I’ve been going by Ezra or Ez for about 5 years now, but recently moved to a place where there’s a large Jewish population and there are so many Ezra’s… so I’m looking for something a little different. I’d love some ideas- a Jewish name would be cool, or else a neutral/non-cultural name.
I’m scheduled to get a hysterectomy in October finally, and am so, so excited for it- but to get it, I have to get a letter from my therapist, and she won’t write it. She thinks I want a hysto because I have PTSD/a history of CSA and SA, and that the horror I feel regarding my uterus is because of that.
I’ve tried explaining that I’ve wanted this since middle school, that it’s never changed, and that I want the surgery because I’m trans and it’s gender affirming care. But she’s not convinced.
I don’t know what to do- I was thinking about seeing another therapist for a while on top of her, and having the other therapist write the letter? Other ideas are welcome.
My face doesn’t quite pass yet, but I’m wondering if my chest hurts or helps my cause. 3 years post-surgery, 4 years on T
Edit to add that I actually never had areolas, even before surgery! I’m planning on tattooing the whole area with blackwork, but don’t know whether I should tattoo areolas and then do blackwork around, or go all in and tattoo where they would be.
I hate looking at myself so don’t take selfies a lot but here are some photos I’ve gotten from other people. Sorry for the dramatic lighting on the last one. I can’t tell if I look like a butch or a twink tbh. Pre-T.
A few different angles, plus one without glasses for y’all. I’ve been on T 4 years now. I usually get they/themmed.
A few years ago, I was at an AirBnB where I was renting a room in a house. I am a generally very anxious person, and there was only one restroom in the house. One morning, the AirBnB host was taking a shower in the restroom, and I desperately needed to shit. I was too scared to knock on the door and ask them to hurry up, so instead I emptied out my makeup bag and squatted. I wiped with a makeup wipe, then zipped it shut and put on a puffer coat, tucked it under my coat, and took it outside, walking until I found a dumpster to put it in.
At the time I was panicking, but looking back I can see how unhinged the whole thing was. Anyways. I have never told anyone this before lol
Let me preface this by saying this may be a stupid question, but that I’m asking because I don’t really have a good sense of what gender even entails or what gender I am.
I realized at 15 that I couldn’t live in the body I had. Puberty absolutely took me by the throat and I started developing differently than my older brother- I had always kind of assumed I’d grow up to be similar to him, but I developed a large chest, excruciating menstrual cycles, and curves. I started wearing binders at that age because I couldn’t stand looking down and seeing my own chest. I was super depressed and felt alienated by my own body, so started low-dose testosterone at 20, and have continued it on and off for the past 5 years.
At 23 I got a double mastectomy/top surgery and it changed my life, I feel like my body is mine again and every time I put a shirt on now I feel euphoric because it falls in the correct way and I’m completely flat.
My parents said it looked like I was trying to stay a child and go back to how I was before puberty, and that it was off putting. Personally I feel like I’m just trying to make my body somewhat inhabitable, and it’s not even about gender so much, I just can’t stand my physical gendered traits and am trying to fix the mistakes puberty made.
If it’s not about gender, am I trans? I recognize what I’m experiencing is a typically trans transition route, but I don’t know if I’m trans per se, just kinda weird about gender and with a lot of physical dysphoria.
Would love thoughts. When I first started binding I definitely thought I was a trans man, but now I’m not sure if I’m trans or just cis with dysphoria.
I typically don’t disclose my DID to people, but I have disclosed it to two friends. One of these friends I trust very deeply, enough that other parts sometimes come out when we’re hanging out, or message the friend. I have never in my life overtly switched in front of a friend, or introduced myself as a different part. But there have been several times when parts have wanted to introduce themselves and “get to know” my friend.
Is it a terrible idea to let this happen? I try desperately not to let visible signs of this disorder show, but I also really trust this person. But I also would never want to make them uncomfortable.
I don’t really know what to do. I want to stay close to my friend and not ruin things, but I also feel like it’s going to just kinda happen one day, because I can’t control myself.