u/ubbidubbidoo

My husband and I were hoping to start trying for a baby very soon as we’re mid 30s and already feeling pressed for time, but I was just diagnosed with CVI after years and years of chronic pain in my legs, bottom, tailbone, and lower back. I know that pregnancy puts immense pressure on the body, and going down the rabbit hole it sounds like CVI creates so much more risk for blood clots, embolisms, and fetal harm. I’m just so scared. The doctor wasn’t available to answer these questions and won’t be until my follow up in a month. We were hoping to start trying for a family in a few weeks, and now I’m worried CVI means we can’t, and if we do it may mean possible serious harm or death. I’m heartbroken and afraid. Is it possible to get pregnant and give birth safely? Has anyone here been pregnant with CVI?

I’ve struggled with chronic pain since I was younger, which worsened in my 30s. I’ve seen countless doctors and specialists and have done so many scans and test, and no one can diagnose it. Essentially, I have terrible pain in my back, tailbone, and legs. It hurts to sit, sleep, or stand in place (everything except exercise hurts, all the time). I’m extremely fit, active, and otherwise healthy, and exercising is a big lifesaver for me because it’s the only time I’m not in pain.

I desperately want to be a mother and always have. My husband and I are hoping to start trying in about a month, but I do worry what could happen to my body. I do get scared, because I imagine both in pregnancy, birth, and after birth I’ll have to do a lot of sitting, sleeping, and standing, let alone the changes and pressure pregnancy puts the body through. Because I don’t sleep well, I’m worried of what could happen to the fetus’s development with limited sleep, or my psychological health after baby is born. I’m honestly hoping it won’t be too bad and trying to stay positive!

I think I’m just looking to hear others’ experiences with pregnancy after already having chronic pain - even if your pain or experience is different from mine. How did pregnancy impact or interact with your chronic pain, did it make it worse, stay the same, improve, or something unexpected?

We won’t be having formal wedding parties (no bridesmaids, groomsmen, MOH/BM etc) so instead, we thought we’d love to have our immediate families participate in the processional with us as important people to us. The order we’re thinking is:

1. Brother of the groom (our officiant) and his wife
2. Sister of the bride and grandmother
3. Little Sister of the groom and her baby, husband
4. Older Sister of the groom and her baby, husband
5. Groom’s nieces (flower girls)
6. Groom escorted by both parents
7. Bride escorted by both parents

Are there any issues or downsides to this? Has anyone seen anything like this before or would it be unusual/would our families be thrown off with how unusual it is if we asked them to participate this way?

I’m with Mohela on SAVE forbearance, it’s been radio silence for me! When should we expect to hear that we need to switch plans?

I’m a firm believer in my partner and I as equals and I feel really uncomfortable with the idea of emphasis put on me, the bride. I originally wanted to walk down the aisle together with my groom, but he really wanted to wait for me at the end of the aisle. Because that was very important to him, I agreed, but I’d really like to request that our guests remain seated for the entirety of the processional and ceremony (until they end - they can get up to cheer and celebrate with us if they want!)

Did anyone else do this? Did it go well? Who made the announcement asking everyone to stay seated?

Edit: whoa the downvotes are shocking! I had no idea this was a really hated thing.

Based on my doctor’s recommendations for minimum essential vitamin requirements, the only prenatal vitamin I could find that included what they recommended is in a pill form (one soft gel and one capsule). There are so many extra ingredients (oils, fillers, flavorings etc) and I am a highly allergic person (sooo many food, environmental, and oral allergies ugh!) that I’m scared to take them. I’m guessing it’s not safe to break them open or rub them on my skin to test first. How do you know if you’ll be allergic to a pill without taking the risk and just taking them? I wish I could take a tiny amount at first. Are there any other moms or mom-to-be here who are highly allergic and had positive experiences with prenatals? Should I try powder or gummy first?

The news is predicting a super El Niño to develop this summer, bringing record weather conditions. How might this affect Hawai’i? How have El Niños impacted Hawai’i in the past?

I’m on the west side of Oahu, where summers are typically hot and dry but breezy by the coastline. Will it affect us out here? Will it be hotter and dryer, will it affect the wind and/or bring different weather patterns?

What are your favorite names that end in the “ee” sound? I like these names because you smile when you say them :) would love to hear your favorites!

How did you decide which name came first?
Has it been difficult for your children having a double barreled last name?
Have there been any challenges having a different legal last name from your children? (Even if part of your name is in their last name)?
Is it selfish to not also hyphenate our last names as parents?

I’m working toward PSLF, have 72/120 qualifying payments, and have been in this SAVE forbearance limbo. Between now and July, I have a big wedding I’m funding with high expenses. After July, I’ll be hoping to start a family. I make around $87,000 per year. I filed single this past tax season, and plan to file married/separately next year to keep monthly payments low.
Given my current expenses, is it worth applying to get off of SAVE now, or better to wait until kicked off in July? (Or does it really not make a difference at this point), and does anyone have a recommendation for which payment plan would be better for me in either case?

This is all so confusing!

Edit to add: Total remaining balance $60,000 and I took the first loans out in 2009, and most recent loans in 2017

Two weeks to go until our RSVP deadline (invites sent out 6 weeks ago) and we only know about attendance for about 45 out of the 200 guests invited (most of these are children/babies so really only about 15 families/parties have responded).

It’s a wedding which requires plane travel for many, which we know is tough especially these days. We figured those who know for sure they can’t make it would have RSVPd much sooner to let us know, or vise versa. We haven’t heard anything from anyone, even in conversation or by text/call, etc. so we’re totally in the dark.

Was this anyone else’s experience? And for those who didn’t hear much until the deadline, were many of those last second RSVPs yeses or nos?

We thought we’d have a larger sized wedding, but now I’m not so sure!

Can anyone confirm the true definition or meaning of haole? I’ve heard two different definitions from local friends:

1. It’s a nasty, disrespectful person we don’t want here. It has nothing to do with skin color and everything to do with attitude

2. It’s only about skin color. If someone calls you Harold and you are fair skinned, don’t be offended, it’s because you are white

The two contradict one another, and I’m curious about the consensus from locals. Is it contextual? Generational? A linguistic difference?

Hi! I’m a counselor and brand new to polymer clay, but would love to learn how to get started in making cute worry stones to help the children I work with self soothe. What materials, tools, etc. would you recommend? I know texture is important, so I’d like to make a mix of smooth and satin-like pieces to touch (I’m assuming this would be glazed vs unglazed clay?). Since I’d like to give these away, I want to make sure they’re non toxic and totally safe for children to touch and use regularly.

I know I’ll need polymer clay - favorite brands?
A work mat of some kind
Some sculpting tools?
An oven
Glaze?
I am a total beginner, so any tips welcome!

The trade issues and fuel crisis has made flights and travel so much more expensive in the last month, and many of my guests can no longer afford to travel or book their travel to the wedding, and the declines are starting to roll in. I feel dumb and selfish for even being sad about this, because clearly there are people in the world impacted by global crises and issues that actually matter, and a wedding is just a party. I’m feeling down about not getting to celebrate this day with so many important people to me due to something so out of our control. I don’t really have a point to this other than to say if you’re feeling this too you’re not alone!

I frequently am asked what my wedding colors are, and I don’t really have an answer! It’s on a tropical island so my theme is… tropical? We have local tropical flowers of all colors - reds, pinks, greens, purples, yellows, oranges, and our cake will have similar flowers placed on top. I’ll have various colored flowers in my hair. Napkins might be a pretty tropical pattern, not sure what color. If my napkins are a single color, maybe that’s my color? But I don’t really know!

Is it necessary to have wedding “colors”?

I’ll be visiting for 2 weeks coming from coastal Hawaii, so right at sea level. I’m really anxious about altitude and keep reading about worst case scenarios (HACE and HAPE). Are these real risks? I know drinking water and taking it easy/avoiding alcohol help, but is there actual reason to worry or am I overthinking it?

I plan to spend the first 12 hours or so in Denver before going up the mountain.