u/rtanada

I'm talking Sniper decked out with damage items plus a Dragon's Breath for good measure, effortlessly preventing people from touching him even when melee heroes who get close to him (at least 3 instances of which became the bane of my few games this week) or something unexpected like an Earthshaker who got this somewhat unholy Trinity of Aghs, Blink and SB (or its upgrade) before anyone of us have properly formulated a way to handle him?

Or you know, submit that even trying to kill them means increasing the gap and just pray they slip up just once?

I had an idea on what would be my moneymaker: Tend actions with some woodcutting on the side. Then everything was like: got some spare wood, and the upgraded rod sounds enticing. Oh yeah, I need to upgrade my hatchet. Then I got a loose blueprint, might as well put it into the pickaxe, and why am I still foraging wood or taking too much time on the farm, I need to start fishing! Wait, this guy's giving more stuff to me? What can I give?

It all ends with the realization that I sold a little too many or just putting the stuff in the wrong places while they could just be stowed away in the cargo, or a few badges I ended up butchering.

Nope, not a great start. It sure does look good and is mechanically enticing, though.

I have had better chances playing defense, but that's almost a given. Even still, that's hardly guaranteed.

And so far I've yet to really figure out an actual reliable way to approach it as attack.

So in case the next time I play I get this map, I could use a little help.

Well, surprise, Carl himself got in the chopping block, particularly in a vid about the most recent wave of the PBS episodes. Just take that as you will.

For those who've seen it, I'm just curious what's the ACTUAL message in that vid because I know that he can't be literally calling him that b-word. I just don't feel like checking it out myself.

And no, as I have learned, it's never been just that one video. I am... sorry for this knowledge.

To be fair, when I started (and restarted like a year ago), I had to go with improving on other aspects to make up for my awful aim and positioning.

And now that I'm seeing a gradual improvement in KD, maybe I should perfect on that now?

What I can say there are still a good amount of hiccups:

1. Not realizing how much some guns actually kick and not adjusting properly,

2. Me staying too long at a spot trying to figure out/drone something and leaving myself open to a sightline, enough to get killed,

3. Especially when I'm panicking, whiffing important flicks,

4. Due to enemy gadgets, having myself placed in unwanted positions, like preferring to stay by the open door and risk of being capped than getting tagged by a Lion,

5. Just putting myself in unfavorable positions at gunfights, including trying to act tough seeing this guy just on the doorframe or just peek the same place over and over, and then being domed anyway,

6. Just not droning, camming or just asking for intel and just raw-dog enter the room,

7. Willingly put myself in one position for almost the entire round, frozen because enemies could be anywhere, like blowing up the garage wall and just stand there pondering,

8. Consistently getting caught with my pants down moving from site to site or reloading impulsively again,

9. Doing the flight instead of the fight when I get caught in a shit position or get face to face with someone an enemy, leaving me with bullets on the back.

Think I'll stop at that, we'd be here almost all day otherwise.

There could be all five holding every conceivable angle for the duration the team's still figuring out. And at the same time it feels like all five could be somewhere else waiting to pounce if we try to do a sneak attack.

It's either we stare at the hole for the next 2 minutes and hoping someone makes a wrong move and then hopefully get a kill, or just bunkering down before each of us gets picked off one by one. Any alternative will involve a shitton of luck.

That is either I just continue playing exclusively in Unranked games and end up thinking that there's no need to play this game anymore, fire up my dusty Discord account and get over this hill called talking to strangers not forced into me by the game, or just stop playing entirely.

It came to me after failing time and again to fulfill a certain oath, actually series of oaths: first I trust myself to go a full number, then two net victories, then one net victory. The peak of this journey is me barely climbing out of Copper 4, and here I am back at square one, or Copper 5. The very last game was me trying to be a roamer where the rest of the defending team got steamrolled and I ended up being alone trying to fight off a Montagne.

The lesson: I just can't trust the next set of teammates. Or just can't expect the next enemy will be an equal playing field. And that I just have a very very long way to go.

And I don't mind getting a good reassessment if it helps, but if I've accumulated just above 150 levels and I'm still stuck here, am I way worse than Copper? I couldn't have been, could I?

I admit though: my positioning tends to be awful, I make bad decisions every other game, my reaction time can be as slow as snail, and especially my aim and recoil control needs no explanation. Even if I have moments of me actually killing and making the right tactical cals, all of this will be nothing if I still do fuck up like that.

And one more thing: I do admit that I only get to play this after work and it can get late at night. I think that does explain everything. Of course, the other half of me just finds this challenge too good to pass off. Maybe it's not too late to turn around, and just live with the fact that I will officially always be Copper, or maybe even worse, despite the fact I have moments that say otherwise 🥲

So these will ensure I will improve on that play style without being distracted by anything else. Although, that could mean missing out on a role the team lacks, at least as an Attacker.

Namely, other than my mostly support role, someone would need to try to be the one breaking in first or sneak from the other side, or replace them when they inevitably got called early.

Even with this shortlist, I know a little more fat can still be trimmed away.

Attackers: (mostly will be more keen to do supports and breaches)

Thatcher (surprisingly not banned too often, good disables, still got a gap for Frost or Tubarao)

Lion (decent weapon and gadget, with versatile secondaries)

Ace (just a safer pick to breach with, though will leave the team with slightly less hole to work with)

Off picks:

Brava (denying enemy gadgets at a deeper and more precise manner, although need to learn safe drone maneuver and map traversal) or Twitch (more versatility, but limited by a gun I'm not too confident with)

Buck (vertical play is always a good addition, but still need good map knowledge to make it work)

Ying (like the entry fragger I know how to make work, but I'm still missing the fundamentals that is the actual checklist before I just run into the room)

Fuze (if not banned in my bracket and map permitting, extra destruction can never (or hardly) hurt for our team, since we're playing Bomb anyway)

Dokkaebi (just as sure as everyone else she'll be banned, even still, the new utility can be useful if I know when to make the call)

Defenders: (I got almost every role covered here)

Kapkan/Thorn/Frost (still in search for a more effective way to use each trap, but I'm sure I got the default and/or alternate entries covered. Could always find myself distracted by drones and setups before actually setting any traps and the Attackers begin to march in)

Mute/Kaid (good Intel/wall denial if I ended up assigned that role, but need to be careful not to get boxed in)

Jager (denying secondaries and one of my more successful roamers, although I personally would chalk it up to me being lucky with the recoil. Need to work on that.)

Valkyrie (more vision the better, just need to find a way to give good vision while not sacrificing uptime)

Off picks:

Maestro (like Valkyrie and especially for Maestro, use them without limiting myself or making myself vulnerable, especially since with his slowness added in the equation)

Rook (probably the most neutral pick, but still feels like I could have picked someone else)

Bandit (wall denial with a freedom to roam, except now it's either stay anyway and ensure I got the tricking right, or just leave them be and maybe got them taken out somewhat easier than any other denial option)

My parents get very upset over me "repeatedly falling into the same hole", even when I can say I try not to.

It takes so many tries to make what's close to perfect of an email to a client, but there will always a be a sliver of inaccuracy and so far, I'm mostly not allowed to send anything to anyone without my boss's approval.

And then there's me when I play some online games. I keep repeating the bad habits and for that I continue to be the bottom rank no matter how long I put into it. The rage and embarrassment may have contributed to me failing to take any lesson from that, not to mention the ELO that only is at constant state of free fall.

Every day my parents will motivate me keep trying until I stop even making a mistake at work, and so it falls to me to prevent myself at every slip I make, whatever means necessary. Same goes for the fact that me climbing from that bottom tier means having near immaculate games in a row with zero signs of letting up.

And here I am just sitting here being literally impossible to climb up from this pit of slip ups, with me slipping and bumping at any attempt of me trying to shake it up and falling back into it every time. Every time I thought I patched in mistake, I see a thousand more holes to fill, and every time I do.patch, that old one I patch could reopen for something I did.

I thought not doing it until I can really get the hang of it would be a great idea. So I did. I did a few nice few Unranked plays and even got top points in a couple of games this week. So I thought I got good enough to at least not be bottom and cost the games dearly. Nothing changed.

Two bottom frag games and total losses in a row. Turns out apparently Unranked games may breed some dangerous complacency, I guess.

I'm still the one with terrible awareness, terrible operator choice and terrible survival instinct. I got too comfortable not checking every hole, and attempting a gun duel (which I've had a little better chance at Unranked).

Again, it looks like the road to even break Copper will be a terribly slow one. Maybe I'll stay off Ranked forever, but I'll be the loser who stops trying if I do.

Nobody in the real world will be in the same level of my sanity to comprehend. Me openly and sincerely asking for input here or anywhere adjacent will only make it worse: either I get obscured by downvotes or countered with a mocking response at worst. At best? They'll walk away and just chalk me up as crazy for having such stupid thoughts. I know I am; so I need some help. I know just letting it simmer won't help; this madness won't stay down. Almost primal really.

What to do?

The way the voice can often break under her whispery work really adds to that charm, especially of being the foil to the hardier, more boisterous twin. Even the occasional hamminess adds to all that.

Kind of reminds me of MLP's Fluttershy, maybe not quite, but it's there. (Granted I don't regularly watch that, but I observe rather closely)

It's from this thing I found the other day from Super Simple (of the 'Happy Happy Happy' fame) involving their take on the Baby Shark and for a while they made a small series involving her. One episode is mostly this one. I wonder if some talents got shared along the way.

Or it's just some me doing some pattern recognition again. After all, this looks like something a kids show would depict.

When I get home, it's always the same stuff lately. 2-3 rounds of hour-long board games on BoardGameArena (especially if it's a game I've hade a kick in, and I'd routinely be angry at myself for not getting better each game at every victory I felt robbed from me even though I know it's not guaranteed), followed by 2-3 rounds of competitive online gaming (maybe to reclaim that lost glory, again chastising myself for my follies and punishing myself for some lost matchmaking ratings). In between, some rounds of other forms of indulging, maybe almost an hour long total of some videos or online art or something else.

Anything that's not my ever piling chores, building myself out of this job I don't like, actually making something myself while trying to stave off the embarrassment for once, even reading a book.

And then I remember some chores or plans, which I can only do as much as I can. It ends with me going to be real late, to repeat this insane cycle all over again.

Every single day. I could try to set up some limits for myself, but even I can't trust myself to do so. I recently set up some app blockers on my phone and now it's off because partly I think I can manage now (spoiler alert: not really.)

I thought I swore myself off competitive games, but one random video and another and I'm back at a game I've never been good at, but still trying to win anyway. And I thought online board gaming could help beat that. In the end, it's just another potential ELO hell in a different medium. And then the other addictions, I'm pretty sure my brain has been completely wrecked to even begin pushing those away.

I really need to bring myself out of this one. I know it will get worse from here.

Knowing me I know I will get lost in the maze of game theory and competitive lack of mercy. I don't have the nerve that sees my opponents' potential deprivation and exasperation seeing a position either blocked or snatched, while also maintaining good production. I can look forward to the good immediate spots of being last but got screwed over first by the earlier picks or getting the luxury of making the first pick, which is arguably the toughest decision and one poor judgement can cost the whole game. And then there's middle order, maybe the worst of both worlds.