u/sproutin-

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I discovered something so horrible that I don't know who to talk to about it.

My partner of nearly 3 years, who I was planning on owning a home with in the very near future, cheated on me in a discord full of porn and anonymous users for the entire duration of our relationship and the most recent instance happened as early as Thursday (previously as early as 2 or 3 weeks ago)

I did not find out because he confessed to me, rather I found the information because I was trying to use his phone to get him help when he had too much to drink for the first time ever in his life and was very sick.

While he was sitting on the toilet looking like he was going to throw up, I tried to use his phone to contact a friend of ours in the hotel room we were in to ask for a barf bag for him just in case he couldnt make his throw up in the toilet.

My phone was in the hotel room but I was worried to leave him alone for fear of making our friend who has emetophobia (fear of vomit), so I used his phone to try and find his DM with our friend because Id forgotten his username.

Unfortunately for him, I scrolled too far and found something unsavory. He was exchanging porn with a **person** who was telling him they wanted to jerk him off and he reciprocated.

He would not often seek out this person, and did not know anything about them. But he has done things adjacent to this the entire time we have been together and I just found out only 2 days ago. He was never going to tell me in hopes he could just have both me and whoever these people were so he could masturbate.

I feel as though I have lost my mind, it just doesn't feel real.

I have asked him so many questions, but he can't seem to give me all the details every time I ask him about it because every time I ask the same question a few more times-- OOPS! Another detail comes out.

So far he has revealed far more evil things he has done that I could imagine. Including sexting over 60+ people, hundreds of DMs with mostly anonymous men from a porn server, joining discord calls with them, and now camming in our home we share.

He said he has done this because he wanted to masturbate and did not see these accounts as cheating at the time when they happened because he didn't know anything about them.

He never intended to meet these people, or know their names, location or anything. Most appeared to be sending porn back and forth which while weird, was mostly something I could learn to forgive.

But what I am struggling with the most is that he has erotic roleplayed/sexted with over 62 of these anonymous accounts, that he has sent pictures of his penis to them, that he has webcammed for them in a public server, and joined discord calls so he could get off harder. He would have DMs open while he did this as well.

The fact that these are REAL PEOPLE Is what is hurting me the most. Not that he was checking out porn every now and then.

He has since blocked (and I confirmed with my own eyes) that they are blocked, and I will be checking his phone randomly to verify it, but this has happened (especially the camming thing/joining calls) with other people as recent as THURSDAY.

He says he will regret this the rest of his life, and he sees now how severe this is. We both agree that he may have an erotic roleplay/porn addiction at this point because he hid it from me for so long.

He has promised to never do this ever again, and tell me I'm enough but this is just so much to process that I just can't believe this is real. I haven't slept much or even ate my h over the last few days.

I cannot imagine he will not have a relapse, and I do not know if I can forgive a relapse after he has harmed me hundreds of times behind my back.

He does seem genuinely remorseful but I am not sure if I will ever feel the same about him again.

I never snooped on his phone or went through his computer, I trusted him completely and now he has torn everything to shreds.

What do I even do? I emailed a couples therapist as well. I'm so hurt, I never thought I could experience pain like this.

I discovered something so horrible that I don't know who to talk to about it.

My partner of nearly 3 years, who I was planning on owning a home with in the very near future, cheated on me in a discord full of porn and anonymous users for the entire duration of our relationship and the most recent instance happened about 2 or 3 weeks ago he says.

I did not find out because he confessed to me, rather I found the information because I was trying to use his phone to get him help when he had too much to drink for the first time ever in his life and was very sick.

While he was sitting on the toilet looking like he was going to throw up, I tried to use his phone to contact a friend of ours in the hotel room we were in to ask for a barf bag for him just in case he couldnt make his throw up in the toilet.

My phone was in the hotel room but I was worried to leave him alone for fear of making our friend who has emetophobia (fear of vomit), so I used his phone to try and find his DM with our friend because Id forgotten his username.

Unfortunately for him, I scrolled too far and found something unsavory. He was exchanging porn with a person who was telling him they wanted to jerk him off and he reciprocated.

He would not often seek out this person, and did not know anything about them. But he has done things adjacent to this the entire time we have been together and I just found out YESTERDAY. He was never going to tell me in hopes he could just have both me and whoever these people were so he could masturbate.

I feel as though I have lost my mind, it just doesn't feel real.

I have asked him so many questions, but he can't seem to give me all the details every time I ask him about it because every time I ask the same question a few more times-- OOPS! Another detail comes out.

He said he has done this because he wanted to masturbate and did not see these accounts as cheating at the time when they happened because he didn't know anything about them.

He never intended to meet these people, or know their names, location or anything. Most appeared to be sending porn back and forth which while weird, was mostly something I could learn to forgive.

But what I am struggling with the most is that he has erotic roleplayed/sexted with over 62 of these anonymous accounts. The fact that these are REAL PEOPLE Is what is hurting me the most. Not that he was checking out porn every now and then.

He has since blocked (and I confirmed with my own eyes) that they are blocked, and I will be checking his phone randomly to verify it.

He says he will regret this the rest of his life, and he sees now how severe this is. We both agree that he may have an erotic roleplay/porn addiction at this point because he hid it from me for so long.

He has promised to never do this ever again, and tell me I'm enough but this is just so much to process that I just can't believe this is real. I haven't slept much since last night, it is now 5am and I am sitting here typing this post in hopes someone has a similar situation to compare this to and maybe give me some hope.

He does seem genuinely remorseful but I am not sure if I will ever feel the same about him again.

I never snooped on his phone or went through his computer, I trusted him completely and now he has torn everything to shreds.

What do I even do? I emailed a couples therapist as well. I'm so hurt, I never thought I could experience pain like this.

My partner and I are considering moving to the area, maybe pleasant Street.

But we were turned off by some rowdy neighbors with a scary dog, have seen multiple incidents of teens breaking into cars or kicking door(i.e. Teenagers doing dumb sh** and getting caught), a seemingly big stray animal problem, and issues with drunk people assaulting people in cars etc.

So we're wondering if the area is really all that safe, or if anyone has any context on any of these things we saw in recent police reports (within the last week).

Ty!!

It's all in the title.

This passing weekend, I successfully ran a panel for an Anime Music Quiz and overall I think it went well!

However, I had a really really REALLY hard time with finding a **free** or even low cost (sub $25/month) solution for crowd engagement quizzes.

At first, I tried kahoot.

But the problem with Kahoot is that the option that would allow me to add music to my questions (free or low cost) would only allow me to add Vimeo videos to my questions.

Well, the problem with that is Vimeo only allows up to 1gb of video storage per free account.

My quiz had ~95 songs in it. So that means I'd hit the 1gb limit after like 2 weekly 500mb uploads.

So then I tried the platform Wayground.

As a whole, Wayground is really great! Easy to use and easy to facilitate group quizzes with an audience.

The only issue with THAT is they only offer free accounts for 14 days... And then you lose all of the progress you made so you have to make a new account and rebuild your entire quiz next time you run it....the quiz took me hours to make!

So now I'm wondering, what other solutions are out there for a FREE quiz platform that has:

- the ability for audience members to join with a QR code

- answer live

- allows me to add MP3 files to questions

- allows me to add images or GIF options

- offers multiple choice questions

- has a leaderboard at the end of the quiz for me to announce the top 5 winners so they can come see me and get prizes

- allows up to 30-50 players. I'd love 50 but would be totally fine with 30

I feel like this just either doesnt exist for free/low cost and will allow me to keep access to my content I build.

For those who have run AMQ events, what did you use?

I saw someone use Kahoot, but I'm confused at how they didn't buy their crazy plans for thousands a year and with Vimeo's limitations on free accounts.

Looking for free or low cost solutions for the future, Id love to run this again, but not if I have to pay like $100+/month just to do so!

When I dissociate my peripheral vision turns dark or sometimes black.

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Does anyone else experience this when dissociating?

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It freaks me out and I'm not sure if this is a typical thing that can happen with dissociation.

TL;DR

Our new cat we adopted 2 months ago doesn't understand boundaries with our senior resident cat we've had for 12 years and they are fighting more and more often even after a slow introduction.

Have we exhausted all options?

Yes, we have ruled out medical issues for both cats with our vet (USA), both cats are neutered.

My partner(27m) and I(33f) recently adopted a wonderful 4yo male cat to join our 12yo male senior cat.

We love Oatmeal very much, he's extremely friendly with humans.

The problem is our senior resident does not want to play, and Oatmeal wants very much to play with our resident but does not at all respect his boundaries and pushes him to the edge.

We had a rocky to okay start. They seem to accept each others presence and even snuggled once or twice.

But recently things have suddenly escalated with them and we have no idea why they keep fighting, we fear it is getting worse.

Since April(when we adopted Oatmeal) we have done the following to try and help our boys get along:

• Kept them separated for 3 weeks-a month ish

• fed them on opposite sides of the door

• room swapped (this went not great because our resident freaks when he is trapped in one room even for just a day with all he needs) several times

• bought 2 feliway diffusers (for 1000sqft)

• distracted with playtime when they fight (long after being separated)

• offered countless treats together and still do several times a day

• gave Oatmeal calming treats and pet CBD to help him relax at night

• give Oatmeal "time outs" when he gets in a fight with our resident

• offer him "safe" high spaces for resident to jump on to get away from Oatmeal

• have 2 litter boxes to offer different places for each cat to go. One in each bedroom that are fairly far apart. We do not think its a litter box issue.

• ruled out health issues for both of them (Oatmeal had a wellness check shortly after adoption and our resident is also in good health as of last week)

• installed a net that goes over our doorway. This did not go well though because oatmeal broke out of it within 2 days :(

Nothing seems to be helping things.

My partner and I are waking up multiple times a night because our resident will SCREAM (and scare us awake because it is so loud!) when Oatmeal pushes him too far/gets too close or just wants to play when he doesn't want to. We have even had a small injury on our senior resident recently.

Over the last few weeks, they seem to be fighting more and more and we just aren't even sure why at this point. Tonight(just now) it has gotten so bad that we had to put Oatmeal in a separate room for the night so our senior can relax and we can sleep.

• should we consider putting Oatmeal to "bed" in a separate room at night? This is the only way we have gotten peace when we need to sleep as of last night.

Lately too over the last few weeks, our resident hides frequently, is less energetic than he was before we adopted Oatmeal, and seems to be a totally different cat now.

They seem to exist in the same space moderately okay, but with the fighting at odd hours of the night that is seeming more frequent.

We notice some small moments where they do ok being around each other, but the fighting is escalating more frequently (even just tonight, they fought twice within 15 minutes very badly and our resident hissed/meowed angrily at oatmeal a few other times today).

We are worried this is going all wrong and it's been almost 2 months to the day. I know progress is not linear, but the fighting getting worse should not be something expected, right?

We contacted our adoption counselor and let her know how it's going (bad) with our cats getting along, so they did say they could take him back if we can't work things out; I know Oatmeal will have an easy time getting adopted to the right family, he's an abnormally nice cat.

But we are feeling conflicted, frustrated, and guilty for considering rehoming him because of all of this.

We feel like we have done everything we can and are reaching the point where we are worried that keeping them separated forever is not going to help things improve, and we are worried for our senior cats safety since we have had him for 12 years.

We want to prioritize his health and safety in his golden years, so that is why we are considering giving him back to the shelter.

We feel as though this has become a hostile environment for our resident and we are reaching our wits end with breaking up fights every other day and getting jumpscared awake so often.

What can we do? We need help :(

We just adopted a new cat(YAY!) And we love him sm! (Also yay!!!)

He's very sweet but he is extremely ravenous when eating.

We were using an automatic feeder for our resident cat, but he rarely eats all of his meal when the feeder goes off, he is a snacker/grazer during meal times.

Unfortunately due to this, our new cat is eating too much, and our resident isn't getting enough.

We found a feeder that unlocks with a chip that is attached to a collar.

Our cats are indoors and do not like collars at all/they are uncomfortable for them.

So I'm wondering if there would be a way I can make this new feeder happen with the tile without actually putting a collar or anything on. I'm thinking of ways that would be comfortable for them both, but I'm struggling to find a way to do this without a collar.

And I accept it if the answer is "there is no other way, just put the collar on".

I just care a lot about their comfort and my resident of 12 years has never worn one.

Any advice? I think this feeder(Petlibro one RFID automatic feeder) will fix my problem, but I want to prioritize their comfort.

**** For context: We have been feeding them in separate rooms, but we are not always home exactly when meal times happen and our resident does not eat his meal entirely (when we have our new boy in the other room whining to be let out), so we'd like to keep their meals on a strict schedule, but need some help filling in the gaps when we're briefly not around to make sure they can be separate. We think the feeder below will help the issue if we can figure out the tag situation.

We (32f &27m) adopted a new cat(4yoM, neutered, just a friendly lil fella) who is VERY nice, he just wants people around and whines when we have to separate.

Trying not to engage in the crying behavior so it doesn't worsen since he stops after a brief time.

My resident cat (Squag, 12yoM, neutered, and seems like he's way too upset about this???) already HATES this guy.

He's been consistently hissing, growling, and whining about our new (not yet named) boy.

It's been 3 days.

I have not let them see each other outside of unavoidable glances caught at the door when one of us comes in or exits the space new baby is in.

This is day 3, and we have tried to room swap (of course without them seeing each other)

We are following Jackson galaxy's intro tutorial but Squag just doesn't seem to be letting up. He has been growling, angry meowing, and hissing for HOURS after we room swapped. New baby has only been in here 2 days.

Squag was not like this when he met his previous cat brother nearly 10 years ago, but devastatingly, his previous cat brother passed away in December due to CHF 😥💔

We thought that in the spring, it seemed like a good time to bring in a new cat to help make our house a home again. It just felt right.

We haven't had this issue with him like this in the past. Our last cat (Stormy) was abnormally Friendly just like our new cat. Squag and Stormy met each other 10 years ago and it was about a week, very little hissing and drama from Squag. I'm so shocked this is going to poorly 10 years later.

What's different? 😭

No aggression or discomfort from the new fella's side at ALL.

Squag tho is just losing his mind, even tried to lunge at the door when I first brought him into the new fella's room today.

This is what I'm really worried about....

I tried to play with Squag to help him distract, but he HISSED several times while playing! Am I hurting by trying to play? I'd attach a video, but it seems I can't in this subreddit (?)

Squag has never been a guy who hisses so this is very shocking to me as his owner for the last 12 years.

So what's the deal? How do I fix this? It seems like the slow approach/Jackson Galaxy method isn't helping him and it's very stressful right now. I just want them to be friends!