

- feeling dysphoric about an element of your body, and needing surgery to correct it.

- wondering if your vagina looks, smells, and/or tastes “normal”

The list goes on. I think asking yourself this question is worthwhile. It’s helped me feel better about myself and find connections with other women that I was locking myself out of before.

Idk if that feels useful or resonates with everyone but I wanted to share. Hope everyone has a lovely day ✨