only heard one side of this, and I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. older (60s+) woman seemed to be responding to an SOS from a good friend.
"Hey, it's me. What's up?"
"Yeah, it's okay. I'm in a public space though. Want me to call you again when I'm home?"
"What happened?"
"Oh no."
*long listening pause*
"You're still you."
At my favorite place: coffee and way too many donut options.
Also, some guy on the phone:
“I like the shorts but they make my b@lls lopsidedly cool”
My husband used Tesco's toilets around 11am.
A man (30s) stood in front of the mirror for the entirety of his shit, talking to himself.
"I look like a fucking alien"
"Why do I look like that"
"I'm so ugly"
Husband says he didn't sound upset, more angry.
Spent most of yesterday with my gf and her grandparents. Grandma refused to cook any of her classic dishes because of superstition, so I joined grandpa for a drive to Burger King. I overheard what you're about to read at the drive thru.
Speaker: Hi, welcome to Burger King, how may I take your order?
Grandpa: You're not Jonas.
Speaker: Jonas is on lunch, sir.
Grandpa: Fuck.
Speaker: Excuse me, sir?
Grandpa: Can you please call him?
Speaker: Who?
Grandpa: Jonas.
Speaker: He's on lunch, sir.
Grandpa: No offence to you, young man, but my dietary requirements are very specific and Jonas already knows all that information better than I do by now, so it will just be better for both of us if he takes my order.
Speaker: He's on lunch, sir.
Grandpa: Is he gonna be long?
Speaker: I don't know where he's having lunch, sir, so I'm not exactly sure how long he'll be.
Grandpa: Why leave to have lunch when you work at Burger King?
Speaker: It's a mystery, sir.
Grandpa: What's your name, young man?
Speaker: Travis, sir.
Grandpa: I'm sorry for being a difficult customer, Travis. Thank you for your patience. But I changed my mind. Think I'll do pizza instead. Goodbye Travis.
Speaker: Have a nice day, sir.
I used to work at a beachfront tavern in one of the windiest cities in South Africa. One winter's morning, this older gentleman walks in. Picture the classic South African farmer: shorts, long socks pulled up, work boots, a two-tone button-up shirt, and a thick jacket.
Naturally... he chooses to sit outside on the deck.
Nobody wanted to serve him because it was freezing. I thought, "It's quiet. I'll take him."
It wasn't even 11 o'clock yet, so we were only serving breakfast. But he tells me, "I'm craving a steak, egg, and chips."
I tell him, "Let me see what the chef says." The chef agrees, so I go back to take his order.
I ask, "How would you like your steak, sir?"
"Medium rare."
"Perfect. And how would you like your egg?"
This big, tough-looking Afrikaans farmer looks me dead in the eye and says, "Young lady... when you bring my plate... if I shake it..." Then he purs his shoulders back and does the cutest little body shimmy you've ever seen. "...I want my egg to go like this."
He didn't say "sunny side up." He didn't say "soft." He just danced it for me.
7 years later, I still remember exactly how that man wanted his eggs.
Tell me about your favourite customer interactions! I'd love a good giggle!
I was in the checkout line at Walmart when I overheard two guys talking. This guy went up to an older guy to say hi to him and they started talking. (They obviously knew each other.) It sounded like the older guy was a retired cop.
Older guy: What are you doing for the 4th?
Younger guy: I was going to take my daughter to the parade. Are you going to go?
Older guy: Are you kidding? I hate parades. I was forced to go every year as a cop.
Younger guy: Oh yeah, that’s right.
Older Guy: I hated it. Whenever a flag passed by I had to salute it. It got to the point where if I saw a flag coming I would turn the other way and pretend to talk to someone.
I overheard my gf and her grandmother.
Grandma: You think it was coincidence that I married a man who plays the harmonica?
Girlfriend: Grandma stop...
Grandma: A man who can use a mouth instrument is a man who can use his mouth as an instrument.
Girlfriend: I'm dead.
Mom and approximately 8 year old daughter in the Disney Store at an outlet mall.
M: Oooo wee honey is that smell coming from you!?
D: Yes I tooted.
M: Wow! Do you need to go to the bathroom?
D: No I don’t think so. Sorry mama.
M: (heavy sigh) It’s ok. You are probably not the first person to ever fart in a Disney Store.
Me: (general resting bitch face while waiting)
KFC Cashier: (loudly to a friend in the prep area behind her) Ugh, I'm right drove with that show-off, Abby, she thinks she's so hot always sashaying around in front of Darren wearing only a TOWEL!
Friend in the Back: Right? She's always been a hussy, and I'll tell you another thing about her, hold on a second...
Me: (desperately wanting more of this gossip, but I now have my order and I can't justify continuing to hang out by the counter like a weirdo)
Overheard 3 girls in the elevator at the mall. They looked like sisters who were between the ages of 10, 13 and 16. The two older sisters were staring at their phones throughout the conversation lol.
10 year old: Who was that man talking to?
13 year old: Nobody. That guy has mental health problems.
10 year old: Is he crazy?
13 year old: That's literally what I just said.
10 year old: Does that mean mom's crazy when she prays?
13 year old: Praying is different.
10 year old: How?
13 year old: I don't know. Ask mom.
16 year old: Mom's crazy too.
Heard in the grocery store today. A family Mom, Dad and 3 kids in the ice cream asile. One child asked if they could get the Mickey Mouse novelty ice cream. Dad's response was hilarious..." That's too expensive. I will literally buy you ANYTHING but the Mickey Mouse
A couple in turmoil arguing. The guy was like “you cheat more than me” the lady was like “no I don’t” the guy was like “yes you do you talk to 30 guys, I only talk to 3 girls”
My gf was invited for farewell drinks for her coworker Matt who was leaving the company. Partners were allowed, so I joined. Among the other coworkers who showed up was Giselle, aka my girlfriend's friend. I overheard a lot, but nothing stood out until Giselle returned from the restroom.
Girlfriend: That was quick.
Giselle: Bitch, I turned back. There's literally like two cubicles and a thousand people queuing outside. I was like... fuck... that.
Girlfriend: Honey, look where we are. The people in that queue are only waiting in line to do one of three things: bump, bang or both.
Matt: The closest available bathroom is in my apartment, which is just around the corner.
Giselle: Are you like... asking me to go home with you?
Matt: Why do you have to say it like that though? I'm just offering you a place to pee.
Girlfriend: He's just being a gentleman.
Giselle: An unemployed gentleman.
Matt: A GAY gentleman, ladies.
Girlfriend: You hear that, Giselle? GAY. He's safe to pee around.
Matt: Am I though? I've peed in front of many other gay guys and for some of us peeing is practically foreplay.
Giselle: Okay foreplay. Where the fuck was fun Matt all this time?
Matt: Fun Matt didn't actually have any time because he was too busy being the boss's bitch.
Giselle: Fuck the boss.
Girlfriend: Giselle.
Giselle: Did I say something wrong?
Matt: Nope.
Girlfriend: We were doing so well.
So recently, after some cajoling, my ex GF has convinced me to hang out with her again for "cuddles".
She made a point to only have me come over after her roommate left for the night. 🙄. So we are cuddled up on the couch, watching one of my favorites, "The Martian" when she pulls out her phone. I glance down and because I'm a fast reader, I see this:
Her: Yeah Dephenestr8 decided to come over to watch a movie
Roommate: Dephenestr8? Which one? The Grinch??
H: Yeah
R: 🤢
”I want you to buy my flowers”
”Okay I can go to the store and buy flowers for you if that will make you happy”
”No not like that. I didn’t mean it right now. I mean that I wish you would want to buy me flowers by yourself. That you had the impulse.”
”But I don’t🤷♀️”.
”Why don’t you? don’t you love me?”
”I do love you. I just don’t get the impulse to buy you flowers.”
”You would if you loved me”
”But that’s not true. I still do love you. Just in other ways. I think it’s silly you think I don’t love you just because I don’t do acted displays of romance.”
”But that’s the thing. It shouldn’t be an act. It should just come naturally.”
”But it doesn’t. What do you want me to do?”
Conversation I overheard years ago between my mum and my dad. As I have grown older, I now realize how it feels to have to explain to someone (that claims to love you), how to love you correctly. As a child I was on my dad’s side and agreed it was silly.
My husband and I sat next to a 60-something couple in the bar of a local chain restaurant tonight.
Server sets down a beer in front of the man. Some beer has spilled down the side of the glass.
Man: "Looks like some spilled."
Server: "99% of it's there. You can lick my hand for the rest." Server walks away like this was a completely normal thing to say.
Husband and wife are speechless.
His wife and I make eye contact across the table, I acknowledge that I heard it too and we both burst out laughing.
Mystery solved. ☑️
Overheard a lady passing by me in her car having a convo with someone on the phone while leaving the grocery store. Hahaha!
Mum one: "Ugh, the blowouts and poop on everything are never ending! I'm so over all the washing."
Mum two: "I've found it's best to let some things go. Have you noticed that before you have kids, any amount of poop on something is too much poop? It doesn't matter how little there is. But once you have kids, you're standing there thinking, 'Hmm... there's poop on this. Is there little enough that I can just wipe it off, or do I actually need to wash it?'"
Mum one: Laughs awkwardly.
At the bar. A woman seemingly in a rush says to the bartender “ Do you have cold coffee?” (Iced coffee ?)
Bartender: Do you mean iced coffee?
Rushed lady: ( unintelligible)
Bartender: So you mean iced coffee. No. We don’t have iced coffee.
Rushed lady: Do you have coffee?
Bartender: yes
Rushed lady: Do you have ice?
Bartender: Yes
BLANK STARES FROM BOTH OF THEM!*** for like too long of a time for this transaction. Like an uncomfortable amount of time.
She got her lukewarm coffee but there is a perfectly good D&D downstairs a minute away.