u/sea-oats

This situation is utter misery and I'm so full of shame about it. Just really desperate for feedback of any kind.

I'm 4 months into a 6 month term, one step above entry level, on a small field team at a very small organization. Worked a partial season with them last year, and would have had option of returning next year.

I'm not going to do that, because one of my coworkers is a total psycho. We were hired at the same time, same level of the totem pole. He outperforms me in a lot of ways, and everyone loves him... And he negs me covertly. Very covertly, but very noticeable. The most frequent subject is a medical issue I have, technically a disability. He's made straight up derogatory comments about it on several occasions, mentions it as often as possible, and is absolutely fixated on bringing up the thing this medical condition prevents me from doing. Sometimes it's multiple times a day, every day. He manages to bring this thing up "organically", like "hey I just noticed that __ is ___" or "oooh what's that, is it ___?" But he has told me *to my face* that he brings this thing up all the time because of my medical condition. As if it wasn't obvious.

It's a big, scattered pattern of domineering, sidelining, disguised negativity, name-calling under the cover of jokes (but when you know the way this guy is about my medical condition, it's obviously just name-calling: slow, clumsy, destructive, tired, crazy). And he's just completely nuts in all the usual ways. He talks about stealing from and lying to past coworkers until they "felt like they were going insane". I swear to god he tried to actually gaslight me once. He's talked about "having a sadistic side". He lies about irrelevant stuff, goes from 0 to 100 with oversharing and trauma dumping, has flown off the handle a few times when he wasn't the best at something. Talks like a child. The whole kit and caboodle.

One of our lower-level interns has also recently started making odd comments about my disability and the thing it pertains to. The two of them hang out irl. She'd laughed along with a few of his worst comments about my disability in the past.... I really do think she's joining in with him.

I documented the worst of the behavior, especially the stuff related to the disability since it's the most obvious and frequent, and brought my concerns to my boss a month and a half ago. Didn't discuss the intern, just the main guy. Boss was initially supportive in our meeting, verbally agreed with me that the behavior was out of line, said he'd talk to my coworker the next day.

My boss did not speak to my coworker, and he didn't follow up with me whatsoever (i.e. to say whether he had or hadn't met with him, what he thinks of the situation, what he thinks I should do, anything). I recently found out from another coworker that the conversation still hadn't happened a month after I'd met with him.

Everyone loves this guy, my boss adores this guy. He's a ball of sunshine when he's feeding off others' misery. I'm a nervous wreck. Who would you rather work with? I know I've utterly failed to navigate this. And now that I know I'm not supported, I feel like I'm unraveling. My boss caught me crying last week, said again that he'd talk to the guy, and implied that I was just ~tuckered out~ from the field....

I've only been job searching for a couple weeks, no applications sent. I can coast on savings for a while if need be. But I'm so afraid of the consequences of leaving mid-season after all of this. This is not a job I'd want to leave off my resume; it was my first relevant position since getting my MS at the end of 2024.... I have never left a job on terms this bad. I have no idea if I'm going to be able to retain a letter of rec from this place. Just feel like a total failure, pushover, shambolic mess. But I'm desperate to get the fuck out of here. WWYD

I've been getting covertly harassed by a coworker that everyone else loves. He's outgoing, always "on", presents himself as a ray of sunshine. I, meanwhile, am a nervous wreck over this, deeply isolated, incredibly socially awkward. And I just got caught crying.

TLDR: Two faced coworker cloaks his insults as jokes, demeans me, and brings up certain "innocuous" topics constantly while privately informing me that he is doing so because it relates to a medical condition I have. I spoke to my boss a month ago and he was vocally sympathetic but never followed up. I'm breaking down. I can't quit without seriously disrupting my program and presumably burning bridges. The work is outdoors, small team, tiny company, HR is one person. We are forced to interact closely for hours, in physical proximity, and a positive, funny, trusting vibe is mandatory in work like this. Grey rocking would not be professional.

~~

The harassment is primarily a pattern of comments about a medical condition I have, and also comments about "___". "___" is a normal part of life and a semi-normal subject of conversation, but also the thing my medical condition prevents me from doing. He has directly insulted me about this condition on several occasions, and he has told me explicitly that "the reason he always feels the urge to mention ____ is because he knows I can't ___". He straight up admitted it, he actually said this TWICE, as if it wasn't obvious (it is absolutely ludicrous how much he mentions this thing, no one has ever done this before). So he's really making comments about this condition almost every day. This is my strongest evidence by far.

But it's also a much wider pattern of domineering behavior, demeaning language, sidelining, seeming to look for any opportunity to mention my failings no matter how trivial, he has referred to it as his "sadistic side" (we were alone). Also wildly over-familiar, trauma dumping while I'm physically stuck with him for hours, boundary crossing, and sorry-not-sorry comments in the vein of "I'm the worst, aren't I..... I should just shut my big fat mouth sometimes rightttt?" only when the two of us are alone. He talks about stealing from, lying to, pranking past coworkers "until they felt like they were going crazy!", but all in good fun of course, he's just a silly goose, so it must have been fine. Various other creepy comments about how some people want abuse, boasts about getting into bar fights, he's a total fucking tool. He tried to gaslight me one time. If he does it again I don't think I'll have enough respect from the others to hold my ground without looking like a bitch.

I told my boss about the worst of his behavior a little over a month ago. I kept my cool, I said I was sorry to have been unable to handle this situation until now, but I said that this behavior makes me unable to trust this coworker, and I requested to not be paired up with him alone. At the time my boss seemed very sympathetic, and said he'd talk to the guy the next day. He never did, and never even followed up with me at all. I've been completely in the dark. I found this out from another coworker last Friday, and she also said she was irritated at my boss for dropping the ball, "he's always been bad with HR stuff." But she also made it clear she doesn't see my bully as a bully. My request to not get paired up with the guy has been granted, but it sounded like it was seen as a temporary ask and an inconvenience.

I had confronted the toxic coworker a month ago after a particularly bad insult about my medical condition, and since then those comments have cooled down... though he still brings up ___ all the time. I haven't known what to do for the past month while unsure how my boss sees things, and whether he'd back me up if I confronted the bully about simply bringing up ___. Because ___ itself is innocent, and other coworkers bring ___ up regularly too (it really seems like they're copying him unknowingly, I've just never experienced a group of people talking about it so fucking often). One of our interns also joins him in making fun of my medical condition directly, and I don’t know how to address that. It’s too much. It’s too spread out now.

But in general, I'm tortured by the knowledge that I'm forced to coexist closely, with no possibility of separation until the work term is over, with a bully that no one else sees. Even when he calms down, I can't rest, because I know who he is, and no one else does. The uncertainty has been unbearable, not knowing what my boss thinks or has or hasn’t done, not knowing what I’m allowed to do, and all this while watching my bully get along with everyone better than I can. It’s all unbearable, and that's what caused me to break down yesterday.

When my boss caught me crying he immediately asked if the guy was the cause, and said that he'd talk to him. And this time I believe him. But I'm not sure I even want that conversation to happen, knowing my boss didn't take it seriously to begin with! What the fuck is that conversation going to be, at this point? Boss also suggested that our demanding work schedule is to blame, as if I'm just tired and cranky. I am certainly exhausted and I'm sure I would be better at managing my emotions if I wasn't, but that is not the fucking problem. I am not crazy. I am not just tired.

What do I do? I know all about how HR only protects companies, but what the fuck do I do? Bully outperforms me. I can't quit without burning bridges, the work is seasonal and it would be a massive disruption to leave before the term ends... but I'm leaving before next year no matter what happens. But I don't know if I can keep it together until then; I couldn't keep it together yesterday.

I have a pretty creepy workplace bully who seems like both a real-deal narcissist and an unstable bully-baby. Frequent sly digs at me and seemingly only me, demeaning comments disguised as jokes, the occasional hardcore insult also disguised as a joke... also well-concealed lying and one instance of stupidly obvious attempted gaslighting... he's "joked" about having a "sadistic side", he feeds off my anxiety, brags about having stolen from people and other backhanded shit, really just seems simultaneously Machiavellian and insanely immature and emotionally vulnerable... his energy is very little-boy-like, like he wants to be seen as a silly goose…. has never exploded in anger but does occasionally get reallyyyy agitated and pissy and rude when physically uncomfortable or something goes wrong (but of course only when no higher-ups are present). He seems well-liked by everyone else on our team. A lot of this only happens when the two of us are alone, but some of it has happened in front of other coworkers. He controls himself in front of our boss.

Here is the kicker: We work in the wilderness on a super small team. Tiny organization where HR is one person. Cannot get distance from each other, often no cell service, sometimes camping overnight. Feels like a high risk of fucking up the whole field season if things go sideways.

But that might be the wrong thing to even worry about: this is a line of work where trust is very important.

So far we’ve been working in one big group with our boss almost always present. Soon we’ll be splitting off into various pairs going different places different days. I have two interns (both they and I are female) and while he doesn't seem to target anyone but me, considering I believe him to be a full blown narc, I don't know if I've basically fucking endangered them by not dealing with this guy? Or if I *will* endanger them if I act rash and spook the guy?

I really seem to be the only person he treats like this, but I've been so wrapped up in my own insecurity and pain, tearing myself apart over this trying to decide if it's real, agonizing over how to avoid wrecking the situation…. that I haven’t had a clear head to really assess the situation pragmatically. I'm neurodivergent and deeply traumatized by bullying and isolation. I'm frankly stunted socially and this situation broke me. I've just been changing the subject and/or going quiet when he pulls some bullshit. I've been documenting his behavior for the 5 months we've been working here (our start dates were close together; we're on the same level of the totem pole) but I've done nothing with my notes in all that time.

When I come into work confident, he shrivels up. He definitely responds to authority and confidence. I've felt like I've had an epiphany recently that I really can handle this guy, that his "power" is an illusion, that I can reverse things between him and me. But I don't know what to do about having this untrustworthy guy in this high-trust-requiring work, with interns I'm responsible for.

I desperately want to talk to my boss about this, and I feel prepared to keep my cool and basically sacrifice my ego/reputation in admitting to him how cowardly and ineffective I've been. But I don't know which I'm more scared of: if he won't see any big deal, or if he'll completely agree with me and flip out. I'm betting I don't want the guy to feel attacked or "found out", but very soon I'll have to work on-on-one in the middle of nowhere with him if I don't request to not be paired with him... but if I do demand not to be paired with him, one of our interns will have to be with him!

What the fuck have I done? What the fuck do I do?

I booked a site in the Saranac Lake Islands campground, but it's not on an island.

All the other posts I've found downplayed the need for bear cans on the actual islands themselves, but what about sites on shore? If I didn't use a bear can I'd be doing a bear hang in an ordinary dry bag, but I want to make sure I'm being responsible. Thank you!

I have a campsite reserved in the Adirondacks, and firewood will have to be purchased nearby because sites are picked clean of dead wood. I'll be reaching the site by canoe so weight is an issue.

I'm new to fire building and am not sure 1) if I can get away without splitting the size of logs available for sale most places, and 2) the best method for doing so, when weight is a concern? A lot of advice I see online ends up steering into "just gather kindling from the ground" but that won't be an option. Thanks and sorry if these are stupid questions!

i

The cool moon falters

at the flummox of the blood,

is stricken into spawning

a pale, thin finger

of too many articulations,

down from the heavens, bone after bone,

to slur the surface of the sacred

pool.

>

I do not

know if we

should go

tonight

while the

dog is baying

at the shaft

of rafterlight.

>

ii

“One dog is more ominous

than ten,” I say. And then: “Because

it lets the silence in.” Such clarities

as these are good

as lullabies. So

while we go through

with the inevitable, I count,

and count again, at least three ways

I know of piecing out the traitor moon,

to clutch these insights ever close

at hand, as safe as jewels.

>

One: the dog. I won’t explain

again, unless you ask.

Two: the roof-gap, like a fist,

pointing its dustbeam,

lean as a broomhandle.

Three:

tbd :) haven't worked this one out yet haha

~~~

Reddit isn't letting me do multiple line breaks, so that's why there are weird green lines separating the stanzas lol. Thanks for any feedback!

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1uhdq7y/the_chimes/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1uh6mnd/aimlessly_endlessly/

I have an island campsite reserved a week from tomorrow, and I'm worried the winds might force me to cancel my plans.

I'm currently seeing predictions of 12-14mph winds and 25mph gusts on the Windy app, and 9mph winds and 18mph gusts predicted elsewhere. Winds are out of the W and WSW.

I am a moderately experienced paddler in normal conditions, but have never yet flipped a kayak and I don't go out in bad weather. My kayak has a spray skirt and inflatable sponsons... even a rudder kit I have yet to use.

Is this an incredibly bad idea? How much would hugging close to shore and cutting across the lake downwind of the island mitigate things? See photo for the trip I'm talking about; the wind is expected to die down the following day for my return, so I wouldn't have as much of a headwind to deal with.

https://preview.redd.it/43nvoc6dny6h1.png?width=1530&format=png&auto=webp&s=232319973afc81ecea60a4f97bc0647e92745eb0

A *women's* Greystone 20 I should say. The bag's compressed volume is apparently 6.2L, and its uncompressed stuff sack volume is 21L. I can't tell if it comes with a compression sack or not; the listing says "comes with storage sack and stuff sack" and I don't know if stuff sack implies compression?

But if it turns out I need to purchase the compression sack, what size sack can pack something down from 21L to 6.2L? Should I be aiming for an 8L or 10L compression sack?

The weight capacity is 285lbs at least, but I'm wondering how the hammock performs at 220lbs, whether it stays flat or tacos? Whether it's likely too narrow?

Does the premium pad reduce tacoing in this situation? Should I go with the XL, or would the wider dimensions just increase the likelihood of tacoing?

Or even other options that could span a 30-60F range while avoiding the need for two sleeping bags? I'm getting into kayak camping, and am looking for something as 3-season as possible for the ADK. I'm specifically very keen to get into hammock camping, so I'd have air beneath me.

Are there any convertible bags that can span that temp range? Or should I get a sleeping bag rated for moderate temps plus some separate insulation (for relatively cheap), for chilly fall nights? Or a cold-temp bag and just a blanket for the summer?

If it helps at all, I'm a woman and typically sleep with just a weighted blanket.

For the record I didn't buy it, it was an Instacart order that got cancelled due to a system outage a few weeks back lol. It looks unchanged but I don't know how to gauge the risk.

I'm also not sure how gluten free pasta differs from normal, more or less perishable?

I'm living in the Adirondacks and medical services are definitely scarce, but I haven't been able to get the Fidelis provider search (fideliscare[dot]org[slash]find-a-doctor) to pull up literally *any* providers *anywhere* in the state, including bigger cities. I've tried with multiple different types of plans selected and it's still nothing. I'm extremely confused.

Can anyone with Fidelis (especially Ambetter by Fidelis) give me the name of even a single in-network location or provider you know of, so I can test if the website is broken? I've seen people say their network is tiny but does it even exist?

Comparing plans atm and "Ambetter from Fidelis Care Bronze HSA" has an 100% cost share for "out of network" prescriptions. I just don't know what this translates to, if it has to do with the pharmacy, the prescriber, or something else? I'm in New York if it matters.

I had a leaky hose replaced on my 2012 Toyota Camry Hybrid a week ago (not sure which specific hose). After leaving the shop, I tried to gas up and noticed a sort of rushing/hissing air pressure sound when I opened my gas cap. There’s also a quiet, high pitched whistling sound that happens in short bursts when I’m driving, maybe every 30 seconds.

I couldn’t get a new appointment scheduled with this mechanic until a week later and I live a long distance away (very rural area) so I’ve been forced to drive and re-fuel with my car like this. When refueling, the pump shuts itself off after only a few gallons, and nearly overflows after adding just 2-3 gallons total.

I also haven’t been able to get in contact with any actual mechanic at this shop, I’ve just been repeatedly leaving my number with a receptionist and not getting a call back. So all that to say I’ve received no feedback on this situation and have no idea if I could be making matters worse by driving.

My questions are:

1. What likely happened (to the best of your knowledge)?

2. If there’s any side-effect damage to my car from whatever this is (or from driving on the issue, or from needing to gas up over the last week) am I going to be responsible for paying for the fix or is there any way it would be considered the shop’s responsibility to fix what seems to have initially been their own mistake? I apologize if this is a ridiculous or entitled sounding question, I’ve just never had anything like this happen before. Thank you!

I had a leaky hose replaced on my 2012 Toyota Camry Hybrid a week ago (not sure which specific hose). After leaving the shop, I tried to gas up and noticed a sort of rushing/hissing air pressure sound when I opened my gas cap. There’s also a quiet, high pitched whistling sound that happens in short bursts when I’m driving, maybe every 30 seconds.

I couldn’t get a new appointment scheduled with this mechanic until a week later and I live a long distance away (very rural area) so I’ve been forced to drive and re-fuel with my car like this. When refueling, the pump shuts itself off after only a few gallons, and nearly overflows after adding just 2-3 gallons total.

I also haven’t been able to get in contact with any actual mechanic at this shop, I’ve just been repeatedly leaving my number with a receptionist and not getting a call back. So all that to say I’ve received no feedback on this situation and have no idea if I could be making matters worse by driving.

My questions are:

1. What likely happened (to the best of your knowledge)?

2. If there’s any side-effect damage to my car from whatever this is (or from driving on the issue, or from needing to gas up over the last week) am I going to be responsible for paying for the fix or is there any way it would be considered the shop’s responsibility to fix what seems to have initially been their own mistake? I apologize if this is a ridiculous or entitled sounding question, I’ve just never had anything like this happen before. Thank you!

My apartment is tiny and the only good place for a mop bucket would be next to the bathroom sink, a ~9” wide gap. The O-Cedar spin buckets that get recommended so heavily are unfortunately ~10-11” wide (both the grey one with the pedal and the red one).

I’m sure I could get away without a bucket considering the size of my place, but thought I’d ask if anyone knows of a spin bucket small enough for my needs. I already have an O-Cedar microfiber cloth mop. Thanks!

I had a leaky hose replaced on my 2012 Toyota Camry Hybrid a week ago (not sure which specific hose). After leaving the shop, I tried to gas up and noticed a sort of rushing/hissing air pressure sound when I opened my gas cap. There’s also a quiet, high pitched whistling sound that happens in short bursts when I’m driving, maybe every 30 seconds.

I couldn’t get a new appointment scheduled with this mechanic until a week later and I live a long distance away (very rural area) so I’ve been forced to drive and re-fuel with my car like this. When refueling, the pump shuts itself off after only a few gallons.

I also haven’t been able to get in contact with any actual mechanic at this shop, I’ve just been repeatedly leaving my number with a receptionist and not getting a call back. So all that to say I’ve received no feedback on this situation and have no idea if I could be making matters worse by driving.

My questions are:

1. What likely happened (to the best of your knowledge)?

2. If there’s any side-effect damage to my car from whatever this is (or from driving on the issue, or from needing to gas up over the last week) am I going to be responsible for paying for the fix or is there any way it would be considered the shop’s responsibility to fix what seems to have initially been their own mistake? I apologize if this is a ridiculous or entitled sounding question, I’ve just never had anything like this happen before. Thank you!