u/unbreakablewildone

I reported my rapist to the police after 13 years. During the investigation it was discovered I actually disclosed the assault to multiple adults after it happened…. School counselor… foster mom… ER nurse…. I was 16. For some reason it was never reported to the police.

Well, ten years go by and I hoped the next time I heard my rapists name, it would be because he was dead. Unfortunately it was because I found out he raped another one of my friends. I thought about reporting him to the police every day for 2 years until one day my will finally became strong enough.

The investigation has been going on for 6 months and things are complicated. He’s been deported, but there is a high probability he will return to the area considering he’s been deported twice and come back. He’s been arrested every year he’s been in the US since 2013, mostly drug related charges. That’s how he gets his victims… he’s a drug dealer.

At the time I reported, I had never felt more vindicated in my life. I thought for sure this is is, they’re going to get him. But it hasn’t been like that at all. My case has been taken seriously and the detective has done tons of legwork, but is still basically saying they will *probably* need a confession from him to prosecute and as of right now, they don’t even know where he is.

I’m deeply grateful for the police work they are doing. They’re told me time and time again that this absolutely should have been reported back when it happened and the fact that it wasn’t was an immense failure by the adults in my life. They’ve been very validating. Everyone has been validating.

Everyone but myself. Over the months I’ve slowly started to feel like the case is pointless, they’ll never catch him, so much time has passed who cares anyways? Nobody cared then, so why would they care now? My other friend doesn’t want to report him because she doesn’t want her life to be upheaved and I respect that. It hasn’t been a really tough few months mentally. I see why victims drop their cases.

I’m trying to get back to that feeling of anger and vindication instead of just feeling hopeless. I know the case is really just getting started, but for some reason it feels like it’s already over.

This man r*ped me and three of my friends over the course of 10 years. I feel like my soul left my body when I found out what he did to my friend two years ago. I am willing to bet my LIFE there are more victims. Why am I the only one who’s ever reported it? I feel so alone in that way. Even though I know logically there are so many reasons not the report.

I’m feeling really conflicted ladies. I love this person and there was a time we were super close and were there for each other through some pretty dark times. We even went on a month long road trip together which is the best time I’ve ever had in my life and we made some amazing memories together.

But 3 years ago we had a fight over something so incredibly stupid. She admits it was stupid. I took full accountability and apologized countless times and in countless ways but every text was ignored.

Now she’s texted me saying that she’s sorry for holding a grudge and she’s ready to reconnect. I genuinely missed her so much when our friendship ended, her smile would light up a room and we would laugh till our ribs hurt. I’m tearing up just thinking about how badly I wanted to repair our friendship at the time.

About a year ago I sent her one last text trying to reconnect and said I would leave her alone after that. No response. When she texted me unexpectedly earlier today, I was fine chatting with her over text but now she wants to hang out and catch up and I just felt my heart change. I had to accept the friendship was over and fully grieve it. I genuinely never expected to hear from her again.

She seems like she’s going through a hard time right now and needs support but I’m unsure if I should open that door again. It almost feels like getting back with a toxic ex, going backwards. But then part of me remembers she was my adventure buddy, a great listener, a shoulder to cry on, and just a comforting person to be around.

Not sure what my heart is telling me right now ❤️‍🩹

They don’t know I have OCD but I always tell potential roommates that I’m a “very clean person” and it’s not that I enjoy cleaning, it’s just something I see as needing to be done and I very much appreciate help and people who clean up after themselves.

Now I haven’t had any roommates that are outwardly dirty/messy but I notice they tend to not do much besides their own dishes.

There are plenty of other daily/weekly/monthly things to be done… like wash the hand towels covered in brownie mix and crusty pasta sauce. Scrub the black stuff growing behind the sink. Take out the bathroom trash… clean the shower… somehow I’m always the one who seems to get stuck doing these things because I tend to clean before things get “gross.”

It’s been 7 months with my new roommate and from what I’ve seen she’s only clean the bathroom one time… and all she did was wipe the sink counter and toilet? This last month I did an experiment. I didn’t take out the trash. It didn’t go out for 11 days and the last 4 I was out of town… it was so hard to leave it! But I ended up still having to take it out when I got back. Rationally I know that is unacceptable but my anxiety keeps stopping me from approaching her about it.

I’m not even an obsessive cleaner in my opinion but I’m getting burnt out doing every shared task for the last 7 months. I would like a break. We are both in our mid 20’s and not really even friends, but for some reason I can’t bring myself to say anything without feeling like I’m somehow in the wrong.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do? My goal is to suggest a chore chart but I don’t want to feel like someone’s mom. When she moved in I told her I didn’t want a chore chart and that we’re adults who can’t clean up after themselves. But verbal communication didn’t work. I’ve currently been curating a text in my notes to send her but everything I come up with sounds wrong and mean :(

That would make everything make so much sense. I never really knew much about OCD, when I was younger I thought it meant obsessive cleaning/germaphobia. Then I was in a hospital with a teenager with OCD who had it really severely to where he had to turn the sink faucet on a certain number of times and would talk to himself constantly. I’d never considered some of the things I do could be OCD.

Here are some of the things i do:

\-count down from ten when doing random tasks
\-repeatedly check doors/windows are locked
\-repeatedly check nothing is left “on” that could burn my house down
\-if I don’t say out loud things like “I am unplugging my straightener” I will doubt myself and have to check again
\- extreme health anxiety, I constantly think I’m dying of cancer
\-extreme health anxiety about my cats, constantly watching them how they breathe, move, eat, use the litterbox etc checking for signs of illness
\- I feel distressed when things are not “in their place”
\- I have to wash my hands after touching pets/communal objects other people have touched
\- I change my clothes between many activities, 2-3x per day
\-laundry every other day
\-I have to keep my electronic files very tidy and orderly or it causes me distress (deleting emails/texts, pictures, apps stuff like that)
\- extreme distress when going out of town, I just got back from a 3 day trip and I had anxiety attacks every day that my cats would die or leaving my AC running was somehow going to burn the house down

Then there are more internal things like:

\- constant rumination about past trauma and people who have done me wrong
\-feeling like I have to make sense of everything that has happened
\-replaying conversations over and over in my head with endless scenarios that will likely never happen
\- I will get stuck in negative thought loops for hours until I become so exhausted I have to force myself to think about a “nice” thought to push the bad thoughts away…

I’m sure there’s more but that’s off the top of my head. Can anyone relate? Does this sound like OCD?

Honestly I’m starting to feel relieved that there may be an explanation for these things I’ve been dealing with my whole life. Because now I can get help for it.

That would make everything make so much sense. I never really knew much about OCD, when I was younger I thought it meant obsessive cleaning/germaphobia. Then I was in a hospital with a teenager with OCD who had it really severely to where he had to turn the sink faucet on a certain number of times and would talk to himself constantly. I’d never considered some of the things I do could be OCD.

Here are some of the things i do:

\-count down from ten when doing random tasks
\-repeatedly check doors/windows are locked
\-repeatedly check nothing is left “on” that could burn my house down
\-if I don’t say out loud things like “I am unplugging my straightener” I will doubt myself and have to check again
\- extreme health anxiety, I constantly think I’m dying of cancer
\-extreme health anxiety about my cats, constantly watching them how they breathe, move, eat, use the litterbox etc checking for signs of illness
\- I feel distressed when things are not “in their place”
\- I have to wash my hands after touching pets/communal objects other people have touched
\- I change my clothes between many activities, 2-3x per day
\-laundry every other day
\-I have to keep my electronic files very tidy and orderly or it causes me distress (deleting emails/texts, pictures, apps stuff like that)
\- extreme distress when going out of town, I just got back from a 3 day trip and I had anxiety attacks every day that my cats would die or leaving my AC running was somehow going to burn the house down

Then there are more internal things like:

\- constant rumination about past trauma and people who have done me wrong
\-feeling like I have to make sense of everything that has happened
\-replaying conversations over and over in my head with endless scenarios that will likely never happen
\- I will get stuck in negative thought loops for hours until I become so exhausted I have to force myself to think about a “nice” thought to push the bad thoughts away…

I’m sure there’s more but that’s off the top of my head. Can anyone relate? Does this sound like OCD?

Honestly I’m starting to feel relieved that there may be an explanation for these things I’ve been dealing with my whole life. Because now I can get help for it.

It’s a relatively small lump very near the surface just behind my nipple. Doc did imaging and already believes it to be benign and scar tissue from a breast reduction I had 5 years ago. However, he said the only way to completely rule out anything malignant was to do a biopsy.

I’m just a little nervous. What was the experience like for you? Was it painful? Was it quick? Can you drive yourself home? Were you able to go about your day afterwards? Can you shower?

Just wondering the expect. The doctor just said “everyone’s different” yeah no shit lol.

Thanks ladies

I don’t even know why I remembered it this morning. I was taking a bath and had my eyes closed and felt soo at peace, and then suddenly, out of nowhere I had this memory come back to me.

Every summer my brother, myself, and my father would visit my aunt at the beach. This particular summer, i believe it was about 15 years ago when I was 12 years old my father wanted to go kayaking. I liked the idea because I had never been before.

We put in a shallow inlet off the Florida keys in crystal clear blue water surrounded by sea weeds. Once we got out of the cove and onto the open water headed towards a small island, I began to panic. Full blown panic attack and all I could think of was the movie Jaws. I was literally envisioning a huge ass shark coming up under my boat and flipping me. I started crying and begging to go back.

Instead of having a normal reaction, he got so angry and annoyed that I was scared and decided to abandon me by paddling as fast as he could away from me. I have never felt such fear in my life as I did when I was out there alone.

I have no idea how long I was out there. It could have been 10 minutes or two hours. I was completely paralyzed, and it wasn’t until I realized that he really wasn’t coming back for me that my survival instincts kicked in and I made it back to shore, not where we put in, got lost but eventually made it back to my aunts house up the road with kayak in tow.

I then was screamed at for scratching the bottom of the kayak because I had to drag it behind me, and he gave me the silent treatment for the remainder of the trip and told my aunt not to give me any treats/privileges.

Who does something like that to an innocent child, and why am I even remembering this now? I used to think time healed all wounds but I don’t think that’s true. I think we just learn to live with this shit because it’s how we survive.

Fuck you, James.

She just left. He’s still here, in the bathroom, probably pooping 🤬 this is not his home 😤

Thanks for listening