u/velcrodynamite

My autism has specifically lost me roles before because I'll be operating at a billion percent trying to mask during interviews and think "I've got this", only to realize after the fact that I came off decidedly odd to the interviewers and did a horrible job of masking. I've rehearsed for hours before to try and come off "natural", only to be told that I seemed wooden, robotic, or rehearsed in my delivery.

They have caused me such horrible anxiety and distress that I have literally thrown up before after having one. The idea of sitting there and performing neurotypical niceties and interaction just does not seem to compute for me, despite many many years of trying to get it. How does my ability to maintain eye contact with a CAMERA or respond "correctly" to pleasantries under an immense amount of pressure actually relate to my ability to do the job on a day-to-day basis? It makes no sense to me, and I leave every single interview wanting to hide in a hole for the next century because I know I came off absolutely weird as hell to the recruiters.

I'm 31. I feel like I should be better at this. It's my worst skill. How do y'all navigate job interviews, especially the virtual ones where you don't even get to see people's body language???

I inadvertently seem to have caused a kerfuffle over on the other sub (my bad) trying to get at the heart of this, but the recent comments from a couple of prominent immigration lawyers, incl. Amandeep Hayer, on potential cutoffs do have me a little... well, puzzled as to whether or not I remain eligible.

I'm applying through an Acadian G0 born 1741 in what is now Nova Scotia. He was a Broussard who, along with others in his family, were ethnically cleansed out of Acadia in the 1760s. That family led the armed resistance of the Acadians and got imprisoned and exiled. Being very good Catholics, though, every baptism record is accounted for in the lineage, all the history preserved. It cost a lot and took a long time, but I got Diocese-certified baptism records for each distant link in the chain and birth certificates for the more recent ones. I remain "in process" and have not been asked for additional documentation yet.

Do I have reason to worry, or can someone maybe help me understand the whole "British subject" 1763 thing more clearly? I remain confused and concerned.

Am I missing something, or is this more wild speculation just causing unnecessary confusion? The vibe over there seems to be that only people born after 1763 (I think that's the year they're stuck on) or maybe 1800 would qualify as a G0 for the purpose of C-3. I can't find an update from IRCC suggesting that this is true, and it would seem a little... well, odd to rule out the descendants of Acadians who very explicitly did not leave of their own volition. But unless I've missed a major update, am I free to just take this as more nonsense?

There seems to be a weird fear out there that a whole swarm of people with distant lineages are going to come and overwhelm Canada. But if those folks stop and think for a minute, they'll probably recognize that obtaining 7 or 8 generations' worth of documentation that would be up to snuff for IRCC's process is NOT a task most far-off descendants will actually undertake. I had my lineage info 100% ready to go and it still took me four months to gather everything I needed (and IRCC could still request more). There are also maybe 15 G7+ in the entire spreadsheet. Anything over G6 represents like 0.005% of all cases. Feels like a non-issue. Believe me, if you can reliably prove filial descent for anything past G6, you've already performed something of a miracle. It's really not going to be thousands; maybe dozens.

I knew "free food" was too good to be true. I've barely eaten in the last couple of days, and the only thing I can think of that may have experienced cross-contamination, too long in the "danger zone", or improper handling are those dang pizza sticks from yesterday.

I am 99% sure I have salmonella (I've had a confirmed case before and this feels like it–so so much worse than a basic bug), and it's bad enough that I genuinely don't know how to complete my grading and stuff for the term. I'm graduating so it's gotta get done, but I'm currently debating whether or not I need to go to ER because I can't keep anything down (even water). I have no idea what to do. I am feverish and weak as hell, and even moving in bed feels like running a marathon.

What the hellllllll

When I started watching (OG but intermittent viewer, beginning with the pilot in 2009), I was staunchly anti-Delena. I *hated* them together, thought the showrunners were insane, was firmly team Stefan. But I was also a teenager at the time and hadn't lived very much outside my bubble. In subsequent watches, their pairing has grown on me.

When Elena met Stefan, she was vulnerable, broken after losing her parents. Grief tinged her every experience, and choosing carefree fun was exactly what she believed got them killed. Stefan's consistency, his steadfastness, his strength was admirable to her. She felt safe with him, and within that safety, was able to find herself again. Over time, she started taking more risks, becoming a little more alive and active (rather than passive). And when she became a vampire, I think that also did something for her healing process that made her connection with Damon make a little more sense.

When she turned, she didn't have to rely on Stefan's strength because she could be strong too. The more she healed and distanced herself from her parents' loss, the more his consistency and steadfastness started to turn him into Matt 2.0 in her mind. She was, without being too harsh to the dude who is still my favorite character in the show, a little bored with him. There's a bittersweetness to this, though. Like, yes, she started gravitating towards Damon and away from Stefan and ouch. But that also kind of means Stefan did the thing he was trying to do and helped her heal/rediscover herself. That isn't exactly failure.

Don't get me wrong, I still think certain aspects of Delena are toxic af and I am firmly in the "the only reason I'm ok with this is because they're fictional" camp. Irl please give me a Stefan-alike any day. But the older I get, and the more I rewatch the series (currently on season 5 in my umpteenth rewatch), the more I am starting to understand their allure beyond just "they have good chemistry"––which I know has at least something to do with the actors' relationship at that point.

God, I love my guilty millennial pleasure show.

I just successfully defended my M.A. thesis in English last week, and I was surprised at how positively my committee responded. For context, I am in one of the rare and coveted fully funded English M.A. programs in the country, and I think our program hovers around a 5% admit rate, so this isn't just a diploma mill type of situation. When I say they responded positively, I mean two of my committee members ardently want to see me go on to a PhD and have expressed a desire to write rec letters for me.

There is really only one school in Canada I'd be truly interested in attending, and I'm a dual citizen so it's easier to get in (no, really - they have a strong preference for those they don't have to sponsor; they accept almost 30% of citizen applicants to this English doctoral program). I touched base some months ago with a professor at this university, who at the time was on sabbatical, and I told them about my proposed project. They wrote back saying they'd be delighted to supervise a project like that, and they are in the exact literary niche I'd be working in. Apparently, this was a massive deal to everyone in my current department because I guess nobody responds the next day while they're on sabbatical to say they'd love to work on something (especially from that university) unless they truly want to.

Finally achieving this M.A. milestone after years of hard work, I'm realizing that I'm not ready for it to be over. This thesis has been one of the most fulfilling and genuinely fun things I've ever worked to create, and I'd love the opportunity to create more. I've also loved teaching undergrads, and I've known for years that it's something I want to do more of. I have held myself back from considering this path, though, because I thought for sure there was no way I could ever possibly make it in such a competitive field. My committee has been gassing me up like crazy, though, and reminding me I might have what it takes (Berkeley undergrad with a 4.0, my grad university's top fellowship). I have the department's senior-most professor rooting for me, and he is notorious for being a massive stick in the mud. That alone is making me change my tune a bit because if I can win him over... maybe I am selling myself short.

I know I want to take at least a year, maybe two, away from higher ed, just because I've been continuously enrolled in college for 7 years at this point and I'm fried. I have a job teaching English at a college prep program for now, and it'll be a nice place to stay and grow for a while. But damn, I have adored the research process. I loved getting even hard feedback, shoring up my arguments, and producing something publishable. I'm not sure I'm ready for that or my pedagogical journey to be over.

If I don't get in, that's ok and I'd pivot. I'd be in the same situation I'm already in. I just don't know that I can go my whole life without at least trying to take my education as far as I can. I want a reprieve from being in school for a bit, but I don't want to stay gone forever. My actual dream is to teach undergrad seminars where we yap about the deeper meanings of books for three hours a week, and it might be possible.

Idk, I've written novels and a thesis and 100% know my deeply autistic self would adore the process of writing a dissertation (I am insane, you see). I know I have the momentum and the academics, but the only weak spot on my CV is a lack of academic publications. Is it even worth applying without that? :/

I have been dubbed one of the unluckiest people my therapist has ever met. She said this half-jokingly, and I know exactly what she meant. It was that haha, holy crap, this is beyond me tone.

But I'm starting to recognize why CBT just won't ever work on me.

Fundamentally, it's built on the principle that my perceptions are distorted and the world is an overall safe place. So, if I can just override the part of my brain trained all my life to recognize danger, I can learn to regulate and be ok. Except my PTSD was not caused by one event. It was not "I was safe, then something happened to make me unsafe, but safety is a baseline I can return to with the right tools". I have experienced repeated, prolonged unsafe experiences that caused horrific trauma, though. The evidence is in, and it has confirmed repeatedly that my perceptions are dead-on and I'm right to be on alert.

An example of something that happened last year, and really sums up my experience with CBT, is that my instincts warn me about people and my therapists try to convince me it's in my head. The instincts are loud, they are sharp, they are all-consuming. And part of my therapy was to "start to learn to shut off that voice that assumes ill-intent". So, I overrode those instincts, ignored them with a specific person, and that person (shocker) harmed me. Harm follows every single time, without fail, that I have ignored those instincts. They have been honed through fire to protect me from danger, and danger has followed when I have not listened to them - thus producing more trauma. The therapy has, more than once, actively made my trauma worse.

It is ok to admit that there are dangers in this world. They are not all in my head. My instincts have saved my life countless times; I'm not ignoring them ever again. What makes more sense is acknowledging that the world can be unsafe but that I still need to function within it so let's focus on treating my sympathetic nervous system enough (probably through medication and body work) that I can do that.

I guess this realization has sent me into kind of a tailspin––because for so long, I thought my PTSD was just "treatment-resistant". Turns out, that's probably only because we've been trying to treat it the complete wrong way all this time.

This is a good epiphany. It'll help my progress, I think.

We decided to hang out after practice for a sport we met in, grab drinks, and he spent basically the whole night criticizing me through a bunch of little digs. For him, it was "just joking", but I'd already expressed to him feeling incredibly vulnerable and struggling deeply this week because it's the anniversary of when I got assaulted. I wanted a friend. He knew that. So, for me to already be struggling and then hear how he thinks I'm useless, I completely shut down. I never expected to be kicked while I was down by one of my closest friends.

He absolutely knew he'd messed up during the night when I went silent and went home with barely a word. I'm usually a very talkative person and super warm, so dead silence for me is reserved only for those times when I think speaking or trying to solve the problem is going to take more energy than it's worth. He noticed the almost-instant shift in behavior. I didn't want to talk anymore, I didn't want to be with him, I just wanted to go home and sleep.

I sent him a message saying hey, glad you had fun but some of the stuff you said really hurt and I'd rather not spend time together again for a while. Can't be vulnerable around someone I'm catching strays from. He wants to fix it, and he's been sending me messages to try and talk... it's just that I don't know what the point would be. If he genuinely perceives me the way he was talking last night, is there even a friendship to save? He claims to value me and care about me, but his behavior is contradicting that claim.

Lately, he's been getting closer to some of the other young men on the team (it is very male-dominated, which I think is contributing to my negative experience with him and in the group at large as a woman). This socialization, in itself, is good! He was super isolated last year when we met and got close, and it's amazing he's connecting with others now. But it's like he's in this weird dick-measuring contest now where he's got to fit in with The Boys and prove he's The Best. Part of that is punching down to people he thinks are beneath him to lift himself up and compete with another man on the team (they're both vying for leadership roles). I'm one of those people beneath him, and it killed me to realize one of my best friends could do that to me. Like, were we even friends??? WHY were we even friends if he views me so poorly?

I don't really want to talk to him anymore. I know he can't grow or change unless he understands what he did and why it hurt me, and he wants to. That's more than a lot of people. But is that energy I want to expend? What's the end goal, even? I don't know if I can ever let him closer than arm's length from me again, so would I just be fighting for... an acquaintance? He'll never be my best friend again. Last night, and I can still remember the exact millisecond it shifted in my head, was an inflection point. He acted like he was better than me, and like... ok. So, go be better than me. Over there. Do not make me the butt of your jokes and then seek camaraderie from me. People who can't value me don't get my energy like that.

Ugh. Feeling very rough.

It started back last year. We met doing a club sport on campus. I (30F) was having a really rough day, and he (22M) reached out to see if I was ok. I was scared oversharing might make him uncomfortable and we were still just acquaintances. But he told me he was very much the type to stay up all night with someone he thought needed it, to listen and not judge, and it was so kind that I cried and just kind of told him what was up.

We have been talking almost every other day or so since October. Thousands of messages exchanged, lots of incredibly deep conversations shared. He has become my closest male friend, and I love being around him. We've gone out for drinks or food together 1:1 a few times, I give him rides on a pretty regular basis while his car's out of commission, and we know basically everything about each other.

He always, always asks how I'm doing, checks if I'm ok if I seem sullen, and seems happy to see me. While I've talked about other guys with him (because I thought things were platonic), he's never talked about other women, except to tell me what happened in one past relationship because it's something that affects him a lot.

In March, one of our mutual friends was observing us and she comes to me and tells me she'd bet $100 this guy is interested in me as more than a friend. I'd never considered he might be, since I'm older than him, but whether or not it's true it got me thinking of him a little differently - because she was right about some things. He is more attentive to me than anyone else in the group. He does always always ask how I am. He does offer reassurance more frequently than maybe is normal or necessary of a friend. He does somehow always end up sitting next to me for things. He does compliment me. He was the very first person to commit to coming to my thesis defense, and he's not even remotely interested in the topic so I know it's just to support me. It is entirely possible that he is just being platonic and really nice, but we really are toeing a very fine line and I'm no longer sure of the nature of our connection.

I don't know when my feelings changed, exactly, but at some point, I realized he knew everything about me and hadn't run away. He was still kind, still there, still always checking in with me. I feel safe around him, comfortable, and I'm noticing him more and more. He's not an ugly young man, you know??? Dude's hot. And more than once, when we've been doing this club sport, I've thought to myself "huh, he's close enough right now that I could lean in and kiss him if I wanted to". And I do want to, pretty badly even. I have a huge stinkin' crush on one of my best friends, and I am so beyond terrified to tell him because he might not feel the same.

He is one of my favorite humans, and I don't know if I'd handle it well if I'd misread things and he didn't feel the same. I think I'd go into a "why am I not good/pretty enough?" shame spiral and distance myself from him because I'd feel so wounded. So, it feels safer right now to just swallow what I feel, maybe keep a little more distance than I normally would, and hope it subsides. But we're also going out for drinks on Friday, and I don't know how to act normal. What if I say or do something stupid?

I have no idea how it happened, but I (30F) been really good friends with this guy (22M) for the better part of a year, and I feel super comfortable with him. I think I like him, and I feel so guilty about it!

He’s 22 to my 30, and he’s one of my closest friends. We know a lot of things about each other. I’m scared I’ll lose him if I admit to any more-than-friendly feelings. He’s a great person, and really kind, and funny in a kind of annoying but still deeply endearing way. We are total opposites, but I love spending time with him.

One of my other friends pointed out that she thought he was into me just because of how attentive he acts with me. I thought we were just really good friends, and maybe we are, but he does exercise extra care around me it seems.

I’m moving in two months, so it’s not like anything can really come from this. But I can’t help that I feel this way. Do I tell him? Do I not? Do I just avoid him? I’m scared and not very good at this.