u/polyatomix_

So to start, I have to explain an experience I had in which my brain convinced me that I had to wash my hands because there was urine on them (there wasn't) and then that I only imagined I washed them 3 times (I didn't) and my friend, when i said this said "If nowhere you go smells like piss there's piss on your hands" (sarcastically) as a nod to "if everywhere you go smells like shit check your shoes" and it has done wonders for some of the stuff I think about.

"I'm a bad person for donating to charities because it makes me feel good and is therefore selfish" (real thought ive had) If nowhere you go smells like piss there's piss on your hands. "I'm a terrible person for X reason despite zero evidence" If nowhere you go smells like piss there's piss on your hands. And so on. I think it really helped me because its funny enough to not make me upset but reality checks me on some of the easier to debunk stuff and figured I'd share it and ask if anyone has had any similar experiences lol

my body hurts so bad im contemplating suicide one day, then im fine the next. the slightest change in weather sets my body off, makes it impossible to get anything done. i never leave the house without my wheelchair anymore. its getting to a point that i feel miserable, lonely, and misanthropic. sick of being alone but being harrassed in public just isn't worth it anymore. i don't want to attempt to make friends. it's always "how long have you been in a wheelchair" "youre too young to be in a wheelchair" "whats with the wheelchair" LET ME BE A PERSON. IM NOT A PIECE OF FURNITURE. people moved me so much without my permission i had to put spikes on my handles. im just so mad. a constant feeling of loneliness and rage and hatred of the world for wanting me to die. i haven't even turned 20 yet and im already in so much pain that death sounds easier than continuing to live with my disability. but i keep going because life doesn't wait for anyone. plus, i like the sunset. it's something i can count on to happen every day. it makes me really happy, even if nothing else will. soon i'll have my boyfriend moving closer to help take care of me. he's an extrovert, he'll help me make friends. it won't be bad forever. my physical therapy is helping. i move a lot more than i used to. my apartment is a lot cleaner. it won't be this bad forever. it'll get better. i can wait, i've always been able to wait. if being disabled has taught me anything, it's that.

i eat a jar or two of sauerkraut weekly, typically by the spoonful, sometimes on a Reuben sandwich. ask me anything