u/raeballentyne

I am not asking for medical advice.

I have been having back pain for like 12 years since a job interview with a chiropractor where I was required to be adjusted (had never been to one before that and haven't gone since) and it's been getting worse recently. Please don't shame me, I was 20 years old and just needed a job so I didn't think about the consequences of this long term.

It's my entire posterior chain (seriously neck to hips) that cracks nearly constantly and muscular/nerve pain. I take like 2000 mg of Tylenol a day to take the edge off and I also exercise 5x week which helps greatly with the muscular pain in some areas, but makes it worse in others.

I've been in physical therapy numerous times for my back.

What type of specialist should I see first for addressing this?

I'm embarrassed to admit this but I have to get it out.

My now ex-boyfriend approached me at the gym and pursued me hard. He was definitely love bombing me and unfortunately that works on me... so we started dating about 2 weeks after we started spending time together. We saw each other every single day either in the gym or otherwise.

I'm in grad school so I am living at home and introducing him to my parents, who also quickly fell for him. My dad offered to buy him a tire when his got a hole in it, like truly future son-in-law treatment.

He was the first person I've seen a future with in a decade (not an exaggeration). No man has ever made me feel the way he made me feel. He told me he was looking for real love and wasn't just interested in sex. I believed him because he didn't make things sexual for over a month, and even then it was not talked about that much. I'm not used to that.

Unfortunately, his charismatic nature was an act and I started catching him in some lies... like his age and how long it had been since he and his ex were living together/engaged.

I confronted him about these things and I should have broken up with him the first time I called him out, but I was so infatuated and wanted to believe there were no more lies in the tank.

The reality was I also suspected he was lying about his current living situation. I confronted him about this too but he assured me he was living with a family member and I could meet them in 2 weeks.

For those two weeks he was definitely less engaged with me- texting was less frequent, he wasn't flirty, it was odd. We ended up having sex for the first time as well, despite me feeling unsure about things in my gut. He had a lot going on with a new job and such, so I just tried to manage my anxiety and not blame him.

The day before I was to meet his family member, things were normal. We worked out together, hung out for a while afterward, he kissed me goodbye and told me he would see me tomorrow.

But when tomorrow came and he was getting off work, he texted me and told me his family member was in an ambulance and going to the hospital. I immediately knew he was lying but played it off like I believed him.

He didn't text me for hours and my alarm bells were going off. I don't have social media, but something told me to look up his profile. Sure enough, he had posted a new photo of him at the gym (which is wild timing since he hadn't posted for like a year before that).

I ended up driving to the gym and saw his vehicle there. Luckily I wasn't dressed to go inside because I think I would have gotten kicked out of the gym permanently. I called and texted him a bunch, trying to get him to come out to the parking lot to face me but finally left.

I haven't heard from him since those texts about the ambulance.

I texted him a couple days later out of heartbreak but of course no response to that either, I assume he blocked me. He has also stopped coming to the gym it seems.

i'm leaving out some details about his personal situation and where I suspect he was living... but he would be embarrassed to admit them to anyone so part of me understands why he ghosted.

But another part of me is so broken about it. My anxiety is running wild... did he ever really like me? Did he just want sex? Why tf would he pursue me if he wasn't in a place to have a relationship? Was I in the wrong for confronting him so hard?

It's getting easier and less thought consuming by the day, luckily.

I know logically the love of my life wouldn't lie to me like that, so it doesn't matter what the answers to any of my other questions are. I know logically, it's not actually him I miss, but how he made me feel and the closeness to someone after so long.

I have so much good happening in my life since we broke up and I hate that he is the one I want to tell all about it.

I've been sober from everything for 20 months but went through an extremely painful breakup a month and a half ago.

I did all the things I normally do to maintain my mental health/sobriety (sponsor, step work, exercise, therapy, etc) but I still ended up picking up cigarettes. They felt like a temporary, lesser evil because I've always been able to take them or leave them.

Well...

That was the first head rush of any kind I've had in nearly 2 years. I knew I couldn't keep smoking them because I was enjoying it too much/ know how terrible smoking is for you. Went through the withdrawal and thought I was good.

But then I was especially upset one day and picked up a thing of Zyns for the first time. Even better than cigarettes, yikes.

So, it's been about 3 weeks of daily use and I want to get off of them before it's harder to do so. I've already tried and made it 24 hours before I bought more.

These things are wild. I never realized how addictive nicotine is because I was always addicted to something stronger.

Besides the head rush and energy they don't make me feel good! My sleep is terrible, my head hurts without them, I'm more anxious, and had a scary heart rate thing happen when I had a Zyn in at the gym.

I know I can quit them, but I'm thankful I found this sub anyway to see how much better people's lives are without them. Seeing people give them up after years of use is really encouraging since I haven't been using them that long, so thank you to everyone who shares their story!

I've always wondered how that works

If so, where did you have it done? TIA!