u/2GetThisOffMyChest2

idk wtf is wrong with me. this is my perfect situation right now for an and wanting to restrict and lose. i have absolutely no fucking hunger i am so full and bloated i don’t want anything. but i’m forcefully binging technically it’s not binging it’s like just eating three times a day and it’s still my safe foods but i have absolute no hunger and no need. i’m so fucking confused. not even weighing things properly because my mind and body is in such panic. i just want to have what i want to i can stop fucking thinking about it every second of every fucking day. i feel terrified and like i’ve gained so much weight. i have a really extreme obsession with yogurt and anytning thick and scoopy like ice cream, porridge, pudding. like EXTREME. i think about it wirh every breathing moment and i would spend hours and hours and hours straight watching videos of people scooping overnight oats over and over again. i take videos of myself scooping overnight oats or yogurt mixed wirh various powders. i’ve banned myself from watching any food related videos. but i’m eating oats three times a day and i feel disgusting i’m so not hungry i can’t believe i’m eating when i could get away wirh not eating for three days while feeling fine that’s how full i am. i don’t understand this. has anyone else ever done this???? i’m so confused??? why am i doinh this i don’t need to eat i’m not hungry how am i mkakinh myself it’s ridiculous. i’m not trying to recover i’m not trying to gain weight i just want to stop being completely driven insane by mental EH. i have never been so extremely mentally hungry in my life. i have NO physical hunger. i just really fucking crave rhe sensation and visuals of scooping thick gloopy stuff. i’m trying not to b/p i don’t know what i’m doing i feel like i’ll never be hungry again but i’ll also never stop eating when i don’t want or neeed to

i feel weird and invalid right now and like i’m no longer AN 😂 idk seeing myself type rhat is making me realize how silly this is but i am genuinely feeling so out of it and so unwell and experiencing so much gastrointestinal distress rhat im just eating like 2 times more than i’d normally allow myself i actually don’t even restrict much anymore i’m just so distressed and feel so weird and not normal that it’s overriding my “need” to lose w****. yesterdsy i literally had three of this one food i am terrified of and would never allow myself yesterdsy because i felt so unwell and nauseous and burning and i just needed it to stop. jokes on me i thiught i could get away wirh extreme restriction and now i’m literally forcing myself to eat my bmr so i can avoid b/p when the low res eventually gets to me. what the fuck is even going on at this stage like i haven’t even calculated shit properly today i’m just so exhausted and my body’s fighting infections it’s ever since my last a and e trip i’m just fucked my body won’t heal and i don’t know what i’m doinh anhmore ive has too much protein powder again and i’m bloated as fuck and my gastroparesis is so fucked. i feel absolutely fucking exhausted like i’m just going to fall asleep but it doesnr feel like sleep i’m really worried about refeeding syndrome but i also just feel so inhuman idk if anyone else gets what i mean like eventually after restricting for so long you just feel absolutely insane and dissociated as fuck

anyone have any tips on getting rid of extreme bloating? it is very extreme worse than i’ve ever had in my life. it finally went down almost half way but the second i had a very minimal amount of food rhat wasn’t even solid it blew up again. this normally does not happen i’m very confused any advice is appreciated

Hey i’ve asked the internet these questions a lot and i just got off the phone with my dietician but i’m exhausted and forgot to ask she kind of just said increasing intake i think but it doesn’t make sense and i’m not meant to rapidly do that. i have severe constipation and it eventually accumulates in my lower bowel and gets stuck, puts pressure on my bladder meaning i can’t fully pee and it prevents me from farting (it’s possible just takes a very long time very difficult and improper). i feel like more food would just get blocked behind the blockage. everytime i have this i say it’s a partial impaction, medical proffesionals disagree because it is possible for me to pas gas and i am not vomiting. the gas just keeps trying to exit and then going back up into my stomach over and over again and it is painful and i feel really full. if anyone has experience with this and has any advice it would be appreciated. should i truly just eat something fiborous and bulky?

can anyone just write some of the horrific effects this disease has so i can remember them and try to stop i already know everything it does and horrible ways people have died so maybe none of it will scare me enough but i just have to stop it’s completely ruining my body my stomach cannot handle it anymore i have to stop if anyone any horrible story or fact about how bad this fucks you write it here

my diagnosis is AN, i think i’ve made myself bulimic by accident i keep trying to eat so i can stop distressing EH but then i am even more mentally EH (i have no appetite just hunger in thoughts and obsession) and then i eat again and it turns into a binge that i force because i know i’m going to have to purge now and i need to “make it worth it” and anyway i cannot stop binging and purging every single day my stomach is in buts it is terrifying i am terrified has anyone ever gone inpatient just so they can stop this? it’s so embarrassing and i don’t feel physically well. has anyone ever had this hard heavy pressure feeling in their head and like stuff goes dizzy in three stages and vision starts to go like the light and colour is getting less and less and you have just a feeling of a heavy rock behind your eyes rhat squeezes and feels like it’s dragging you down to the ground? eventually at the end of the day after the third time i’ll eat and keep it in but i still don’t feel well this is after a period of heavy restriction and no purging i went over two weeks. i’m scared i need to stop purging every single day i tell myself i will not do it and i’m eating so that i DONT do it but I somehow keep doing it even though all i want to do it stop. i also have no appetite at all but still eat i’m so confused. i don’t understand what’s happening. how am i eating g wirh no appetite and i feel full. all i ever want is to NOT eat but i’m just doing it? i don’t even understand what’s going on i don’t feel mentally sound. i need to not eat for as long as possible to just reset my stomach i’m so confused. i can’t stop purging and i have to or i’ll fucking die i need a hospital or something i can’t stop id need to ask someone in my life to be with me 24/7 watching me and not let me be alone in the bathroom genuinely that’s what i need. i don’t want to go to an inpatient unit i would hate it it would make me worse but i have to stop purging and i cannot do it. i wish i could go inpatient for just one week and not be made stay longer and not be made gain weight or increase calories i just want to stop purging. i’m so scared. i seriously don’t feel well in really scared

does anyone have any advice

i have been full for over a week i mean FULL like i feel like i am stuffed to the brim wirh food even though i’m not and i have no appetite what so ever rhe thought out of how eating feels doesnr feel good but i cannot stop thinking about food and eating anyway and then i’ll usually end up purging after two bowls of porridge of cereal and other bits. i literally don’t know what to do i just want to ignore it and not have anything until i’m truly hungry to fix my brain but i’ve never been more compelled to just eat in my life???? like this should be “perfect” for my ed because i could go so long without anything i feel so full like this is perfect for restriction and i easily could physically but mentally i just HAVE to have shit. i has two things i couldn’t stop obsessing over yesterday and that made those voices quiet and just now i had something i couldn’t stop thinking about again but i want it again now and that’s going to lead to a binge probably and i’m also not meant to be eating this much because of refeeding syndrome because this is such a drastic change from extreme restriction so i actually cannot be eating this much right now. i don’t know what to do i’m so tired i know i should just go for a really long walk but it’s raining and i’m exhausted and i can’t distract myself because all i can think about if the food i just had and having more of it even though i am NOT hungry at all it’s such a disgusting feeling to be eating when you don’t feel like it hurts you’re body is making you do it i’m so confused????? normally this would make me happy because i’m not starving for once in my life i feel so full???? sometimes i think starving is only full if you can feel it and now that i don’t feel it it’s like i don’t even care anymore.

i’ve been having EH so bad i can’t even think, writing this is hard because i’m thinking about porridge and the way the spoon glides through it. i have had no appetite ever since i was drunk and ate a bunch of biscuits and relapsed wirh purging, then ate some meals and purged and kept it up for a few days then binging and purging. i have absolutely no physical desire to eat, i feel either full or just not hungry and my stomach just doesn’t give me the hunger feeling. but my mind is going insane and i’m just eating stuff i’m not even thinking about the calories first i’m just eating stuff (then purging) and eventually eating something and keeping it in. i don’t know what to do i can’t stop just “listening” to it but it’s not physical and sometimes i feel sick like i am full and do not want to eat and i don’t enjoy what i’m eating i don’t think it’s nice i don’t want to continue eating it but i just am because mentally i want the experience of having spoons of the specific foods i’m obsessed with and how it feels in my mouth. i literally don’t know what to do i just am mentally so hungry and physically it’s not going well. i’m really scared of refeeding syndrome and i’m high risk for it right now my dietician mentioning me eating normally randomly putting a strain on my heart and i already know that can happen and it never has before but i physically am so much worse now because it’s been years of abuse to my body and i’ve restricted low for so long then got drunk at a festival for 4 days and b/p and then ate stuff i couldn’t digest and felt so scarily full and i have to take laxatives and have bowel problems so i really even if i wanted to and i’m recovering i can’t just go eating food randomly in normal amounts it physically won’t end well i can’t digest or shit stuff i need to stop i don’t know why i’m doing this i don’t know why i’m eating stuff when i’m not hungry and don’t enjoy it it’s the weirdest experience i’ve ever had in my life and i could just stop and not eat because i do that all the time but i’m just doing it and has anyone else had this how do you stop being mentally hungry as fuck and compulsively eating even though you don’t really want to and it’s not good and you feel too full and you don’t enjoy the food?

i was in ER with severe urinary symptoms and burning. they said uti despite negative test, thrush and constipation ( maybe relevant - have anorexia nervosa a lot of GI issues and no period for 4 months)

anti biotics and laxatives helped urinary symptoms a lot, canesten helped my vagina burning but my clitorous never recovered. there’s white smegma that will not wash off no matter what i have tried everything. i have something similar outside my labia it doesn’t rub off. i was tested for two things one of them i assume thrush and both are negative. i’ve taken fluconazole and after 24hrs the pain was much better for the first half of a day then back to normal. i’ve taken another one today. i’m taking pro biotics for thrush, zero sugar intake apart from one banana or some frozen fruit in a day. the pain is severe i am extremely exhausted it is affecting my mental health i really want the white stuff to come off but it will not and it just burns and burns and burns and i am extremely distressed i don’t know what to do. has anyone ever had this and how did you get rid of it?

i’m freaking the fuck out i can’t stop crying and i need to stop i feel like it’s going to end up a panic attack. i had something unplanned i have EH right now and i told myself just make it and put it away and if you still want it in a few hours you can have it but that’s just me tricking me into having it even though i didn’t want to fucking have it now and i fucking knew i stayed in the kitchen alone too long this always happens.

i’m on day 11 no purging now and this is literally where it would turn into a full on binge and purge because i feel like i’ve fucked up but i just cannot purge anymore my whole body is in so much pain i can’t do it anymore i seriously cannot i refuse i have to let my gi tract heal i can’t keep going to the ER and doctors over this.

i am so so so fucking mad i stayed in the kitchen i knew i had to leave i kept trying to make tea but i ended up making the fucking thing that feels like a binge even though it’s not it’s so normal i would’ve had it for breakfast gladly i just didn’t plan it and i’m freaking the fuck out and i refuse to purge but i’m alone in this fucking house now with so much fucking food i don’t know what to do i’m so scared i don’t know what to do i’m fucking terrified i ate the food so i don’t binge it’s okay it’ll stop me binging i think i don’t know

i have dietician tomorrow morning and i wanted to have absolutely nothing solid today so i don’t retain so much water and weigh a lot because i have gastroparesis and never shit and did an enema today for another appointment but they never weighed me and i’m just so exhausting i’m never gonna shit this out in time and i haven’t weighed myself and i don’t know what the fuck in going to be i’m so scared i hate myself

i’m going back to the same dietician i saw over three years ago how embarrassing and i’m a higher weight than i was then but more unhealthy and my organs are more fucked and i know she couldn’t care less but i just feel like i’m not sick enough to deserve treatment and i cannot gain weight i don’t want to i just want to be well without the weight gain and i can’t do it myself

i already know i won’t follow the meal plan properly even though i want to i just can’t do it i cannot and i can’t go inpatient because i’m probably not unwell enough for them and even if i am there will be so many sicker people and i’ll feel horrible and get worse, does this ever fucking end????? i can’t believe i ever started restricting i’ve wasted 8 entire years of my life.

has anyone ever experienced this? i know i should be burnt out and i’m exhausted i also have anorexia nervosa and i just cannot stop walking all day and going to events and doing stuff it’s insane like i have a crazy energy and inability to stop sometimes i just stand and pace around and cannot sit down or remember to drink water. i am volunteering at a festival in a few days, then painting a mural for a week then going on holiday with family and then volunteering with another festival for 6 days and i’m trying to fit in another volunteer work festival into that month. my partner is telling me i need to not do the festival but i’m so stuck on it like i have to and i don’t know why. i feel like it’ll heal me and i have to be there but that might be craziness i genuienly don’t know. i can’t tell what my energy levels are i know i’m exhausted and my legs and hips are so sore from so much walking, we came back from another country a few days ago where we walked all day every single day went to a concert and a gig. i don’t even have any money for any of this i owe money right now. how do you know when to stop? i’ve never travelled alone in my life i get overwhelmed easily at times and can’t find my way around places by myself. i have a couple of friends going but i don’t want to force them to be with me the whole time i don’t want to put that on them. i am pretty determined to do it alone even though it’s 3 hours away on a train and i get very scared taking transport because i get confused very easily and overwhelmed. how do i know if this is a bad idea? i feel fine like i can keep going forever. after all of this i still need to finish the mural and then go straight into college. i only sleep 3-5 hours a night and wake up a lot with anxiety. i don’t think i have any sort of mania, i am physically able to sit down but people have to tell me to do it. i’m sitting down right now and no one told me to. i don’t know what to do. does anyone have any advice?

hello, i’ve been “clean” or whatever term you want to use for two days. i have tried this over and over again and haven’t made it past 3 or 4 days. I might just be talking to myself but I’m going to just use this so encourage myself and maybe others to be able to say “i’m clean for x days” so this is my day 3. i hope to make it to day 7. and then day 10 and then 25 and then 100 and then forever :)

does anyone have experience with facial edema/swelling? my face keeps swelling up randomly throughout the day but has stayed consistently swollen pretty bad and obviously since a lot of severe constipation issues that have affected my bladder. i increased my intake for a while that could be some of it but it’s never been this bad. i stopped purging two days ago and abusing laxatives but again it’s never been this bad and it happens about three times a day in no relation to food or water seemingly it’s just very random and distressing and i’m looking on any advice on how to reduce it, i’ve tried lymphatic drainage massage and massaging my salivary glands but still nothing.

has anyone ever been able to make their drive come back? after losing my menstrual cycle i am completely asexual and it’s very depressing since i’m in a long term relationship. is there anything that i can take? any advice appreciated

my stomach and both intestines feel physically inflamed and swollen and wrong i need any advice on how to heal them after purging so much everyday for a long time any advice to calm it down and make it not so swollen and painful

i cannot stop purging everytime i try to eat something normal ish or normal amount it triggers purging or b/p. is it okay if i just have high calorie nutrition drinks or baby food instead to give my stomach a break and not trigger binges or purging. this has been going on a long time. sometimes i go two or three days without every once in a while. i was on three days today but i broke my streak and i’m very upset and disappointed i just really need to stop purging my entire GI tract is completely failing on me it feels.

I am looking for any advice on how to not binge after eating a normal meal and how to just relax and stop obsessing over food. For months if I’m not walking around doing a lot of stuff travelling for most the day, I am watching videos about food, looking up recipes, looking up menus and making delivery orders I never buy, for hours. Or I bake or cook for hours and keep doing it for days. I cannot stop. every living second is thinking about food. I’m obsessed with pudding or any pudding type of texture or smooth sorbet or ice cream. I am obsessed. I cannot stop making food. I try eating more to make it go away and it needs to really bad purging, then trying to eat again, purging, trying to eat again, up to 4 times a day. it is exhausting. i cannot sleep because i think about puddings, i had 3 different dreams about them last night, woke up in a panic thinking I had already had my overnight pudding situation i made. i cannot think or do any activity i actively hear voices or like intrusions of just talking about food or recipes or what i’m going to make. i cannot do any art i cannot write i cannot watch a film i cannot focus on anything that is not good for any second in having the voices talking over me about making pudding right now. how the fuck do i make it stop? i’ve been increasing eating i’ve been avoiding cooking or baking i’ve tried to stop watching videos of food and people making food. i watch everything, cooking videos, food reviews, mukbangs, live streams where they’re making different types of foods in kitchens or street vendors. i stalk bakeries and resturaunts on menus, i watch recipes over and over again of the same exact thing. i am driven demented i understand that this happens but i’ve never ever had it to this extent i literally cannot function and think about anything else and if it’s not like this and i’m outside walking around i am walking for hours and hours straight and so busy doing so much stuff travelling around and going to events and i have nothing or i have some baby food and i feel horrendous and scared because of my legs spasming and heart palpitations.