u/sadie1003

My dating life is not going well currently but whenever I reminisce about this I get a shot of dopamine. I personally think it’s a cute story and also a very cowardly one.

So I moved into this new building and I’m in touch through email with this guy (T) who is a manager of sorts. He does practical stuff and also onboards new tenants or attends building activities blablabla

As we are emailing I notice he sounds young, he’s very friendly, similar ethnic background and I get that ~ feeling also known as vague hope or anticipation?

On the first day of tenancy I get to my appointment. I introduce myself and my friend who is with me, take a good look at him and conclude he’s not that handsome so I can stop worrying about being nervous (because yes I can be nervous around handsome men) so I should be fine but then why do I feel something? Despite him not being my sort of guy? I like intellectual guys, with a serious sort of energy. He’s more golden retriever. We are both in our late 20s.

We pass my door and he nods at it and smiles back at me. I enter mildly delusional state right at that moment because why do you remember what my number even is with hundreds of apartments.

We get to the general meeting, he’s kind of nervous as he explains things, his English is lacking and he reverts back to our first language but I like his energy and he’s so nice. At one point I ask him if my apartment has facility X, he says no and apparently I looked disappointed and he referred back to it later in private and reassured me why it was actually fine and that he’d noticed my disappointment

I quickly developed a crush on him because he was just the nicest, most helpful person. He had such a gentle aura and he seemed to like me as well and that of course triggers things

Things got more intense after an event where he stayed longer even though it looked like he was leaving. We were doing some writing exercise about your goals and we accidentally locked eyes looking up from our papers at the same time and it felt like forever. I could feel my stomach turn upside down. Later on when I spoke I glanced at him briefly and he looked.. In love?

It was all over from then

What follows is months of this ridiculous kdrama esque arc. I walk past his office, wave, he gets shy and waves back. I run into him, ask him something, he looks like he’s about to have a heart attack.

I’m nervous, he’s nervous. We are fucking awkward and cannot be normal.

He does me small favors constantly , I thank him. Joy mixed with terror each interaction.

Moments that seemed like they came straight from a romcom script. Misunderstandings, not knowing how to act, being awkward, fumbling

At some point I think to myself: boy this crush is quite intense? What is happening? It was genuinely the first time I’d ever felt something so intense. I had dreams about him constantly

If I anticipated seeing him my heart would feel like it was gonna jump out it my chest. If I perceived slight distance (even after I distanced myself too) I’d feel devastated and convince myself he hated me.

The longer we spend knew each other, the less normal we became.

He was the sweetest guy, gentle, so beautiful. Shy. Almost boyish around me. I loved his features (It was crazy to remember my second or so thought when I saw him was he’s not that handsome. How? Once everything unfolded he was the most attractive guy to me)

I told my friend who was with me that first day and has seen him a few times since and she said well yes even that first day that man had eyes for you only. Which surprised me because my friend is very beautiful

I can’t tell you why we never acted on it and let it slip away. I gave a small opening but he didn’t take it and ended up leaving right as things were reaching their peak. I later found out he was under enormous amount of stress because of work and things were toxic.

I took it well, not meant to be blabla but I can’t help but 1) reminisce when I feel down about my love life. 2) get heart palpitations when I think I spot a look a like out and about

Ik ben 30, ongelukkig en zit vast

Ik heb op het eerste oog dingen prima op een rijtje: leuk appartement in de grote stad, prima baan, gezond, familie, vriendinnen, hobbies en religieus/spiritueel. Er zijn een paar dingen die me stress geven zoals zoektocht naar een nieuwe baan die niet lukt en het single leven wat ik lastig vind. Dus geen grote issues.

Maar ik ben totaal niet happy en word niet blij van weer een nieuwe dag. Ik heb momentjes van blijheid en over het algemeen ok en dankbaar en functioneel. Maar of ik kan zeggen dat ik er heel lekker bij zit? Nee.

Dit werd de laatste maanden steeds erger en op een gegeven moment kreeg ik ook fysieke klachten die beetje leken op overspannen zijn. Als ik terug kijk is dit al veel langer aan de gang, misschien al jaren, maar ik vind altijd wel manieren om toch door te gaan.

Het werd nu gewoon te veel, ik voelde echt nooit maar dan ook nooit rust in mijn hoofd en dacht oprecht dat ik een mental break down zou krijgen.

Ik heb een afspraak gemaakt bij de huisarts en ze was gelukkig heel begripvol. Ik legde alles uit en zij stelde vragen. Zij had het op een gegeven moment over hoge emotionele intensiteit en hoog intelligent zijn maar dat ze daar niet teveel aan wil ophangen maar dat het gewoon belangrijk is dat ik hulp krijg om ermee om te gaan. Daarbij benoemde ze wel dat het goed is dat ik heb ingegrepen omdat dit soort mentale klachten zich kunnen doorontwikkelen tot iets ergers

Maar goed ik ga nu dus in gesprek met de praktijk ondersteuner, en ik heb er eigenlijk helemaal geen zin in.

Tuurlijk wil ik dat het beter gaat maar ik ben ook heel erg moedeloos omdat ik heel erg het gevoel heb dat het zinloos is. Dit vastzitten voelt eindeloos. Ik vind het heel erg zonde dat ik niet meer kan genieten van de dingen die ik heb en dat dit is hoe het er voor nu nu uitziet.
Voor mij kost het dagelijks leven al voldoende energie en nu ga ik ook nog eens werken aan mezelf wat als een extra taak of inspanning voelt.

Dus hoe krijg ik hoop? Hoe doe ik dit al heb ik er weinig zin in?

Ik ben voor de zoveelste keer mijn ov chipkaart kwijt en heb maar een ov pay kaart aangevraagd die binnen 5 werkdagen aankomt.

Ik krijg geen bevestiging en ik hoef niet te betalen?
Klopt dat wel?

Vervolgens probeer ik de kaart die ik heb aangevraagd en waarvan een kleine afbeelding weergeven toe te voegen aan mijn ov pay account. Alleen volgnummer geen kaart nummer.

Ik lees ook dat er geen ov fiets mee kan gebruiken en dat vind ik af en toe wel fijn.

Weet nu echt niet wat ik het beste kan doen, ov chipkaart maar weer aanvragen?

Ik reis met OV naar werk en gebruik dal voordeel heel vaak + heell sosm dus een ov fiets

In een andere Engelstalige sub gepost en even vertaald.

Ik ben 30. Single. Ik woon alleen. Ik heb mijn leven op zich best goed op orde: ik ben opgeleid, heb een goede baan, een paar vrienden en een fijn appartement.
Ik probeer dingen te ondernemen en heb hobby’s. Waarschijnlijk ben ik op een bepaalde manier ND, maar ik ben niet autistisch of heb geen ADHD (ik heb iets in gedachten waar ik me erg in herken, maar dat deel ik liever niet).

Ik heb veel jongere broers en zussen en ben opgegroeid als oudste dochter van vluchtelingenouders. Daardoor heb ik al jong geleerd om zelfstandig te zijn. Ik ben eigenlijk het stereotype van de oudste dochter: degene die dingen regelt, het leven serieus neemt, niemand nodig heeft en altijd prima lijkt te functioneren.
Mijn hele leven heb ik me, ondanks dat ik sociaal en aardig gevonden word en zo, eigenlijk aangepast en een soort masker opgehouden. En ik merk dat dit zijn tol begint te eisen.

Ik heb niet het idee dat ik onder heel veel levensstress sta (de enige dingen zijn dat ik zonder succes op zoek ben naar een nieuwe baan en me zorgen maak of ik ooit een partner zal vinden en me zal settelen), maar mijn lichaam reageert alsof ik wél enorm veel stress heb. Ik ben namelijk een enorme piekeraar en kan mezelf ontzettend veel stress en spanning bezorgen over bepaalde dingen, vooral dingen waar ik geen controle over heb. Alleen wonen helpt daar ook niet bij. Ik logeerde vannacht bij mijn beste vriendin omdat ik in haar stad moest zijn voor werk en om de een of andere reden voelde ik me daar zo veilig. Anders.

Ik leg mezelf constant ontzettend veel druk op, terwijl ik eigenlijk niet eens zo productief ben. Ik blijf denken dat ik DIT en DAT MOET doen, en vervolgens doe ik het niet, of ik doe het wel maar het kost me ontzettend veel energie. Dingen als het huishouden, administratie en andere dagelijkse dingen.

Mijn lichaam ontspant wel (lekker op de bank zitten), maar mijn hoofd NOOIT. Geen seconde.
De laatste tijd slaap ik slecht en voelt alles alsof het te veel is. Ik kook niet voor mezelf. Ik heb geen zin om mensen te zien. Ik functioneer nog wel, maar ik voel me zo… strakgespannen
Ik heb constant het gevoel dat ik op het punt sta om in te storten, maar ik heb geen duidelijke reden. Dus ik zeg steeds tegen mezelf dat het wel meevalt en dat ik gewoon een beetje moe ben of PMS heb. Ik heb nu wel echt PMS maar ik weet niet of het zulke symptomen van creëeren of dat het meer blootlegt wat er is.

Ik heb echt heel regelmatig hoofdpijn en weinig energie. Ik ben een jankerd en gevoelig maar heb nog nooit zoveel gehuild als nu, in deze fase van mijn leven. Ik kan niet meer echt genieten.

Ik heb het gevoel dat ik dicht bij mijn grens zit, dat ik elk moment kan knappen, maar ik weet niet waarom. Het leven voelt zo zwaar en ik weet niet wat ik moet doen. Dat ik dit überhaupt met mijn beste vriendin heb gedeeld, was al een enorme stap.

In de lijst van werknemers heeft iedereen een foto. Ik wil dit niet. Ik word nu half gedwongen want beleid.
Ik heb een goede reden die zo gevoelig ligt dat ik het eigenlijk niet wil bespreken. Ik heb nu gezegd dat ik het wel bespreek (morgen) maar ik wil eigenlijk toch niet meer.

Wat nu?

Not diagnosed but definitely have symptoms
I majorly struggle with seeing myself in pictures. I can handle it but it brings me a lot of distress
When the picture is particularly ugly (in my eyes) I can NOT look at it. Like sometimes I’ll spiral and I have fixated on every single part of my face since I was a teenager. I’m 30 now. Although some part of me knows and has been told I’m “attractive” I continue to feel very often repulsed by my face.

I’ve been working a professional job for 5 years and postponed getting a corporate headshot for 3 of those. After 3 years I couldn’t get out of it anymore

I got it, absolutely HATED it. I only had it for a few months on teams and outlook before I removed it again.

I legitimately could not look at it. I got questions when I removed it but always just kept it vague

Then this week my boss asked why I don’t have my corporate headshot next to my name on the website with the list employee names. I said there’s no reason, at the time I was told it was a choice you could say no to and I did

Apparently it’s policy now for everyone to have it. I sensed what was coming and said there’s a reason but it’s quite personal. I have my performance review tomorrow and we’d talk about it then. So tomorrow I have to explain it to her.

I like my boss, she’s a kind woman but I hate having to expose this part of myself and basically tell her I’m mentally ill and have a weird brain with ocd/tendencies and weird fixations on how I look and that I feel deeply repulsed by that picture and don’t want it it up? Like I’m just so ashamed that it has gotten to this point..

I had a lot of precognition experiences in my life and I thought I’d share. I’m 30, F. I’ve always been someone with very strong intuition. I’m also good at reading people and pattern recognition and stuff.. but I’ve had many experiences of precognition and I thought I would share a few. Some people in my life know this about me and it’s becoming kind of a joke / known thing that I have something weird going on

Just a few examples

My parents often spoke on the phone downstairs in the early morning with family. I’d wake up and then go back to sleep. One morning my dad gets a call like normal, I hear his voice. He doesn’t sound much different than normal. I knew something bad had happened and someone died. I didn’t think of it much it, it was something that entered my brain and I went back to sleep. Later I found out his dad passed away. I was 9 years old

I had a dream at 10 years old, way too specific and it unfolded exactly like that. I freaked out but no one took me serious.

I worked at a women’s shelter in my early 20s and during weekends when I was off I used to check the work email. There was one specific weekend I had been unable to log on. Monday arrived, I went in and everything seemed normal but I had a very heavy feeling. I read the reports and turns out there had been a very violent incident over the weekend

I had a coworker who I loved, she was sort of like a mentor. One day I looked at her and I knew she’d leave. Like I just KNEW. And was saddened.
Sure enough about 2 weeks later she announced she had taken on a different role and left.

I know when people are pregnant. I can tell very early. I even had moments where I looked up some YouTuber I haven’t looked up for a while and before I hit enter i know they’re pregnant

One more pregnancy one; I come from a big family and hated having many siblings, absolutely hated it and was always scared my mom would have another one. In my teens she became pregnant with the youngest. One day I came home from school and before I entered the backdoor I paused for a second against the wall. I didn’t know what was happening, something felt intense and I needed to pause. Went in, mom is with a friend. That’s the day she had her first dr appointment and it was confirmed

In general I seem to sense life events

On a smaller scale: I know when plans will fall through or get canceled by someone, often I’m so sure I don’t even pick an outfit or something, only do it just in case

I grew up with a group of girls. On a random day I had a thought “I think S is getting married”. Mind you, I wasn’t close with her. I never thought of her. Hadn’t spoken to her in years. She’s only friends with my sister, and our parents know each other well. I didn’t even know she was with someone. I visited my family that weekend and my mom told me S is getting married.

Another one related to family. I went home for a weekend , and had a feeling I would be told bad news. The weekend was normal and I forgot about it. Randomly a childhood friend drops by and we catch up and she told me an awful story about something that had happened in our circle

Bonus one (I posted about this months ago on a different account so if you remember it’s me):

One day I met a stranger, looked into his eyes and had one of those moments where a thought entered my brain that felt like a fact. I thought “we will get married”.
Then we ended up actually falling for each other but before it became anything our paths diverged..so that one didn’t come true but felt very similar.

Friends and coworkers for years. Both 30. I like her, trust her. We talked a lot over text, have a mutual friend, hung out outside of work. The texting was constant. I did notice she was a bit more emotionally unstable and sometimes I suspected it was a way for her to regulate herself. She's been having a very messy affair with a man at work since beginning of this year. I was the person she vented to about this constantly. I engaged with her regarding this because it was a huge part of her life and that's what friends do right? You talk about what is going on, what is on someone's mind. I was honest, too. That she should end it. That this wouldn't go well. I was also understanding because I know she has some issues. But it kept snowballing into this huge thing and her need to talk about him/the dynamic got excessive. Every conversation led to him. Everything was constantly dissected. And I'm not stupid, I knew what she wanted to hear from me (he's in love, he's obsessed, he doesn't want anyone else). It was quite obvious when it came to the nature of her questions or worries. It started as work tea/ gossip but soon wasn't. Things shifted. She was in so deep, I felt like the whole thing occupied like 75% of our conversations and even when we didn't explicitly talk about him, he was there somehow because everything could lead back to him, or at work she was anxious and she barely heard what I said and looked around for him.

Last month I set a boundary and told her that I no longer have the mental bandwith for this and that I don't want to hear about him anymore. I was going through stuff mentally myself and I simply couldn't AND didn't want to. I felt like I was being used (I didn't say this).

I said I would be there for everything else, including the relationship troubles and stuff after her partner found out. She was understanding and said sorry and also added that she ended it anyway.

Ever since, I sense a bit of distance. I'm hurt but also mad at myself. How did I fall for this again at this age? It's a recurring theme in my life. I just didn't expect it from her, that's all. Am I so lonely that I'm willing to be someone's unpaid therapist/diary for 8 months? (I'm not that lonely tbh, in some ways I am in others not. I have friends for sure but it's more about where do I feel understood/seen) What was I doing? And why would I go along with it?

Just struggling a bit with the feelings. I'm sure I'll be fine soon but it just sucks

We're all mid 20s-early 30s, women

I recently had a small ish birthday gathering (9/10 people) and most people there didn't know each other. It was at my home, I made a bunch of food and everyone was having a good time just chatting.

My friend, who is known to be intense, arrived and soon after became the center of attention which I don't mind. She tends to do this. I was focused on making everyone their coffees and stuff. To paint a picture: She's EXTREMELY extroverted, bubbly, exuberant, gregarious. Often struggles to read the room. People kind of find her to be a lot and I have witnessed it quite often that not everyone handles it well. But at some point I decided that I liked her & she ultimately has a good heart so we grew towards each other.

Basically everyone was chatting about their love life (single/married/dating..) and then she took it upon herself to psychoanalyze another (relatively new) friend of mine. It was real uncomfortable and lasted a while. People started exchanging glances, and looking towards me. And I didn't know what to do. There is no stopping her. She doesn't realize at all. The person she analyzed was baffled too (found that out later) and replied kind of neutrally.

She basically told this girl she seems XYZ, and that she should do XYZ. Connect it to her career, to her character, lifestyle, to her (un)willingness to open up. It went deep, very deep. Like a therapy session. It wasn't negative, there was enough praise too. Except she doesn't know her. She'd ask some questions, then not fully accept the answer and follow up with advice.

She does this with me too sometimes but I've been friends with her for years!! So it's different. She had legit never met this girl before. Tbh I was mortified.

Then she moved onto the next girl (who she also never met) who kind of made a joke out of it and said "Are you reading me?'

I checked in with the girl she had focused on the most, the first one, and she assured me she was fine. But after a while we met up again and she admit she did not like it at all and explained how it felt for her and what she thought. . It's not that she was very affected by it (on the contrary, she is kind of stoic), but she didn't appreciate it. Which I understand

You could say she could have spoken up for herself but she didn't wanted to create an awkward situation and just let it be.

Is this something worth bringing up to her? I find myself thinking about it, wondering why on earth she would do this

We're all mid 20s-early 30s, women

I recently had a small ish birthday gathering (9/10 people) and most people there didn't know each other. It was at my home, I made a bunch of food and everyone was having a good time just chatting.

My friend, who is known to be intense, arrived and soon after became the center of attention which I don't mind. She tends to do this. I was focused on making everyone their coffees and stuff. To paint a picture: She's EXTREMELY extroverted, bubbly, exuberant, gregarious. Often struggles to read the room. People kind of find her to be a lot and I have witnessed it quite often that not everyone handles it well. But at some point I decided that I liked her & she ultimately has a good heart so we grew towards each other.

Basically everyone was chatting about their love life (single/married/dating..) and then she took it upon herself to psychoanalyze another (relatively new) friend of mine. It was real uncomfortable and lasted a while. People started exchanging glances, and looking towards me. And I didn't know what to do. There is no stopping her. She doesn't realize at all. The person she analyzed was baffled too (found that out later) and replied kind of neutrally.

She basically told this girl she seems XYZ, and that she should do XYZ. Connect it to her career, to her character, lifestyle, to her (un)willingness to open up. It went deep. Like a therapy session. But then she'd ask questions, then not fully accept the answer and follow up with advice.

She does this with me too sometimes but I've been friends with her for years!! So it's different. She had legit never met this girl before.

Then she moved onto the next girl (who she also never met) who kind of made a joke out of it and said "Are you reading me?'

I checked in with the girl she had focused on the most, the first one, and she assured me she was fine. But after a while we met up again and she admit she did not like it at all. Which I understand.

You could say she could have spoken up for herself but she didn't wanted to create an awkward situation and just let it be.

My questions

Would you have intervened? Is it wrong to be disappointed/annoyed she would do this during my birthday with people she's never met before?