u/yeeeeeeee564

Not diagnosed autistic. 32m. I do already have a diagnosis of bipolar and ADHD and anxiety disorder. And delayed phase sleep disorder. Deep history of depression but it seems it's turned more into anxiety as I've gotten older. Since at least high School I figured I'm likely autistic but until recently figured it's the least of my concerns.

I have a report from the second grade that states I have severe issues socializing, didn't understand how to play with other kids, I'm unable to pay attention, and I'm not able to communicate my needs. Aaaaannnd their opinion was that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me.

I have always had chronic anxiety. It's gotten worse over the years and in the last 2 years I've had four teeth chip apart because of clenching. I've started wearing my mouthguard constantly despite my speech impediment. I was a very late talker. I've always been extremely shy. In school I would sit out and take a zero when I had to do a presentation, because I would lock up, sweat profusely, and actually blackout. I forced myself to public speak at one point in my 20s and the same thing happened. I've always struggled to make friends and have rarely actually had one. When I start a new job it takes me over 6 months to become comfortable with my coworkers. When I do meet somebody I like, there is an immediate connection and none of the issues. I was on a second date with a girl and after dinner we were sitting talking and she said do you want to do anything. I noted that she was looking at me very very weird. I didn't get why she was doing that so I suggested bowling. She said no I'll just go home and I said yeah it's been a long day. 2 years later I was thinking about it and realized what she was getting at. I have numerous stories exactly like that.

While there are things that distract me like scrolling and playing with my dog etc which can be calming when I'm doing them; only certain deeply sensory activities can actually calm me down. Unhealthy examples include: getting intoxicated (history of drug/ alcohol abuse, 2 weeks and 4 years sober respectively.), self harm (it's been 6 years unless you count excessive irresponsible exercise), drifting (been awhile/can't anymore), etc. The only healthy example I can think of are exercise (which I deeply love but it's hard to moderate and it's also extremely hard to initiate, and I can only keep it up if I get into routine which is so difficult). I have a habit that I call sauna-ing which deeply helps in the moment and can slightly calm me down. This is when I go into the bathroom and turn off the lights and run the shower on full hot and just sit next to it. I've been doing this for 2 to 3 hours a day lately.

I definitely fixate on things

I absolutely have arfid.

I can't get a meaningful sleep unless I'm in my own bed. I hate driving vehicles that I'm not familiar with despite loving driving. I moved back home and having to use a different kitchen completely puts me off from even trying to cook which is a huge struggle to start with.

I thrive so hard when I have routine and structure. When I was 20 I went to a long-term transitional rehab for a year and a half. Every 20 year olds worst nightmare right? IT WAS AMAZING. I've been to rehab three times and psych ward three times and enjoyed every stay at each. Especially rehab. I wish I could go rn.

When I get overwhelmed I shut down. 6 months ago my step dad passed away, my mother has severe PTSD and alcoholism. She wasnt doing great before he passed and could not handle it. She started drinking more and I knew that she wasn't going to make it long. I spent 2 months with her convincing her to go to rehab. Lots and lots of yelling with the combined PTSD and drinking. Eventually I said I did everything I could and went home. She called 2 Days later, willing to go to rehab, I don't think she had another week if that if she continued. Since she agreed to be sober and go to rehab I moved back, she can't do this alone and I'm more than happy to be doing this. Thankfully she has another house she is staying at so I have my space in my home I half grew up in. I spent the last 2 months myself getting sober. It was hell. Definitely the hardest time I've ever had getting sober.

I'm burnt out even though I absolutely loathe that term for some reason I don't know. I can't be productive. I can't sleep even though I'm fairly confident I'm fully through detox from weed. I'm so tired but my RLS keeps me up. There's so much to do around the house. I have a lot of medical issues and I found a couple doctors but I need to find about four more and finding doctors is my personal hell. Navigating insurance, and the phone calls. I have such incredible anxiety about phone calls. But I really really need to find and make these doctor's appointments and get all my stuff put away and there's so much to be fixed around the house.

I have been in therapy continuously for 3 years and for most of my life before that, from as early as I can remember because of the divorce and the court mandated that which I'm sure genuinely helped and I'm thankful for. I see a psychiatrist. I really loved my last one but my new one seems not great, he changed my ADHD meds even though they were working well for me, among other issues.

I'm spending hours a day sauna-ing. I can't bring myself to be productive in any way. I'm eating only because of Clif bars and freezer foods and take out. My teeth hurt so bad. The last couple days it's actually been causing my whole face to hurt, despite the mouth gaurd

I can't help but think I cant get myself out of this because I'm likely autistic and I'm not getting treatment / using techniques that I should assuming that's the case. I love CBT and I've done a lot of it and it's really helped, but reframing my thoughts isn't doing anything rn. Medication doesn't do anything. (It does, a lot, I would probably be in a much much worse place if I wasn't on my meds, but it doesn't solve whatever I'm experiencing).

I'm so overwhelmed and I can't function. I don't know what to do. I've decided I'm going to talk to both my doctors this week and if I can't get some sort of improvement by next week I'm going to start smoking weed again. I'm worried I'm going to do something worse if this gets worse or doesn't improve. I don't want to do anything harmful but I know it's a possibility if things get dark enough. And I extremely don't want to start smoking weed again but something's got to give. I would go to the hospital but that's just for stabilization, I'll go there if it gets to that point, but I don't see how it would help me. Same with rehab and IOP. Been to IOP 3 times as well, I know all the skills. I can't execute them, and when I do they don't help in a meaningful way.

I feel like there is a level of care missing between hospital and therapy. I understand that's IOP but I don't think I would get anything out of a group structure like that. Yes you get therapy while there but I don't think I would take to the therapy with someone I just met and know I will not be seeing them for long.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to start looking into getting tested. And message my psychiatrist for a sooner appointment.

What am I to do in the meantime. Do you think I'm overthinking it and this is all stemming from anxiety and adhd? Is burn out real? Is if possible that I'm decent at managing when things are okay but with this increased stress and burnout, it's a different story? I just want help and don't know what to do. I'm so passionate about getting better. I was so excited to get sober finally. I don't know what to do.

May the wind always be at your back

Edit to add: I can't relax. Its an ongoing problem but it is full blown right now. I cannot sit down and make art. I can't watch a movie. There isn't much else I even do to relax besides get high and watch YouTube. I doomscroll but that's not helpful in any way. I think part of it is my insane level of self criticism: I need to be productive and don't deserve to indulge, I'm not even doing anything so why would I need to relax. I also very much feel like I don't even have the energy, physically but mostly mentally, to even do such basic things like meditate, journal, or watch a movie.

2nd edit lol: what is this? It's not a crisis/ episode which would require hospitalization. Been there done that. But it's also very very much not a: I'll be patient these things take time trust the process... There is no process there is no work being done which would cause progress and eventual relief. I don't get it.

I am safe. I do not have plans of self harm (history of it), nor thoughts of relapsing (I'm fully sober)

I have ADHD and severe chronic anxiety. I moved recently, had a family death, and just moved to take care of my mom. I'm really struggling with chronic anxiety (teeth are chipping apart, severe avoidance to everything, though I'm still getting things done for a few hours a day when I'm at my peak) and ADHD. I was dx a year ago with adhd and havent really learned any new skills to manage. I have a new set of doctors cuz moving, but I'm not really sure are the right fit but obviously I'm going to continue to go.

I can't keep doing this. Not in a "I'm going to do something" way, but I just really can't keep going like this and need to figure out how to get on my feet. I have thrived before, I know it's possible. I have done lots of CBT and I find it extremely useful. And I immediately reframe every negative thought I have for the most part, but it doesn't stick or help in any way really. Okay it's probably helping a lot and keeping me going but my anxiety is still very severe. I've been in therapy nearly my whole life, and I feel I'm at a plateau at least with the level of care I'm getting, and my new psychiatrist is okayish and trying but I don't think he is right for me, he does one size fits all. I was on a med set up that was working well and he would not let me continue it.

The hospital is for stabilization, it would not be helpful except in that it would be a bit of a 3-day retreat. I honestly have enjoyed each of my 3 stays in a psych ward. IOP is very non-personalized and covers very basic skills, I've also been three times and have knowledge of all the skills. Yesterday I was flipping through the skills manual from last time

Is there something in between that I'm missing? I was reading that there are individual one-on-one iops but I'm not seeing anything in my area. I've looked into mental health retreats but they all seem... "Let's go got a hike with some essential oils and we will fix our burnout". I need daily therapy of some sort with a skilled practitioner, as well as medication management.

My best thought is rehab (which I love), but I don't think I could leave my mom for 30 days.

Any ideas at all? Thanks and may the wind always be at your back

Have chronic anxiety, had four teeth chip apart in the last 2 years from clenching my teeth. I have four years sober from drinking. I've been through an absolute hell the last 6 months. Dad died, mom has PTSD, she went off the rails, I spent 2 months convincing her not to drink herself to death and got her into rehab. She is on the mend but I still have to take care of her. I spent the last 2 months myself getting sober off high volume daily cannabis use, kind of self medicating. When I got sober off of alcohol I had 9 months completely sober before I reluctantly started smoking to treat my anxiety. I can't take Xanax or anything similar because of my addiction issues as well as I already have productivity issues as I'm constantly tired and have severe ADHD. Finally have 2 weeks and I've been so excited about it. I think I'm mostly through detoxing. I feel how I felt when I was 9 months completely sober.

I don't want to start smoking again. I so deeply want to be sober and live a clean meaningful life, helping others. I moved back home to take care of Mom and she is financially supporting me and can pay for me to go back to college, I was getting excited for that to enter the mental health field in some capacity. I'm passionate about it due to all of my struggles, but also all the help I've gotten.

I go to weekly therapy with a board certified psychologist. I see a board certified psychiatrist at least once a month. I know I need the highest level of care I can get, I also have bipolar but that's well managed. I would go to the hospital but I know that would not help, as it is for stabilization. I would go to IOP but I have been four times, I know it's not the help I need right now. I am skilled at Cbt. I'm hyper aware of all of my automatic thoughts and reframe them, but it doesn't help. A large part of the issue is I cannot bring myself to meditate or journal or anything similar. I have no idea what the block is. I've tried for many months to figure it out in therapy. I know that these skills rely on practice but I cannot practice them. Most of my anxiety right now comes from not being able to function. I'm constantly tired, but I also simply lack the skills needed to be functional and productive. I have done well in the past and thrived, but that was after 18 months in a transitional rehab, and while being with a supportive partner.

I am under medicated because my new psych does not believe in using a booster of concerta and my fast metabolism causes me to crash earlier in the afternoon. He gave me Ritalin which caused a severe anxiety attack. I do not like him and I'm going to look for a new psychiatrist. But he is recent and I explored virtually every possibility with my last, very incredible amazing psychiatrist. I'm on as much strattera as I can tolerate without side effects. Wellbutrin and lamotrigine do nothing except make me exhausted. Gabapentin works, as in makes me not able to think. I don't call that helpful.

I'm not going to take horse tranquilizers btw

I'm just completely at a loss. I'm trying absolutely everything I can. I don't want to go back to my old habits but I can't start new habits either. I feel like I need daily therapy, but it was nearly impossible to find my new therapist and she can barely see me weekly. I feel like I'm missing something. I just want to get better.

I'm still getting aquatinted with my R9, not even zeroed in yet, I'm new to shooting. I had been using a platform that I made using 3/4 plywood and 2x4s on top of two sturdy saw horses, and a drumming throne. I felt like I didn't have the height quite right no matter what I did, and I wanted a dedicated shooting bench to free up the sawhorses/ new outdoor table. The Caldwell stable table light seemed like a decent option. The seat doesn't adjust at all, I tried getting set up on it and I had to hunch down so far I couldn't pocket the butt, it just hits my collar bone, and obviously was not comfortable. It has good reviews, am I missing something? I could build up the top again with 2x4 and plywood, but that entirely defeats the purpose.

I'm also just frustrated in general with the situation. It's generally hard for me to become comfortable, I'm young but I feel like I have an issue with my joints. I've tried doing a lot of research about the ideal height of the sea and table, the delta of those, delta of scope when resting on the front mount and my eye when sitting up straight, and there's absolutely no consistent answers. It seems some people shoot sitting nearly straight up, and some people are doing yoga. And like I said, I have trouble figuring this stuff out, like I have a newish (2023) car and I can't get the seat too comfortable position for the life of me. I feel like I'm putting all this effort in and have no idea if I'm even going in the right direction. Any advice at all? Thanks

Disclaimer, I'm not seeing one yet. But I realized a few months ago: what in the actual f*** why aren't I. I've been in therapy my whole life and it's never been suggested. Life is insanely crazy right now but I'm hoping to get one soon

But why does nobody ever talk about this. Why has no one ever suggested this to me. And I've never heard of anybody going to one.

But it's literally their job to help us in ways that we need help, to a T. Struggling with figuring out how to do things. How to create systems. How to get organized in a way that works for you. How to use your strengths to overcome your struggles. Actual real world advice and help, not talking about things, not speculating over why we feel the ways we do. Like it could be called an ADHD therapist.

I've wanted to do this for a while and the post about the brick reminded me and I just need to do it. My current smartphone is a couple years old but somehow still working okay. From some basic research it's not going to cost me much of anything. They cost significantly less to pay for a line for the flip phone because of the lower data usage. And then I can buy a data plan for the smartphone for 30 bucks or so (similar to buying data for an iPad). Obviously I'm still going to have to navigate not pulling out the smartphone. I think I'm going to keep it in my purse and inside it's holster just as a double reminder. I'm so tired of looking at a goddamn screen all day and I've tried all the screentime apps and I just turn them off.

My one big concern is if I meet a girl, she's going to think I'm trying too hard (annoying hipster) (also by the end of a first date, people very much have a clear understanding of who I am lol). But I honestly just don't care. I'm getting better at that lately. I need these things for myself and I don't care what anyone thinks. Haters can gargle my... Oops lost my train of thought

My RLS has been very very intermittent since I was a child. Honestly hasn't really been a huge deal, at it's worst it's kept me up for a couple hours each night for a week before receding. What's crazy is I tapered off of weed; I tapered very fast at first from two grams a day to half a gram, and this was the worst part of the withdrawals. I tapered a bit more over another week and then the last week I was having three drags off of a joint each night. My first two days sober were actually pretty great, very minor withdrawals such as headache and low appetite. Day three I decided to go for a run because that's my favorite thing to do besides getting high and everyone says the exercise helps withdrawals which does make sense in and of itself. This triggered the worst rls of my life. I didn't sleep that night. I got maybe an hour the next night and about 2 hours a night since. I went for a very short run this morning being hopeful. Nope. I'm not sleeping tonight even though I got gabapentin. I also was reading about RLS medications and how just like any other drug we become tolerant to it and then at a certain point it doesn't do anything so we stop and it's just so so much stronger and absolutely unmanageable. So I do not want to take gabapentin or anything else. I really don't think I can live like this. I already have so many physical health conditions and mental health conditions going on. I really can't do this. Please tell me it's going to get better soon and it's just from quitting.

Also I'm kind of convinced I have peripheral neuropathy or something else. I have a positive speckle pattern Ana at a high titer. So it could be lupus or peripheral psortitditis, I have very very bad joint stiffness, achilles tendonitis, plantar fasciitis, and chronic lower back pain. I've explained all my symptoms to multiple doctors including my rheumatologist and the only feedback I've ever gotten from doctors is to stretch and eat better and sleep better and I think I'm done with doctors at this point. I've been in so much pain for so long and they just tell me to f****** eat better and stretch

Edit to add: a few weeks ago it was a little bit bad and I wasn't having it, so I punched my calves and my thighs nearly full force for a few minutes and it actually worked immediately. But I was having trouble walking the next day and I also have a history of self harm so that kind of doesn't seem like a ideal solution but like why not at this point

I tapered down, so the withdrawls were actually really easy besides some minor headaches and still didn't have a great appetite. But I got more done in those two days than in the last 2 months maybe. Day three I went for a long walk including some running. Everybody and their mother says to start exercising. And running is my favorite thing to do besides getting high. And that triggered an RLS flare up even though it was already a little bad but it was manageable.

I slept maybe half an hour that night. Maybe an hour the next night. Since then it's been about 2 hours night. It had seemed to be getting better so this morning I went for a very light run of 3/4 mile in the morning this time. Nope. I'm not sleeping tonight. My doctor gave me an rx med for nerve relief but it's not really doing anything.

Has anyone experienced anything like this? I did have pre-existing RLS but it's been very intermittent and has never been anything like this at all. At worst in the past it's kept me up 2 hours. I don't want to get to specific but I'm worried I'm going to do something worse than relapsing. I'm already in chronic pain for other reasons. I'm kind of hoping someone here has experienced something similar with pre-existing RLS flaring up really bad in the weeks after quitting but then It got better? My withdrawals were worse in the early tapering phase so I don't know why the RLS wouldn't have been rampant then. In the early tapering I went from two grams a day of flower to .5g. my last week of tapering was three drags off a joint each night. I'm just so lost and I just want to sleep

I've been doing the dance for a year now, a couple pairs every 2 months. Swapping out every other day to allow for the foam to recover. But they still seem to be wearing too quickly, then I read a comment that made it make sense. These are running shoes. They are engineered to be used for a few hours at a time at best. So we know that we need to swap every other day to give them a break. But also, they become fatigued after a couple hours. So... I need at least four, more likely six pairs, at a time; changing them halfway through the day, ideally after 3 hours? And then the next day use a different set.

Seems insane. I understand reason behind it. But there's got to be some other answer. I have bad achilles tendonitis, I have one cyst growing on the plantar fascia (it was incredibly painful at first but it seems to have toughened up at least) and I have something going on with my heel where it'll suddenly feel like it's broken if I put any weight on it. This has flared up a couple times but gone away. (I took an x-ray to my podiatrist and he laughed at me for thinking that podiatrists can see anything on x-rays...)

And I feel like I used to be able to find the late model Bondi fairly easily and cheap but I haven't been able to recently.

Debating just becoming sedentary and fat and unhappy

Here's mine. My four favorite things / passions in life are smoking cigs, getting high, running, and being sober.

I haven't met the character requirements yet, so, toph, hagrid, Pinky and the Brain, Ed, Edd, and Eddy, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Rocco, White fang, courage, little Sebastian

Boy, 32 if it matters. Every single comment and post is about boxes. Height, career, finances, attractiveness, height, physique, dating strategies, online versus offline, height, status symbols, volume of matches, height, finances, hairline, homeownership.

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Honestly I think if you are mostly thinking about this stuff, you're screwed. Like I really don't get it. You're expecting everyone to be looking for these things and therefore focusing on these things. And if you're in that mindset, I'd bet my dog's life that you have similar expectations and boxes.

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What if I told you that healthy people date based on connection. All of these material and societal check marks just prove the issue. Of course nobody's going to find a match when everybody's playing 5D chess with a bingo card of achievements.

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What if I told you that if you threw all that shit out the window, and just live who you are authentically are, AND looked for that, looked for a genuine connection with someone else with that, things would probably go differently.

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I'm not attractive. Im a very healthy weight but don't work out, though I do construction so I have some muscle mass, think swimmer's body. I have a bunch of health issues and I am so insanely socially awkward. I've always lived paycheck to paycheck, dropped out of high school (severe ADHD) went straight into trade school and started working. But guess what. People fucking love me. It's honestly really annoying because mental health issues make it really hard to accept and it just doesn't add up. Why would people like me?

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It's because I'm extremely authentic and a decent, sensitive, caring person. I help people whenever I can and anytime a girl sees me with my dog, I know the ball is in my court. (The biy dog is my life, I've actually been told by a number of girls that it's really hot). Most of my adult life I've been in a relationship, but the one or two short periods when I was single and had my shit together, despite none of my boxes being checked, it wasn't hard. Was it easy? No. It takes patience for one. And I also don't know if this is me but I don't waste my time because I know when I see my type of person. My like to dislike ratio when swiping is about 1:100, I've verified. It isn't about spray and pray. It's about knowing who you are and what you have to offer and looking for a like-minded individual.

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And if you're disagree with me I completely accept that. I would just like to know what your explanation is behind me not having an incredibly difficult time when: ADHD, hs drop out, poor finances, extremely awkward, health issues, I've literally been in therapy my whole life, sober, been to rehab three times.

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I could be in the wrong place honestly. I know this is dating advice but I'm not sure if it's actually more "fuck more people who my friends would approve of, advice". I am demisexual and autistic so who knows. Not coming at anyone, we are all different and have different experiences, just some observations.

I am one of that prescribes to the belief that I/we can still in a simple way find people sexually attractive, that doesn't mean i/we are not Demi. Same way I can find a horse very beautiful and not want to screw it.

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And it seems my problem here does fluctuate depending on my mental health for some reason but that's beside the point.

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I do (sometimes) I watch porn, yeah. I'm not a fan though. It's a means to an end and it often just makes me sad. And I've always struggled with the ethics/how comfortable I am thinking about other people I've met. It just doesn't seem right. Though the one kind of instance I feel slightly more okay about it is when I haven't known or seen the person in years. And sadly I don't have the ability to imagine a new face out of thin air. I've tried a lot. When I'm in a relationship this isn't an issue, I don't get bored being with my person at all.

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Am I a bad person? How do you guys navigate this.

So I have a manifesto but it is old and a bit out of date for me and haven't gotten to revising it. Unfortunately serial killers and political entities have put a weird stain on the word manifesto but it does not have any sort of negative connotation. It's basically, at least the way I use mine, is literally a drawn out guide of who I am and who I want to be and the rules I need to follow and the truth of this world that I need to stay aware of. Since I haven't been able to rework it, I've used a simpler version. My grandfather gave me a printout of this poem many many years ago and I've started reading it every morning, and it really sets a good mindset.

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When you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you king for a day

Just go to the mirror and look at yourself

And see what that man has to say.

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For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife

Whose judgment upon you must pass

The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the one staring back from the glass.

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He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest

For he’s with you, clear to the end

And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test

If the man in the glass is your friend.

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You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years

And get pats on the back as you pass

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

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I've read all over the place that even on a bench, use the artillery hold with forestock in your loose palm, not on bags or rolled towels (though it's fine to rest the back of your hand on them). I completely comprehend why. I have played around with a few different setups and it seems I am usually more accurate with the suggested Palm (though I'm still just getting into shooting... Still trying to figure out exact placements for cheek weld, rest point etc, probably no two shots have been perfectly consistent as far as technique).

But, I've seen a number of videos of nice boys testing rifles or demonstrating technique or reviewing ammo or this or that. I want to say at least half of them shoot with the gun resting on bags. And obviously they are very very accurate. So I'm just curious what the deal is. I'm sure like everything, it often comes down personal preference, what equipment is being used, 6 ways to skin a cat etc, but I'm wondering if the Palm method at a bench is a bit of a myth and I just want to make sure I'm not missing something.

And yes I'm familiar with the tips of using microfiber or some other slippery surface rather than just whatever, and to keep the bags or towel light or fluffy etc. but if you do have other tips, they are appreciated. Stay safe out there and don't do anything I wouldn't do