u/zozobeiyz

I was always an exceptional student, good at sports, always excelled in all extracurricular activities I took (which were a lot), have shelves full of my awards and medals, always held student leadership positions.

Everything was on track, but then I got forced into a marriage at 20. Got married, tried to see the positives- gave it my everything. If only I had taken a stand and shown a little bit of courage. Marriage ruined me (narcissistic in-laws and spineless husband). Became a shell of myself. Fought with him and for him so that he changes, sees my worth and treats me well. Did this for 4 years, thought I was going to just end up being a housewife. I never thought I could go back to work, the kind of work I’d enjoy. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. I had started feeling numb. I wanted to loved. I still don’t know if I ever loved him. Maybe I did. I wanted us to work, I wanted kids. But I also knew that I can only have kids when I’m in a good marriage. I went through an abortion, which he didn’t know about (else he wouldn’t let me). I still carry that guilt but that was it for me.

I enrolled into a Masters degree, studied and worked really hard despite all the nuisance he put me through at home. I hustled so hard during the past 2 years, my motivation was thinking about all the wasted potential if I didn’t do everything I was meant to achieve in this life. I secured 4 job offers in this market!! All of them are great and I’m having a tough time settling for one. I was also offered to be sessional teacher and a career guide at my university (I have always wanted to teach). Last month I put myself out there and started giving keynote presentations at networking events. I finally feel like I’m headed in the right direction. I’m 26 now and I can’t imagine that 21yo thought that that was her life.

Posting this here because I remember venting about how I am stuck and directionless, and all you lovely ladies were so kind to me. Thank you ❤️

I was always an exceptional student, good at sports, always excelled in all extracurricular activities I took (which were a lot), have shelves full of my awards and medals, always held student leadership positions.

Everything was on track, but then I got forced into a marriage at 20. Got married, tried to see the positives- gave it my everything. If only I had taken a stand and shown a little bit of courage. Marriage ruined me (narcissistic in-laws and spineless husband). Became a shell of myself. Fought with him and for him so that he changes, sees my worth and treats me well. Did this for 4 years, thought I was going to just end up being a housewife. I never thought I could go back to work, the kind of work I’d enjoy. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. I had started feeling numb. I wanted to loved. I still don’t know if I ever loved him. Maybe I did. I wanted us to work, I wanted kids. But I also knew that I can only have kids when I’m in a good marriage. I went through an abortion, which he didn’t know about (else he wouldn’t let me). I still carry that guilt but that was it for me.

I enrolled into a Masters degree, studied and worked really hard despite all the nuisance he put me through at home. I hustled so hard during the past 2 years, my motivation was thinking about all the wasted potential if I didn’t do everything I was meant to achieve in this life. I secured 4 job offers in this market!! All of them are great and I’m having a tough time settling for one. I was also offered to be sessional teacher and a career guide at my university (I have always wanted to teach). Last month I put myself out there and started giving keynote presentations at networking events. I finally feel like I’m headed in the right direction. I’m 26 now and I can’t imagine that 21yo thought that that was her life.

Posting this here because I remember venting about how I am stuck and directionless, and all you lovely ladies were so kind to me. Thank you ❤️

I’m a single mother to a 5yo daughter. I found a really nice townhouse in my budget and close to a school, park, grocery store, and Pilates. Plus since I work in the cbd, having tram access is bonus. Everything that I wanted.

But I’m really anxious to move to this suburb due to news about theft and break-ins. I’m also really scared about our safety, especially my daughter. The general consensus about it being a hippie suburb is also adding to the doubt. Also I’m really scared of drug addicts, due to an incident in the past that landed me in ER because of them being violent.

Please help me make a decision. I would really appreciate some insight.

I’m a single mother to a 5yo daughter. I found a really nice townhouse in my budget and close to a school, park, grocery store, and Pilates. Plus since I work in the cbd, having tram access is bonus. Everything that I wanted.

But I’m really anxious to move to this suburb due to news about theft and break-ins. I’m also really scared about our safety, especially my daughter. The general consensus about it being a hippie suburb is also adding to the doubt.

Please help me make a decision. I would really appreciate some insight.

I’m a single mother to a 5yo daughter. I found a really nice townhouse in my budget and close to a school, park, grocery store, and Pilates. Plus since I work in the cbd, having tram access is bonus. Everything that I wanted.

But I’m really anxious to move to this suburb due to news about theft and break-ins. I’m also really scared about our safety, especially my daughter. The general consensus about it being a hippie suburb is also adding to the doubt.

Please help me make a decision. I would really appreciate some insight.

Firstly, i absolutely love how encouraging this sub is and posts about how walking changed your life!

I’m waiting for that to happen to me. I got out a really bad phase in my life, got a health scare and on the positive side finally got a job that I love.
So I am trying to fix my life on the mental and physical health front. It’s been an uphill battle. I cannot be consistent and I cannot get myself to step out of the house. It is so freaking cold. For those who live in colder climates- how do you motivate yourself to get out of the house and in terms of practicality- how do you protect yourself from the cold.

Also I’m the phase where I’m getting a sensation of million ants inside my legs after walking 20mins - I hate it. Is this normal?

Recently got 2 offers for grad roles, I am still deciding between them.

One pays 95k, but I feel going into that role early in my career will funnel my future career prospects. Though it’s a very prestigious firm to be at.

The other role pays 85k but I absolutely love the role, and think it’s going to be a massive learning opportunity - better exit opportunities as well. Aligns better with my long term career goals.

Can I negotiate with Role#2 for them to match my other offer? But I’m not sure if grads even are allowed to negotiate? Is that seen as a red flag? I’m scared they will rescind the offer - absolutely do not want that to happen. Also which one should I go with?

I want to have it all.

I thought long and hard about where to post this, and this felt like the right place.

I’m 26F. Life hasn’t been easy. I went through a lot after turning 20, and my biggest loss was losing my deen and my connection with Allah swt. I was severely depressed, questioning everything, in the trenches. I won’t go into the details of that period.

Since then I have worked hard to improve myself on every front. Alhamdulillah. I prayed and begged Allah swt for the things I have today, and I have them only because of his grace.

I’m just starting my career, and it’s the exact role and company I wanted. Going through what I did made me understand the importance of having a career, not just a job. I am ambitious. I set high goals and work hard to reach them.

To be clear, I don’t work because I need the money. My husband handles our finances, and my parents are well off. I work because I have big dreams. I work because I love what I do. Because it keeps me motivated and gives me the drive to do everything else in my life well. My career is not a fallback. It is something I genuinely want.

But everything I do, if I am being honest, has one thing underneath it. I want to be a good mother. I want to be an exemplary person for my own kids. That is why I worked on my marriage. That is why I identified my vices and bad habits and changed them. That is why I pushed myself in my education and career, improved my health, rebuilt my lifestyle. All of it was so that when the time comes, I am someone my children can look up to. That is how seriously I take this. That is how much I love kids, even before I have them.

So when I say I cannot mess this up, I mean it. It is the thing I want most in this world. Which is exactly why I refuse to rush it.

But as a Muslim woman, I feel a conflict. I want a family and I want kids, but I want to do it right. When I say I want kids, I don’t say it lightly. I love kids and I want to have them when I can give them everything they deserve and more. But with my career just starting, I’m scared I won’t have the time or the groundedness to show up the way I need to.

My husband tells me my career isn’t important because he can take care of us. But financial independence still matters to me. I have been in situations where depending entirely on him went very wrong, and I never want to be in that position again. I will never put myself in a position where I have to beg for someone to do something for our own good. I have learned that I can only truly rely onAllah swt and no one else. Things are much better between us now, but that experience shaped how I think, and I would never want to be in that situation ever.

To women who have built a real career, hit the milestones they set for themselves, and also handled family and kids: how did you do it? How do you do it?
I’m scared that having kids will set back a career I worked so hard to reach. And I’m already 26. I don’t know how to do both. I can’t have kids while I’m just starting out.

Please don’t tell me to give up on my career or that kids must come first. I want to hear from women who think the way I do.