r/overheard

I overheard my gf and her friend Stacy in the cinema while we waited for the movie to start. We were early. Like, the screen was still black and the cinema was empty kinda early.

Stacy: My first time was during an episode of the X-Files. My dad was downstairs, drinking and watching TV. He usually binge watched the X-Files during his weekend benders. I could hear that creepy ass theme song playing while my boyfriend at the time... bless that boy... was trying to put it in. I remember thinking... despite all the porn he watched, all the vaginal close ups and penetration shots he saw, he was still unprepared for how low the location of the hole actually is. Now to be fair, I should've given him a helping hand since I knew the directions and he obviously didn't, but honestly, I was too busy counting all the pimples on his chest. I never saw him naked before, so the acne orgy was kinda unexpected. My eyes had to adjust.

Girlfriend: Yep... I think the edibles are kicking in.

Stacy: No wonder you're so quiet.

Girlfriend: No I mean for you.

Stacy: Do I sound different?

Girlfriend: Not different. Just... comfortable.

Stacy: I need to shut up, don't I?

Girlfriend: Not now. Maybe when the movie starts.

Stacy: Why the f am I even talking about my virginity?

Girlfriend: We heard a random guy in the queue answer his phone and his ringtone was the X-Files theme song.

Stacy: Ooooooh... turtleneck dude... forgot about him.

Girlfriend: Oh yeah? So soon? It only happened like 15 minutes ago.

Stacy: Hmm... my first time was not even 15 minutes. I should've popped one of his pimples because he was not popping anything I wanted him to pop if you know I mean.

I was early for a flight and waiting next to the gate desk. There was a trainee shadowing an experienced gate agent. The trainee, obviously eager to learn, remarked that they wished more fights were overbooked so they could get more experience handling this situation. Here's me thinking of the headache over booking causes to both customers and gate agents.

Overheard in a restaurant with my family, when our food forst arrived we all went quiet for a bit cos we were starving. There were 2 guys at the next table chatting and we heard a snippet of their conversation.

Guy: One day he got into my van and I was like (disgusted face) "euuurgh lad you stink of gravy!!" He must of had his clothes out drying while his ma was making tea [tea = dinner in northern England]. So after that we all called him Bov cos he smelled of Bovril

Overheard at my office job, to be fair the guy was widowed earlier this year. Still a strange way for a landlord to open a conversation with a business tenant.

Walked by an older guy sitting on a bench on our university campus wearing a university logo sweatshirt. He didn’t look like an employee or a student but who knows. He was talking on the phone loudly like he was showing off apparently to someone named Bob.

“The Israelis didn’t allow, before all this, the Israelis didn’t allow the Palestinians, Bob, to do commercial fishing…”

That’s all I heard. I wonder what Bob’s perspective was.

Overheard leaving the beach

Small child: “Dad, when we get to the car can we listen to the weather man?”

Dad: “No, it’s likely we’re gonna listen to nothing. I just need to sit in silence for a bit.”