Restaurant, a minute ago. Kind of place that has the temperature controlled wine wall.
Nicely dressed couple is served their meal.
They start eating and when the very cultured sounding server comes over to check in.
He pokes at his plate and says “what’s this darlin?”
Her voice is cool and measured. “Those, are carrots, sir”
I work in healthcare in a regular family practice setting, not speciality (important).
RN on the phone: so bottom line is you wanna speak to [redacted] Onocology?
RN few seconds later after the patient replies: I don't believe [redacted (us, the regular family practice)] and [redacted] Onocology are part of the same system.
A few minutes later the RN is apologizing if she sounded rude which she wasn't sounding rude because I was listening.
After the phone call ends I asked the RN about it. She told me the patient says we were part of the speciality healthcare which we aren't. The names aren't even the same nor close to being the same. The patient had our number and had called us instead.
RN googled the number speciality place and gave it to the patient but it was the wasn't the number she had (which was our number) so patient got even more mad. Guess patient had a PhD and was smarter and several pay grades above the RN yet couldn't simply search up the correct number.
Overheard a young woman talking to her daughter, maybe about 6, standing in front of a world map. Daughter: where are we on this map? (Insert long pause) Mom: I don’t think we’re on this one.
Repeated several times by a construction worker walking down the hallway of the hospital where I work.
Overheard on the bus (ongoing, trying to dictate as fast as I can):
Guy: All animals hate me, they always wanna try to kill me
Girl: Well what about Steve Irwin?
Guy: Isn't that the guy that got killed by the tigers?
Girl: He-- no, he was the guy who took care of all the animals and taught about them and he was killed by--
Guy: Oh he was killed by the fish!
Girl: No, he got killed by a stingray because he got too close to it. It was its defense mechanism.
Guy: Oooh. See yeah I can't do dogs that's why I'm a cat person.
Girl: Snakes are safe too, like garden snakes. There's one called a bracelet snake that wraps around your wrist.
Guy: Well do they have no teeth? Hell no. I could be asleep in my f***in bed and it'll come wrap around me.
Girl: If anyone dies, I mean... If you have a proper enclosure.
Guy 2: Even snakes this big (small) can wrap around your neck and kill you!
Guy: Right! Cat won't do that! They just like to scratch a lot. Domesticated house cat.
Girl: You know Maine Coons?? Nowadays you can't have your cat declawed.
Guy: Instead of a guard dog I want like five guard cats.
Girl: Maine Coons are huge!!
Guy: Yeah cats are just lazy.
This happened in northern Sweden so I've translated the conversation into English.
While out on a walk this summer I passed a church where a wedding was about to take place. An older couple walking their dog see the groom in the doorway of a nearby house.
Man: "Good luck! The only thing you need to do is to say 'I do'!"
Groom: "Yeah."
Man: "Not 'yeah', 'I do'!"
Bride happily peaks out from the same doorway as the groom.
Bride: "I'm gonna say 'I do' too!"
It was freaking adorable! Really hope their marriage is as happy as their wedding seemed to be.
Teen one: “Do you know Tarzan?”
Teen two: “The Monkey?”
Teen one: “Not Godzilla, you ape!”
Heard this on my walk today. It was in passing so that’s all I got. I wonder where the conversation went. Also teen one kinda ate with that comeback!
In the waiting room of the oral surgeon. An older woman helping an even older woman complete her paperwork. I think the one helping is the daughter. Spoken at conversational volume.
Older daughter, factually: Do you have any sexually transmitted diseases?
Even older mom, sassily: One has to have some to get them.
I hope this granny gets some if she wants some!
I overheard a barber and a teenage boy who was getting a haircut.
Barber: Kids saying you have a "gay accent" just because you don't sound like James Earl Jones when you speak is fucked up. I'm sorry bruh. For the record, you sound like any other white boy to me. No shade. Your haters though. Shiiiiiiiit. They sound like they're projecting.
Other barber: I know n*ggaz who sound like James Earl Jones and they're gay as fuck. Just sayin'.
Teenage boy: Who's James Earl Jones?
Barber: BRO. The Lion King. Mufasa motherfucker.
Teenage boy: Is he in the old one or the new one?
Barber: Both bro! The original animated classic from the 90s AND the Nat Geo version for all you Gen Z motherfuckers.
Other barber: He was Darth Vader too. Dude loved playing roles where he dies in front of his son.
Im sitting on a park bench watching my kid play and a two year old kid walks up to me and starts jabbering away. His dad walks up and says sorry. I said no worries, congrats on having an extrovert! He smiles and walks away with his kids and his older child says “daddy what’s an extrovert?” To which he says “I dunno but it can’t be good” 😂
Was in the men's (crowded) bathroom after a Alison Krause concert at Wolf Trap. Someone says out loud "I wonder if that's the voice you hear if you get to heaven." At least a dozen guys all said "yep" in unison and then busted out laughing.
I was at an art in the park type thing last night, walking on a path to see more art, and people were walking past going the other direction:
Girl 1: Ya I knew her! We went to art school together.
Girl 2: Whatever happened to her?
G1: She went to Florida and was eaten by a crocodile.
I’m sorry, WHAT? I turned around but the group was gone. I don’t know who she was, or if it was actually an alligator. Tragic either way.
I overheard a clerk at a cellphone store talking to a customer. Clerk was a guy. Customer was a woman. Both looked at least 27.
Clerk: Okay so the protective cover we have for your phone comes in different colours. Which one of these colours speak to you?
Customer: I'm a little colour blind so I'll go with whatever.
Clerk: You're colour blind? Wow. Don't think I've ever met someone who's colour blind.
Customer: You probably have. Colour vision deficiency is more common than you think.
Clerk: Can you tell what colour I am?
Customer: Yes.
Clerk: What colour am I?
Customer: You're... black?
Clerk: Correct! And for that you get the black protective cover for your phone so you can always remember the very friendly and very single black man with the gorgeous light brown eyes, or as my white friends like to say, hazel coloured eyes. Will you be paying cash or card?
Customer: Card.
Clerk: Card it is. Just between the between the two of us, if there's one colour I'd like to be blind to, it's the colour of money. Brings out the worst in people.
Customer: I agree. But then again, since you're single, you can't have an empty wallet on a date. So like, in a way, the colour of money might help you see the colour of love.
Clerk: I might be seeing the colour of love right now.
Both of them laughed.
Bob, move over and let those people through. There will still be booze available by the time we get seated. Overheard at a Texas Roadhouse today when Bob was blocking people from gaining access to the hostess when they were called for seating. Sounds like Bob should have waited at the bar and got a drink.
Overheard this at work today. A customer was on her phone walking past me. I heard nothing else of this conversation and I fear what may have been on the other end.
What do you think, chat, are we cooked? 😄
Girl opening a portaloo, stepping in, immediately turning around and exiting at Moby gig last night.
On a plane the other week and a dad and daughter (maybe about 5yo) sat in the row behind me
Dad: who is your favourite Aunt
Daughter: easy, that’s Lizzy
Dad: who is your favourite cousin
Daughter: easy, Harriett
Dad: who is your favourite mum
Daughter: that’s silly, I only have one mummy but she is the best one though
Dad: who is your favourite dad
Daughter: easy, grandad Ted
Dad: yep, thanks for that kiddo, what about me?
Daughter: realising what she said and laughs so hard
Sitting in a hospital emergency room separated by a partition from a man in a wheelchair and his adult daughter. The daughter doing all the talking apparently looking at local hotels on her phone.
“We can’t stay at the Best Western because I’m banned from there.”
“$201” (scrolling and reading rates)
“$197”
“The Extended Stay is out. I was kicked out of that one too.” (Laughs)
Overheard walking out of there theater for Spider-Man: Brand New Day