r/seinencirclejerk

I don't know why, but I am a sex magnet. I am skinny, lazy, and put zero effort into my style or hygiene, and yet there are all these women who are trying to hit on me, and I just ignore them. Just the other day, there was this woman who looked like a much younger version of Robin Scherbatsky trying to hit on me in the laundry room, and I am trying to ignore her because she knows where I live and I can't run away or ghost her after fucking her, so I keep ignoring her even though she tries to talk to me and even gave me an awkward wink I also ignored upon entering the laundry room. I don't know what they're expecting of me. The only way I have sex with them is if they tell me it's going to be a one-time thing only. I believe that the reason these women keep doing this is because my penis is basically the nexus of a geomantic manifold that moves along with me, causing the surrounding leylines to realign and migrate whenever I move. That's why I hallucinate a massive amount of blowjobs every time I lie down on my bed, and these crazy women are desperate for a piece of my meat.

People don't realize this, but people are getting raped all around us. Yes, that's right. Male ghosts are fucking everything in sight, because they can and no one will stop them. You don't believe me? Then put your finger inside your asshole when you wake up, and you will realize that your asshole is throbbing just like your asshole is throbbing after taking the entire backline of a college football varsity team all at once. Yes, that's right. The only way to prevent male ghosts from fucking your ass is to eat a very unbalanced diet like me and suffer from constant diarrhea. The acid in your ass will act like a chemical weapon, scorching their spectral dicks and sending them sprinting back to the astral plane clutching their junk. Yes, that's right. There's a rape war going on in America, and I am the only one fighting it. This is why when I see a female ghost, I sprint towards her and start fucking in order to warn the ghost population that I will fiercely defend our border by any means necessary, even if it means I will hallucinate more blowjobs than before. Yes, that's right. I might be the only soldier in this war against these mongrel rapists, but I will show them that we're not to be taken lightly.