u/20_pawsFRAP

…my husband when he drinks. He gets loud and obnoxious. He doesn’t listen to anyone else and acts like he is in an argument, even when others agree with him. He talks about nonsense, or his views on the world, and how shitty everyone else is, and how he hates the world and regrets his life choices.

And I asked him today if what he rants about when he is drunk is what is constantly going on in his sober head. He basically said yes in a very convoluted way. I am learning to just nod and grunt in response, but tonight I had the audacity to ask him if he was planning to play with the dogs before or after dinner, so I would know when to put dinner in the oven.

Well, apparently that is me micromanaging everything in his life because I have to have a regimented schedule and be in control.

I admit I want my kids to go to bed at their normal time because if they don’t, I am the one that suffers. I am the one that bfs the baby, and deals with the tantrums and meltdowns. And the one that plans meals and does shopping and all the mental load, etc.

But seriously, I asked because I personally enjoy eating dinner the right temperature and I am basing tonight on HIS preference… but fuck me for asking a simple question.

Just to say, he rarely drinks. We were out all day for a fun family outing and he was downing beers all day with my family. That doesn’t mean he isn’t an asshole when sober, but it sure comes easier when he drinks.

Also, when the fuck do I get to lower my inhibitions and enjoy myself? I am the one that packed and prepped and planned, and the one who will be doing laundry and dishes and cleaning up. Apparently I will also be the one on duty for all the night chores because he will pass out in his man shed after the dogs play.

Oh, the joys of motherhood.

Also, please don’t just tell me to divorce or leave. It isn’t helpful. I just need to vent and have no one to vent to.

My husband says pool day at like 9am. Awesome! I am looking forward to it. Let’s get through chores and prep for the week. Also, baby is now 6 months and can use sunscreen! Great!

Let’s BBQ, too. So get everything done and get in pool by AT LEAST 3pm so I can actually get in and enjoy myself before getting out to shower (sensitive skin) and make dinner by 5:30pm. Keeping schedule is important as I get up at 4:30am and get 5yo up at 5:30 for commute and school.

I swear my husband has the worst time management and ends up on a million side quests that could wait for later. So when does husband and 5yo finally get in the pool? 4 fucking 30. So no pool time for me, again. Have not had the opportunity to get in the pool during daylight hours since baby was born.

It is like he never even considers the family’s needs and schedule.

Edit to add details:
pool is above ground and has steps, so difficult to get kids in/out.
5yo is overconfident and needs hands-on supervision in water.
I was really excited to have a family activity and finally get the baby in the pool with me.
5yo was very excited about BBQing and eating outside as the temp is finally under 100* here.
Husband was doing pool chemistry and filters prior to us getting in. Should only take 30 minutes…takes him 2 hours sometimes.
Yes, I would like to get some sunlight hours pool time in and work off my moon tan, but was more invested in family time than me time today.

Are there any wide-open parking lots or something similar where I can take a new driver to practice with a manual car? All of the ones I learned at are no longer wide and open lots.

Preferably during daytime hours. Thanks!

My 5mo has been an excellent, happy, chill baby. But we are three nights into a sleep regression. Of course, it starts right before I have to go back to work on Monday (plus the 2 day conference I attended T/W this week).

So I am so very tired. I thought she was finally down tonight at 9pm (used to be regularly 730pm…) I had gone down to chat with DH, and immediately notice that absolutely nothing has been done in the 2 hours i have been with baby. Dishes unwashed, diapers still on the line, nothing put away, and DH out in the Man cave watching YouTube, drinking beer, and smoking pot. I use my calmest voice (because if I use my preferred voice, I will get the whole “I never do anything right so do it yourself” vibe from him) and express that I have had no time to myself today. I took 5yo with me to “help” set up my classroom and have been wrangling him and Velcro 5mo at all other times. I made dinner one-handed while verbally entertaining 5yo. I barely got 9 hours of sleep the last two nights. I would prefer we get “work” done and be able to wind down together.

Screaming commences. So I go back upstairs and try to soothe without picking up. The monitor is still on downstairs on full volume, so I shout down to DH to turn it off and bring me my phone and cold water. Meanwhile I pick up baby and soothe her. DH brings both up and says he wasn’t sure he heard everything. 5mo is falling asleep on my lap. I whisper phone and cold water is all. He picks up the water and shakes it right above baby’s head, to prove there is ice maybe? Commence more screaming. Are you serious? What the fuck is going through your mind that you would shake a metal thermos full of ice right above a sleeping baby’s head?

I really want ice cream. And to sit in the hot tub. And to watch a movie. But sleep, though limited, will be the winner tonight.

We picked up our AP from the airport yesterday. This is her 2nd year. We had a nice dinner and played a game. She went to bed early and has now been in her room for over 12 hours without coming out. Now I feel like she had a bad first impression and doesn’t feel comfortable? Am I being overly anxious?

We are starting a renovation project and our living room is cleared out. Carpet and lots of space. My almost 5 month old has recently discovered she can get from point A to point B by repeated rolling. Point B is almost always one of our cats or dogs.

She spent over 30 minutes today just rolling from one side of the room to the other and scream-giggling. As soon as she rolled into a sleeping animal, they would get up and move, and off she would go. She got so angry when she had her back against a dog and the dog wouldn’t move, so she couldn’t grab a tail.

She can also rotate her body to change directions. Pretty sure she will be a handful.

My SIL and her family (husband,4yo, 19mo) are here for a week. They leave on Saturday. I want them to leave now.

All week, I have been a gracious hostess while also managing my 5yo and 4mo. I have done at least 2 loads of laundry every night, at least 2 loads of dishes, made meals, and planned and prepped. I have kept my mouth shut when my household has been judged (like bad cookware, not the right ingredients,blackout shades aren’t dark enough, hot tub isn’t hot enough, too much plastic use, too much sugar, “you let your kid eat cereal!?”)

In addition, my ADHD 5yo has low sleep needs and lots of energy. She has been putting him down constantly: he is so manipulative, it is so unfair he wakes everyone up, he is aggressive, you guys are so lucky you didn’t have kids closer together (2 miscarriages), don’t you wish he was xyz, yelling at him when they both argue over a book or activity or bathroom or toy…

But I have seen her 4yo hit and kick and even put 5yo in a choke hold. And 19mo has bitten 4mo hard a few times. I haven’t said anything, because kids are kids and they have been figuring it out and solving their problems.

Today 4yo crawled under the trampoline and 5yo started to jump. Not a great situation all around. But she started SCREAMING at 5yo and saying “if I was your parent…” and “you are trying to hurt 4yo, you’re doing it on purpose, you are a bad kid.”

I let my husband deal with it until I heard her tell husband how he should be parenting. I lost it. I told her that her kids are also kids. They all test limits and want to see cause and effect. They don’t have access to their prefrontal cortex and don’t understand consequences. That 4yo is the one waking up early, and he hits and kicks too, but she is adamant that he is a perfect angel.

I am so done.

I tell my husband I really want to have a little time to swim. I have tried every day this week and nothing doing. So this morning he has the pool ready for me and says, “it’s close to 4 month old’s nap time, why don’t you put her down and swim? I turned up the hot tub for you, too.”

Apparently this man has not heard me in the last 4 months, that baby will only nap while being held or in the stroller or car. He honestly thought I could just put her down and she would sleep for an hour.

While I appreciate the thought, our relationship would be much better served if you OFFERED TO HOLD THE CHILD and take care of things while I get some me time.

“But I was going to start vacuuming and cleaning the house for you!” Cool. Do it while holding the baby, like I do every day.

We received someone else’s order and were told to keep it. Problem is, we are vegetarians and received a box with 8lbs of chicken wings. We have family coming to visit for a week in 2 weeks, so I can save it for then. Right now it is packaged raw.

How should I repackage/marinate/freeze it so it will be easy to use when the family is here?

Edit to ask: any easy and not too messy (as in I don’t want to dredge or fry) recipes for these things?

I am a teacher, so SAHM during the summer. DH works from home 2 days a week and our 5yo, love him to death, but dear god the kid CANNOT SHUT UP! He is always on, from the second he gets up to the second he shuts his eyes at night. Ceaseless energizer bunny. So I have signed him up for all the things and try to keep him out of the house so DH can work, uninterrupted. Someone give me a gold star!

BUT, I am also taking care of our 4mo baby, who is the best baby ever! But she still needs to eat at night and is EBF. So between all the things and taking care of kids, I am FUCKING TIRED.

Tonight after swim and a 1k run, 5yo got a happy meal and conked out in the car, even with fussy sister screaming half the way home (she was very hungry and hates being in a wet diaper, both of which she woke up to apparently and wanted me to suffer with her.)

I called DH (he had been off work for 2 hours at this point, plenty of free time) to be at the door to whisk baby away so son would not wake up. He did, then carried the boy up to bed successfully (don’t worry, his teeth are great and he can go a night without brushing). I, however, had a hangry vampire to deal with. Told DH to spray our diapers so I could start a load. Spent 40 minutes getting her down for the night, all while thinking about drinking a glass of wine for dinner in the hot tub, then taking a hot shower and going to bed early-ish. Got downstairs, and who do you think is dead to the world on the sofa?

So, instead of my plans, I sprayed out diapers, started laundry, fed animals, and skipped the wine and hot tub because I am just too damn tired. But clearly DH is more tired. He who does not feed a baby. He who sleeps through 30 minutes of crying baby and thinks she sleeps through the night.

Wish him fortitude to deal with this when I go back to work and wake him with a bucket of cold water on evenings like this one.

…to just not give a fuck!

We live in a big-on-fireworks town and it is crazy this week. MIL invited herself and family over to enjoy. Totally fine. Spend the night if you want. But I refuse to wait on everyone. The most able bodied, my FIL, takes no initiative to help. My MIL has back and knee issues and tries to be over helpful and take over tasks (broken dishes, plastic Tupperware in the hot oven, burnt food, horrible food handling safety/cleanliness)

Give me the mental fortitude to just allow the messy house to stay messy. To focus on my 4 month old the day after she got vaccines and not check in on everyone. To let them think I am being selfish because I really should not give a fuck!

I am putting together a shopping list for our APs arrival. Please let me know if I am missing something big!

Toiletries: shampoo, conditioner, soap, face/body lotion and sunscreen, nail care set

Linens: 2 sets of sheets, blankets and comforter, new pillows, 2 sets of towels (body, hand, washcloth) and a robe and slippers, she can use the house towels for pool and beach

Paper goods: stocked TP, desk supplies with scissors and pens/pencils, stationery

Room set up: queen bed, chair and desk with TV/monitor capabilities, a felt board for pictures, large closet with dresser, hangars, full length mirror, makeup mirror, hooks on door for towels/robe, a keyed lock so our mischievous 5yo can’t get in, a diffuser and essential oils, a nightstand and lamp with usb ports

Snacks and drinks, a water bottle, and a coffee thermos.

Would a mini fridge be appreciated? Grippy socks for the no-shoes areas of the house? Should I get a deodorant/antiperspirant for her? Ear plugs bc that 5yo gets up every day before 5am?

Thanks for feedback!

Attending a wedding in September. The theme is semiformal AND “woodland fairy” inspired. I will be attending with my will-be 6 month old and will need to nurse during the event. It is outside and while I am fine with nursing in public, I don’t want to have to take half my dress off to do so.

So, throw me some recs! I prefer natural fabrics, love greens and purples, and would like something that can be worn in the future. Button front or true wrap is ideal. Accessory ideas also welcome!

I have been looking through BloomChic, City Chic, Unique Vintage, ModCloth, and Torrid, but have a hard time finding nursing friendly.

…who had the thought, “where the heck is my coffee” appx. three hours after pouring it this morning.

Just put the baby down for nap and 5yo is entertaining himself for once and I am now drinking my lukewarm coffee. Thank you insulated coffee mugs.

Here is a wish that you all may enjoy at least ONE appropriately temperate food item this week.

I stayed up late last night cleaning, folding laundry, packing and prepping for a zoo day with a 5yo and 4month old. I packed the diaper bag and the 5yo’s backpack and backups for his encopresis. I made and packed snacks and lunch and water. I played with the dogs and got them situated in the dog house. I fed the cats. I packed up the car. I got the 5yo showered and nursed the baby. I hung some laundry to dry and started a new load. I told my husband, as I was finally taking time to get myself ready, “do NOT let 5yo leave the house in Crocs. He needs socks and shoes.”

Guess who thought it wasn’t a big deal and tried to laugh it off when I got frustrated seeing Crocs at the zoo?
Guess who had to carry 5yo for a few hours during our trip, because his feet hurt?