I’m a 28-year-old guy been using Hinge for about 4 months and I’m kind of stumped.

I have a strong profile and actually get a decent amount of matches, and honestly some of them feel way out of my league. The problem is I’ve never actually turned one into a date. Things either fizzle after a few messages or I get ghosted.

I’m pretty sure it’s a confidence thing. I either don’t try hard enough or I try way too hard because I don’t want to mess it up. I think I’m constantly in my head instead of just talking naturally.

I’ve got about 5-6 of them off the app and into texting, even set up some dates and had really strong interest… Then everything fizzles

I’d love to just be myself and have normal conversations, but for some reason I struggle with it on apps. Usually I’ll ask about something on their profile or something I genuinely find interesting, but it still seems to go nowhere.

At this point I’ve probably had 60–70 matches without a single date, so I feel like there’s clearly something I’m doing wrong and I want to fix it instead of just blaming the apps.

Has anyone been in a similar spot and figured it out? Any advice on messaging, having better conversations, or just getting out of your own head would be really appreciated.

My father is an alcoholic, he has been for my whole life (28 years) - he's also formerly on opiates as well. My mother is a Anxious codependent by every sense of the word. I am a recovering addict and alcoholic with 6 years clean from my DOC and 8.5 months clean from alcohol and any other mind altering substances. I am in AA, actively working the steps. Due to my addiction, I live at home again.

Over my life my dad has been a true Jekyll / Hyde, you never know what you're going to get. Some days he wants to be helpful and lovng, and others he is absolutely raging and tearing me and everything I do down on. It's always been that way, for every nice thing he tries to do for me, it's like he's always holding it over my head for the time when he gets to freak out and throw it all back in my face.

This dynamic has torn me apart, as an only child it has been brutal. No matter what my dad does my mom is always going to stay with him, and no matter how bad it gets I'm always the "black sheep". I have truly focused on keeping my side of the street clean over the past year, but no matter what I am always at risk for being absolutely torn to shreds for some mistake or thing that I'm not perfect at. For example, I am a deadly overthinker and overcome with anxiety. I am working on a big project and lifelong dream right now, and it is moving slower than anticipated because of this. This is one thing that is constantly thrown in my face, that I do things poorly or that I need to just stop this thinking.

The thing is, I am painfully aware of my shortcomings. My self-esteem was at an all time low by the end of my addiction. I KNOW I am imperfect, and I don't use this as an excuse for bad behavior, but I do still make mistakes and forget things. I am respectful and calm around the house. And am often the one to help my mom when my dad is in chaos mode and doing the same thing to her. I even had to call the cops on my dad in my early 20's because he was going to break my moms door down.

Yesterday, I think I've hit a breaking point. I'm doing everything to help myself right now and clean up the wreckage of my life - and all I receive from my family is criticism and attack. I walk on eggshells at home.

I'm coming up to a year of sobriety God willing. And everything in me wants to just cut the chord from my home life the minute I move out. This dynamic has caused me immense pain in my life, and clearly there's not a willingness to change on either of their parts.

I feel a lot of guilt about this, because my parents have also supported me financially through a lot... They haven't always been terrible, but a large portion of my life has been taken up by their drama.

My question is, is it reasonable to want to cut ties from this toxic dynamic for my own sanity. Or am I simply doing some more alcoholic type behavior if I make that decision. I just want to do what is right.

We fostered an 8 week old baby raccoon for 7 days. On day 2 I got a tiny pin prick bite from it while it tried to grab its bottle.

At the time i thought nothing of it.

That said. The baby is now 9 days of monitoring, and is going to another rehab. And it occurred to me that Rabies is a concern. I’ve read that after 10 days of quarantine with no behavioural changes, it’s likely fine and was not transmitting the virus.

I’m debating wether I need a vaccine or not.

Any input welcomed.

Hey all!

I know this has been asked before but I’m a single guy about to hit the road in my e350 high top.

Obviously dating on the road is a consideration in my mind, as I’m pretty social and looking to meet cool people.

My initial thought was to go with a “full” size bed sleeping side to side and orient on a bit of an angle when i sleep. But with the consideration of a future travel companion, I’m wondering if going the extra 6” of width to a Queen would be a better more comfortable. I’d rather not regret undersizing the bed while I’m on the road, so I’m looking for input before I commit.

Anyone have any experience here they’d be willing to share?

For reference, I’m 5’10” and my van is about 6’ - 6’1” wide before walls

I badly need some feedback. I 28M ended my relationship with my partner 23F three months ago. For clarity, it was closer to two years total with some large breaks in between. We initially broke up in June 2025, then reconnected in November after a period of no contact. She actually emailed my mom to get a hold of me.

Dating and relationships have been a lifelong struggle for me. I’m a fairly unique guy with niche interests, naturally physically attractive but neurodivergent, and I’ve dealt with addiction and mental health issues for most of my adult life, closeness has never felt super safe. So when I met this very exciting and aligned girl who was exactly my type, things were looking up.

We met at a part-time job I took after stepping away from a business I ran. It was instant sparks. She was the most gorgeous girl I’d ever dated and my first intimate relationship in years. I’d just come out of a long depressive episode and had finally sorted my life out, working out, reading, writing, eating clean, pursuing hobbies. I was feeling the best I had in years. We shared tons of interests, a similar sense of humor, and the same passions.

There was a lot of intensity early on. We became obsessed with each other, but she became even more intensely attached. She had extreme anxiety, obsessive thinking, major health anxiety, and fears that I was going to leave. That ran headfirst into all the structure I’d built to stay healthy - as I tried to maintain a fragile structure, I ended up giving everything in to her needs and taking on her problems.

She wanted to talk every day, which was fine, but soon it became hours late into the night. My sleep schedule mattered a lot to my mental health and I said so, but she felt threatened by that and got upset when I tried to get off the phone. So I started staying up way too late. She could run on 6–7 hours; I couldn’t.

This kept happening, and I started slipping. I picked up video games, fast food, and alcohol again. My mental and physical health declined fast. Coping in the worst possible ways obviously didn’t help, and it made it harder to show up in the relationship, which created more fights and friction. Ultimately, this was all still MY fault... I could not manage to get myself to cope in healthier ways.

To be fair, there were also a ton of great experiences. We both have a deep passion for wellness, travel, animals, and nature, with similar ambitions and humor. Whenever we had a shared experience, ie: hike, movies, gym etc… It was a ton of fun almost every time. On the surface we were a great fit.

On why I left, beyond my own mental health: I wasn’t feeling heard. I felt like I couldn’t bring up certain feelings, and that my thoughts and needs weren’t always being listened to. I never got an apology from her when she did something clearly out of line. I felt trapped, and I could feel myself degrading. The joy wasn’t there anymore. I didn’t feel like myself and I didn’t feel right. She could have a lot of anger at times. There was also just a persistent sense of things not being “right” in the relationship that I could never fully shake.

Long story short: after I continued to degrade, I couldn’t handle it anymore and ended things. I was up 50 lbs in a year, addicted to booze and video games, and my life had basically fallen apart. It was a horrible breakup. She was the first person I ever thought I could marry, and at my age, going back to singlehood is scary. After the breakup we did no contact for 4–5 months. Then she reached out to reconnect “as friends” and we gently caught up. Within weeks we were sleeping together again, but I made it clear we were not getting back together. I’m in recovery and need at least a year before a relationship.

In this time she apologized for how she showed up in the relationship. She said she realized everything I was doing was to help myself and ultimately help us, and that she’d felt threatened instead of seeing it mattered. She learned how important having separate lives is, built a social circle and support network, started therapy, got on medication for her anxiety, and genuinely tried to own her part. She said she was sorry it took so long to learn those lessons and wished she hadn’t had to learn them with me.

Things were much better between us. She gave me space and it was nice being in touch. Honestly this was quite enjoyable, besides the underlying pressure of “what are we doing right now” . But I was still sick and in recovery and not doing well otherwise. Mentors in my program strongly suggested I end the “friendship” and focus on myself and my recovery. So I did.

She begged me to give it a chance with everything we now knew. She told me she’d wait a full year for me while I went through recovery. I wanted to say yes, but I knew it wouldn’t be fair, so I didn’t. She’d clearly changed a lot, and I knew I couldn’t show up for her the way she deserved. I know how much my mind flip-flops these days. There’s also a large age gap, and those differences in maturity and life phase can shift over time. She’s going through massive changes right now.

So now, three months after cutting contact, all I do is think about her. My life has improved a lot: I’m fit again, building a passion project, reconnecting with friends. I’m maybe 75% of who I was before the relationship, and getting here has taken almost a year. But I can’t shake the feeling that I left something with real potential, that I should have given her a shot to show up differently. I hate that she’s living this full, expansive life while mine feels like a drab survival effort. I feel like I’ll be the one stuck waiting years to find someone while she has a line out the door.

Here’s my real conflict. In and out of relationships, I’ve dealt with mental health issues, and closeness has always been the hard part. I’ve always had plenty of friends, but real closeness has been the challenge in my adult life, and I tend to develop resentment easily. So I carry a lot of doubt. On the surface, she’s still thriving with plenty of people cheering her on, and on my side it feels like I’m the one who collapsed and is back to square one, struggling. So part of me wonders if this was more me than her. And ultimately my fear is that I’m only thinking about going back because of grief, because of fear of being lonely. But the thing is, I miss her even when I’m doing badly, and I miss her even when I’m doing well.

I’ve done therapy, journaling, even a 10-day silent meditation retreat recently. I’m still not clear, and it eats me up.

TLDR: Ended a roughly two-year on-and-off relationship with someone I saw a future with because it was wrecking my mental and physical health during recovery, and because I didn’t feel heard or like myself anymore. She later did the work, changed a lot, and offered to wait a year for me. I still said no because I didn’t think I could show up fairly. Three months later my life is objectively better but I can’t stop wondering if I walked away from something I should have fought for. How do I know if I made the right call?

I badly need some feedback. I 28M ended my relationship with my partner 23F three months ago. For clarity, it was closer to two years total with some large breaks in between. We initially broke up in June 2025, then reconnected in November after a period of no contact. She actually emailed my mom to get a hold of me.

Dating and relationships have been a lifelong struggle for me. I’m a fairly unique guy with niche interests, naturally physically attractive but neurodivergent, and I’ve dealt with addiction and mental health issues for most of my adult life, closeness has never felt super safe. So when I met this very exciting and aligned girl who was exactly my type, things were looking up.

We met at a part-time job I took after stepping away from a business I ran. It was instant sparks. She was the most gorgeous girl I’d ever dated and my first intimate relationship in years. I’d just come out of a long depressive episode and had finally sorted my life out, working out, reading, writing, eating clean, pursuing hobbies. I was feeling the best I had in years. We shared tons of interests, a similar sense of humor, and the same passions.

There was a lot of intensity early on. We became obsessed with each other, but she became even more intensely attached. She had extreme anxiety, obsessive thinking, major health anxiety, and fears that I was going to leave. That ran headfirst into all the structure I’d built to stay healthy - as I tried to maintain a fragile structure, I ended up giving everything in to her needs and taking on her problems.

She wanted to talk every day, which was fine, but soon it became hours late into the night. My sleep schedule mattered a lot to my mental health and I said so, but she felt threatened by that and got upset when I tried to get off the phone. So I started staying up way too late. She could run on 6–7 hours; I couldn’t.

This kept happening, and I started slipping. I picked up video games, fast food, and alcohol again. My mental and physical health declined fast. Coping in the worst possible ways obviously didn’t help, and it made it harder to show up in the relationship, which created more fights and friction. Ultimately, this was all still MY fault... I could not manage to get myself to cope in healthier ways.

To be fair, there were also a ton of great experiences. We both have a deep passion for wellness, travel, animals, and nature, with similar ambitions and humor. Whenever we had a shared experience, ie: hike, movies, gym etc… It was a ton of fun almost every time. On the surface we were a great fit.

On why I left, beyond my own mental health: I wasn’t feeling heard. I felt like I couldn’t bring up certain feelings, and that my thoughts and needs weren’t always being listened to. I never got an apology from her when she did something clearly out of line. I felt trapped, and I could feel myself degrading. The joy wasn’t there anymore. I didn’t feel like myself and I didn’t feel right. She could have a lot of anger at times. There was also just a persistent sense of things not being “right” in the relationship that I could never fully shake.

Long story short: after I continued to degrade, I couldn’t handle it anymore and ended things. I was up 50 lbs in a year, addicted to booze and video games, and my life had basically fallen apart. It was a horrible breakup. She was the first person I ever thought I could marry, and at my age, going back to singlehood is scary. After the breakup we did no contact for 4–5 months. Then she reached out to reconnect “as friends” and we gently caught up. Within weeks we were sleeping together again, but I made it clear we were not getting back together. I’m in recovery and need at least a year before a relationship.

In this time she apologized for how she showed up in the relationship. She said she realized everything I was doing was to help myself and ultimately help us, and that she’d felt threatened instead of seeing it mattered. She learned how important having separate lives is, built a social circle and support network, started therapy, got on medication for her anxiety, and genuinely tried to own her part. She said she was sorry it took so long to learn those lessons and wished she hadn’t had to learn them with me.

Things were much better between us. She gave me space and it was nice being in touch. Honestly this was quite enjoyable, besides the underlying pressure of “what are we doing right now” . But I was still sick and in recovery and not doing well otherwise. Mentors in my program strongly suggested I end the “friendship” and focus on myself and my recovery. So I did.

She begged me to give it a chance with everything we now knew. She told me she’d wait a full year for me while I went through recovery. I wanted to say yes, but I knew it wouldn’t be fair, so I didn’t. She’d clearly changed a lot, and I knew I couldn’t show up for her the way she deserved. I know how much my mind flip-flops these days. There’s also a large age gap, and those differences in maturity and life phase can shift over time. She’s going through massive changes right now.

So now, three months after cutting contact, all I do is think about her. My life has improved a lot: I’m fit again, building a passion project, reconnecting with friends. I’m maybe 75% of who I was before the relationship, and getting here has taken almost a year. But I can’t shake the feeling that I left something with real potential, that I should have given her a shot to show up differently. I hate that she’s living this full, expansive life while mine feels like a drab survival effort. I feel like I’ll be the one stuck waiting years to find someone while she has a line out the door.

Here’s my real conflict. In and out of relationships, I’ve dealt with mental health issues, and closeness has always been the hard part. I’ve always had plenty of friends, but real closeness has been the challenge in my adult life, and I tend to develop resentment easily. So I carry a lot of doubt. On the surface, she’s still thriving with plenty of people cheering her on, and on my side it feels like I’m the one who collapsed and is back to square one, struggling. So part of me wonders if this was more me than her. And ultimately my fear is that I’m only thinking about going back because of grief, because of fear of being lonely. But the thing is, I miss her even when I’m doing badly, and I miss her even when I’m doing well.

I’ve done therapy, journaling, even a 10-day silent meditation retreat recently. I’m still not clear, and it eats me up.

TLDR: Ended a roughly two-year on-and-off relationship with someone I saw a future with because it was wrecking my mental and physical health during recovery, and because I didn’t feel heard or like myself anymore. She later did the work, changed a lot, and offered to wait a year for me. I still said no because I didn’t think I could show up fairly. Three months later my life is objectively better but I can’t stop wondering if I walked away from something I should have fought for. How do I know if I made the right call?

Throwaway-style post. This is going to be a long one.

I 28M ended my relationship with my partner 23F three months ago. For clarity, it was closer to two years total with some large breaks in between. We initially broke up in June 2025, then reconnected in November after a period of no contact. She actually emailed my mom to get a hold of me.

Dating and relationships have been a lifelong struggle for me. I’m a fairly unique guy with niche interests, naturally physically attractive but neurodivergent, and I’ve dealt with addiction and mental health issues for most of my adult life. So when I met this very exciting and aligned girl who was exactly my type, things were looking up.

We met at a part-time job I took after stepping away from a business I ran. It was instant sparks. She was the most gorgeous girl I’d ever dated and my first intimate relationship in years. I’d just come out of a long depressive episode and had finally sorted my life out, working out, reading, writing, eating clean, pursuing hobbies. I was feeling the best I had in years. We shared tons of interests, a similar sense of humor, and the same passions.

There was a lot of intensity early on. We became obsessed with each other, but she became even more intensely attached. She had extreme anxiety, obsessive thinking, major health anxiety, and a constant fear that I was going to leave. That ran headfirst into all the structure I’d built to stay healthy.

She wanted to talk every day, which was fine, but soon it became hours late into the night. My sleep schedule mattered a lot to me and I said so, but she felt threatened by that and got upset when I tried to get off the phone. So I started staying up way too late. She could run on 6–7 hours; I couldn’t.

This kept happening, and I started slipping. I picked up video games, fast food, and alcohol again. My mental and physical health declined fast. Coping in the worst possible ways obviously didn’t help, and it made it harder to show up in the relationship, which created more fights and friction.

To be fair, there were also a ton of great experiences. We both have a deep passion for wellness, travel, animals, and nature, with similar ambitions and humor. Whenever we had a shared experience, ie: hike, movies, gym etc… It was a ton of fun almost every time. On the surface we were a great fit.

On why I left, beyond my own mental health: I wasn’t feeling heard. I felt like I couldn’t bring up certain feelings, and that my thoughts and needs weren’t always being listened to. I never got an apology from her when she did something clearly out of line. I felt trapped, and I could feel myself degrading. The joy wasn’t there anymore. I didn’t feel like myself and I didn’t feel right. She could have a lot of anger at times. There was also just a persistent sense of things not being “right” in the relationship that I could never fully shake.

A bit about her: Grew up in a dysfunctional household, mom cheated, dad was an alcoholic. Hyper-independent from a young age, very self-motivated, takes care of herself, lots of unique interests, goes all in on what she cares about. Can be stubborn and set in her ways. Very emotionally intense.

A bit about me: Also a dysfunctional household, only child, alcoholic father, workaholic parents. I was dependent and disempowered from a young age and developed a deep addiction as a teen with little help. I pulled myself out, went to school, started a business, built a career. Still living at home (“failure to launch”) because of my own instability and impulsivity when using. Passionate about healing, creative, adventurous, sensitive.

Long story short: after I continued to degrade, I couldn’t handle it anymore and ended things. I was up 50 lbs in a year, addicted to booze and video games, and my life had basically fallen apart. It was a horrible breakup. She was the first person I ever thought I could marry, and at my age, going back to singlehood is scary. After the breakup we did no contact for 4–5 months. Then she reached out to reconnect “as friends” and we gently caught up. Within weeks we were sleeping together again, but I made it clear we were not getting back together. I’m in recovery and need at least a year before a relationship.

She apologized for how she showed up. She said she realized everything I was doing was to help myself and ultimately help us, and that she’d felt threatened instead of seeing it mattered. She learned how important having separate lives is, built a social circle and support network, started therapy, got on medication for her anxiety, and genuinely tried to own her part. She said she was sorry it took so long to learn those lessons and wished she hadn’t had to learn them with me.

Things were much better between us. She gave me space and it was nice being in touch. Honestly this was quite enjoyable, besides the underlying pressure of “what are we doing right now” . But I was still sick and in recovery and not doing well otherwise. Mentors in my program strongly suggested I end the “friendship” and focus on myself and my recovery. So I did.

She begged me to give it a chance with everything we now knew. She told me she’d wait a full year for me while I went through recovery. I wanted to say yes, but I knew it wouldn’t be fair, so I didn’t. She’d clearly changed a lot, and I knew I couldn’t show up for her the way she deserved. I know how much my mind flip-flops these days. There’s also a large age gap, and those differences in maturity and life phase can shift over time. She’s going through massive changes right now.

So now, three months after cutting contact, all I do is think about her. My life has improved a lot: I’m fit again, building a passion project, reconnecting with friends. I’m maybe 75% of who I was before the relationship, and getting here has taken almost a year. But I can’t shake the feeling that I left something with real potential, that I should have given her a shot to show up differently. I hate that she’s living this full, expansive life while mine feels like a drab survival effort. I feel like I’ll be the one stuck waiting years to find someone while she has a line out the door.

Here’s my real conflict. In and out of relationships, I’ve dealt with mental health issues, and closeness has always been the hard part. I’ve always had plenty of friends, but real closeness has been the challenge in my adult life, and I tend to develop resentment easily. So I carry a lot of doubt. On the surface, she’s still thriving with plenty of people cheering her on, and on my side it feels like I’m the one who collapsed and is back to square one, struggling. So part of me wonders if this was more me than her. And ultimately my fear is that I’m only thinking about going back because of grief, because of fear of being lonely. But the thing is, I miss her even when I’m doing badly, and I miss her even when I’m doing well.

I’ve done therapy, journaling, even a 10-day silent meditation retreat recently. I’m still not clear, and it eats me up.

TLDR: Ended a roughly two-year on-and-off relationship with someone I saw a future with because it was wrecking my mental and physical health during recovery, and because I didn’t feel heard or like myself anymore. She later did the work, changed a lot, and offered to wait a year for me. I still said no because I didn’t think I could show up fairly. Three months later my life is objectively better but I can’t stop wondering if I walked away from something I should have fought for. How do I know if I made the right call?

This is going to be a long one.

I 28M , ended my 1 year relationship with my partner 22F 3 months ago. For clarity, it was actually closer to 2 years with some large breaks inbetween. We initially broke up sometime in June 2025. Then reconnected sometime in November after going no contact and her emailing my mom to get a hold of me.

What I'm facing: I think about her every day. Across my whole life dating and relationships have been a struggle. I'm a pretty unique guy with niche interests, while being a naturally physically attractive person, I'm neurodivergent and have dealt with addiction and mental health issues most of my adult life.

My ex and I met at a part time job I took after stepping away from a business I ran for myself with some business partners. When we met it was instant sparks, and it didn't take long for us to start hanging out. She was the most gorgeoous girl I had ever gone out with and She was my first intimate relationship in multiple years since my prior breakup. I had just come out of a very long episode of deep depression and started to sort my life out properly. I was working out, reading, writing, pursuing hobbies, eating super clean, etc... So when we met, I was feeling the best I had felt in multiple years. Her and I shared a ton of mutual interests, similar sense of humor (we laughed a lot together), passionate about similar things, and honestly just had good times together.

When we started dating, there was a lot of intensity. We became obsessed with each other. However, she ended up being the one who became even more intensely obsessed with me. When we met, she ended up having pretty extreme anxiety and obsessive thinking issues, massive health anxiety and always feeling like I was going to leave her. It made it very challenging, as I had imposed a lot of structure into my life to get healthy again, and this ended up being at odds with it.

She would insist we talked every day on the phone (that was cool with me), but soon that insistence was that we talked for hours into the late night. My sleep schedule was very important at the time, and I communicated that, but she would get threatened by that and be upset when I would try to go to bed and get off the phone. This led to me being up very late and, while she could function on that 6-7 hours of sleep, for me it was very bad.

This type of thing persisted, and I began to get sick in my head again. I degrated mentally and physically.. Picked up video games, fast food, and alcohol again. And began to rapidly degrade in my mental and physical health. It wasn't long before I was back in full blown depression, obviously trying to cope in the worst ways possible did not help. And this made it even harder to show up in this relationship properly, which caused more fights and friction between us.

I'll just say that there was also a ton of great experiences in here. We both share deep passion for wellness, travel, animals, nature, and have very similar ambitions and senses of humor. We were a great fit on the surface.

A bit about her - Grew up in dysfunctional household, mom cheated on dad, dad was alcoholic. She was hyper independent from a young age, very self motivated and energized. She has worked for years and made lots of changes in her life on her own volition. She takes care of herself physically, has lots of unique interests, and goes all in on the things she cares about. Can be stubborn, set in ways. Very emotionally intense.

A bit about me - Grew up in dysfunctional household, only child, alcoholic father, workaholic parents. Very dependent and disempowered from young age, developed deep addiction in teens with little help. Pulled myself out of it, went to school, started business, built a career. Still living at home " failure to launch" due to my own instability and impulsivity when using. Very passionate about healing self and others, creative, adventurous, explorative, sensitive.

So long and short, after I continued to degrade severely, eventually I decided I could not handle it any more and ended things with her. I was up 50 lbs in 1 year, completely addicted to booze and video games, and all of my life had more or less fallen apart. It was a horrible breakup that tore me apart. She was the first person I ever considered that I could marry, and at my age, it gets scary going back to singlehood.

Now, what happened. After the breakup we did no contact for 4-5 months. After that, she reached out and basically tried to get in touch with me. This led to us connecting "as friends" and just gently catching up on our lives... Of course, within weeks we were sleeping together again and I made it very clear that we were not getting back together ( I am in recovery and need at least 1 year before I do a relationship)

She apologized for how she showed up in our relationship. She said she realized how much I was doing was to help myself and ultimately help the relationship, and how she always felt threatened by that instead of realizing it was important for us. She said she learned how important having separate lives was, and how she has now built a social circle and a support network with therapy and girls she can trust. She got on medication for her anxiety, and essentially has tried to "own" her part of things. She said she's sorry it took her so long to learn these lessons, and she wished she didn't have to learn them with me.

As we talked, things were much better between us. She was giving me space and it was honestly very nice being in touch with her again. That said, I was still sick and in recovery, and was not mentally doing that well otherwise. Ultimately, I was strongly suggested that I needed to end this "frienship" and focus on myself from mentors in the program. So, doing my best to help myself, I ended it again.

She begged me to give it a chance, to try with the new things we know. She literally told me she'd wait a full year for me while I went through recovery. I wanted to say yes, but I know that would not be fair, so I didn't. She had clearly changed a lot, and I know I could not show up for her in a way that would be fair. I know how much my mind changes and flip flops these days. Obviously we have a large age gap, and these differences in maturity and experience are things that can change over time. Shes going through massive changes at her phase in life.

So now, 3 months after cutting contact. All I do is think about her... My life has improved significantly. I got fit again, I am building out a passion project, I am connecting with more friends again. I am still like 75% of who I was before the relationship, and pulling myself out has taken almost a year to get to this point. But I cant help but feel that I left something that had potential, that I should have given her a shot to be better and to show up differently. I hate that she is living this full and expansive life, and my life feels like this drab survival effort. I feel like I am the one who will be stuck waiting another 3 years to find somebody, grinding to be normal, and she will have a line out the door of people trying to date her. Ultimately, I just wonder how I can know if I did the right thing or not and it eats me up .

I have done therapy, writing, even a 10 day silent mediation retreat recently... And I am still not clear. It eats me up.

Bought a used commercial panel for cheap, its max size for my setup. I have tested it close to middday and flat on the ground I get 245 W. Slightly angled I get 277w.

Is this normal? Or should I look at spending more and getting a more highly efficient panel / multiple smaller panels. It's pretty bulky and cumbersome - and honestly im motivated to get my build on the move here as I want to get on the road in 3-4 weeks.

This is my first experience with solar so just unclear what I should expect. Would it make sense to just chuck a few hundred at some flexible solar that I can mount quickly and worry about a better setup down the line? Even if it only worked for 1 summer I'd be fine with it honestly.

In the interest of getting on the road, should I just send it on some cheap solar and throw it up with some VHB tape?

Bought a used commercial panel for cheap, its max size for my setup. I have tested it close to middday and flat on the ground I get 245 W. Slightly angled I get 277w.

Is this normal? Or should I look at spending more and getting a more highly efficient panel / multiple smaller panels.

This is my first experience with solar so just unclear what I should expect

Hi all. Apologies for this very long post.

I am 28 years old currently just over 7 months sober - I go to 5-6 meetings a week, am active in a home group, show up early to set up, and speak to a small network of fellow AA's on an almost daily basis.

A few weeks ago, my sponsor (who has helped me a ton) and I had a bit of a disagreement - which led to him dropping me. For context:

We had our nightly call (as we always do) on a Friday night and we agreed to go to a meeting the next day about 50 minutes from my location. We always drive to meetings together if we say we're going to go.

The next day he texts me at 1:30 telling me "hey me and X (another member) are going to (meeting city) at 3:00, you're welcome to join us". At that point I was out for coffee with another member - and I could not make it to leave with them. I told him I would let him know if I'd make it to the meeting, as I figured the plan had changed if he was going off with someone else multiple hours before the meeting started. I ended up deciding not to go, and honestly, I was a little upset he left without me - so I stayed home and worked on some personal projects.

We played phone tag for 4 days after this, and when we finally connected, he was very upset with me for not showing up to that meeting, and told me the only reason he went up there was for me, I do not respect his time, I don't listen, and that he was told to drop me. For reference, I show up early to the majority of our meetings, offer to drive all the time, and have no history of flaking or missing agreed-upon meetings. I'm working my steps actively and am truly trying to give this my best effort.

Long and short, he dropped me because I refused to apologize for not driving myself to that meeting. I still feel as though I did not do something wrong here - besides my communication, which could have been more prompt and proactive.

I spoke with my sponsors sponsor, some old timers, and other friends in AA about this situation and none of them seem to think I made any kind of major transgression in my actions with my sponsor. Most of them told me I have done absolutely nothing wrong. Despite this, I still feel disturbed.

Some additional context - I left my very toxic job recently after they fired 3/4 of my team over night and demoted me with no notice or explanation for any of it - my sponsor agreed it was the right move. Another AA member offered me a job - i was advised to take it - so I pursued it (against my intuition) - and when it came time to sign ,the member reduced my agreed upon offer by $12,000 and denied ever offering me the initial offer we agreed on. This was part of the reason I felt comfortable leaving my job in the first place, and it was pretty devastating to have that breach of trust, he promised a lot and then changed up seemingly out of nowhere.

I'm in sales, and so I began actively seeking new work. When I told my sponsor I had potential opportunities at an old company, as well as some other roles in tech that could be good - he told me that my ego was the reason I want to be in sales and that I need to find something else. This left me feeling very confused, because I'm just trying to get some money and stability so I can move out and have a real life after years of this chaos I've been in. I couldn't care less about the role - its just my only marketable skillset right now.

He also advised me to cut off an ex girlfriend of mine who was trying very hard to get back together, and quite frankly had done a ton of noticeable work on herself, and owned up to "her side" of the street. I understand the rationale behind this one, and it was hard to listen to him, but I did. - 3 months ago I cut her off. I still think about her every day, things were going well and she was destroyed when I told her I couldn't be in contact any more because I needed to focus on my sobriety.

Since losing my sponsor, it feels like my life is falling apart.

I still have no job - stuck in a weird place where some good opportunities that I had references for fell through for one reason or another.

My old sponsor is very connected and certain members in the rooms are treating me differently now, ones that I considered to be my "friends"

I have no partner, and no prospects ( I know this is not advised in early sobriety, just a current struggle of mine)

I have no hobbies, nothing really going for me again.

I'm having trouble finding somebody new to sponsor me, mainly just picking somebody I can relate to and feel like I can trust, it feels like a nightmare to decide again.

My mind is a mess, I'm feeling very depressed and just so badly out of sorts. I feel almost as bad as right before I got sober.

I feel disillusioned with AA and no longer feel like I can solve these problems I have.

I feel like I've messed up the one thing that was supposed to be the anchor in my life, the thing I was going to have going right for once. I feel like all my trust has been shattered, and now this person I thought I trusted knows everything about me and is just gone with the wind. I was just beginning to feel "a part of" for the first time, and now it all feels like it's a wreck, and I feel like a fraud.

Despite connecting with members and discussing this with them, I am still feeling incredibly alone. Like I must be one of those "grave mental and emotional issues" individuals. Or perhaps a constitutionally incapable individual.

It feels like the destruction that has followed me for my whole life has followed me here too... Despite my best efforts, it feels like it's doomed.

I'm just looking to understand where to go from here.

Any words of wisdom, insights, or guidance, is welcomed and appreciated. Thank you.