u/starrysunnight

I really want to share with them, but I don't think I can talk about the specifics yet. I'm so scared to for a few reasons.

Is it okay to say I have something we should talk about, but I don't know where to start and I don't want to get into specifics? I'm honestly also scared if I say the subject that he will guess and then I will have to tell him, and I just am not ready for that.

I don't want to hold this alone anymore, but I think about saying anything and what that might mean and I begin to panic. How do I know when/if I should tell him the details, or if it's okay to just discuss it in broad terms?

It's so hard to eat anything lately, and I just... Hate how hard food is. I don't know how much longer ​​​I can keep doing this when it feels like it just keeps getting worse.

I want to be able to eat normally, but I also wish I never had to eat again. It's frustrating when something that feels like it should be so easy is instead ​​​​​so fucking hard?

I just really hate this right now. ​​

I'm going through a hard time mentally and just looking for some good games that I can play and get lost in. I'm recently unemployed so stuff that is on the cheaper side would be much appreciated! :')

Switch would be preferable, but I do have a PS4 too

Thanks ya'll <3

Background: Was diagnosed with anorexia in the past, and more recently with ARFID. Probably experiencing some symptoms of both currently? I don't know, this shit is so confusing, that's a whole other rant. My therapist isn't specialized in ED's right now.

I left my therapy session today feeling really frustrated and upset, but I'm not completely sure why.

I told him I usually eat a snack and dinner with my family, and he compared how me eating in that small time period is similar to intermittent fasting. I get that the eating window is similar, but I'm not choosing to fast and not eating enough? I'm just struggling to eat in the first place...

And when I listed some of the foods I eat, he commented on how they are healthy foods. But again, that completely misses the point. And honestly, I probably would benefit from eating more quote "unhealthy" foods that have more calories. But just eating is so fucking hard.

I know he wasn't saying these things to say I'm not struggling or everything is okay, but it just felt really invalidating somehow? I'm not completely sure.

*unhealthy, oops

I've told them so many times that it's not helpful, they are aware that I struggle with food, and it's gotten to the point where I just don't even try anymore because they still say stuff anyways. I know any food is better than none, but it makes me feel guilty regardless and it makes it hard to eat anything in front of them. One of my safe foods is creamy, non-stir peanut butter, and they were commenting on how "gross" it is that there is sugar in there...

I want to move out so bad, but I'm not in the space to do so financially and mentally. It's just so frustrating when one of them used to work with kids with eating disorders.

I'm so fucking tired. Things are getting really hard again. I've been really stressed out, and things just kinda spiraled.

Having arfid + ana at the same time feels like there is no winning. I'm either not hungry at all OR I'm hungry but my brain is scared of food for different reasons at the same time, and I'm just so tired of dealing with this.

I'm struggling and I'm so tired and I don't want to keep fighting this hard anymore.

(Apologies in advance for the super long post!) I know autism and C-PTSD can absolutely be co-morbid, and that being autistic can definitely be traumatizing given... the world we live in, lol. But I've been having trouble figuring out how that might apply to my experiences, so I thought writing it out might help. I'd really appreciate any thoughts or perspectives from people who have experienced something similar!

I'm diagnosed with autism, but I wasn't diagnosed as a kid - onlyonly figured out 3 years ago. I've been reading and relating a lot to C-PTSD lately, and I just don't know where to go from here.

The thing I'm struggling with is that my parents loved me, and I know​ they did their best. They weren't overtly abusive or anything. But I also rarely felt understood as a kid, especially when it came to my internal experiences. I didn't really feel like I could talk to my parents. I stopped opening up to them pretty young because whenever I did, I'd​ end up in tears and feeling worse afterward. They were also very much "fix the problem" people, so instead of feeling listened to or just given space to feel, I'd often feel like my feelings themselves were something that needed to be fixed.

At home, I felt like I had to keep other people comfortable and hide my own distress. I remember feeling unsafe when someone was angry, even if they weren't angry at me. Sometimes I wouldn't want to share something with my parents and they'd get upset that I wasn't telling them, but when I *did* tell them, it often led to the same dynamic. And now, when I bring up things they've said or done that hurt me, I'll sometimes get responses like "wow, I guess I'm such a terrible parent," which makes me feel like I have to reassure them instead of actually being able to talk about what hurt me. It's also weird now that I'm an adult and they want to be emotionally close with me, because I... don't really want that? I didn't really have that kind of relationship with them when I was younger, so I don't necessarily want it now. But they get upset about that, which makes me feel guilty.

I was also the quiet kid compared to my siblings, who had much more obvious outward struggles, so I think some of my difficulties just kind of went unnoticed. And being undiagnosed autistic meant having to tolerate sensory environments that were extremely overwhelming. At school I felt left out a lot, was bullied, and was basically seen as the "weird kid." I didn't understand why I struggled socially or why I seemed so different from everyone else.

Reflecting on this, a lot of this still shows up in me now, too. I became pretty independent because asking for help felt pointless or uncomfortable, and I still have a hard time asking for help or letting people take care of me. I tend to minimize my own problems, hide when I'm struggling, feel guilty about having boundaries, and feel responsible for keeping other people comfortable. I also shut down when someone is angry and have a hard time being emotionally vulnerable or believing that people will actually understand me.

I guess I'm wondering if this is something worth bringing up to my therapist through the lens of trauma? We've talked about my childhood, but not really in that context. I just struggle with feeling like it wasn't "bad enough" to count as trauma, especially because I know my parents loved me and weren't intentionally hurting me. I dunno, just any thoughts would be much appreciated and tysm if you read all that <3

It's the middle of the night and I cant't go to the ER right now... I can go tomorrow, but in the meantime - anyone have tips other than continuous pressure? :/ It's um, quite a lot.

I'm so tired of feeling like this and I just feel so hopeless. I'm not going to do anything right now, I just... I don't know. I'm really tired of being so tired.

Hi! I'm thinking about commissioning a surprise piece as a gift for two friends featuring their OCs <3

I'm hoping to find an artist who's comfortable drawing queer characters and different body types! The couple is sapphic, and consists of a fat lesbian and a masc lesbian. Unfortunately, my friends have had a hard time finding artists who depict the characters accurately and respectfully (especially preserving their body types and masc presentation), so that representation is really important to me.

If you've drawn plus-size characters, butch/masc women, or queer couples before, I'd love to see examples of your work! My current budget is up to $100, depending on style/details.

Thanks so much! :)

EDIT: Thanks so much to all of ya'll - I love looking through all the portfolios! I've found a few people I'm going to reach out to, so I'm going to close the post for now. I really appreciate all the interest! 🖤

I have like a modcut/mullet (without shaved sides) thing going on. I usually lean toward cool colors and reds and I was originally thinking green tips, but I want something more exciting lollol. I love hair inspired by animals or characters, and I def want something kind of punk/alt. Any ideas?

I just can't make decisions lately and nothing is really grabbing me 🥲

(Hope this is okay here. It's related!) A close friend of mine told me yesterday he didn't think he could "do this anymore," clarified that he meant life, told me he had hurt himself, and then disappeared for over a day. I had no idea whether he was okay, in the hospital, or dead. I spent the entire day worried. I live in a different state from him and don’t have any other contact info, so there was nothing I could do...

He eventually came back just tonight and said he was sorry, that he hadn’t been on his phone, and that he hadn’t thought about how it might affect me. I do believe he feels bad about it. But I’m still angry and hurt. What makes it harder is that something similar has happened before, where he expressed suicidal thoughts and then disappeared until the next day.

I care about him a lot and I’m relieved he’s okay and glad he trusts me, but it's not fair to be put in that position and then left without any way to know what’s going on. It was also really triggering for me personally, as I struggle with suicidal thoughts myself.

I guess I’m looking for perspective. Is it reasonable that I’m still angry? I don't want to be accusatory or blame him when he is hurting, but I don't want this to happen a third time... I don't know how to handle this going forward?

I'm really struggling and I don't want to keep feeling this way. I got some relationship news​​ today that I'm confused and unsure about, I'm burnt out from work, and I just am tired.​ I wish I could just stop breathing. ​I don't feel safe, but I know I will be safe. I think. Even if I don't want to be. If that makes sense?

I really want to reach out for an earlier session, but we just met today and I feel bad about it because I feel like I'm too dependent on him and just being whiny​​​. I don't want to waste his time and I want to be considerate about how often I reach out for extra sessions. Especially because like, I know I will make it until next session... I just don't feel okay.

Sorry​​, I know this is kind of a mess. I just don't feel real and my brain is also a mess​​. :')