Last year was my 21st birthday and I had been really excited for it. I bought drinking games and stuff because I planned on drinking at home with my best friend. My boyfriend got REALLY upset at the fact that I was planning on buying alcohol and started acting moody about it immediately.

Then he went into the bedroom and locked himself in there. Since I didn’t want him upset on my birthday, I went in to check on him and ask what was wrong. He told me he felt like I was ignoring him all day and only talking to my best friend.

But before we even went home, all 3 of us had been hanging out together all day — driving around town, going to the mall, talking, etc. It’s not like I excluded him. I just wanted to spend time with my best friend too because it was literally my birthday.

What upset me most is that this conversation/drama couldn’t wait until AFTER my birthday. Because of the whole situation, I didn’t even end up drinking or doing the fun stuff I planned.

Then later, for another birthday celebration, I went to a bar with my mom, my mom’s friends, my best friend, and my boyfriend (who agreed to be the DD). But the entire time he was moody and acting like he didn’t want to be there. I was trying to have fun, but I felt guilty the whole night because of his attitude.

I ended up leaving my own birthday celebration early because I knew if I stayed longer it would probably turn into a fight later. He says he hates alcohol and partying, which is fine, but I feel like it’s unfair that I couldn’t even enjoy my 21st birthday because of it.

The other day I brought up how I still feel like he ruined my birthday, and his response was basically that he didn’t care.

Now I still feel really hurt and honestly kind of resentful about it. Am I overreacting for still being upset about this a year later?

Last year was my 21st birthday and I had been really excited for it. I bought drinking games and stuff because I planned on drinking at home with my best friend. My boyfriend got REALLY upset at the fact that I was planning on buying alcohol and started acting moody about it immediately.

Then he went into the bedroom and locked himself in there. Since I didn’t want him upset on my birthday, I went in to check on him and ask what was wrong. He told me he felt like I was ignoring him all day and only talking to my best friend.

But before we even went home, all 3 of us had been hanging out together all day — driving around town, going to the mall, talking, etc. It’s not like I excluded him. I just wanted to spend time with my best friend too because it was literally my birthday.

What upset me most is that this conversation/drama couldn’t wait until AFTER my birthday. Because of the whole situation, I didn’t even end up drinking or doing the fun stuff I planned.

Then later, for another birthday celebration, I went to a bar with my mom, my mom’s friends, my best friend, and my boyfriend (who agreed to be the DD). But the entire time he was moody and acting like he didn’t want to be there. I was trying to have fun, but I felt guilty the whole night because of his attitude.

I ended up leaving my own birthday celebration early because I knew if I stayed longer it would probably turn into a fight later. He says he hates alcohol and partying, which is fine, but I feel like it’s unfair that I couldn’t even enjoy my 21st birthday because of it.

The other day I brought up how I still feel like he ruined my birthday, and his response was basically that he didn’t care.

Now I still feel really hurt and honestly kind of resentful about it. Am I overreacting for still being upset about this a year later?

Last year was my 21st birthday and I had been really excited for it. I bought drinking games and stuff because I planned on drinking at home with my best friend. My boyfriend got REALLY upset at the fact that I was planning on buying alcohol and started acting moody about it immediately.

Then he went into the bedroom and locked himself in there. Since I didn’t want him upset on my birthday, I went in to check on him and ask what was wrong. He told me he felt like I was ignoring him all day and only talking to my best friend.

But before we even went home, all 3 of us had been hanging out together all day — driving around town, going to the mall, talking, etc. It’s not like I excluded him. I just wanted to spend time with my best friend too because it was literally my birthday.

What upset me most is that this conversation/drama couldn’t wait until AFTER my birthday. Because of the whole situation, I didn’t even end up drinking or doing the fun stuff I planned.

Then later, for another birthday celebration, I went to a bar with my mom, my mom’s friends, my best friend, and my boyfriend (who agreed to be the DD). But the entire time he was moody and acting like he didn’t want to be there. I was trying to have fun, but I felt guilty the whole night because of his attitude.

I ended up leaving my own birthday celebration early because I knew if I stayed longer it would probably turn into a fight later. He says he hates alcohol and partying, which is fine, but I feel like it’s unfair that I couldn’t even enjoy my 21st birthday because of it.

The other day I brought up how I still feel like he ruined my birthday, and his response was basically that he didn’t care.

Now I still feel really hurt and honestly kind of resentful about it. Am I overreacting for still being upset about this a year later?

Last year was my 21st birthday and I had been really excited for it. I bought drinking games and stuff because I planned on drinking at home with my best friend. My boyfriend got REALLY upset at the fact that I was planning on buying alcohol and started acting moody about it immediately.

Then he went into the bedroom and locked himself in there. Since I didn’t want him upset on my birthday, I went in to check on him and ask what was wrong. He told me he felt like I was ignoring him all day and only talking to my best friend.

But before we even went home, all 3 of us had been hanging out together all day — driving around town, going to the mall, talking, etc. It’s not like I excluded him. I just wanted to spend time with my best friend too because it was literally my birthday.

What upset me most is that this conversation/drama couldn’t wait until AFTER my birthday. Because of the whole situation, I didn’t even end up drinking or doing the fun stuff I planned.

Then later, for another birthday celebration, I went to a bar with my mom, my mom’s friends, my best friend, and my boyfriend (who agreed to be the DD). But the entire time he was moody and acting like he didn’t want to be there. I was trying to have fun, but I felt guilty the whole night because of his attitude.

I ended up leaving my own birthday celebration early because I knew if I stayed longer it would probably turn into a fight later. He says he hates alcohol and partying, which is fine, but I feel like it’s unfair that I couldn’t even enjoy my 21st birthday because of it.

The other day I brought up how I still feel like he ruined my birthday, and his response was basically that he didn’t care.

Now I still feel really hurt and honestly kind of resentful about it. Am I overreacting for still being upset about this a year later?

I think what makes this hard is that none of our issues sound huge individually, but together they’ve completely changed the way I see love and relationships.

I constantly feel emotionally responsible for both of us while my own feelings get minimized.

For example, when he only had a part-time job, I was basically doing all the cleaning. I finally told him I felt like I shouldn’t have to ask him to help clean the place we both live in, and somehow the conversation became about how I wasn’t considering his feelings. After that I kind of stopped bringing things up as much because I felt like my concerns would always turn into me comforting him instead.

Even now I’m still usually the one cleaning unless I specifically ask. The bathroom is a constant argument because there’s always water all over the floor/counter and he swears it isn’t him.

There’s also issues with my friends. I have two gay friends, one male and one female. He wanted me to block my male friend even though he’s never been inappropriate with me. He also acts weird about me hanging out alone with my female friend because “she could still like me,” even though we’ve already established boundaries and are literally just friends.

Christmas also hurt me more than I expected. He got a lump sum of money and bought himself a Switch 2 even though the limited edition Switch I bought him before still works perfectly. He said the new one was “for both of us,” but realistically it’s his. What hurt most is there wasn’t really anything thoughtful chosen specifically for me.

Everyone around me tells me I should leave — friends, family, basically everyone. And logically I know I’d probably save money, stress less, and maybe even be happier eventually. I even have places I could go if I did leave.

But we’ve been together for years. We’re both on the lease until July. I’ve been driving him to work ever since he wrecked his car (I was in the accident too, thankfully okay). Our lives are really intertwined right now.

And despite everything, I still care about him. I don’t think he’s evil or intentionally malicious. I think somewhere along the way I just stopped feeling emotionally cared for and started feeling lonely in my own relationship.

AITH for feeling this way? And how do you tell the difference between a relationship that’s struggling vs one that’s just no longer healthy for you?

My boyfriend and I have been together for years, and we currently live together. We’re both on the lease until July. I feel conflicted because none of our issues sound huge individually, but over time they’ve piled up and left me emotionally drained and lonely in the relationship.

One of the biggest issues is household responsibility. When he only had a part-time job, he spent most of his free time gaming or relaxing, while I cleaned the apartment unless I specifically asked for help. Even now, most chores still fall onto me unless I directly say something. I once tried explaining that I didn’t always want to have to ask him to clean because I wanted him to notice things himself, too, and somehow the conversation turned into me “not considering his feelings.” After that, I kind of stopped bringing things up because I felt guilty and dramatic for even mentioning it.

The bathroom situation especially frustrates me because there’s constantly pee around the toilet, and every time I mention it he denies it’s him. I know I’m not perfect either — I leave hair on the shower wall sometimes — but it’s exhausting feeling like I’m cleaning up after another adult while also being made to feel dramatic for caring about basic cleanliness.

One moment that really stuck with me was when I spent hours deep-cleaning the apartment alone. Right after I finished, he grabbed banana bread, left crumbs and foil on the counter, and when I politely asked him to clean it up after he was done, he got irritated about it. I got overwhelmed enough that I locked myself in the bathroom because I didn’t want another argument over something so basic. Later I came out and technically he cleaned it, but he only threw away the foil and left the crumbs everywhere. I remember staring at it feeling almost defeated because it felt symbolic of the relationship as a whole — things only get halfway done unless I finish them myself.

Another issue is my friendships. I have two gay friends, one male and one female. My boyfriend wanted me to block my male friend even though he’s never crossed boundaries with me or acted inappropriately. Then with my female friend, he says hanging out with her alone is basically like hanging out with a straight girl because “she could still like me.” She doesn’t. We’ve already established boundaries and are genuinely just friends. Somehow gaming online together is okay, but seeing her in person becomes a problem.

There have also been trust and insecurity issues over the years that slowly affected my self-esteem and changed the way I viewed relationships. Eventually I got to the point where I felt emotionally numb and constantly questioned whether my feelings were even reasonable anymore.

Even smaller situations have started hurting my feelings now. For Christmas he got a lump sum of money and used it to buy himself a Switch 2 even though the limited edition Switch I bought him previously still worked perfectly fine. He called it “for both of us,” and yes technically I’ve used it too, but realistically it’s his. I think what upset me most was that there wasn’t really anything thoughtful picked specifically for me. It made me realize how often I feel emotionally overlooked.

The hard part is that I don’t think he’s a terrible person. I don’t think he wakes up every day trying to hurt me. He has good qualities too, and I still care about him deeply. We’ve built a life together and our lives are intertwined financially and emotionally. I’ve even been driving him to work since he wrecked his car, and I was in the accident too. Thankfully I’m okay, but it’s another thing tying our lives together right now.

My friends and family all think I should leave, and logically I know I’d probably save money, stress less, and maybe even feel happier eventually. I even have places I could go if I left. But because none of the issues seem “serious enough” individually, I keep questioning myself and wondering if I’m expecting too much from a relationship.

At the same time, I’ve realized lately that I feel more tired than loved most days. I feel like I spend more time managing my emotions, managing conflict, cleaning, or trying not to upset him than actually feeling supported or emotionally safe. I think somewhere along the way I started feeling lonely inside my own relationship.

And I think that’s the part that hurts the most. None of these moments sound huge on their own. They sound small, petty even. But this is honestly just a small part of everything that’s happened over the years.

AITA?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for years and we currently live together. We’re both on the lease until July, which makes everything feel even more complicated.

The problem is that over time I’ve started feeling emotionally exhausted and lonely in the relationship. It’s not because of one huge event — it’s years of small things piling up.

I handle most of the cleaning and household responsibilities unless I directly ask him for help. I’ve tried communicating that I don’t want to feel like I have to parent another adult or constantly remind someone to contribute, but those conversations usually end with me feeling guilty for bringing it up. Even when he helps, it often feels incomplete and I end up finishing things myself.

There have also been issues surrounding my friendships. He’s been uncomfortable with some of my close friends despite there being clear boundaries and no inappropriate behavior. Over time it’s made me feel isolated and anxious about maintaining normal friendships.

I’ve also started feeling emotionally overlooked in general. Small things — like holidays, gifts, or feeling considered in everyday life — have started hurting more than they probably should because I already feel emotionally disconnected. At the same time, I still support him however I can, including driving him to work after his car accident.

The hard part is that I don’t think he’s a bad person. I still love him and care about him deeply. That’s what makes this so confusing. If he were awful all the time, leaving would feel obvious. Instead I feel stuck between loving someone and realizing I may not be happy anymore.

My friends and family think I should leave, and logically I know I’d probably have less stress and more peace if I did. I even have places I could go. But I keep second-guessing myself because none of these issues seem “serious enough” on their own.

What should I do?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for years and we currently live together. We’re both on the lease until July. Over time I feel like a lot of small things have piled up and slowly made me feel lonely and drained in the relationship.

One major issue is household responsibility. When he only had a part-time job, he spent most of his free time gaming or relaxing while I cleaned the apartment by myself unless I specifically asked him to help. I eventually told him I felt like I shouldn’t have to ask him to clean the place we both live in because I wanted him to notice things himself too. Somehow the conversation turned into me “not considering his feelings,” and after that I honestly stopped bringing it up as much because I felt guilty.

Even now I still handle most of the cleaning unless I directly ask for help. There’s constantly mess around the bathroom and every time I mention it he denies it’s him. I know I’m not perfect either, but it’s exhausting feeling like I’m cleaning up after another adult while also being made to feel dramatic for caring.

One thing that really stuck with me was when I deep-cleaned the entire apartment by myself for hours. Right after, he grabbed food, left crumbs and trash on the counter, and when I politely asked him to clean it up after he was done, he got upset. I got overwhelmed enough that I locked myself in the bathroom because I didn’t want another argument over basic cleaning. Later I came out and technically he cleaned it, but he only threw away part of the mess and left the crumbs everywhere. I remember staring at it thinking “are you serious?” because it felt symbolic of our relationship — like effort only happens halfway unless I finish things myself.

Another issue is my friendships. I have two close friends, one male and one female, and my boyfriend has been uncomfortable with both friendships even though neither of them has crossed boundaries with me. It’s started to feel isolating and unfair because I’ve always tried to respect the relationship while still maintaining healthy friendships.

Even smaller things like Christmas have started hurting my feelings. He got a lump sum of money and used it to buy himself something expensive, calling it “for both of us,” but there wasn’t really anything thoughtful picked out specifically for me. I think what hurt most was realizing I didn’t feel very considered.

The hard part is that I don’t think he’s a bad person. I don’t think he wakes up trying to hurt me. I still care about him deeply, which is why this is so difficult. I’ve even been driving him to work since he wrecked his car, and I was in the accident too. Thankfully I’m okay, but it’s another thing tying our lives together right now.

My friends and family all think I should leave, and logically I know I’d probably save money, stress less, and maybe even feel happier eventually. I even have places I could go if I left.

But because none of these issues sound huge individually, I keep questioning myself and wondering if I’m overreacting or expecting too much.

Am I wrong?

TL;DR: Years of unequal effort, emotional dismissal, feeling isolated, and carrying most of the household and mental load have left me exhausted and lonely in my relationship. I still love him, which makes me question whether I’m overreacting.

TW: sexual content, porn/hentai mentions, relationship issues

I’ve been with my boyfriend for years and we currently live together. We’re both on the lease until July. The problem is that over time I feel like a lot of small things have piled up and slowly made me feel lonely and drained in the relationship.

One major issue is household responsibility. When he only had a part-time job, he spent most of his free time gaming or relaxing while I cleaned the apartment by myself unless I specifically asked him to help. I eventually told him I felt like I shouldn’t have to ask him to clean the place we both live in because I wanted him to notice things himself too. Somehow the conversation turned into me “not considering his feelings,” and after that I honestly stopped bringing it up as much because I felt guilty.

Even now I still handle most of the cleaning unless I directly ask for help. There’s constantly pee around the toilet and every time I mention it he denies it’s him. I know I’m not perfect either — I leave hair on the shower wall sometimes — but it’s exhausting feeling like I’m cleaning up after another adult while also being made to feel dramatic for caring.

One thing that really stuck with me was when I deep-cleaned the entire apartment by myself for hours. Right after, he grabbed banana bread, left crumbs and foil on the counter, and when I politely asked him to clean it up after he was done, he got upset. I got overwhelmed enough that I locked myself in the bathroom because I didn’t want another argument over basic cleaning. Later I came out and technically he cleaned it, but he only threw away the foil and left the crumbs everywhere. I remember staring at it thinking “are you serious?” because it felt symbolic of our relationship — like effort only happens halfway unless I finish things myself.

There’s also been a lot of insecurity around porn/hentai content. He used to follow hentai accounts on Twitter and Instagram constantly, and while I know finding fictional characters attractive isn’t automatically wrong, it really damaged my self-esteem over time. One time he told me he deleted an account, handed me his phone to reassure me, and I found the account still there while we were at one of his family gatherings. I completely broke down trying not to cry in front of everyone because I felt stupid for trusting him.

Eventually he deleted the Instagram account for real, but with Twitter I kept seeing login notifications after he claimed it was gone. It messed with my trust a lot.

The thing that confuses me is the double standard. He openly consumes hentai content and even plays porn games, but sometimes gets visibly insecure if I use my vibrator or joke about characters from the game I play. It started feeling like his sexuality was acceptable, but mine somehow became threatening.

Another issue is my friendships. I have two gay friends, one male and one female. My boyfriend wanted me to block my male friend even though he’s never crossed a line with me. Then with my female friend, he says hanging out with her alone is basically the same as hanging out with a straight girl because “she could still like me.” She doesn’t. We’ve already established boundaries and are genuinely just friends.

Even smaller things like Christmas have started hurting my feelings. He got a lump sum of money and used it to buy himself a Switch 2 even though the limited edition Switch I bought him before worked perfectly fine. He called the new Switch “for both of us,” and yes technically I’ve used it too, but realistically it’s his. I think what hurt me most was that there wasn’t really anything thoughtful picked out specifically for me.

The hard part is that I don’t think he’s a bad person. I don’t think he wakes up trying to hurt me. I still care about him deeply, which is why this is so difficult. I’ve even been driving him to work since he wrecked his car, and I was in the accident too. Thankfully I’m okay, but it’s another thing tying our lives together right now.

My friends and family all think I should leave, and logically I know I’d probably save money, stress less, and maybe even feel happier eventually. I even have places I could go if I left.

But because none of these issues sound huge individually, I keep questioning myself and wondering if I’m overreacting or expecting too much.

Am I wrong?

TL;DR: Years of “small” issues in my relationship — unequal cleaning/mental load, insecurity and double standards around porn and sexuality, controlling behavior about friendships, and feeling emotionally dismissed — have left me feeling exhausted and lonely. I still love him, which makes me question whether I’m overreacting

My boyfriend (21M) and I (24F) have been together for years, and I feel like I’ve slowly become lonely inside my own relationship.

I think what makes this hard is that none of our issues sound huge individually, but together they’ve completely changed the way I see love and relationships.

I constantly feel emotionally responsible for both of us while my own feelings get minimized.

For example, when he only had a part-time job, I was basically doing all the cleaning. I finally told him I felt like I shouldn’t have to ask him to help clean the place we both live in, and somehow the conversation became about how I wasn’t considering HIS feelings. After that I kind of stopped bringing things up as much because I felt like my concerns would always turn into me comforting him instead.

Even now I’m still usually the one cleaning unless I specifically ask. The bathroom is a constant argument because there’s always water all over the floor/counter and he swears it isn’t him.

There’s also issues with my friends. I have two gay friends, one male and one female. He wanted me to block my male friend even though he’s never been inappropriate with me. He also acts weird about me hanging out alone with my female friend because “she could still like me,” even though we’ve already established boundaries and are literally just friends.

Christmas also hurt me more than I expected. He got a lump sum of money and bought himself a Switch 2 even though the limited edition Switch I bought him before still works perfectly. He said the new one was “for both of us,” but realistically it’s his. I think what hurt most is there wasn’t really anything thoughtful chosen specifically for me.

Everyone around me tells me I should leave — friends, family, basically everyone. And logically I know I’d probably save money, stress less, and maybe even be happier eventually. I even have places I could go if I did leave.

But we’ve been together for years. We’re both on the lease until July. I’ve been driving him to work ever since he wrecked his car (I was in the accident too, thankfully okay). Our lives are really intertwined right now.

And despite everything, I still care about him. I don’t think he’s evil or intentionally malicious. I think somewhere along the way I just stopped feeling emotionally cared for and started feeling lonely in my own relationship.

What should happen? I'm so confused

My boyfriend and I have been together for years, and we currently live together. We’re both on the lease until July. I feel conflicted because none of our issues sound huge individually, but over time they’ve piled up and left me emotionally drained and lonely in the relationship.

One of the biggest issues is household responsibility. When he only had a part-time job, he spent most of his free time gaming or relaxing, while I cleaned the apartment unless I specifically asked for help. Even now, most chores still fall onto me unless I directly say something. I once tried explaining that I didn’t always want to have to ask him to clean because I wanted him to notice things himself, too, and somehow the conversation turned into me “not considering his feelings.” After that, I kind of stopped bringing things up because I felt guilty and dramatic for even mentioning it.

The bathroom situation especially frustrates me because there’s constantly pee around the toilet, and every time I mention it he denies it’s him. I know I’m not perfect either — I leave hair on the shower wall sometimes — but it’s exhausting feeling like I’m cleaning up after another adult while also being made to feel dramatic for caring about basic cleanliness.

One moment that really stuck with me was when I spent hours deep-cleaning the apartment alone. Right after I finished, he grabbed banana bread, left crumbs and foil on the counter, and when I politely asked him to clean it up after he was done, he got irritated about it. I got overwhelmed enough that I locked myself in the bathroom because I didn’t want another argument over something so basic. Later I came out and technically he cleaned it, but he only threw away the foil and left the crumbs everywhere. I remember staring at it feeling almost defeated because it felt symbolic of the relationship as a whole — things only get halfway done unless I finish them myself.

Another issue is my friendships. I have two gay friends, one male and one female. My boyfriend wanted me to block my male friend even though he’s never crossed boundaries with me or acted inappropriately. Then with my female friend, he says hanging out with her alone is basically like hanging out with a straight girl because “she could still like me.” She doesn’t. We’ve already established boundaries and are genuinely just friends. Somehow gaming online together is okay, but seeing her in person becomes a problem.

There have also been trust and insecurity issues over the years that slowly affected my self-esteem and changed the way I viewed relationships. Eventually I got to the point where I felt emotionally numb and constantly questioned whether my feelings were even reasonable anymore.

Even smaller situations have started hurting my feelings now. For Christmas he got a lump sum of money and used it to buy himself a Switch 2 even though the limited edition Switch I bought him previously still worked perfectly fine. He called it “for both of us,” and yes technically I’ve used it too, but realistically it’s his. I think what upset me most was that there wasn’t really anything thoughtful picked specifically for me. It made me realize how often I feel emotionally overlooked.

The hard part is that I don’t think he’s a terrible person. I don’t think he wakes up every day trying to hurt me. He has good qualities too, and I still care about him deeply. We’ve built a life together and our lives are intertwined financially and emotionally. I’ve even been driving him to work since he wrecked his car, and I was in the accident too. Thankfully I’m okay, but it’s another thing tying our lives together right now.

My friends and family all think I should leave, and logically I know I’d probably save money, stress less, and maybe even feel happier eventually. I even have places I could go if I left. But because none of the issues seem “serious enough” individually, I keep questioning myself and wondering if I’m expecting too much from a relationship.

At the same time, I’ve realized lately that I feel more tired than loved most days. I feel like I spend more time managing my emotions, managing conflict, cleaning, or trying not to upset him than actually feeling supported or emotionally safe. I think somewhere along the way I started feeling lonely inside my own relationship.

And I think that’s the part that hurts the most. None of these moments sound huge on their own. They sound small, petty even. But this is honestly just a small part of everything that’s happened over the years.

AITA?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for years and we currently live together. We’re both on the lease until July. I feel conflicted because none of the issues in our relationship seem huge individually, but over time they’ve built up to the point where I feel emotionally drained and lonely in the relationship.

One of the biggest issues is household responsibility. When he only had a part-time job, he spent most of his free time gaming or relaxing while I cleaned the apartment unless I specifically asked for help. I eventually tried communicating that I felt overwhelmed and said I didn’t want to always have to ask him to help clean the place we both live in. Somehow the conversation turned into me “not considering his feelings,” and after that I honestly stopped bringing it up as much because I felt guilty.

Even now I still handle most of the cleaning unless I directly ask him for help. The bathroom especially frustrates me because there’s constantly pee around the toilet and every time I mention it he denies it’s him. I know I’m not perfect either — I leave hair on the shower wall sometimes — but it’s exhausting feeling like I’m cleaning up after another adult while also feeling dramatic for caring about it.

One moment that really stuck with me was when I deep-cleaned the entire apartment by myself for hours. Right after I finished, he grabbed banana bread, left crumbs and foil on the counter, and when I politely asked him to clean it up after he was done, he got upset. I got overwhelmed enough that I locked myself in the bathroom because I didn’t want another argument over something so basic. Later I came out and technically he cleaned it, but he only threw away the foil and left the crumbs all over the counter. I remember staring at it feeling almost defeated because it felt symbolic of our relationship — things only get halfway done unless I finish them myself.

Another issue is my friendships. I have two gay friends, one male and one female. My boyfriend wanted me to block my male friend even though he’s never crossed a line with me. Then with my female friend, he says hanging out with her alone is basically the same as hanging out with a straight girl because “she could still like me.” She doesn’t. We’ve already established boundaries and are genuinely just friends.

There have also been trust and insecurity issues over the years that affected my self-esteem a lot and eventually left me feeling emotionally numb and constantly questioning my own reactions.

Even smaller situations have started hurting my feelings now. For Christmas he got a lump sum of money and used it to buy himself a Switch 2 even though the limited edition Switch I bought him previously still worked perfectly fine. He called it “for both of us,” and yes technically I’ve used it too, but realistically it’s his. I think what upset me most was that there wasn’t really anything thoughtful picked specifically for me.

The difficult part is that I don’t think he’s a bad person. I don’t think he intentionally tries to hurt me. I still care about him deeply, which is why this feels so complicated. I’ve even been driving him to work since he wrecked his car, and I was in the accident too. Thankfully I’m okay, but it’s another thing tying our lives together right now.

My friends and family all think I should leave, and logically I know I’d probably save money, stress less, and maybe even feel happier eventually. I even have places I could go if I left.

But because none of these issues sound huge individually, I keep questioning myself and wondering if I’m overreacting or expecting too much. At the same time, years of these smaller things piling up have left me feeling emotionally exhausted and lonely inside my own relationship.

Am I overreacting?

TL;DR: My long-term relationship is full of years of smaller issues — unequal cleaning/mental load, feeling emotionally dismissed, controlling behavior around friendships, trust issues, and constant small conflicts. None of it seems major on its own, but together it’s left me emotionally exhausted and questioning whether I’m overreacting for feeling unhappy.