u/spamtong_

you deserve to be heard, not silenced. ❤

As above....

Talk about how it impacts your giftedness, and how successful you are

Warning; Mention of...addictive things Please help me

I've fell deep into burnout, (former gifted kid) and over time...more reliant on eating loads of unhealthy food and self pleasure. I cant stop it. I feel lost and it feels like I cant do ANYTHING else. I dont know what else to do. I cant watch YouTube, attention span is wrecked. I dont know what else to do.

As you can see, I cant write proper

I'm sorry that this is so long, please hear me im I'm talking about myself, I hope to find some autistics that maybe wanna talk?? idk, I dont wanna get too hopeful.

erm so like I used to be a little bit autistic but now ive had like a really deep burnout after 13 months of depression (I was functioning super well) and now my autism has got worse and it's like dude WHAT

im like 14 and stuff but allegedly the trauma has aged me 3-7 years in different aspects so also kinda odd

im nervous to go back to school because for the last couple of months i became the physical embodiment of "my way or the highway" where I prioritized myself over everything bc I could no longer function

I struggle with diverse foods and social interaction now, and unnecessary noises so bad. ppl have been saying it's due to a term I call "my personal doctrine" and it's basically a philosophy which shapes my personality HOWEVER in this post it's no longer there I think due to burnout?? I feel a bit ashamed due to losing my grip on it, but I also cant let go

apparently it makes me hemorrhage massive amounts of mental energy but it's also the only thing keeping me up

im so lonely bc in my friends they had like massive weaknesses that I didnt see before the crash, and I ended up not being able to talk to them bc of their massive flaws

it's weird tho bc weakness is good, like if someone is super vulnerable, clingy, or has low self esteem etc, it means I dont have to worry about them hurting me and I can also love them platonically or romantically and I can help them and then I feel like I'm not a burden ig? it comes with downsides tho cus my ex was like super messed up and she was super sweet and kind but eventually her mental health collapsed due to some trauma I was trying to help heal by being a good bf but then she started getting flashbacks bc I was being super nice and it reminded her of her bf before he got abusive and she was scared of showing love so we eventually mutually broke up

and then she lowkey went a lil bit crazy for a few months and spread lies anywhere

also does anyone play overwatch and is like 13-16 👉👈

it feels like my personality has been split in two sides kinda, with depending on the environment one side peeking a lot

I js wanna be seen and loved, as a friend or not bc ultimately the burnout and the philosophy are adaptations to survive

idgaf abt other ppl being weak, it's also cute bc Im safe, statistically the world will be okay with that but for me I cant let that happen ever the world takes advantage of weakness and will destroy it. it destroyed it for me, and if I go back I can NEVER under any circumstances have any opportunity of that happening again

it got me through when my trauma first developed in February and if was horrifiying but when I was in an episode of like severely being under it I wrote down some sentences

Just like a philosophy built entirely on endless conflict and strength, maintaining this standard burns through energy at an unsustainable rate, most likely leading directly to severe autistic burnout If i am unworthy of what I must be.

Believing that if you become unbreakable, hyper-competent, and impervious to pain, nothing outside of you can ever hurt you again.

Turning the internal dialogue into a harsh arena where weakness, fatigue, or emotional vulnerability are treated as evolutionary failures that must be beaten out of yourself because only the strong will survive.

Adopting a brutal, self-imposed "survival of the fittest" metric where you must endlessly optimize, harden, and conquer your own weaknesses to justify taking up space.

Complex trauma teaches a developing mind that safety is conditional. Mistakes equal danger, rejection, or punishment, turning performance into an armor.

It results in a grueling internal pressure cooker. When rigid autistic thinking meets a traumatized nervous system, mastering the self and dominating one’s environment can feel like the only way to avoid annihilation.

If I am not perfect and achieve greatness someday, I am nothing.

To be mediocre is to die

I literally do not care about other peoples actions in relation to how I live, by reading this ppl will assume I do but I really really dont, I js wanna talk to someone actually, and I wanna be seen for who I am and not what people assume of me

I'm so sorry u had to read this lolz, I dont like showing it but i have to. I ALSO FUCKING HATE MY PERSONALITY IS LIKE SO PEOPLE PLEASY WHENEVER I TRY TO POST ON R/TEENAGERS

AHHHHH THERES A SUPER LOUD FAMILY SPEAKING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE OUTSIDE THE CARAVAN

I hate being more autistic lowkey bc then I have more faults that I cant violently morph out of myself

I js wanna be seen and appreciated, I'm a good person but not to myself (according to society)

this protected me and saved me

how will I go back to performing well and going to school and I HAVE TO ACHIEVE GREATNESS SOMEHOW AND IF IM NOT IN SCHOOL THERE IS A 0% CHANCE but idk how to change myself into a person that can

anyways, a "traumatised" persons rant

also if anyone wants to talk to me, u cant on my dms bc theyve went on strike

I only use whatsapp lolsies

ARGH WHY AM I TALKING SO KINDLY WITHOUT KNOWING THE PPL WILL BE OKAY WITH MY EXISTENCE 😞😞😞

also I'm struggling to feel empathy and affection cus of the burnout and I hate it bc its negatively impacting my life long term but if I heal the burnout itll come back ofc

stupid trauma, making me mature I mean teenagers that have experienced trauma are the maturest ones, theres a sweet spot imo where it's not enough to feel like torture but enough for the person to grow and be better from it 🤭🤭

I'm curious, how does anyone find meaning and what is their philosophy to life.

For me - not looking so good for ''societal standards" I'm being crushed under my own weight. If I'm not drastically above average; I'm nothing. Weakness must be eradicated etc.

i love weak or strong ppl tho, <3 it's only me I try to agressively morph

Dad bought the Von thaden pass as a surprise because I seemed down. Got a permanent pass for zeppelin.

It seems this new operation is either giving cards or a permanent pass to make them? If so, it's just annoying to be honest.

I play overwatch, obviously. And I have removed a couple friends. But I have an issue --- They arent disappearing from my battle.net friends list. Generally, it seems like my battle.net does not handle changes well. Removing someone from favourites, etc. Basically it just refuses to update whatever I try to do. I do not want these people still on my friends list...is it permanent?

Autistic teen, going through burnout atm. I'm supposed to be choosing my career.

1. Military - I love it. It would be my fulfillment in life easy if I wasnt autistic as it could make things tricky. I'm asking you people for your experience.

2. Higher Education. To be able to raise and be responsible for the next generation; like defending the next generation in the military...would be a good choice. Specifically the intellectuals.

3. Architecture. I walked in oxford, london and around various palaces, stately homes and manor houses and were stricken with awe. People lived here 300 years ago. It was beautiful, inside and out. I want to make beautiful, unique homes that arent modern and are hearty.

UNFORTUNATELY SCRAPPED: Politics. I'm a natural, however I dont have the background to realistically get anyway. No matter how mentally struggling I am, i can always retain my talent for politics. Even if I find it hard communicating about it and feel nothing for it like right now. Burnout.

PLEASE read, I'm deteriorating faster that I thought.... I need an answer asap as I am moving into my grandparents tomorrow. I'm crumbling. Help.

I have deafeningly obvious C-PTSD Tendencies.

I apologise if the wording is odd. It was originally posted to R/CPTSD.

After going through 9 months of emotional neglect, in which my brain numbed itself into oblivion and became 100% logic, no emotion. I analyzed and calculated everything to try and fix me and my mothers relationship. I couldn't handle more months of being emotionally starved. I had to calculate a life for myself. To be able to think healthily, and to be able to feel.

The plan was working.. I was healing from being mildly depressed. I could feel! And I collapsed after the plan which was foolproof, was blown up by my mother.

And 1 month later... She became normal. Affection...casual? What? I was a sinking ship, stuck in a state of "I must calculate the situation and I must fix myself" When the situation was growing stronger and I was growing critically weak.

And then came the out of the norm of sense of self. My view on the world and my internal thinking began to warp. My hypervigilance went from "Calm" to "Panic" Memory gaps would become so intense I viewed my child self as a different life. I wouldnt just be "unable" to feel positive emotions....they would phase through me. I would feel disconnected from everyone around me. I used to be gifted. Extremely fast with wit. Understood complex problems in an instant. But every time I woke up, I could tell I was getting stupider. I was defective. Maybe if I was vigilant and I calculated well enough I wouldve fixed it. It's my fault that this has happened. I couldnt concentrate. The only way I was keeping suicide at bay was drawing infinite amounts of motivation from historical figures and my countries history. It was all I could live for. It was miraculous.

And I had to avoid my mother. Every time she would give me affection I would be thrown into a vicious flashback atleast ⅔ of an hour long. Heart palpitations, muscle tightness, limb fatigue, involuntary movements, fear of death. Intense panic. And eventually violent shaking. I was there again. And love from adults equaled danger. And not a hint of anything else Otherwise my suffering would not be worth it.

I saw the truth of the world. The truth no one would ever see. I wish I could try and see like them....but I cannot risk it.

I was in a cycle. Freeze -----> Depressive "Episode" I knew I had to get out. I needed to fix myself. I was entering full shutdown as a protective mechanism, but shutdown meant incompetence and incompetence meant total failure.

I would do everything in my power to push me out, pushing me into a flight state. I recognised that I needed to strike it at the base. The flashbacks.

I needed to find a way to leave. Perhaps I could go live with my father?

This is where the flashbacks would normally happen. At the "high of the cycle" when my patriotism would push me out and I would be able to be aware of my surroundings.

My surroundings were nothing but deafening warning sirens. Eventually, I would run out of energy and crash. It would be harder and harder to get out. And the flight/high episode would be less intense.

Eventually...the flights have stopped. I have stopped seeing danger. The rehearsed thought processes I lived in would no longer activate. My mind did not have the energy. The flashbacks have stopped, and in turn my mind has stopped fighting. It stopped seeing anything as worth it. After 3-4 months of cycling, the MASSIVE cptsd symptoms have stopped.

Why?

Can someone please tell me what they think?

Edit: They have stopped due to severe emotional burnout. If the burnout is temporary, are they?

I really enjoy them, and they make the game feel realistic. The con is I have no one to talk to about my love for them. So reddit has come to the rescue!

What are the rules on talking to people here? Can we make friends, make posts about wanting to have a conversation with someone etc. I'm new here and want to understand the rules as there is no one to talk to in rural England

(Warning, very long. But I would dearly appreciate comments on this post. I have to have an autistic info dump.) I'm wanting to be a aspiring general one day, and I study wars intensely. Especially the different fronts and strategy from ww2. Heroes added make another layer of this experience and it makes me enjoy it so much more as I get to strategise easier, In logistics and war planning.

I deleted my account but a couple months later I have a new one. Unfortunately, my lawrence is only LVL 1, so no damage buff. I have Aspergers Syndrome and I'm navigating some very hard difficulties at the moment, so be cautious when my writing sounds like a demented toddler, along with the fact this is my first ever post. This is also one of my sparsely spaced info dumps - as I do not have the opportunity to make friends.

Such as opportunities for offensive, army groups, capabilities for war, destruction of armies, retreats, overextension, reserve units, attrition, and general strategy I find the average player doesnt really think of. Just big number beats smaller number.

Also another thing I'd like to mention if "Army Groups" are a part of your strategy, how do you normally form and operate them? I normally have around 3-6 at all times. I'll just go over how I like mine.

1. E.A.D (Elite Army Division) The EAD is normally an elite task force commanded by pershing that is made to make sure that any common army will be unable to face it. It has to be atleast 80% health at all times, with early game having atleast 10 cavalry and late game having atleast 7 tanks. It is used to win crucial engagements as extreme offensive power and heavy destruction of an enemy's offensive capability and manpower.

2. BRF (Broad Reservist Front)

The BRF is formed from recruiting offices, as grouping them will form up atleast 15 troops at a time. These can fluctuate depending on the game. Normally, my BRF was known as the "Balkan Corp" After really only playing romania or greece for some time. They were used as high health infantry units to sit behind my frontline and to rush in when a enemy makes an offensive, or during an offensive for them to rush in so I do not have to decrease my risk of a counterattack by not putting the reservists to newly captured provinces. Most times, in a group with maeve deploying more reserves.

3. FSF (Flexible Support Force)

Accompanied by Hank, this force is often used for guarding the flanks or small, auxiliary offensives to take attention off of other areas or to support moves made by other army groups in any situation. Although they are used at the start of the game as the main offensive thrust.

4. PMB (Peripheral Minor Battalion)

The PMA, Commanded by York or Lawrence (Sometimes 2 PMA's so both) Are used to micromanage to take out weak, almost always AI countries which I do not want to drain manpower by mobilising a decent force. Often Used to expand in a direction when wanting to go far in a opposite direction, or to expand while currently at war, they excel in small numbers of infantry with generals compensating the attack gap.

4. DSR (Destruction Seizure Regiment)

The DSR, Is used to substantially reduce the enemies ability to wage war. It takes two forms. Destruction, and Seizure. Destruction is commanded by Kovalneko, Togo or Von Thaden. Aimed at destroying important military units or high level infrastructure. While seizure is often in a land army. Who ever is in this army is extremely luck based, as it will change with the situation. (York, Hank, Lawrence or Johan) Seizure is often used to take important resources through the strangulation of an economy and out producing to the point of land superiority. The PSS is extremely interchangable and will intend to nullify or cling onto vital areas for the war effort.

5. ARC (Attrition or Retreat Company)

The ARC is a group of units to make opposing troops either have to be chipped down and eventually weakened, outmanouvered or forced into a retreat and to abandon territory in exchange for time and better logistics. Often placed in very defensive areas of the front, the ARC specialises in tying down large amounts of troops and forcing defenses out in otherwise extremely costly and tricky areas to capture. Artillery mainly accompany this group with Laroche, as I do not have bruchmuller.

6. ABB (Anti-Breakthrough Brigade)

The ABB is generally a force to man the other parts of the front line the other groups are unable to/do not. Preventing enemy attacks and having enough strength to still be not obsolete, they are usually a bunch of infantry with maybe a niche general. I'm a bit burnt out, and I imagine you are too from this. So you can imagine what the point of this is.